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| The Nation gathers for the South Route! |
SHARKMAN APPEALS DQ'd SPRINT! WHAT?
DOUBLE HEADER WEEKEND COMING YOUR WAY!
MINIONS/TEAM TAYLOR RULE AT GULL LAKE TRI!
MINIONS RULE AT MSU GRAN FONDO!
BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED IN AUGUST!
ORDER YOUR JERSEY'S NOW!
Belo News
June 28, 2014
Shark Cove, Mi. - DQ'd? DQ'd? Not our intrepid hero?!? Oh, the humanity!
In, what has become, a major controversy in the Nation, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, was DQ'd during a sprint at the now famous “Waterfall and Cook Cemetery” Stop Ahead last Saturday! The buzz all week is what did actually happen.....
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| Hutch makes his season debut! |
Such excitement as he donned his riding apparel, got his steed ready and launched from the Cove right on schedule, but no Mad Dog.
Just as he began to worry about his Saturday morning wingman, he saw Mad Dog coming over the hill near the B.C. Animal Shelter and the two rode on to the start.
All was well in the Realm!
As they pulled into the start they saw Brewman watching B-Rod pull his bike from his truck as Nikeboy arrived right behind the two from the Creek. To every one's surprise, Hutch made his first appearance of the year and was not doing the Gull Lake Triathlon. Sharkman was wondering about the ride numbers as he was aware several of the Nation were competing.
Wildman showed up in what looked like another attempt by a rider to impersonate the
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| Hossman gives his ride a ride in a Mustang! Now that's style! |
Polar Bear, Sasquatch and Peugeot Guy were all at the start when someone spotted a very nice Ford Mustang driving up with a bike in the back seat! Holy cool car rack!
It was none other than Hossman, who jumped out of his car, grabbed his ride and then put the top down to protect that leather interior should the weather perhaps turn....inclement!
Oh, that is one fine ride!
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| Nikeboy, the other Style Guy in his Rapha Kit was looking sharp! |
The early koffee bunch and Andrew waved greetings from the Klutch and looked a bit confused as the Nation headed south.
At the top of Qman Hill, Mad Dog went to the front and though he may have thought he won the sprint, Sharkman actually won it from the middle of the peloton, an indication of just how feeling frisky he was feeling.
As the Nation moved on, Sharkman was feeling strong and attacked at the next sprint, surprising the Nation by taking his second sprint in a row! Our hero was on fire!
But then, it happened......
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| Wildman doing his Bissell Boy impersonation! |
In what has now become known as “the Waterfall Incident,” the Shark was shouting out, “Waterfall on the right, $.50, no change!” when he cleverly moved to the front of the peloton as the Nation ALL looked at the Waterfall (and all will be invoiced for the view). The wily old Shark slid in behind Peugeot Guy and B-Rod who seemed to be jockeying in position to make an assault on the sprint, just past the cemetery.
As they went past Cook Cemetery (another $.50, no change, invoice coming) Sharkman started to make a move to the left of B-Rod, who was right behind Peugeot Guy. As they approached the sprint, Sharkman started to make his move on the left when Peugeot Guy moved to the left to allow B-Rod through. Just as the Shark was making the pass on the left, Peugeot Guy moved further left and the Sharkman had to bail over the yellow line to get around him and take the sprint!
At the Stop Sign the Nation called out the Sharkman's faux paux with boo's and cat calls, while he protested that it was the only move he could make! He even tried to state he did it to show the Nation not what to do!
Yeah, right!
The Commissioner of Cycling immediately DQ'd the legend of the Peloton, and gave the sprint to B-Rod. The Sharkman quickly stated he would appeal the ruling and has sent a “strongly worded” email to himself to argue his point! Sharkman has a scheduled Hearing with himself and as this edition goes to press, the Nation awaits the ruling and readers can be assured it will be report next week.
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| The Klutch was rocking! |
With Sharkman mumbling something about “stupid Commissioner of Cycling, who the heck does he think he is.....,” the Nation moved on and at the next sprint, decided to head west sooner to avoid a road no one seemed to like the previous time they had ridden the route. The decision was a good one as the road was smooth and fast and Sharkman was able to point out the Pavilion Township Building where they use to do Time Trail and make another $.50 from everyone.
Polar Bear, Mad Dog and Hossman seemed everywhere as the Nation took the speed up and sailed through Scott, waving at the passerby in this thriving metropolis of central Kalamazoo County!
When the Nation got back to 36th Street, they formed up into a nice pace line with Hossman, Polar Bear, B-Rod and Mad Dog taking the bulk of the pulls as Sharkman sat in as much as he could.
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| B-Rod holds court at the Press Conference. |
The Nation gathered up at the MN Stop Sign for the final assault where Sharkman told everyone to be careful to watch lines in what has now become a very fast down hill finish.
As always, Hossman jumped out to take the lead, throwing himself on his sword so that the Nation would be strung out. As the descent got more steep, Mad Dog, Polar Bear, Nikeboy and others came to the front to push the pace. Brewman, Sasquatch, Boatman, Hutch, and Gazelle Girl all came up as well on this wild downhill finish!
Sharkman noted 36.4 mph on his computer as the Nation crossed over I-94 and he watched riders getting into position for the final sprint after the turn. Later, B-Rod stated his computer recorded a top speed of 42+ mph! Oh, the humanity!
As riders started falling off the sprint, B-Rod went to the front with Sasquatch on his wheel. Sharkman saw his chance and latched on to Brewman to get into position.
As the Nation rounded the final turn, Sharkman went around a streaking Sasquatch and just came short of catching B-Rod who took the final sprint!
B-Rod, SHARKMAN and Sasquatch filled out the podium spots!
The fans went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as Sharkman raised his arms in triumph! (OK, second place, but it has been a while for the old Shark) and rode on to the Press Conference at the Klutch.
The Klutch was rocking during the Press Conference as Sharkman continued to complain about his DQ and was quoted as saying, “I guess I should ride mad every week, after taking the second spot on the podium. But I am very upset about the DQ! I will appeal the charges!”
In a special appearance, Kia Pet showed up at the Klutch to sign autographs as well as report that Team Minion won at Gull Lake! (See story below).
This weekend the Commissioner of Cycling has declared a Double Header Holiday Weekend Extravaganza! Well, maybe not an Extravaganza, but due to popular demand, the Nation will ride twice in two days!
Ride one day or two day!
Is this a great country or what!
Friday, July 4, 2014
Red, White & Blue Kit Day!
That's right, break out that Red, White & Blue Kit for this great countries Birthday and show your pride!
Launch time – 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!
We will vote at the start as to whether to do the south route or do the regular KK-TdG course. So Make sure you come to the start! Plus, If the Nation heads southe, Sharkman can make more money with the sites!
EVERYBODY WINS!
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Beer Jersey Day! What is a holiday weekend without beer?! Is this a great country or what?!
Where your favorite Beer Jersey and come on out and ride the regular KK-TdG, the Nation's “Field of Dreams!”
Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!
BE THERE!
TEAM MINION/TEAM TAYLOR RULE AT GULL LAKE TRI!
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| Bissell Boy, Zickman and Dr. Dave rule at Gull Lake Triathlon! |
Belo News
June 28, 2014
Richland, Mi. - As previously reported, the Nation rocked at the Gull Lake Triathlon this past weekend. Belo News had reporters on the scene and received two reports. The first is from new Minion, the Mighty Monk and his ever faithful wingman, Dream Boat.
The second is an in-depth report from our own Zickman on the incredible win by Team Minion, made up of Bissell Boy in the swim, Zickman on the bike and Dr. Dave on the run.
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| Team Minion and Team Taylor rule! Oh, the humanity! |
First, the Mighty Monk checked in with some results;
Olympic Triathlon Relay
Minions (Bissell Boy, Zickman, Dr. Dave) 1st Place! Oh, the humanity! Go Minions!
Sprint Triathlon
Minion Matt – Dream Boat - 1st in age group, 16th overall
Olympic Duathlon
Minion Mighty Monk - 1st in age group, 3rd overall
Mighty Monk, in a post race Press Conference was quoted as saying, “I attribute my solid bike segment to the great training I have been getting with the mighty Minion Nation on Saturday's!”
Full results and the following link:
Now from Ace Reporter, Zickman!
Hi
Sharkie, by now Bissell Boy has sent u a pic of the Heroes of this
story, what follows is the PG 13 version, as the blog is a family
forum.
Team
Minion wins it all at Gull Lake Triathlon
After
a hard fought battle with two 17 yr olds, Team Minion pulled out a
victory as the fastest team in the Olympic distance triathlon
Saturday!
At
Ross Township Park, Bissell Boy (swimmer), Dr. Dave (runner) and
Zickman (biker) put together three sterling legs to crush (by1:25)
the youngsters from Otsego who just happened to be an All State
distance swimmer and his exchange student buddy; an aspiring
Norwegian cross country Jr. Olympian who luckily had a cold. There
was certainly drama as Bissell Boy's swim was recorded as 1 hr 42 min
(but wasactually just 27 min) . Officials were about to dredge the
lake for him only to find him alive and well eating Danishes at the
feed table. It seems the timing mat missed his passage as he was
holding the chip in his hand and not on his ankle.
Then
the 2nd place boys came to tell Team Minion that they were the posted
winners, not the true Minion Heroes !
What
an injustice after Dr Dave gave it his all as he melted away the
miles in the sweltering humidity to turn in a speedy 45 min 10K to
seal the victory.
Zickman
was just lucky the swimmer was also the biker and rode his Schwinn
Sting Ray (3 speed).
After
a conference with the official timer the Official conceded that
indeed, the old guys had bested the upstarts from Otsego and the
extremely cheap gold plated medals were hung on our Hero's necks by
Kate Upton (Editors note – Whoa, really? NOT!).
It
was a fun day to see lots of Team Taylor boys and tell lies about how
fast we could have been if we had been 17!
Please
feel free to edit remove discard or trash any or all of this missive,
after all you are Sharkman !
Thanks to both the Mighty Monk and Zickman for these in-depth, up to the minute race results!
The Nation rules!
EASTY & MARKO POLO DO MSU GRAN FONDO!
Belo News
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| Sparty poses with Marko Polo & Easty! |
Grand Rapids, Mi. - Minions were everywhere this past weekend! In this special, in-depth report (where else can you get all this cycling news, Bunkie) from our own Easty, read all about the MSU Gran Fondo in Grand Rapids this past weekend! Minions rule AGAIN!
From Easty hizzelf!
Hope your ride today went great!!!
Sorry we couldn't be there but Marko Polo and I took on the Grand Rapids guys in the MSU Gran Fondo.
Great ride and super turnout. Over a thousand riders. We both finished in top part of our classes. Marko 9/29 and me 2/16. (MP would have placed even better but pulled up so we could finish together.....what a great minion!).
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| The mass at the start! |
Truly, many congrats to MSU, the organizers, the sponsors and participants for creating a really great day for the biking community of West Michigan
See you soon!!
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| The streets were rocking! |
Easty
BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED DATE SET!
AUGUST 16, 2014!
Belo News
July 2, 2014,
Gull Lake, Mi. - It is that time of year again! Time for the Bloody 'Ell 'Undred! Oh, the humanity!
Gazelle Girl and Zickman are getting things ready to host the Nation on the Third Annual Bloody 'Ell and you can be a part of this classic event. The ride starts at the Zick Estate with bloody Mary's and then the riders head up to Hastings to have lunch and perhaps a beer or two, at the Waldorf, before heading back to the Zick Estate! It can't get better than this ride!
Also, Gazelle Girl will be taking orders on that classic jersey from last year, so if you didn't get in on the jersey, get a hold of Gazelle Girl and order yours now! Deadline for ordering the jersey is July 10, so don't wait! These jersey's are the envy of the peloton and you need this jersey in your stable of cycling apparel!
So mark your calendars and let Gazelle Girl know your coming, Bunkie!
Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.
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