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| The Sharkman |
Belo News
July 19, 2014
Shark Cove, Mi. - The Editors of Belo News interrupt this regularly scheduled edition of your source for all you cycling information to bring you this special and important message from the Commissioner of Cycling hizzelf;
“As the Minion Nation is aware, we have experienced major growth in riders the past couple of season and with it, the concerns about road safety. The number or riders and the safety issues are intrinsically linked and I would like to take a moment to discuss some of these very important concerns so that we can continue to keep our very unique ride a safe one;
- Earlier
this season we shared a
letter from a rider in the Kalamazoo Bike Club about mass
groups becoming a nuisance for local drivers, particularly when
riders cross over the center, or yellow line. On two occasions we
have had a Minion report that someone mentioned to them that while
driving over a hill they were unexpectedly faced by riders spread
across the road coming right at them. This is not only dangerous
for the riders and drivers, but may also cause drivers to complain
about the issue to authorities. The drivers around Gull Lake have
been very tolerant of our riding around the lake and we do not want
to wear out our welcome. I am again asking that riders DO NOT CROSS
THE CENTER/YELLOW LINE OF THE ROAD. Additionally, riders SHOULD NOT
CIRCLE IN INTERSECTIONS!
This is reiterated here at the Michigan Bike Racing Association site: http://www.mbra.org/ to show it is an ongoing problem with large bike groups. This is exasperated with the large number of riders which makes it difficult to move up in the peloton. However, the Nation is put at risk when riders try to pass outside the center line and/or circle in intersections and we again ask that riders refrain from passing over the center line for any reason.
- We have had a number of new Minions of late and it is always great to have new riders join the group. However, with all the new riders there can be a learning curve with how the group dynamics work and it is very important that if you invite a rider, you are sure of their ability to ride in the group and that they are your responsibility as their host. Any new rider should be aware of the speed of the Nation. That is not to mean too fast, but rather that we wait for Minions but at the same time, the Nation is not a tour ride. Averaging 20 mph is a bit misleading as the ride sometimes is at 16 mph and at other times 30+ mph. So we ask that you limit the number of people you invite on the ride and ask yourself if the person you are inviting wants to accept the culture of the ride.By this we mean if the person is a Cat 2 racer, we are probably not the type of ride they want to be part of. Conversely, if a person believes 18 mph is a fast ride, they need to know that they will slow the group down. At the end of the day, we do not want the success of this ride to be it's downfall and once the numbers begin to reach 35-40 riders on a regular basis we may need to begin to consider breaking the riders into different groups to avoid being a road hazard to drivers.
We
want to make sure this is always a safe and enjoyable ride first,
then the sprinting and racing follows. So let's be careful out there
as we continue the culture and the nature of the mighty Minion Nation!
BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED JERSEY'S ROCK!
BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED JERSEY'S ROCK!
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| Bloody 'Ell 'Undred Jersey Day! |
WOMAN RULE THE GGG SPOT SPRINT!
RECORD BREAKING ATTENDANCE!
PRO
JERSEY DAY THIS SATURDAY!
STRYKER
GUY REPORTS IN FROM THE TOUR de FRANCE!
Belo News
July 19, 2014
Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke over the Shark Cove, we find our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, working his way quietly into the Shark Kitchen to start the Shark Koffee maker.....
The Sharklets were all sound asleep in the basement and he did not want to wake anyone before leaving for his beloved KK-TdG ride with his beloved Minion Nation.
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| Mad Dog & Iceman "making a deal." Investigation launched by Commissioner! |
As he was in Shark Cove Garage getting his steed ready for the ride, he heard a noise and there, at the back door, were two of his Sharklet's staring through the window. After Sharkman said “Good morning!” his young sharklet grandson asked, “where are you going Grandpa Shark?” to which he answered, “to the field of dreams the Minion Nation calls, the Koffee Klutch Tour de Gull!” The young sharklet looked at him and said, “uh?”
So, after waking up Lava Girl to get breakfast for the sharklet's, our hero started from the Cove only to be stopped by Rainman so that he could take Rainman's check for his jersey to Gazelle Girl on this beautiful morning.
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| Team Taylor Riders with Kia Pet NOT in the bathroom for the photo. |
As the two riders approached the start, they wondered what color compression socks B-Rod would be sporting this week only to see him in black hose this week. Boring but effective.....
Within moments of arrival, riders started pouring in and many of them were wearing the designated Bloody 'Ell 'Undred Jersey and looking mighty fine! As the Minion Nation always decree's, “if you can't be good, look good!” and the Nation was looking good.
Even Squeaky, the Style Guy was back after a long hiatus from the ride, sans BEU Jersey.
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| Squeaky in his pre-ride stretch to get the kinks out.....what ever..... |
To every one's surprise, Gazelle Girl showed up, wanting to be a part of the obligatory Start Photo!
In addition, there were several Virgin Minions and new Minions in the mix. Skittles had messaged our hero the night before stating that “Summer” would be joining us and he instantly named her “Blonde Bullet!” The Nation loves when they come with a nick name! Welcome Blond Bullet!
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| Virgin Minion the Blonde Bullet! |
As the greetings were going on, Team Taylor pulled in with Iceman, Kia Pet and Chains and immediately, Iceman seemed to be involved with Mad Dog with some bike parts. It almost looked like a drug deal going down, but an in-depth investigation by Belo News has learned they were trading in illegal bike parts and full investigation will be launched by the Commissioner of Cycling.
As Minions lined up for the photo, other Minions continued to ride in with BEU jersey's and wanting to get in the photo, including the legendary Zickman, who actually hosts the BEU at the Zick Estate on the shores of the lovely Gull Lake!
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| Virgin Minion Kristina! |
Zickman rode in with his entourage of the Skipper, Tow Truck, etc.
After the photo was finally taken, 34 Minions were counted as the Skipper led the train out of the station and on to the field of dreams every Minion calls the Koffee Klutch Tour de Gull.
The early morning group was at the Klutch, along with Andrew, to cheer the Nation on as they past by the Klutch and on to 36th Street, which is still under construction, where they were met by Ironman, who finally got a shout out of “Other Guy!”
Skipper, then B-Rod and finally Mad Dog, led our hero out to the first sprint, where the official count of 35 was registered for the ride. This is a season, but not a total record in that the Nation has had a ride count of 40 but that was on a 4th weekend a couple of years ago. So this was the largest ride in quite some time.
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| Virgin Minion Todd, went to school with the Sharkman's daughters! |
This may also have been the largest number of jersey's for a single ride. As can be noted in the photo, a lot of Minions seemed to like donning the BEU Jersey! Ranger Rick stated that he had forgotten and by stating that, gets his name in Belo News........how did he do that?
As the Nation got into the normal “fast section” from the Yorkville Church to the Rt. 43 sprint, the Nation picked up speed yet seemed to stay intact. It was in this section that some riders got a bit “frisky” and started to go over the center line to pass the mass of riders on the road while Sharkman shouted out to them to get back inside the lines.
The Nation continued on through the col de Norte and the Holy Roller stopping only at the feed zone known as Frona's, where everyone caught back on.
After the Nation crossed the Digital Divide, the speed again picked up and an informal pace line formed up. Again, the Nation seemed to want to get their “Sweetheart of the Peloton” in a “comfortable position” for the thrust to the GGG Spot Sprint.
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| The "other" Jesse. Cheetah II? |
What are the chances that Gazelle Girl would wind up perfectly lined up to take her beloved GGG Spot Sprint two weeks in a row? Yet, it happened again. Gazelle Girl was in perfect position for the big finish tucked behind lead rider, Joe (who still need a name). But again, much to her chagrin, she was offered a lead out by well meaning Minions intending to take her to a place where she already was. (Sometimes men just aren't willing to let a girl take care of her G Spot herself, are they?) At least in this instance a lady came to the rescue in solidarity. New Minion, Angela, now known as “Hey You” took the GGG Spot Sprint leaving the well intentioned men clearly unsatisfied.
Oh, the humanity!
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| Zickman in his BEU jersey! |
After a deep breath, the Nation headed south for the final assault on the finish. The pace with the large peloton was up around 20 mph at this point and everyone seemed ready to contest
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| Angela, aka "Hey You!" |
Hossman, again throwing himself on his sword, went to the front and put on a humongous pull, digging deep into his suitcase of courage and while riding on the rivets. (Yes, the Editors of Belo News have been watching Phil and Paul at the Tour de France).
B-Rod was marking Iceman to make sure he could cover any move, but Iceman was boxed in and to his credit, was holding his line and not making a move until he was sure it was clear.
Riders started breaking loose at the top of the final ascent as the road swung around to the finish. At this point Joe (no name yet) was leading a group out when Iceman asked Tow Truck if he wanted a lead out and without saying a word they broke away to chase down the leaders.
But they came up just short as Joe took the final sprint and Iceman and Tow Truck came in 4th and 5th. No one seemed to know who finished 2d or 3rd!
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| Hey You and Andrew with her Belguim Waffle! Oh, the Humanity! |
The crowds on the champs le Galesburg went wild as confusion over who finished second and third reigned! The tofosi and the paparazzi clamored around the riders as they pulled into the Klutch.
Sharkman again, won the sprint to be first in line for Koffee and Andrew was ready with the joe!
The line reached out of the side door as the thirsty Nation cued up to buy.
Hey You ordered up a humongous Belgium Waffle to celebrate her sisterhood with Gazelle Girl at the GGG Spot Sprint! Is this a great country or what?!?
The Klutch was rocking with all the riders as Gazelle Girl continued to take orders on the Minion Jersey's.
As our hero left the Klutch for the ride home, Sasquatch reported that a bird had pooped on his bike computer! What the hey!
You won't want to miss this week's edition of the KK-TdG!
This Saturday, Pro Jersey Day! That's right, pull out your favorite pro jersey and wear it to the ride!
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!
Be there!
STYKER GUY CHECKS IN FROM THE TOUR de FRANCE!
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| Stryker Guy and New York Guy at the top of Hautacam! |
Belo News
July 21, 2014
Pla d'Adet, France – As some Minions may be aware, the legendary Minion, Stryker Guy is in France for the Tour as well as riding some of the mountain stages before the actual stage takes place. Showing no side effects from his recent bout with 5 broken ribs, he and New York Guy (an occassional Celebrity Rider in the
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| New York Guy & Stryker guy at the top of Aubisque! |
quote, “A pretty good climb!”
Oh, the humanity!
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| Stryker Guy on top of the Tourmalet! |
Safe travels Stryker Guy!
BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED, SPOUSES/SIGNIFICANT OTHERS INVITED FOR POST RIDE FUN!
AUGUST 16, 2014!
Belo News
July 24, 2014,
Gull Lake, Mi. - It is that time of year again! Time for the Bloody 'Ell 'Undred! Oh, the humanity!
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Gazelle Girl and Zickman are getting things ready to host the Nation on the Third Annual Bloody 'Ell and you can be a part of this classic event. The ride starts at the Zick Estate with bloody Mary's and then the riders head up to Hastings to have lunch and perhaps a beer or two, at the Waldorf, before heading back to the Zick Estate!
Check out the attached invitation, as riders can have their spouses or significant others to join them post ride at the Zick Estate and who doesn't want to see the Zick Estate!
It can't get better than this ride!
So mark your calendars and let Gazelle Girl know your coming, Bunkie!
Gazelle Girl can be contacted at joan.o@comcast.net
Well, what are you waiting for?
Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.
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