Pirate Imitates Dirtman!

Falcon is Flying High!

Stingray gets Headlines without Showing Up (i.e. no women riders)!

And the Winner is……….


Belo News
Galesburg, MI
July 25, 2009

Galesburg, Mi. - Once again, Southwest Michigan was greeted with early Saturday morning rain. It seems as if, in 2009, the rain has some financial interest in bike cleaning supply companies. Sooner waited patiently for the rain showers to move eastward, and then headed out of Portage right on time, as the last light sprinkles dwindled. With the big Make-a-Wish fundraiser this weekend, Sooner was expecting a small peloton. However, when Sooner arrived in Galesburg, a decent sized group had already begun to form. As soon as Falcon (who is quickly taking Wolf King’s place as the king of tardy), made it to the start line, 13 minions were led out by Skipper and Pirate. Later, Knute joined the peloton making 14 total (Peugeot Guy, B-Rod, Ironman, Skipper, Pirate, Falcon, Un-named rider, Hutch, Bullet Bob, Sooner, Danimal, Knute, Wolf King, and one rider whose name is unknown by the author, but he was wearing a Wonder Bread jersey).

Not long after the start, Sooner was daydreaming about potential writing material, when, Eureka!, Sooner noticed that Pirates shorts were (putting it delicately), not structurally sound. Yes indeed, multiple areas of skin that had not seen sunshine in years, maybe decades, were exposed. Sooner’s giddiness over this literary gift ended quickly, as after a second look, he quickly dropped back through the peloton, looking for a black sharpie marker. As none was found, the minions were thankful that the day was mostly overcast and therefore the glare was greatly reduced. Wow, nowadays some minions will do anything to get in the update!

The first sprint appeared quickly, and Falcon took off thinking it was his all the way. However, Sharkman could not be denied. It was one of the few sprints that Falcon didn’t take on the day. Falcon quickly made up for it by crushing Sooner’s early attack on the run up to 35th St. Shortly thereafter, Ironman did his best impersonation of Alberto Contador, flying up the Cul de Twin Lakes, as if powered by an invisible force.

As has become the norm, the pace from the county club up to M-43 was fast and furious, creating a few gaps, but only small ones, in the peloton. Sooner took another shot at the sprint prior to M-43, and was again crushed by Falcon. At that point, Sooner vowed to “sprint no more” on this particular day.

The ride down the east side of the lake was uneventful, until the attacks for the C Ave stop ahead sign began. Wolf King made an early effort, but was run down by Falcon, who avoided all doping questions after the ride.

As the ride progressed southward, Skipper and Pirate dropped off to catch the end of the TdF telecast. At least that was the story. Some minions were wondering if Pirate’s overexposed areas needed treatment for windburn, chaffing, etc.

In the final stretch, Sooner decided to come to the front and pull the group as fast as possible for the last few miles. He was only able to bring the pace up to around 24-25 mph as the southwesterly wind was stiffening. Sooner stayed in front long enough to ensure his last place finish as eventually, Knute attacked and blew past Sooner, chased by a swarm of minions. Sooner was too far away to see the finish, but was told by one minion that Danimal won the final sprint, followed closely by Knute, Bullet Bob, Falcon, and the rest.

The peloton thinned considerably before entering the Klutch, were a political discussion involving federal health care ensued. No wonder the rest of the peloton fled!

Sooner

In the interest of getting some comments in the Blog, I thought it might be interesting to compare minion rider performances this year to pro rider performances in the Tour de France. Some obvious ones might be:

Boffo Mark Cavendish – six stage wins – but climbing; forget about it
Wolf King Tom Boonen – has yet to show up
Sharkman Lance Armstrong – impressive for an old fart

Anyone have any other comparisons?

Sooner