CRASH IN THE PELOTON!!!
SHARKMAN AUGERS INTO THE PAVEMENT, HARD!
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| 13 Shark Minions ready to rock! Note Raptor's home made Quaker Oats jersey! |
SHARKMAN ON DISABLED LIST!!!
OH, THE HUMANITY!!
THIS SATURDAY WILL BE A SHARKLESS RIDE!!!
MORE NEWS IN FROM THE DIRTY DONUT!!!
Belo News
Shark Cove, MI. - As dawn broke cool and bright over the Shark Cove, our intepid hero was readly to ride!
Since Renton Road had finally been paved, the dimutive Shark was excited to ride his newly washed and clean steed that he had mounted his Kzyrium wheels on. He had not washed it or put his "special wheels" on, waiting for the road to be paved as it had been loaded with gravel, mud and sand.
Sharkman had to put his sunglasses on to look at the shiny Litespeed with well over 30K miles on it!!!
To his surprise, Reb was waiting in the cul de sac as the Shark Cove garage door slowly opened. Yeti Boy is gone for the next couple of weeks and Sharkman always loves an entourage that has been hard to develop the past few weeks.
Reb was only able to ride for half the ride over before having to head home to trade in his bike seat for a bleacher seat at his sons baseball game. Go Lakeview Spartans!!!
As the old Shark approached the Eaton Plant, he was excited to see the "Sweetheart of the Peloton" and her main squeeze, Toesetter there to great him.
As they rode into town, none other than Zyckmann, aka Fabio was seen near the Klutch, heading to the start.
Riders were riding into and unloading at the start line with a limited number of Tony the Tiger jerseys, but it was mentioned that it had been a long time since the Nation had glommed on to those "special jerseys."
Of special note, "Boxer" was making his season debut and it had been so long, Sharkman had to ask his Shark Minion name!!! Welcome back, Boxer! Great to have you back in the Nation!!
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| Boxer making his season debut!!! |
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| Fabio holding court teaching the finer points of donut consumption...🍩 |
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| Skittles was back in the mix! |
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| Gazelle Girl on the subject of donuts 🍩 |
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| Stroker was back, and lucky for Sharkman!!! |
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| The Senator was ready to rock! |
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| We know this guy by his jersey!!! |
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| The Legend known as Bissell Boy was back! |
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| Not bad, Sharkman, not bad!!! |
As Sharkman took the count, he noted 13 riders and made the comment, "I hope another Shark Minion joins us on the road, 13 is unlucky....." It turned out to be a prophecy he would live into.....(play the dramatic music from Psycho!)
The Riders snaked there way through town and no other riders joined on.
As the Nation headed north, Toesetter, Skittles and Gazelle Girl went to the front and picked up the pace.
As the Sharkman was moving back up to the front, and just as he latched on to Toesetters wheel, he hit a small pothole and one of his water bottles came flying out! Perhaps the first of the mishaps that were to come (play the dramatic music from Psycho!)
As Shark Minions shouted out "Water bottle!" Sharkman had to turn back just before his sprint and saw Skittles retrieving it. Sharkman had given up the sprint for his water bottle and did not record who took it for him.
Sharkman did the offical count at the first sprint and it was still 13! (play the dramatic music from Psycho!).
The pace picked up as the riders moved through the col de Twin Lakes, past the Yorkville Church, through Kellogg Korner, traversing the Kountry Klub and after the "sit up" sprinted to the Rt. 43 stop ahead.
From there the Shark train climbed the col de Norte as a group and headed through the Holy Rollers and on to the Feed Stop.
The Shark Minions took a collective breather there as riders pulled in, then headed out to the Inlet Sprint.
After a full stop it was on to the Digital Divide where Skittles and Sharkman led out the pace line, taking it up to around 23 mph when someone shouted out "Gap!" to which Skittles took the speed back until all were on.
Once all were back on Skittles picked up the pace again and speeds got north or 25 mph for a while........that is when it happened.
As the fast moving Shark Minion Train approached the curve to the finish, Sharkman was at the back of the lead pack and began to worry a gap had opened and he could not see Gazelle Girl, getting in position for an assault on her coveted GGG Spot Sprint. He slowed hoping the lead group would as well, to check on the peloton.
(play dramatic music from Psycho)
Sharkmans decided to look over his left shoulder to check on the peloton behind him and it was then his front wheel hit a humongus pothole as he was doing approximately 22 mph! Oh, the humanity!!! Turn up the dramatic music!!
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| The murderous pothole!! |
The witnesses in the pelotons described seeing our diminutive hero rocket through the air as he tilted toward the left in mid air and augered into the pavement landing on his left shoulder, still hooked into his bike and clipped in!!! Oh, the humanity!
Sharkman remembered in detail during and exclusive Belo News interview how it was like someone had put a leg out to trip him! He described how it happened very fast and all he could think of was "what happened?"
Sharkman hit the ground hard and his head snapped down on the pavement after his shoulder rolled under him.
The worst part was that the air had been knocked out of him and he had to force air out to get some in!
He reported that his first thought was that he had punctured or collapsed a lung, which also told him he didn't have a concussion.
The Shark Minion Nation flew into actioin and Sharkman wants all to know how grateful he is that that everyone took such great care of him!
Fabio, aka Dr. Zick was the first to him and asked if he could click out of this pedals, which he did. Then the Doc asked if he could move body parts, which he could also do. Snow White, who is reported to be nurse asked about his head to which Sharkman gave her Yeti Boys garage door opener code (that is an inside joke between Sharkman and Yeti Boy as Sharkman only knows that because it is the test for Yeti if he hits his head. He had yet to pass that test! 😜)! Sharkman then gave Snow White his date of birth, to which onlookers gasped!
"He's that old!" Oh, yes he is Bunkie!
As the Sharkman began to move his body parts, Doc Fabio was checking for broken bones and all seemed amazed he had not broken his collar bone or clavacle. With assistance, the old Shark moved to the side of the road where Doc Zyckhmann told him to put his leg up to which Sharkman responded, "Why? What to do you have in mind?"
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| Sharkman being well taken care of by his beloved Minion Nation! |
Fortuantely for Sharkman, Stroker was on the ride and had driven over and more importantly, lives next door to the Shark Cove!!! Is this a great country or what?!?
Stroker, Bissell Boy and the Senator headed to the finish to get Strokers car.
It was reported by Stroker that Bissel Boy got the final sprint, with Stroker drafting to the finish to get the car!!
Back at the scene, Skittle and Raptor shot photos, as Minions picked up the Sharkmans rearview mirror, computer, iPhone and tail light, all amazingly intact! The only item he was missing was a nice, screw in bar end.
Skittle checked the bike and found his handle bar tape shredded on the left side and his beloved Zyrium front wheel out of true and needing a hub adjustment.
Sharkman's helmet had a skid mark on it but it did its job. Sharkman did not have any marks on his beautiful little shark head!!!
This is a great country.
His Tony the Tiger jersey had marks of the crash with the colloar being ground down and his cycling glove had an unusual tear on the right glove, which was not really in contact with the pavement.
His left Sidi Shoe buckle was also ground down. Over all, not bad for hitting the pavement hard at high speed.
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| The Sharkmans blood on the scene, some distance from the pothole! |
However, Sharkman's body felt like he'd had a cement truck run over him, then threw him in the mixer and turn it on high mix!
When Bissel Boy and Stroker had returned, they loaded the bike on Stroker scar and helped Sharkman get in the back seat. Fortunately, Stroker had a towel to try to soak up the blood.
Sharkman felt fortunate that Stroker was on the spot and only worried now about facing Lava Girl!
However, she was out grocery shopping when they returned to the Shark Cove and the old Shark had time to get out of his tatered kit, and take a shower.
The hot shower never felt so good!!! Though he did have to get very innovative to get his kit off and actually texted Stroker to come over to help, but got it off before he arrived.
When Lava Girl got home, he got the obligatory lecture as she began patching up his road rash, which was not as extensive as he thought it would be.
Sharkman would also like to thank all those Shark Minions who helped during the crash and all those who have been checking in with him concerning his progress, which is slow.
At the time Belo News goes to press, Sharkman is still recovering and it might be a while. He seems to have a tear or pull in his left chest muscle (Yeah, right! Who knew he had any muscle?!?) and he is having difficulty putting his left arm up without a bit of pain there. He has become very intimate with his heating pad!!! ❤️
Meanwhile, back to the finish, written up by Belo News Reporter, Skittles! Take it away, Skittles!
Following Sharkman's exit, the heroes bore down on the finish with Toesetter taking it to the front at a blistering pace. Hermster rocketing around with Raptor in hot pursuit when Skittles made his move and pounced on the breakaway!
Skittles crossed the line with Raptor and Hermster just behind in a thrilling finish!
Throngs of teaming fans greeted our heroes on the Champs le Galesburg on their way to the Klutch and all of them wondering where there Sharkman was! Our heroes had to explain their tardiness by breaking the news that His Sharkness had crashed but was going to be fine!!!
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| The Klutch was rocking after the ride!!! |
MORE NEWS IN FROM THE DIRTY DONUT!!!
Belo News
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| Snow White on top of the podium! |
June 4, 2022
Martin, Mi. - This news didn't make press time last week but we thank Reporter Raptor for getting it in this week!!
Take it away, Raptor!!!
Thought I would give you some blog stuff on the Dirty Donut Gravel Race! I should have sent it sooner after the race but I wanted to find the photographers race photos.
"Magic Mirror" on the wall, who is the fairest Donut racer of all?!"
Snow White raced the Donut 41 mi. Sprint finishing 2nd in the Woman's overall with an overall impressive time of 2:13 and pace of 18.5 mph!!
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| Snow White on her way to the podium! |
Congratulations to Snow White!
Meanwhile, Raptor did not place as well with a 6th place finish in the 60-69 age division of the 41 mi. sprint with a time of 2.05 time and a pace of 19.6 mph! However, he was very pleased with his performance as he was only 1 minute and 12 seconds off the podium!!
Impressive performances Shark Minions! You did the mighty Shark Minion Nation proud!!!
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| Raptor in action! |
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