SKITTLES TAKES SPRINT — THREE IN A ROW!  

Great turn out for Bissell Kit Day!

Do we call Him Wayne Gretzky or Mark Cavendish?

Gazelle Girl Goes Bottomless!  Is this a Great Country or What!?

Sharkman Gone Again???  Oh the Humanity!!!

SHARK MINION JERSEY DAY THIS SATURDAY!
DON'T FORGET TO:

Cut and paste this into your browser now:  http://www.giordanakitbuilder.com/Minions to order your 30 Year Minion kit items by midnight on JULY 19!!! 

SEE INFORMATION BELOW! THERE IS A DEADLINE, MINIONS!

Belo News
July 7, 2018


Dawn Broke over Skittles’ Bouncy Castle House on a notably cool morning.  He rolled over to check the Skittlethermometer and was surprised to read Forty-Six Effing Degrees in his bedroom?!  He left the fan on all night!  Oh the Huge Manatee!!!

Our hero clicked in his cleats, fired up the Skittleputer mounted to his handlebar and took flight to the Minion Start wearing a jacket and leg warmers—What the What?  A Jacket in July?!  That’s Right Bunkie!  After having one of the hottest minion rides in history on Wednesday, it was now cold and dry on Saturday.

Pink Floyd! On Bissell Kit Day?
Oh, the humanity!

Skittles eventually caught up to a group containing Boys both Nike and Yeti along with another Minion, but had to pass up the opportunity to ride with them as he was in hot pursuit of an Egg McMuffin from the Galesburg McDonalds.

He ate his new found prize on the way to the start to find a group numbering perhaps twenty-five Minions.  New Minion Don, who will be known as SuperTrooper was joined by Several Minion Legends, including Stryker Guy, the aforementioned Nike Boy, Yeti Boy, Bissell Boy and Ironman making one of his final appearances before moving ‘Out West’…and that sweetest heart in of all cycling, Gazelle Girl with with Toe-Setter in tow (no pun intended) sporting the best beard in all of cycling.

Gazelle Girl started off the festivities with a well-needed and well-said lecture on cycling safety followed immediately by the sweetest sound in all of cycling, that of cleats clicking and tires rolling in the morning sun.

Skittles and another rider (how does Sharkman keep them all memorized?) led out the group to Sharkman’s ceremonial sprint.  This time the riders decided to ride there in silence Out of Respect.  Respect. (Editors Note: Thanks you Nation, Sharkman is humbled).

Riders strung out in several groups for the coveted M43 Sprint, Skittles taking the honor.  Maybe because he’s done a lot of miles this year but also maybe because he really had to pee.

He got done watering the local flora only to turn around to the following exchange:

Skittles taking the count!

Gazelle Girl: “Skittles how many cups of coffee do you drink, pre ride?”
Skittles: “I don’t drink coffee, why?”
GG: “Well, you’re always peeing”
Skittles:  “So do race horses”

Is this a great country or what?

Next up was the GGG-Spot Sprint but not without a scary moment when Virgin Minion SuperTrooper heard a very loud popping sound and thought something broke on his brand new, blazing orange and white Trek Boone.  The peleton all stopped because we leave no rider behind.  It was determined through painstaking forensic analysis that he actually hit a pot hole so hard his handlebar had rotated down!

Many men gave it their all to be the first to lead Gazelle Girl to the most coveted spot in cycling (or otherwise) the GGG-Spot, BUT, there is only one with the skills, timing and not to mention looks to get her there over and over again: Our own Skittles! Riders bore down on the World Famous GGG-Spot Sprint, Skittles led out Gazelle Girl who was nipped at the line by none other than former world famous country singer Lurlene!!!  She stuck out her tongue to just oh so closely edge out Gazelle Girl in a photo finish!  Reached for comment later they both claimed to have been completely satisfied, so it’s a win for human and amphibian alike.

The Nation gathers at the Klutch!

Ironman put in one of his typically massive pulls coming up to the Final Sprint Zone to lead out our intrepid group to the Final Sprint Zone.  Wishbone was in front of Skittles and wondered aloud when he would jump to full speed.  It was way too early for that kind of effort but Skittles said “screw it I’m going”, and sprinted ahead believing someone would take the bait and he could give a lead out.  To his absolute bewildering astonishment, nobody went with him!  Periodically during the run in to the finish he would hear freehub noise and thought “well that’s it, they’ve caught me”.  Only to realize it was some buzzing insect.

He kept checking behind and to his amazement, nobody was in fact coming through!  Would he win the most prestigious sprint in all of cycling by a huge gap?  Yes!

In fact, there was no actual sprinting involved as Skittles coasted across the finish line unperturbed!  So along with last weeks regular Minion Ride and the Special Fourth of July Minion Ride Wednesday, he is now winner of three consecutive Final Sprints!!!

Oh the Huge Manatee!

Brewman. Like "beer in a glass, he has class!"

Has this accomplishment ever been equalled?

High Yield and Dr Dave fought it out tooth and nail for second and third places, respectively.

Riders waved to the teaming throngs of fans and at least one squirrel whilst closing in on the Koffee Klutch.  Riders parked their bikes in the now hot sun.

Gazelle Girl walked up and ordered a “bottomless” because the whole world likes her better when she’s bottomless.

Is this a great country or what?

What will happen this week?  Will Skittles make it Four in a Row?

Will Gazelle Girl finally triumph over Lurlene’s tongue?

There is only one way to find out, Bunkie!

Thanks Skittles, for fantastic, riveting and ahemmm intersting commentary!

Stryker Guy also sent in this brief report and pointed out High Yield bought the koffee! Wow, there were a lot of Minions there! Thanks High Yield!

From Stryker Guys:

Pics from today’s ride 22 riders some of whom dropped off with 14 at the klutch.

The pace was “brisk” as Skittles won just about every sprint but was pressed by High Yield in the final sprint who bought the coffee btw!

Gazelle Girl issued an appropriate warning at the beginning of the ride that we needed to abide by the law and ride two abreast and close to the right as possible.

High Yield bought for this bunch?
This is a great country!

The proud citizens of Galesburg are complaining to Toe Setter that we are wreaking havoc with our riding. I also sent of Brewman who always deserves to be in the blog (old style Bells jersey) Tom Gerrit with the cool Pink Floyd jersey, Skittles buddy Don who won the most beautiful bike award and the guys paying homage to the Belle of the Peleton—GG.

For the record I pulled the group at least 200 yards maybe 210.

For the blog—there is a charity ride next Saturday (I know it conflicts) the Pedaling for pALS for the Susan Mast ALS Foundation.

There is also a Facebook page people can contribute if they can’t ride (25, 12, 6 mile rides).

I will be sending a special report to the Nation next week as Eastie and Hockey Boy (remember him?) and me are riding the Triple By Pass in Colorado!

Thanks for your report as well, Stryker Guy!

Sweet ride, Don!

You won't want to miss this Saturday's edition of the KK-TdG which will be Shark Minion Jersey Day!

In recognition of the Sharkman's return AND his son in laws will be riding, we all want to look good in our Minion Jersey kit!

Launch Time - 8:00 a.m. - SHARP!

Be there!





JERSEY ORDER INFORMATION HERE!

Belo News
July 10, 2108

Shark Cove, Mi. - For those who weren't at the ride last week, you can now order you 30th Anniversary jersey and shorts (both bib or regular) on line! Yep, you heard that right Bunkie!

Here you go and remember, you need to do this before July 19 so don't put it off! Act now!