Belo News
August 2, 2017
Triple Nasty Ranchero, Mi. - On Saturday, the Bloody 'ell 'undred will be only one week away! Don't forget to get your RSVP in immediately so Gazelle Girl and Zyckmann can plan accordingly! This annual event is a blast!
Here is all the information you need!
WHERE ARE ALL THESE RIDERS COMING FROM?!?
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| The Nation ready to ride! |
WHERE WAS GAZELLE GIRL?
WHERE IS MAD DOG? INVESTIGATION CONTINUES!
GOODBYE TO CUZ?!?
DOMANE BIKE FOR SALE? OH, THE HUMANITY!
SOUTH ROUTE THIS SATURDAY!
July 29, 2017
Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke chilly and bright over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, bound from his bed, clicked on the coffee and looked at the temperature outside the cozy windows of the Cove.
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| Mighty Monk was back! |
58 degrees? What the.....
Is is just us, or does it seem to be hot all week, then cool on Saturday mornings? The old Shark padded his way down to the Shark Locker Room and dug out his arm warmers (cotton socks with the toes cut out), pulled on his Iron Horse Jersey and headed back up the stairs to get his bike ready.
As the Sharkman launched from the Cove, Birthday Boy, Yeti Boy pulled up, confirming that he had baked his world famous "Cinnamon Rolls" and Lady Yeti Girl and Lava Girl would be bringing them to the Klutch later! Is this a great country or what!?!
Soon, Nikeboy arrived explaining he would only ride over as he had to get back for the Cereal City Tri that would be running out Watkins Road later that morning.
As the three riders rode headed out on the road, Reb pulled up in his Jeep to offer Yeti Boy his regards for a Happy Birthday! This Yeti Boy guy is pretty famous!
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| Half Moon was back! |
As the riders headed west, they came across X-Rod waiting at Stone Jug and wondered where Skittles was. Though he claimed he was at the Human Society at 7 a.m., the riders went by at around 7:05-10 a.m. and NO SKITTLES! He actually didn't catch them until the start!
The riders again, had to traverse the bridge, but made short work of it and went on to the start where the masses were gathering.
Again, a major turn out of riders, both old and new! Belo News is launching an investigation into why all the new riders! Each week we seem to have a couple of new riders and Belo News wants to remind riders that there are concerns about having too many riders and problems with safety, so, though riders will not be turned away, Minions are encouraged not to invite new riders and if they do, they are responsible for them on their first rides.
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| Virgin Minion Al! (MNTBD) |
Two new riders, though both claimed they had ridden before, were Mike and Al (MNTBD). Also Kevin, who joins the "Lucky Ones" on occasion was in attendance! Welcome the mighty Minion Nation! Half Moon had also returned along with Mighty Monk, on his first ride since doing the Kashi Tour! Welcome back, Minions.
Belo News is sad to report that new Minion and shirt tailed relative of our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, Cuz was on his last ride of the season. Cuz, who just joined the Nation earlier this season, is the Linebacker Coach for the Western Michigan Bronco's and will be coaching football going forward. We hate to see this new Minion gone for the rest of the season and he embodies the characteristics of a great Minion. Great, strong rider, who doesn't seem to need to prove it, cares for his fellow riders and rides safe, and has been such a great addition to the Nation. The Nation holds a spot for Cuz and is hoping he will purchase a mountain or fat bike so he can ride with the Nation this winter!
After Sharkman took a photo of Half Moon, she moved to the back of the starting group, where he started to take another photo before being reminded that was Half Moon. Well, in his defence there are so many new riders, what do you expect!
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| Virgin Minion Mike! (MNTBD) |
Once again, the "Sweetheart of the Peloton," Gazelle Girl as absent. After acknowledging that the previous week that she had partied a bit hard the previous evening, knew that she would miss this week, and the threat of rain, she had slept in. This week, however, she did have an excuse but the Nation was again disappointed that Gazelle Girl and Toesetter were not in the mix!
The start photo was taken with Yeti Boy in his Iron Horse Jersey and Zyckmann in his Colorado Jersey. Belo News has learned that the legend, Zyckmann, did not purchase an Iron Horse Jersey because he did not beat the train, which Sharkman chided him about, because if you simply FINISH the Iron Horse, you deserve a jersey!
The count at the start was somewhere around 28 and riders kept jumping on as the ride developed. It was guesstimated that there were between 35-37 riders on the beautiful morning.
As they started out, the Nation was again, good about riding two abreast on the way to the Klutch.
The Early Morning Koffee group waved as their hero's rode by and amazingly, the long line of riders made it through the light in one pass.
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| Virgin Minion Kevin! (MNTBD) |
Skittles led the A Group out and it looked like 7 riders in total chose the faster route, while Falcon led our hero out to the first sprint.
Sharkman attempted to get a count at the G Ave. crossing but had a hard time, again guesstimating around 28-29 riders. Others continue to jump on, with Kid Doster going back to the A Group.
The ride moved along quickly and in the Kountry Klub section, legendary rider Zyckmann, sporting his Colorado Jersey, made a move for the route 43 sprint that no one responded to, giving him the win walking away.
It was that kind of morning in that the lines were clean, riders kept the pace up, but nothing strongly contested.
As the Nation came through the Holy Rollers, Flash Gordon reported a flat tire just as the Nation pulled up to the Feed Zone.
The A Group arrived just in time and Skittle took over. Paperboy, who lives next door to the restaurant, was able to get his floor pump as Skittles quickly changed the tire out. However, as he was pumping it up a load "bang" was heard as the tire was lost.
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| We're going to miss you Cuz! |
A Minion coughed up another tube and Skittles started all over. This time it took and the time on both changes was less than 6 minutes! Way to go, Skittles!
As the Nation crossed the Digital Divide, a very swift, effective, pace line formed up! No, seriously!
The speed clicked up as both the A and B Groups were back together. Sharkman commented he loved when the pace line picks up and the Nation can hang on to the big guns!
As the pace continued to climb, Skittles moved to the front and claimed the GGG Spot for Gazelle Girl, for her second win in abstensia in two weeks!
Skittles was quoted as stating, "Let it be know that though I took the GGG Spot Sprint with other people, I was thinking of Gazelle Girl the whole time!" It was a victory for America!
Reached for comment later, Gazelle Girl had the following to say, "Awwww, I am touched. I was drinking a Bloody Mary about that time. I'm sure glad some jack ass didn't get my sprint in my absence. Oh, the humanity!" Well said, Gazelle Girl, well said!
As the Nation headed south to the final sprint, Hossman stated he didn't have anything left to do a "Hossman" but it wasn't needed as the group slowly built speed and the group spread out. Again, there was a very well organized pace line as the Nation crested the top of the final hill to the finish.
Everyone seemed to be moving in unison as some of the Nation rushed to the front, where again, Kiwi captured the final honor on the day!
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| Sharkman photobombs his own photo! |
The fans went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as the hero's move along to the Klutch, where Yeti Boy's wife, Yeti Girl and Lava Girl were waiting with Yeti Boy's fresh baked, world famous, cinnamon rolls! Is this a great country or what!?!
But that ain't all! Bissell Boy stepped up and bought koffee for everyone! Oh, the humanity! Free cinnamon rolls AND free koffee! It can't get any better than that, Bunkie! Thanks Yeti Boy and Bissell Boy!
After a rousing verse of Happy Birthday to Yeti Boy, and a huge blow from the 69 year old, with everyone worried he'd pass out, the rolls were cut and man, they deserved their reputation as the hungry Minions dug in!
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| Yeti Boy's famous cinnamon rolls! |
The Press Conference went late as the Nation was enjoying their freebies, talking of the great riding and wondering how it can get any better!
Well it can!
This week is the Shermanator, so the Nation will be heading south and doing the "Tour of South Central Kalamazoo County!" Sharkman will be charging for the sites this time. Remember, $.50 (no change) per site! You won't want to miss this one Bunkie!
Saturday, August 5 (can it really be August already?)
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| Yeti got all the candles! He is a force of nature! |
Launch Time - 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!
REMEMBER, YOU NEED TO COME TO THE START! THE NATION IS HEADING SOUTH!
Be there!
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| Iron Horse Jersey Day! |
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| The Klutch was rocking! |
WHERE IS MAD DOG? INVESTIGATION CONTINUES!
Belo News
August 2, 2017
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| Anyone having information on this guy should contact the Commissioner of Cycling immediately! |
Shark Cove, Mi. - It was reported earlier that an investigation has been launched concerning the where abouts of the rider known as Mad Dog. The perennial Minion has been missing in action since ..... well, it has been so long, Belo News can't even remember how long he has been missing.
An APB (all points bulletin) has been issued for any information leading to getting this guy back into the Nation. Once known for never missing a ride, there are concerns that he has gone to the dark side and has taken up knitting.
Oh, the humanity!
Come back, Mad Dog, all is forgiven!
FOR SALE! JUST IN!
Belo News
August 2, 2017
Shark Cove, Mi. - This just came in from Stingray and boy, what a deal! Sharkman just wishes this bike was smaller!
From Stingray (and please read the bold!):
Dear Editors of the Belo News,
Would you mind putting this ad in your blog? Oh, and give that Sharkman a raise and a promotion!
For Sale:
2015 Trek Domane 5.2
Carbon frame with ISO-coupler
Shimano Ultegra (very smooth shifting and comfortable hoods)
3T aluminum bars
Mavic Ksyrium Elite wheels
Never crashed, no scratches, dings, chips
$1700
Riders
joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with
bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any
rider involved.
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