THIS IS IT! BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED WEEKEND!

OH, THE HUMANITY!

Belo News
August 7, 2017

Zyckmann Estate, Mi. - This is it, mighty Minion Nation! The weekend every Minion has been waiting for!

The Bloody 'ell 'undred is this Saturday and there is still time to get your reservation in!

So what are you waiting for Bunkie?!? Get a note to, or call Gazelle Girl and let her know you're coming! Hell, it is worth it just to see the Zyckmann Estate and to taste those Gazelle Girl Deviled Eggs! Here is all the information you need! And remember, with the Bloody 'ell 'undred going on there is no KK-TdG this Saturday!

SQUEAKY BUYS?!? WOW!

PHOTO FINISH? SO WHO WON?

FOUR FLAT TIRES? SAY IT AIN'T SO!

SKITTLES TO THE RESCUE!

NO KK-TdG THIS SATURDAY!

The Nation ready for the Tour of Central Kalamazoo County!

Belo News
August 7, 2017

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke bright, and again, cool, over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero lay in his Shark bed pondering why the summer had seemed so hot and humid, except for Saturday mornings when he would have to put on his fin warmers. "What is with that?" he thought as he slogged down to the Shark Basement and this week actually found his real arm warmers.

The roads were wet, but the radar, as well as the forecast, was predicting good weather!

Squeaky in his winter gear!

Game on!

As our hero launched from the Cove, Yeti Boy was there to greet him, but both doubted anyone else would be meeting them on the way. With the wet roads, they knew they wouldn't see Rainman and there was a good possiblity Nikeboy would not want to get one of his expensive rides wet. The riders were unsure about X-Rod, but he wasn't there as they went by Stone Jug Road where he usually jumps on. No Skittles either as they rode past the Human Society making them both wonder who might be at the start.

However, they did find Skittles and Rose Between Two Thorns who will herin be known as Echo because Rose Between Two Thorns is way too hard to say, at the start. They had ridden over and though they had missed the Sharkman and his entourage and left early.

Riders continued to arrive, including that Style Guy, Squeaky after being gone a few weeks. He was also sporting a new bike jersey (see photo) that everyone will want, now that they have seen Squeaky showing it off to the Tofosi!

Squeaky in his new jersey!
The man was "Stylin!"

Gazelle Girl and Toesetter rode in to cheers from their adoring fans and Stryker Guy was back from his trip to China and only mildly jet lagged. Bissell Boy was there, looking sharp in his non-Bissell Kit as more riders poured in and the sun came out in force.

After the start photo, Sharkman explained the south route was being ridden because of the Shermanator and that he would be offering his $.50 per look tour of all the sights on the Tour of Central Kalamazoo County! Oh, the humanity.

As Sharkman was fending off comments from the unusually snarly peleton, a car pulled in at 7:59 a.m. and the old Shark was heard to mutter, "what part of 8:00 a.m. - SHARP!" did this person not understand!

It was new Minion Shonger and he was given two minutes to get ready! At 8:02 a.m. the mighty Minion Nation pulled out of the station and though Shonger wasn't completely ready, he was able to catch on before the Nation started to head south.

As the train turned on to Miller Road near McDonalds, there was Nikeboy in all of his cycling sartorial splendor! Does this man know how to wear cycling kit or what?!?

Nikeboy! Seriously,
this is the format
Easty sent this photo
to Belo News!
and yes, he is that tall!

This brought the count up to 18 riders on the day.

The Nation headed up Qman Hill and Sharkman took the honorary first sprint after a lead out by B-Rod, Gazelle Girl and Toesetter.

As the ride developed, Sharkman was shouting out the sights and actually was giving some deals in that he offered the waterfall, Tillers Farm and Cook Cemetery, three sights for $1.00. That being $.50 off the regular price he noticed EVERYONE took a look!

Visions of riches danced in his head as they  headed past the rail road house and on to the new pavement on the "Road to Nowhere!"

This newly paved road allowed for the Nation to open up some speed and ride!

As they approached the Stop Sign, they heard "mechanical" and everyone waited. Squeaky had flatted. But never fear, Skittles was on it ASAP and pedaled back to take control as the Nation waited.

As soon as Squeaky and Skittles came back, the Nation started out again only to hear, "Mechanical" again! This time, it was B-Rod! But never fear, Skittles was on it and started asking about pay. Sharkman told him he would split his proceeds on the day from the sight seeing with him! What a great guy! Is this a great country or what?!?

Gazelle Girl and Toesetter's grand entrance!

After B-Rod got his wheel back on, the Nation toured the farm country west and returned to the Road to Nowhere again, where Squeaky's tire went flat a second time. This time, however, it was in the middle to the great Road to Nowhere when the Nation was clicking along at 25 mph! OH, the humanity.

Skittle was on it and again, the Nation headed towards Scots, Michigan.

Squeaky, feeling bad about the tires, and also wanting to celebrate the birth of his 10th Grandchild, said he wanted to buy koffee! What, Squeaky who usually doesn't even stop to have koffee wanted to buy the koffee? Sharkman asked for clarification, as he wasn't sure what he was hearing.

Squeaky said he wanted to buy again, but that he might not have the money and could Sharkman loan it to him?!? Wait, .....what?  Sharkman said sure, of course, wanting the celebrate the special occasion of a 10th grandkid!

Stryker Guy back from China!

However, after two flats, the Squeakmiester wasn't sure he could get back so he decided to go straight down 35th street to get back to the Klutch while the Nation went on.

When the Nation got to the last stop ahead before the famous downhill finish, Sharkman cautioned everyone on how fast the finish was and pleaded for a safe, clean sprint on the day.

Sharkman and Gazelle Girl went to the front and led the runaway train down the fastest, most fun finish in all of cycling!

About half way down the hill, the riders started to make their moves, with Skittles leading the pack, along with Shonger, Kiwi and B-Rod on their wheels.

Sharkman clocked a speed of 38 mph on the down hill and he was being passed!

Sharkman got a second wind and tried to latch on to a wheel so he could see the finish.

As Skittles, Shonger and Kiwi made the turn at the bottom of the hill and while Skittles and Shonger were in front with Kiwi on their wheels, everyone knew it would be close.

Bissell Boy in his none Bissell kit!

As the three bore down on the finish, Kiwi swung to the left, timing it perfectly to catapult out so that the three riders were neck and neck as they crossed the finish! Wow, what a classic!

When asked who took the sprint, in usual Minion fashion Kiwi said he wasn't sure as Skittles and Shonger looked at each other and said they thought Kiwi got it. Class acts, all of them! It's not about the winner, but about the race! Well done!

The Commissioner of Cycling gave all three the win! It was a victory for America!

The Nation had decided to do the obstacle course back to the Klutch by taking the closed bridge, but before they could get to it, a shout of "Mechanical" rang out once again!

This time, it was Gazelle Girl! Oh, the humanity.

The interesting part was that in the previous three flat tires, one or two riders went along with Skittles to help with the tire.

Squeaky, the man of the hour,
checking tubes at the Klutch
after buying for the Nation!

However, in this case, Sharkman looked back and saw at least 10 riders in a circle around their
Sweetheart of the Peleton!" Is this a great country or what!?!

The riders came into town on the Champs le Galesburg to the cheers of the tofosi and paparazzi!

When they got to the Klutch, true to his word, there was Squeaky and much to Sharkman's relief, he did have enough money to buy all the Koffee! Thanks Squeaky and congratulations on all the grandkids!

Everyone seemed to savor Squeaky's koffee as he sat trying to find out who had given him tubes so he could pay them back! What a great Minion!

No one seemed to want to leave as the after glow of a great ride on the southern Field of Dreams known as the Tour of Central Kalamazoo County.......

As the Nation headed out, Sharkman and Yeti Boy ran into Reb on the bridge, who had ridden over to escort the two old guys home.

The Nation waiting in line for
Koffee after the Squeakman bought!

It was another fantastic day in the Minion Nation!

Remember, no KK-TdG this Saturday as the Nation does the Bloody 'ell 'undred!












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Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.