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| Nikeboy! Rider AND writer! Not only looks good, he writes good! (File Photo) |
BANJOVI LIVE THIS FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE KLUTCH!
OH, THE HUMANITY!
ONGOING ALLEGATIONS OF ESPRESSO DOPING!
RED, WHITE AND BLUE JERSEY DAY!
Belo News
May 21, 2016
Nikeboy
Galesburg, Mi. - The weather was crisp, almost October
like, as Nikeboy grabbed a bicycle from his garage and hopped aboard.
Due to a late start, he worked harder than he likes to ensure making
it in time for the glorious Minion start. Arriving at the Eaton
driveway, he swung left to take what has become known as the Wildman
Pass, a scenic tour of the Eaton parking lot replete with various
trucks and truck like vehicles used in secret transmission testing
protocols. The Wildman Pass spit our rider back onto Michigan Ave
for the descent into Galesburg.
Passing the Klutch, it was noted that
both Mad Dog and Wildman’s (of Wildman Pass fame) bikes were
leaning against the wall. Clearly Mad Dog has dragged the ever
innocent Wildman into his nefarious espresso doping circle. Nikeboy
noticed a couple riders coming up behind him as he approached the
high school, Cover/Stryker/Girl/Guy being one of them. As they
rolled into the lot it was noticed that Gazelle Girl, B-Rod, Chia Pet
and Yeti Boy were there as well as a plethora of other riders who
Nikeboy knows by sight but not by name. There were also two orange
hated gents in fancy kits one of whom looked like Zippy, it was hard
to tell with the glowing S-Works helmets. (More on these helmets
later).
Promptly at 8am the riders mounted up
and headed through the neutralized start zone of Galesburg.
Immediately after the turn onto
36th Street, Skittles
joined the peloton making a group of 20ish (didn’t get a good
count, sorry). Cover/Stryker/Girl/Guy filled the role of honorary
Sharkman taking the first sprint in a manner befitting one who has
appeared on the cover of a local 4th tier publication
aimed at the senior audience.
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| Cover Girl/Stryker Guy! Either way, you gotta love him! |
The sun was now peeking out and riders
began to shed layers, arm warmers and vests were stashed in jersey
pockets. Gazelle Girl declined, stating she needed music to
disrobe. The peloton rolled through Twin Lakes and up the Col. The
pace remained mellow until the left turn was made at Yorkville Church
where things quickened substantially through the Country Club
section. The peloton made the turn on W Gull Lake together with Mad
Dog and Skittles soon making a move to take the sprint. They were
joined by Nikeboy followed closely by the Orange Hat Gang. Nikeboy
dropped off the pace when his Garmin HR monitor reached up, slapped
him in the face, and told him he was getting too old to do this crap.
Skittles took the sprint and everyone regrouped at M-43.
The roll around the north end of the
lake and up the Col d’ Norte was uneventful and by now a beautiful
spring day was in full bloom. Back south, through the Bible Camp
Hills and past the marina our mighty peloton spun, onlookers wondered
aloud if they had been transported to Bella Italia and were
witnessing the passing of the Giro.
Everyone behaved at the M-89 crossing
and they headed up 37th Street where our fearless heroine,
Gazelle Girl was delivered to a GGG Spot sprint victory leaving scores
of gasping men in her wake.
A quick left on G and then right on
back on 37th set the peloton up for the final sprint.
Chia Pet went to the front to take the reigns pulling the group at a
steady 25mph until they got over the last bump whereupon the Orange
Hat Gang took a two man flyer off the front. Zippy and his companion
soon had 25 yards on the group and things looked grim for the rest of
the Minions. B-Rod grabbed onto Nikeboy’s wheel and the two set
out in lukewarm pursuit but were unable to close the gap. The Orange
Hat Gang took the victory with B-Rod and Nikeboy in a photo finish
for the final podium spot. B-Rod proclaimed it a moral victory.
Average speed was 19.1 mph.
The peloton is asking the commissioner
to immediately open an inquiry into the performance enhancing
substance delivery abilities of bright orange Specialized S-Works
helmets. We already have to deal with Mad Dog’s 250 training miles
per week and his infamous espresso doping regimen, to which he has
now drawn the heretofore innocent Wildman. Now spiffy helmets too?
It should also be mentioned that in celebration of Cover Girl/Styker
Guy's 60th Birthday, he bought the koffee! Is this a great country or what?!? Sharkman was there and was only sorry he got there early and had to play for his own koffee!
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| Styker Guy 60 years old? Oh, the humanity! And he bought koffee (File Photo) |
Thanks Nikeboy! Where have you been? You should have been writing these long ago! The hell with the Editors!
You won't want to miss this weeks edition and don't forget, it is Memorial Day Weekend so get out your RED, WHITE AND BLUE KIT!
Launch Time - 8:00 a.m. - SHARP!
Sharkman plans to be there for coffee!
BE THERE!
BANJOVI LIVE THIS FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE KLUTCH!
Belo News
May 26, 2016
Galesburg, Mi. - Have you ever heard ukulele infused blue grass? Wondering what it is?
Have you ever heard Elton Grass? Uh, have you Minion Nation?
Ever heard Bon Jovi played by Banjovi! Well here is your chance, Bunkie!
That's right! The night the Nation has been waiting for is finally upon us! Yes, the famous Minion Band, Banjovi, will be performing live at the Koffee Klutch this Friday night, May 26, 2016 from 6:30-8:30 p.m.! We want to show Andrew how the mighty Minion Nation turns out for their own so come on down and have dinner, coffee, lemonade, whatever! Stay for a few songs, stay for them all! Though Banjovi has done some Open Mic's and charity events, this will be their debut as the main act so you will want to be there to see music history in the making! Heck, just writing this makes me want to be there and I will! Oh, the humanity!
Sharkman say's BE THERE! Your Nation counts on you!
Riders
joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with
bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider
involved.
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