DID THE NATION SURVIVE WITHOUT THEIR LEADER?

MAD DOG DOPING?!

Our Guest Columnist, Skittles, with
his daughter Madison.
(File Photo).

OH, THE HUMANITY?!

BIKE MECHANICS CAN TYPE?!

Belo News

May 7, 2016

Skittles

This comes to you from Skittles, who seems to be a very impressive columnist! Thanks Skittles!

So listen up!

Marshal, Mi. - The editors of Belo News would like to remind the Nation of group riding etiquette.

The Nation cross roads as a group or we don't cross at all! If it takes half an hour to get a gap large enough for 20 riders to cross, then it takes half and hour! LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING! Do not cross the road just because the riders around you are crossing. LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING! We are adults, not lemmings. This stems from several close calls on the M89 crossing. We are all friends and we don't to see friends get hurt....or worse!

Nuff said!

Now, the story,

Belo News

May 7, 2016

Galesburg, Mi. - Our intrepid hero pulled up in the crisp, clean air. He changed clothes in the back of his van (you have all been warned about peeking unless you'd like to feel inadequate). Nikeboy, (Easy, Breezy, Beautiful) Cover Girl, Squeaky, Third Degree, Charles the Elder, were all in attendance with Mad Dog astride one nice looking Orbea.

Gazelle Girl and The Other Guy rolled up to the usual shouts of “GAZELLE GIRL!” Bringing the group 19 riders.

The rolling went smoothly in the oddly, cool for May, weather.

Kid Doster was observed waiting at a driveway, bringing the group up to an even 20 riders.

The peloton rolled on sedately with Skittles pulling for no apparent reason until the Col de Twin Lakes, where Mad Dog got away on a tremendous move up the hill. A chase group emerged containing Skittles and a Custer Rider (Bluto?), but were ultimately foiled by Mad Dogs brilliantly timed move.

Then it happened again up to the M89 Stop Ahead! Mad Dog goes on a monster, 28 mph pull, dropping the entire group save Skittles. Your humble author remarking, once the group made it up, that it looked as though he's been riding rarely seen tubular tires. To which Mad dog replied that they were and they add 5 mph.....OK, OK, 2mph, he corrected himself.

Henceforth, this shall be known as the “Rubber Doping” incident. 

It was Skittles turn to make a brilliant move!

The floodgates opened up on the col de Norte with Skittles punching through the air at maximum wattage to take the win. There really is nothing like a full blast uphill sprint in the drops! (Wait? What? Sharkman's note).

Later, a break away formed with three men searching desperately for the GGG Spot, denying Gazelle Girl her ceremonial win! (Wait? What? You mean Gazelle Girl hasn't been winning that on her own? Wait a minute........Sharkman's note).

These riders will not be ashamed, and should be shunned—Amish Style, for this insult to the longstanding Minion tradition!

The Minions began bearing down on the finish. Speeds increasing. Peloton stretched out. A group formed with Bluto, Mad Dog, and Skittles pulling hard. Third Degree, showing off his ever improving form, gave chase and eventually caught the group. Mad Dog moved over following his pull and Third Degree put in one monster pull, shedding Bluto, with Skittles biding his time. At just the perfect moment, Skittles exploded out of the saddle and sprinted harder and longer (the author warned you about the van) than even he thought possible to take the win over a hard charging Mad Dog!

The crowds on the Champs le Galesburg were raucous and huge. Crowd size scientifically estimated to be in excess of 2 if you count the old man mowing his lawn, facing away from the group. Your humble author was forced to skip the Klutch, oh the yous of being a grown up with responsibilities.......

Thanks Skittles! Great write up!

This Saturday, May 14, 2016

Launch Time – 8:30 A.M. - SHARP!

BE THERE!

Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.