Gazelle Girl makes the start two weeks in a row!

MIGHTY MINION NATION CONTINUES TO GROW!

GAZELLE GIRL REACHES ECSTASY AT GGG SPOT SPRINT!

MINIONS DO THE NATION PROUD AT WAM!

UNDERWEAR IN THE PELOTON! WAIT, WHAT?

“IMPERSONATE BISSELL BOY DAY” THIS SATURDAY ON SOUTH ROUTE!

Belo News

July 26, 2014

Riders in shock as Gazelle Girl
makes the start two weeks in a row!

Shark Cove, Mi. - It was another wild day in the peloton this past weekend as another 35 plus riders hit the KK-TdG field of dreams on a picture perfect morning!

As dawn broke over the Shark Cove, we find our intrepid hero, the Sharkman making his way to the Shark Coffee maker preparing his morning brew. Sharkman has come to love these cool Saturday mornings and the great streak of weather the Nation has experienced this past summer.

As he mulled over whether to wear arm warmers or not, stepping into the drive, he saw Nikeboy riding towards him in his usual well coordinated Liquigas Pro Team Kit. This man always looks good!

B-Rod sans tube hose.......

Mad Dog jumped on shortly after the two hit the road and they headed over to the start.

As they approached the Eaton Plant that signals their heading down into Galesburg, they noticed a lone rider in Bissell Kit riding towards them. It was none other than Bissell Boy, getting a few extra miles in on his Pinerallo Time Trail bike. It has been learned that in a moment of weakness, Bissell Boy has agreed to do a triathlon with his daughter later this year and needs to get those extra miles in!

Riders started pouring into the start for what looked like another big turn out for the Nation.

Some virgin Minions and returning Minions were in attendance, some who've received a name and others who have not. Virgin Minion Todd had returned and Sharkman promptly named him Wolfman. Another Minion, who stated he hadn't ridden in the Nation for a while, was also back whose name is Joe, but has not been named. Another CMS/Stryker rider by the name of Ray was back as well as Craig. Welcome Minions one and all! Hope we didn't miss anyone!

Hoosier Boy get's ready to rock!

Virgin Minion Dave Millar (no, not the pro) also joined on and was quickly named Catfish by Gazelle Girl for his unique helmet buckles! Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation Catfish!

The Gull Lake contingent started rolling in led by Tow Truck on his very nice “Ritchey” cross bike. Belo News had reported Tow Truck was riding a new “LeMond” a couple of issues ago and wants to set the record straight, so a photo of this sweet ride has been included in this story and of course, Tow Truck gets his photo in Belo News. Very clever Tow Truck.

Is this a great country or what?!?

Nikeboy "styling" in his
Liquigas Kit!

As the Nation was lining up for photo's and autographs at the start, to every one's surprise, Gazelle Girl came rolling in! Immediately a shout of “Gazelle Girl” went up around the school yard as everyone was excited to see the “Sweetheart of the Peloton” get up early enough to make it to the start. After pulling up and posing for the obligatory photo, Gazelle Girl was quoted as stating she finally had an opportunity to wear her Bissell kit for Pro Jersey Day and wanted to show it off in the start photo!

As the Nation rolled out, heading into the thriving metropolis of Galesburg, the nation was 28 mighty Minions strong!

Getting stopped by the light in downtown Galesburg, allowed for the Nation to wave to all their fans in the Klutch as well as Andrew who was counting the riders.

As the Nation headed north, Sharkman was moving up behind Bissell Boy when his rear tire blew like a July 4^th fireworks show. B-Rod and Sharkman were right behind the legendary rider when it blew and they both ducked as though someone fired a shotgun at them!

The nation pulled over while B-Rod and Bissell Boy worked on the wheel.

As the Nation started back up, and B-Rod and then Polar Bear led our hero, the Sharkman, out to the first sprint, it seemed like more riders were on.

Virgin Minion Ray!

At the G Ave. crossing, Sharkman counted 34 riders. Where had they all come from? Skipper was now on and stated he'd lead the B group. Kristina was back and had a new name due to her ventilated riding shorts. Mighty Monk quickly named her “Half Moon.” Ranger Rick, Kid Roster, Luke Skywalker.....more and more riders kept jumping on and the count was tough to make and Sharkman started worrying about safety again.

As the Nation headed up the col de Twin Lakes and on past Rt. 89, the peloton seemed very well behaved and communicative.

Bissell Boy started losing air in his newly changed tire, so Skipper stated he would take the cut off and get him home and met the peleton at the Rt. 43 sprint.

As is the norm, the speed picked up in the Kountry Klub section and on to the Rt. 43 sprint where Skipper joined back on for the assault on the col de Norte.

Virgin Minion Dave, now Catfish!

As the Nation moved to the base of the climb, Sharkman noticed a major increase in the number of riders in the peloton.

Believing there were now close to 40 riders in the Nation, it seemed that there were closer to 50 riders as the Nation spread out on the col de Norte. At the summit, Sharkman began to yell at some of the rides who were not waiting only to learn they had come up on another group of riders, somewhere between 7-10 riders and the wayward cyclists were not part of the group!

Sharkman was quoted as stating, “So I get to yell at two different groups of riders? Is this a great country or what?!?”

As the Nation headed through the Holy Rollers, the other group of riders stayed with and spectators when wild as the mass of cycling moved by like a runaway train! It was estimated that there were 50 riders in the peloton during this section of the ride that stayed fairly tight all the way through to the feed zone at Frona's!

As the additional group of riders went past Frona's, one of them was heard to stay, “I've

Squeaky was back in the mix!

never ridden with so many riders in a group before!” Sharkman was concerned a Kalamazoo County Sheriff's Deputy was going to pull him over and ask if he had a parade permit!

As the Nation closed in on the Inlet Sprint, and Tow Truck and his wingman, Luke Skywalker (Hey, when did he jump on!) the second flat of the day took place when Kid Doster shouted out “Mechanica!” and the Nation gathered up to wait for him to change the tube.

As the Nation formed up for the controversial GGG Spot Sprint, all wondered if Gazelle Girl, who was riding in her last KK-TdG for the next 6 weeks as she is having surgery this week, was going to make her move on the sprint.

The Nation formed up into a very nice pace line as they headed towards Gazelle Girls signature sprint. After all, well known Minion, Ironman, was quoted as staying, “Most women only have one G Spot. Gazelle Girl has three of them.....and EVERYBODY knows where they are!”

Joe was back in the mix as well!

As everyone started imagining the sound of a match being lit, followed by a long inhale and then an exhale....

Ahhhhhhh, FINALLY!

As Gazelle Girl shared at the post ride Press Conference, and we quote, “They let me take care of myself.....with a little help from THE ROD for positioning! My experience was definitely heightened by those hot pink hose pumping up and down. This truly is a great country!”

With the entire Nation feeling good that Gazelle Girl had finally been satisfied, the happy train headed to the final sprint.

Sharkman quickly went to the front, but was soon overtaken by both Hossman and Tow Truck. Yes, you read that right! Both Hossman and Tow Truck at the same time! Oh, the humanity!

The speed kept increasing and the average pace was already over 20 mph!

Thanks to Hossman and Tow Truck, the peloton got stretched out and as the Nation crested the final summit before the finish, it was a free for all down to the last moment.

Tow Truck on his "RITCHEY!"

One of the CMS/Stryker riders named John edged out B-Rod for the top spot on the podium.

With the number of riders, it is getting more difficult to identify the top three spots on the final sprint!

Finishing pace, a season high 20.4 mph! And that was with two flat tires! Oh, the humanity!

The crowds went wild on the Champ le Galesburg as the riders rode to the Klutch, where Sharkman fought with Easty to buy Gazelle Girl her koffee. Sharkman won, but in honor of Gazelle Girls sprint victory and the fact that she would be out for the next 6 weeks, Easty bought koffee for EVERYONE! Whoa, what

The Nation enjoys koffee on Easty! 

was Sharkman thinking?!?

There were several toasts and salutes to the “Sweetheart of the Peloton” and the large crowd stuck around for a while and it was good that they did. It was learned during the Post Ride Press Conference that Dreamboat had revealed that he was wearing underwear under his riding shorts!

Wait, ….what?

Yep, an in depth investigation was conducted that revealed Dreamboat was unaware that you don't wear underwear under your cycling outerwear! When asked for comment, he stated that he had not been told this procedure by his mentor, legendary Minion, the Pirate, and was blaming the entire incident on him for his lack of direction on this issue.

Brewman gives post race interview.

In other words, Dreamboat, and any other new riders out there,,,,”there is nothing between any of us and the world but a thin layer of Lycra!”

The Pirate could not be reached for comment but we can all sort of guess what he'd say.....

Meanwhile, Half Moon was explaining her new nick name while Dreamboat and Mad Dog demonstrated the proper drinking technique for expresso or whatever that stuff is in the little koffee cups while Mighty Monk photo bombed their photo.

In other words, the Klutch was rocking!

Kristina learns her name is Half Moon........
also that Dreamboat has underwear on.....

So you won't want to miss this week's edition which will head south due to the Sherminator this weekend!

It will also be “Bisssell Boy Impersonator Day!”

That's right, Bunkie, break out the Bissell Gear and impersonate one of our legends of the Peloton, Bissell Boy, who get's the Nation all those great deals on Bissell gear! This is your big chance to wear that gear AND look like Bissell Boy.

Actually, other than being short, bald, old, heavier and somewhat funny looking, have you noticed that Sharkman looks just like Bissell Boy?

Dreamboat, with underwear......

How to drink expresso.....uh?

Saturday, August 2, 2014 (Can it be August already?!)

Mighty Monk photo bombs Gazelle Girl with
Dreamboat and Mad Dog....

Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!

Southern Route!

Be there!

MINONS DO THE NATION PROUD AT WAM!

Belo News

July 28, 2014

Fly Boy, Great Dane & Wildman!

Speedway, Mi. - Two teams from the Minion Nation took part in the Make a Wish Ride this past weekend. Team Taylor and the Eaton Road Warrior Team both had stellar performances both in riding AND in raising major funds for this important charity!

Belo News was there with two Minion Reports, one with The Eaton Road Warrior Team and one with Team Taylor. BN also has a comment by Iceman hizzelf!

Their stories are below in order of when Belo New received them.

Sharkman,

B-Rod shows up to sign autographs!

Wildman, your faithful Minion, reporting from this weekend's WAM tour!! No fancy write ups, because this Minion is EXHAUSTED from riding 300 miles for the Eaton Road Warriors! Fellow Minions and Team Eaton riders Flyboy and Great Dane, pictured below with Wildman, endured the cold morning of day one. Wildman met up with none other than B-Rod on day three, as he had just completed the 50-miler, and was waiting on Mrs. B-Rod to come in from the day's 100-mile stage three! Other Minions were spotted, but not captured on camera, such as Cheese, Kia Pet, Iceman, and too many Team Taylor riders to count! Man are they awesome!

The best part: riders and volunteers from across Michigan raised over $2 million to help sick kids and their families endure some tough times by easing their burdens for a little while. Is this a great country or what?????!!!!

Wildman encourages the Minion Nation to join either teams, Eaton or Taylor for this heartwarming weekend next year.

Have a great week, Sharkman, and I look forward to returning to the nation next weekend!

P.S. I heard you had a wild ride this Saturday??!! (Oh, yes we did Wildman!)

Team Taylor finishers!

Sharkman,

We had a great ride at Make-A-Wish WAM2014. Team Taylor rode from Traverse City to Michigan International Speedway covering just over 300 miles.

Day 1 - Traverse City to Big Rapids 98 miles (I rode an extra 2 to round it off at an even 100). We had a pretty good pace going this day 19.1 mph even with 3800 ft of climbing. You knew there were going to be hills when you enter the course and immediately have a climb to start the day (Oh the Humanity) and you finished the day with one of the biggest climbs at the 90 mile mark. Oh, there was a Cat 4 climb somewhere in the middle as well. First beverage handed to me at camp was a cold IPA - is this a Great Country or What!! Plenty of beers and burgers in downtown BR to finish the day.

Day 2 - Big Rapids to Dewitt 109 miles. The Team Taylor train started moving at an easy pace in the morning. We fortunately barely missed getting rained on, but it made the roads very wet for the first 15-20 miles. My feet were soaked within the first 5 miles. We decided to pick up the pace and not stop until the lunch break, about mile 48. After enjoying lunch and letting our shoes and socks dry a little bit in the sun, we hit the 2nd half pretty hard. We stopped at the 70 mile rest station for some nutrition and a quick relief of fluids. This is when the pace really increased, at times Iceman was pulling at 25-26 mph. We slowed down the last 7-8 miles only averaging 18-18.5 mph, when I stopped the Garmin as we rolled into Dewitt High School our average for the 109 miles was 20.1 mph. Pizza and beer was delivered shortly after - God Bless America!!!

Day 3 - Dewitt to Michigan International Speedway - 93 miles. This was a pretty relaxed day of riding, if you can call 93 miles relaxing. I think everyone rode with different groups all day or at least I did. I seemed to miss the train in the morning and rode the 12 miles solo, pushing to catch a group at the first rest stop. The rest of the day was spent hopping from group to group. Stopped at a lot more of the rest stops today, just had to make it inside the gates at MIS by1:30pm so all 90 or so members of Team Taylor could ride onto the track together.

The Mighty Team Taylor!

Finally after 3 days and 300 miles of riding, it really hit home why we were putting ourselves through a bit of torture, it was for the KIDS! As we made our way around turn 4, the crowd cheered. Many friends and family cheering us on as we crossed the finish line. Many Wish Kids and their families there to cheer us on. Our Wish Kids - Sam, Christopher, and Michelle were there to place our medals around our necks and of course Taylor was there in our hearts.

All and All a great experience and can't wait until next year.

Saw another Minion on the ride "Wildman" should have taken a picture with him.

Pictured from left to right is Nickhead, Dan G (non minion), Cheese, Iceman, Kia Pet, Chains.

And from Iceman hizzelf;

Colby, great writeup for sharkie. All I would add as commentary is that it is weird to have lunch at 9:00am each day. But that's when we rolled in for "lunch". You remember that don't ya sharkman? Here's to no Board of Directors Meeting next year and you re-joining us for the amazing Wish a mile 300 next year.

See you in 2 weeks at the KK-TdG!

Iceman

BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED, SPOUSES/SIGNIFICANT OTHERS INVITED!

AUGUST 16, 2014!

Belo News

July 24, 2014,

Gull Lake, Mi. - It is that time of year again! Time for the Bloody 'Ell 'Undred! Oh, the humanity!

Gazelle Girl and Zickman are getting things ready to host the Nation on the Third Annual Bloody 'Ell and you can be a part of this classic event. The ride starts at the Zick Estate with bloody Mary's and then the riders head up to Hastings to have lunch and perhaps a beer or two, at the Waldorf, before heading back to the Zick Estate!

Check out the attached invitation, as riders can have their spouses or significant others to join them post ride at the Zick Estate and who doesn't want to see the Zick Estate!

It can't get better than this ride!

So mark your calendars and let Gazelle Girl know your coming, Bunkie!

Gazelle Girl can be contacted at joan.o@comcast.net

Well, what are you waiting for?

Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.

SAFETY FIRST! THE COMMISSIONER SPEAKS!

The Sharkman

Belo News
July 19, 2014


Shark Cove, Mi. - The Editors of Belo News interrupt this regularly scheduled edition of your source for all you cycling information to bring you this special and important message from the Commissioner of Cycling hizzelf;


“As the Minion Nation is aware, we have experienced major growth in riders the past couple of season and with it, the concerns about road safety. The number or riders and the safety issues are intrinsically linked and I would like to take a moment to discuss some of these very important concerns so that we can continue to keep our very unique ride a safe one;

1. Earlier this season we shared a letter from a rider in the Kalamazoo Bike Club about mass groups becoming a nuisance for local drivers, particularly when riders cross over the center, or yellow line. On two occasions we have had a Minion report that someone mentioned to them that while driving over a hill they were unexpectedly faced by riders spread across the road coming right at them. This is not only dangerous for the riders and drivers, but may also cause drivers to complain about the issue to authorities. The drivers around Gull Lake have been very tolerant of our riding around the lake and we do not want to wear out our welcome. I am again asking that riders DO NOT CROSS THE CENTER/YELLOW LINE OF THE ROAD. Additionally, riders SHOULD NOT CIRCLE IN INTERSECTIONS!
   
   This is reiterated here at the Michigan Bike Racing Association site: http://www.mbra.org/ to show it is an ongoing problem with large bike groups. This is exasperated with the large number of riders which makes it difficult to move up in the peloton. However, the Nation is put at risk when riders try to pass outside the center line and/or circle in intersections and we again ask that riders refrain from passing over the center line for any reason.
   

2. We have had a number of new Minions of late and it is always great to have new riders join the group. However, with all the new riders there can be a learning curve with how the group dynamics work and it is very important that if you invite a rider, you are sure of their ability to ride in the group and that they are your responsibility as their host. Any new rider should be aware of the speed of the Nation. That is not to mean too fast, but rather that we wait for Minions but at the same time, the Nation is not a tour ride. Averaging 20 mph is a bit misleading as the ride sometimes is at 16 mph and at other times 30+ mph. So we ask that you limit the number of people you invite on the ride and ask yourself if the person you are inviting wants to accept the culture of the ride.
   By this we mean if the person is a Cat 2 racer, we are probably not the type of ride they want to be part of. Conversely, if a person believes 18 mph is a fast ride, they need to know that they will slow the group down. At the end of the day, we do not want the success of this ride to be it's downfall and once the numbers begin to reach 35-40 riders on a regular basis we may need to begin to consider breaking the riders into different groups to avoid being a road hazard to drivers.

We want to make sure this is always a safe and enjoyable ride first, then the sprinting and racing follows. So let's be careful out there as we continue the culture and the nature of the mighty Minion Nation!



BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED JERSEY'S ROCK!

Bloody 'Ell 'Undred Jersey Day!

WOMAN RULE THE GGG SPOT SPRINT!

RECORD BREAKING ATTENDANCE!

PRO JERSEY DAY THIS SATURDAY!

STRYKER GUY REPORTS IN FROM THE TOUR de FRANCE!

Belo News
July 19, 2014


Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke over the Shark Cove, we find our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, working his way quietly into the Shark Kitchen to start the Shark Koffee maker.....

The Sharklets were all sound asleep in the basement and he did not want to wake anyone before leaving for his beloved KK-TdG ride with his beloved Minion Nation.

Mad Dog & Iceman "making a deal." Investigation
launched by Commissioner!

As he was in Shark Cove Garage getting his steed ready for the ride, he heard a noise and there, at the back door, were two of his Sharklet's staring through the window. After Sharkman said “Good morning!” his young sharklet grandson asked, “where are you going Grandpa Shark?” to which he answered, “to the field of dreams the Minion Nation calls, the Koffee Klutch Tour de Gull!” The young sharklet looked at him and said, “uh?”

So, after waking up Lava Girl to get breakfast for the sharklet's, our hero started from the Cove only to be stopped by Rainman so that he could take Rainman's check for his jersey to Gazelle Girl on this beautiful morning.

Team Taylor Riders with Kia Pet NOT in the
bathroom for the photo.

Sharkman linked up with Mad Dog, who seemed content about the fact that Gazelle Girl had won the attendance award the previous week and all the pressure was off of him now and he could enjoy the rest of the season.

As the two riders approached the start, they wondered what color compression socks B-Rod would be sporting this week only to see him in black hose this week. Boring but effective.....

Within moments of arrival, riders started pouring in and many of them were wearing the designated Bloody 'Ell 'Undred Jersey and looking mighty fine! As the Minion Nation always decree's, “if you can't be good, look good!” and the Nation was looking good.

Even Squeaky, the Style Guy was back after a long hiatus from the ride, sans BEU Jersey.

Squeaky in his pre-ride stretch to
get the kinks out.....what ever.....

To every one's surprise, Gazelle Girl showed up, wanting to be a part of the obligatory Start Photo!

In addition, there were several Virgin Minions and new Minions in the mix. Skittles had messaged our hero the night before stating that “Summer” would be joining us and he instantly named her “Blonde Bullet!” The Nation loves when they come with a nick name! Welcome Blond Bullet!

Virgin Minion the Blonde Bullet!

Other Virgin Minions were Kevin who is also on Team Taylor, Kristina and Todd who mentioned to the Sharkman that he had gone to school with his daughters! Oh, the humanity! How old is our OLD intrepid hero, anyway? Welcome to Kevin, Kristina and Todd!

As the greetings were going on, Team Taylor pulled in with Iceman, Kia Pet and Chains and immediately, Iceman seemed to be involved with Mad Dog with some bike parts. It almost looked like a drug deal going down, but an in-depth investigation by Belo News has learned they were trading in illegal bike parts and full investigation will be launched by the Commissioner of Cycling.

As Minions lined up for the photo, other Minions continued to ride in with BEU jersey's and wanting to get in the photo, including the legendary Zickman, who actually hosts the BEU at the Zick Estate on the shores of the lovely Gull Lake!

Virgin Minion Kristina!

Zickman rode in with his entourage of the Skipper, Tow Truck, etc.

After the photo was finally taken, 34 Minions were counted as the Skipper led the train out of the station and on to the field of dreams every Minion calls the Koffee Klutch Tour de Gull.

The early morning group was at the Klutch, along with Andrew, to cheer the Nation on as they past by the Klutch and on to 36^th Street, which is still under construction, where they were met by Ironman, who finally got a shout out of “Other Guy!”

Skipper, then B-Rod and finally Mad Dog, led our hero out to the first sprint, where the official count of 35 was registered for the ride. This is a season, but not a total record in that the Nation has had a ride count of 40 but that was on a 4^th weekend a couple of years ago. So this was the largest ride in quite some time.

Virgin Minion Todd, went to school
with the Sharkman's daughters!

This may also have been the largest number of jersey's for a single ride. As can be noted in the photo, a lot of Minions seemed to like donning the BEU Jersey! Ranger Rick stated that he had forgotten and by stating that, gets his name in Belo News........how did he do that?

As the Nation got into the normal “fast section” from the Yorkville Church to the Rt. 43 sprint, the Nation picked up speed yet seemed to stay intact. It was in this section that some riders got a bit “frisky” and started to go over the center line to pass the mass of riders on the road while Sharkman shouted out to them to get back inside the lines.

The Nation continued on through the col de Norte and the Holy Roller stopping only at the feed zone known as Frona's, where everyone caught back on.

After the Nation crossed the Digital Divide, the speed again picked up and an informal pace line formed up. Again, the Nation seemed to want to get their “Sweetheart of the Peloton” in a “comfortable position” for the thrust to the GGG Spot Sprint.

The "other" Jesse.  Cheetah II?

What are the chances that Gazelle Girl would wind up perfectly lined up to take her beloved GGG Spot Sprint two weeks in a row? Yet, it happened again. Gazelle Girl was in perfect position for the big finish tucked behind lead rider, Joe (who still need a name). But again, much to her chagrin, she was offered a lead out by well meaning Minions intending to take her to a place where she already was. (Sometimes men just aren't willing to let a girl take care of her G Spot herself, are they?) At least in this instance a lady came to the rescue in solidarity. New Minion, Angela, now known as “Hey You” took the GGG Spot Sprint leaving the well intentioned men clearly unsatisfied.

Oh, the humanity!

Zickman in his BEU jersey!

As everyone relaxed and lit up their cigarettes at the stop sign Gazelle Girl was heard to mutter, "Next time, just let me finish off myself, okay?"

After a deep breath, the Nation headed south for the final assault on the finish. The pace with the large peloton was up around 20 mph at this point and everyone seemed ready to contest 

Angela, aka "Hey You!"

for the glory of the final sprint.

Hossman, again throwing himself on his sword, went to the front and put on a humongous pull, digging deep into his suitcase of courage and while riding on the rivets. (Yes, the Editors of Belo News have been watching Phil and Paul at the Tour de France).

B-Rod was marking Iceman to make sure he could cover any move, but Iceman was boxed in and to his credit, was holding his line and not making a move until he was sure it was clear.

Riders started breaking loose at the top of the final ascent as the road swung around to the finish. At this point Joe (no name yet) was leading a group out when Iceman asked Tow Truck if he wanted a lead out and without saying a word they broke away to chase down the leaders.

But they came up just short as Joe took the final sprint and Iceman and Tow Truck came in 4^th and 5^th. No one seemed to know who finished 2d or 3^rd!

Hey You and Andrew with her
Belguim Waffle! Oh, the
Humanity!

The crowds on the champs le Galesburg went wild as confusion over who finished second and third reigned! The tofosi and the paparazzi clamored around the riders as they pulled into the Klutch.

Sharkman again, won the sprint to be first in line for Koffee and Andrew was ready with the joe!

The line reached out of the side door as the thirsty Nation cued up to buy.

Hey You ordered up a humongous Belgium Waffle to celebrate her sisterhood with Gazelle Girl at the GGG Spot Sprint! Is this a great country or what?!?

The Klutch was rocking with all the riders as Gazelle Girl continued to take orders on the Minion Jersey's.


As our hero left the Klutch for the ride home, Sasquatch reported that a bird had pooped on his bike computer! What the hey!

You won't want to miss this week's edition of the KK-TdG!

This Saturday, Pro Jersey Day! That's right, pull out your favorite pro jersey and wear it to the ride!

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!

Be there!


STYKER GUY CHECKS IN FROM THE TOUR de FRANCE!

Stryker Guy and New York Guy at the top of Hautacam!

Belo News
July 21, 2014


Pla d'Adet, France – As some Minions may be aware, the legendary Minion, Stryker Guy is in France for the Tour as well as riding some of the mountain stages before the actual stage takes place. Showing no side effects from his recent bout with 5 broken ribs, he and New York Guy (an occassional Celebrity Rider in the

New York Guy & Stryker guy at the
top of Aubisque!

Nation) have been riding some legendary climbs like the Tourmalet, the Aubisque and Hautacam! In his usual low key manner, Stryker Guy was quoted as saying, “Hard to believe but I didn't drive to the top of this thing!” and “Watched Stage 17 today on the Pla d'Adet and they were going slightly faster than me!” He described the famous Tourmalet as “
quote, “A pretty good climb!”


Oh, the humanity!

Stryker Guy on top of the Tourmalet!

The Nation awaits his triumphant return to the peloton and can only hope he doesn't crush them on the col de Twin Lakes and the col de Norte!


Safe travels Stryker Guy!







BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED, SPOUSES/SIGNIFICANT OTHERS INVITED FOR POST RIDE FUN!


AUGUST 16, 2014!

                           

Belo News
July 24, 2014,


Gull Lake, Mi. - It is that time of year again! Time for the Bloody 'Ell 'Undred! Oh, the humanity!

Gazelle Girl and Zickman are getting things ready to host the Nation on the Third Annual Bloody 'Ell and you can be a part of this classic event. The ride starts at the Zick Estate with bloody Mary's and then the riders head up to Hastings to have lunch and perhaps a beer or two, at the Waldorf, before heading back to the Zick Estate!

Check out the attached invitation, as riders can have their spouses or significant others to join them post ride at the Zick Estate and who doesn't want to see the Zick Estate!

It can't get better than this ride!

So mark your calendars and let Gazelle Girl know your coming, Bunkie!

Gazelle Girl can be contacted at joan.o@comcast.net

Well, what are you waiting for?







Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.

The Nation ready to rock!

“OTHER GUY” TAKES THE TAPE!


GAZELLE GIRL DENIED THE GGG SPOT.....AGAIN!


SHARKLETS RAMPAGE THROUGH THE KLUTCH!


SKUNK MAN?


ATTENDANCE APPEAL DROPPED?!?


BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED JERSEY DAY THIS SATURDAY!




Belo News
July 12, 2014

BN has confirmed that they also
come in men's colors!

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman was pulling himself out of bed thinking of the ride ahead. The Sharkman's sharklet's had been at the Cove for the week and our hero was excited to have both his son in laws in Michigan for the visit and planned to have both as Celebrity Riders at the KK-TdG.

Things did not go as planned however........

Bissell Boy had even lent a bike to the Great Moultini to ride (A very nice carbon fiber Kestrel).......but it was not to be........

The Great Moultini (Executive Editor at Outside Magazine and Editor of the Outside Buyers Guide) had to go to New York to do a segment on the “Today Show” on gear.  However, he had planned to return on Friday evening to do the ride on Saturday. Outside Magazine had other ideas and “shopped” the “Gear Guy” around to the other media outlet's and the CBS Weekend Show decided to take the Great Moultini. This not only meant that the Great Moultini would not get back to the Shark Cove until Saturday night, but they also wanted him to

Sharkman and son in law, MK. Sharkman in
his Facebook Jersey courtesy of MK!

speak on an article that had appeared in the magazine on skunks!

Skunks? When did Sharkman's son in law become an expert on Skunks?

The Great Moultini really was not an expert, but he quickly had to become an expert on the white striped pests who are plaguing the Midwest!

Not only that, but the Great Moultini had to suffer the indignity of the comments he was receiving from the Sharkman, as well as his brother in law, MK, and most of his friends, about now being known as the “Skunk Man!”

So it was Sharkman, along with his other son in law, MK, (riding Tardette's very sweet ride; a carbon fiber Project One Trek – Thank You Tardette!) who launched from the Cove with Rainman joining on as they crossed the road near his driveway. Sharkman was sporting a pretty fine “Facebook” jersey, complements of MK who does public relation for the

Sharkman could not look away from
those socks as B-Rod leads
our hero out!

popular media site. Nothing like free swag for our intrepid hero the Sharkman AND MK's father in law! Is this a great country or what?!?

MK hammered all the way over which was reminiscent of his “hammering” the old Shark all week on the roads.

Mad Dog was conspicuous by his absence on this fine morning. The previous evening he had texted our hero stating “If I make it, I'll be at the Cove at 7 a.m. – SHARP! But don't plan on me. After tomorrows ride Gazelle Girl can claim she won without any protest from me!”

Appeal dropped! (And it didn't cost anyone any koffee!)

As Sharkman, MK and Rainman got to the start, it was beginning to look like the attendance might be a bit low after the huge turnout the previous week.

(It was later learned that Dr. Dave had driven all the way over to the start only to realize he had left his helmet at home and had to go back only to join on later, before the first sprint.)

Sharkman spent the week riding
with his daughters Nicole & Colleen!

The riders saw the Pirate standing in the parking lot, seemingly mesmerized, by the site of B-Rod removing his bike from his truck. The object of his mesmerization was indeed, a sight to behold!

B-Rod was unloading his steed and hitching up a pair of neon yellow compression socks that were the talk of the Nation! Stating that he was very secure in his manhood, B-Rod said everyone would be wearing a pair of these baby's once they appeared in the Belo News. After seeing his neon red compression socks the week before, the only question the Editors of Belo News have is “Do they make these sock's in men's colors?” Oh, the humanity!

Sasquatch rode in on his Bianchi moments later, the bike's classic “celeste blue” seeming to “clash”
with B-Rod's trendy socks.....

Moments later, Polar Bear came squealing in, in his Subaru and thankfully, timed his precision turn perfectly so as not to hit the guy in the neon compression socks as well as the other Minions waiting at the start! Maybe there is something to this neon thing?!?

More Mininons began to pour in, albeit a bit slower than normal. Ranger Rick drove in and was unloading his car as was Hossman who was not in the Mustang this week. With just a few minutes before launch, the Gull Lake contingent started to arrive with Bissell Boy, the Skipper, Chico, Zickman and the long lost Tow Truck who was riding his old Lemond. Tow Truck stated he had sent his carbon fiber Trek out to California for repair and was awaiting delivery! Good to have Tow Truck back in the mix.

Sharkman also took the sharklets fishing!
Is this a great country or what?!?

The Skipper ordered all to saddle up and with the lovely sound of pedals “clicking in” the Nation was on the road!

The light stopped the Nation in down town Galesburg, which gave the early morning koffee group time to do the count for Andrew.

As the Nation headed north on 36^th, the Nation gave Gazelle Girl her shout out,, much to the chagrin of some other guy.....

Sharkman, like most of the Nation, was completely mesmerized by B-Rods fashion statement. He was quoted as saying, “They're so repulsive, yet I can't look away!” 

 Our hero was glued to B-Rod's wheel, staring at the socks with MK also pulling him to the first sprint.


Later, Boatman and Dr. Dave jumped on and then, as the Nation approached the sprint before the Col de Twin Lakes, where Zickman snuck up to take the sprint, the peloton spotted a familiar rider.......could it be? Could it possibly be? Yes, it was the long lost Falcon who was back and was jumping on!

His attempt to “blend in quietly” was thwarted as Sharkman shouted out a welcome!

There were now 20 riders as the Nation went through the col de Twin Lakes.

The Great Moultini doing a solo
Minion Ride in Central Park, NY!

As the Nation crossed Rt. 89, MK took the lead with the Sharkman on his wheel. The peloton quickly responded and as they passed the Yorkville Church, the speed continued to pick up pace and the tightly packed train began to derail and come apart.

However, at the Rt. 43 Stop Sign, the Nation came back together and proceeded up the col de Norte where everyone was on and the train skipped the station and went on to the Holy Rollers and to the feed station at Frona's.

Some riders had to drop off to head home before the Digital Divide, were the Nation formed up again to but together a very nice pace line, …..well by Minion standards anyway....that reached 27 mph at points.

As the Nation moved towards the GGG Spot, all wondered if Gazelle Girl was planning to have a go at the sprint named after her. As luck would have it MK made it to the front of the fast moving train as it snaked towards the finish with Gazelle Girl in perfect position to make that final and famous thrust to the stop ahead sign! Belo News reached out to Gazelle Girl to tell “the rest of the story....”

"With MK pulling off the front and Gazelle Girl next in line so very close to the GGG Spot, she figured 'Heck Yeah!' I'll just take my turn at the front and lead everyone right up to the Stop Ahead sign with no problem. After all, Gazelle Girl was RIGHT where she needed to be to take her beloved bit of sprint satisfaction, right? Au contraire! Suddenly a half dozen Minions began to overtake the Sweetheart of the Peloton shouting encouraging words of 'Jump on, Gazelle Girl!' 'Grab my wheel, Gazelle Girl!' 'C'mon, Gazelle Girl!' .... many Mighty Minions urging Gazelle Girl to latch on in order to bring her back to the proper position which she was already in prior to all of this jockeying. 

Is this a great country or what???

And then... it happened... again. Falcon, who couldn't seem to control himself, spurted ahead to finish before Gazelle Girl could get to the GGG Spot. Oh, the humanity!"

Sharlets moving so fast at the Klutch, it
was hard to get a photo!

Again, a collective moan of “NOOOOoooooooo!!!!!!!” could be heard from the Nation as their Sweetheart of the Pelotonton was again denied her coveted finish........

Oh, the humanity!

After the Nation again took a deep breath and finished their cigarettes, they moved on to the final sprint after crossing G Ave.

Hossman, MK and Sharkman went to the front to pull. Hossman took the speed up and was relentless in stretching out the Nation before Tow Truck buzzed by like a Mirage Fighter Jet and splintered the peloton just the way the Sharkman likes to see it happen!

Sharkman was fully wasted and dropped back as the Nation went by our hero, but happy that the Tow Truck ripped the peloton apart.

Raindrop, Rainman and Tardette
at the Klutch to sign autographs!

Only a few riders could respond, but Ironman, still seemingly miffed for no greeting at the start of the ride, flew by to take the finish with B-Rod in those blazing socks, and Zickman on his tail to take the top three spots in the peloton!

Tow Truck pulled off and said he had to get home and Sharkman thanked him for the great pull!

The tofosi and paparazzi went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as their hero's zipped up their jersey's for the sponsors and waved at their adoring fans.

B-Rod claimed he had no money, having spent it all on gaily colored compression socks, and just as Sharkman was ready to buy him his Koffee, the Pirate stepped up to buy koffee for both B-Rod and Sharkman, as well as a Coke for MK! 

Coke? The younger generation......

The Klutch was abuzz with activity as the Nation settled in for Koffee.

Lava Girl arrived with Sharkman's daughters and sharklet's where they were moving so fast it was hard to get a photo! Showing their “shark instincts,” there was an incident where some bacon was ordered and the little sharklets jumped on it like sharks on a wounded fish!

Tardette also arrived with Raindrop to sign autographs and pose for fan photos with Rainman.

Nicole, Lava Girl and Colleen at the Klutch!

During the festivities, the Great Moultini texted a “Hello” with a photo of him on a “Solo Minion Ride” in Central Park. The Nation responded with a text of hello from the Klutch!

You won't want to miss this week's edition of the KK-TdG when it is......

The Nation says "Hi!' to the Great Moultini!

BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED JERSEY DAY THIS SATURDAY!


Yes, in anticipation of the big day, this Saturday will be BEU Jersey Day, so get those jersey's out and get ready to ride!





Saturday, July 19, 2014


Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!


Be there!




WHERE WERE EASTY AND WESTY?

Easty & Westy in golf kit.
Oh, the humanity!!!

Belo News
July 12, 2014


Kalamazoo, Mi. - Many Minions were wondering where one of the mainstay's of the Nation, Easty, was this past weekend and thanks to some investigative reporting Belo News was able to find out! Subsequent investigation revealed he and son, Westy were playing golf!


Uh, golf? Rather than ride?!? What the hey....?


Thanks to our investigative reporters, Belo News was also able to uncover this never before seen (and hopefully never again) photograph of the two wayward Minions in their, (gasp) golf kit! 

Oh, the humanity!


Easty was quoted as stating, “Can't believe these two Minions tried to imitate golfers on Saturday instead of ride their bikes! Amazingly, we did not win (or even contend) in the golf tourney we were in. Back to the peloton as fast as possible!!!!!!  No 3 putts there!”


What were they thinking!


See you this Saturday!





HOOSIER BOY AND NIKEBOY AT THE LAKE SWIM!


Belo News

Hoosier Boy & Nikeboy at Lake Swim!
Love the swim cap, Hoosier Boy!

July 12, 2014


Battle Creek, Mi. - This past Saturday two Minions actually did have a good reason not to be at the KK-TdG. Hoosier Boy was competing in the annual “Lake Swim” at Goguac Lake. This event has gone on since 1928 and has been a staple of the summer in Battle Creek.


Nikeboy was an official for the event and worked the paddle board while Hoosier Boy did the Nation proud and won in his age group! Go Hoosier Boy!


When interviewed by BN after the event, Hoosier Boy was quoted as stating, “Best news of all, I did not get beat by any nine year old swimmers. Youngest swimmer this year was thirteen!”


Nice job, Minions, nice job!


MINION JERSEY'S STILL AVAILABLE TO ORDER TILL SATURDAY!


Belo News
July 16, 2014


Galesburg, Mi. - For those of you who were not able to meet the deadline for the famous Minion Jersey's, Gazelle Girl is going to send in a second order.  So, if you still want to order, get in touch with Gazelle Girl by this Saturday at joan.o@comcast.net. 

Gazelle Girl can provide sizing/pricing information to inquiries by email.

Delivery is expected in mid to late August.

No orders after this Saturday until next year so get moving, Bunkie!

And speaking of getting a hold of Gazelle Girl, don't forget.........




BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED DATE SET!


August 16, 2014!

Belo News
July 2, 2014,


Gull Lake, Mi. - It is that time of year again! Time for the Bloody 'Ell 'Undred! Oh, the humanity!


Gazelle Girl and Zickman are getting things ready to host the Nation on the Third Annual Bloody 'Ell and you can be a part of this classic event. The ride starts at the Zick Estate with bloody Mary's and then the riders head up to Hastings to have lunch and perhaps a beer or two, at the Waldorf, before heading back to the Zick Estate! It can't get better than this ride!

So mark your calendars and let Gazelle Girl know your coming, Bunkie!

Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.