MINIONS EAST?

July 27, 2010
Belo News
Reporter: Rainman

(Editor’s note – Some of the Kellogg Minions were having difficulty getting out of work in time to make the start of the Chain Gang rides, so they decided to start their own “Minions East” ride on Tuesday Nights at 6:00 p.m. from the upper deck parking at Kellogg Headquarters. The first week, Airman, Stingray, Rainman, and Sharkman rode, last week it was the Five Minions seen in the photo. This week, Sharkman couldn’t make it, but asked Rainman to report on the ride. All Minions are invited to join the 30 mile jaunt on any given Tuesday.)

Rainman reports (in addition to looking like Andy Schleck on the bike, he does have a great writing style, doesn’t he?)

Battle Creek, Mi. – I'm pleased to report that we had three Minions at the start of the ride on Tuesday evening. Rainman, Airman, and Hossman all braved the toxic smell headed west along the river (crazy, or what!?). Other Minons would have surely joined, but it was either the toxic smell, hard efforts sustained during the WAM last weekend, or evening dinner dates that kept some regulars from riding the Tuesday edition.

A game-time decision was made to ride west instead of the South route discussed pre-ride. The group decided that the smell wasn't that bad standing in the parking lot of HQ, so westerly the brave Minions went!

Mighty mini-Minion Nation stayed true to the Tuesday route and headed along the river. The group worked their way through the ROAD CLOSED signs to witness first-hand the devastation of 840,000* gallons of crude oil spilled. The once flowing river was stopped with visible signs of "sludge" and workers deployed booms to stop the spreading.

After the depressing smells and visuals were past, the pace picked up as the Minions started their own team time-trial dropping the Team Active solo TT riders on their own course like stones. In true Minion spirit though, the riders waved to their roadie comrades to show respect for their efforts.

The group continued onto G Ave and stayed together mostly on the climb leading into 37th street. The high-speed continued with each Minions playing nicely with one another by taking turns on the front. Hossman had a mighty pull up to the final sprint finish, but it was Rainman that ended up taking the tape with Airman just nudging out Hossman to round out the top 3 podium places**.

Turning back east, the group zeroed-in on an unknown rider about 3/4 miles ahead. Airman started to salivate knowing that there was an rider off the front. Like the the Team Mascot, Lacie, chasing-down a bunny in the backyard, Airman put in a solid sustained effort to narrow the gap considerably while Hossman and Rainman finished off the unknown rider before reaching downtown Augusta. Well done, Minions!

Let it be known that Hossman next took a pull along Augusta Rd that will be legendary for hours, if not days to come. Hossman opened his suitcase of courage to reveal his diesel-burning engine and pulled Rainman and Airman nearly the entire road leading into Michigan Ave / M89 split! Someone needs to test him for doping with Levi Leipheimer look/ride-alike genes or for Fabian Cancellera's bike motor!

The ride continued to have a "spirited" pace all the way home to HQ. The foul crude oil smell coming back into Battle Creek seemed to be stronger than when the riders first launched. Disappointed and disgusted, a committee has been formed to discuss alterations to the Tuesday route for future rides (EDITORIAL: Thanks a lot Enbridge).

All-in-all, the ride was deemed a success!

You would have been amazed at the late-night Kellogg folk still at HQ waiting to catch a glimpse of the riders coming across the finish line!? Used to the fan-mobs on Saturday mornings at the Koffee Klutch, these fans were no different and all three riders stopped to sign autographs and take questions from the press.

So...

Tuesday Evening - Launch time 6:00 P.M. SHARP!
BE THERE!

* estimated.
** unofficial.

ONLY THE LONELY!

WOLF KING TAKES ALL THE SPRINTS!

WAS IT RAINING?

Belo News
Galesburg, MI

July 24, 2010

Galesburg, Mi. – While our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, was riding the WAM, only one, brave Minion showed up in the rain to ride the KK-TdG on Saturday.

As the photo shows, it was a wet and wild morning (see WAM story). However, the Wolf King decided to ride to the start only to find no one else in the parking lot. He thought that since it wasn’t raining at the time, he would head north and maybe Gazelle Girl or at least, Falcon would join on.

As he approached the Sharkman Honorary Sprint, he genuflected in reverence to our hero, but found no other riders. Think that as long as he had ridden that far, he would venture further into the ride to see if any other Minion would appear.

As the rain began to fall in earnest on the lonely Minion, the Wolf King went on to take every single sprint, the col de Twin Lakes and col de Norte climbs, as well as the final finish. The Wolf King made a clean sweep on a rainy day and then rode along an empty Champs le Galesburg in the pouring rain, on to the press conference and a kup of Koffee. Wet and tired, he drank his kup of koffee and was quoted as saying, “it was a victory for America!”

Well, Sharkman will be back this week and it will not rain!

MAKE A WISH – WAM RIDE JERSEY DAY THIS SATURDAY!

Belo News
July 29, 2010

Galesburg, Mi. – In honor of our WAM Riders, this Saturday has been designated as WAM Jersey Day! Minions are requested to wear a WAM Jersey on Saturday in honor of our WAM riders. It can be a previous WAM Jersey or a WAM Team Jersey, but wear your jersey this Saturday with pride!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. – SHARP!

BE THERE!

MINIONS ON AND “EPIC” WAM RIDE!

TEAM TAYLOR/TEAM EATON TAKE THE WAM BY STORM!

AND WE DO MEAN STORM!

Belo News
July 23-25, 2010

Traverse City/Big Rapids/Chelsea, Mi. – Once again, the WAM ride proved to be a fantastic experience for all involved. Sharkman, Wildman, Brewman, All Black, Stryker Guy, Iceman, Hawkeye, Compression Boy, Bling Girl, and Nicey were all in attendance.

Due to work commitments, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman was not able to ride the first day, but joined Team Taylor in Big Rapids, where he pitched his tent with the team and was ready to rock on Saturday morning.

As dawn broke over his Shark tent, the wind was calm and best of all dry! As he sprang from his shark sleeping bag and pulled his gear from his shark duffel bag, he was excited to get going! He decided to pack up his tent after breakfast and headed off to for breakfast.

One the great things about the WAM tour is the food, and this year was no exception. The old Shark usually doesn’t eat that much, but he justified his gluttony with the fact he would be riding 114 miles and began to slog down eggs, sausage, pancakes, banana’s, juice and coffee.

It was as he started walking out of the Ferris State dining hall that he felt the first drops of rain. The Shark moved quickly to take down his tent, pack, get some air in his tires and then take his bag to the sag truck as the rain picked up.

Team Taylor was ready to rock and at approximately 6:45 a.m. they headed out in a steady rain to their next destination, the DeWitt High School.

As Iceman lead the Minions out of Big Rapids, the rain picked up and stayed steady for the 54 miles to the lunch stop. The riders threw water up in each other’s faces as the pace picked up and though the going was hard, they still averaged a respectable 18.6 mph to the lunch.

Because they had moved so quickly, they were having lunch around 9:30 a.m. and though it seemed like he had just eaten, the Shark had no problem again attacking the buffet like a ravenous dog on the last bone in the butcher shop.

As the riders mounted up again, officials stated that a lightening storm was on the way and they may have to take the riders off the course. This only seemed to spur Team Taylor and Team Eaton on!

That is when it occurred! About 3-4 miles from lunch, and with the rain coming down about as hard as it had come down all morning, Sharkman’s back tire went flat! As he pulled over to the side of the road, Wildman stopped with a new potential Minion, Pilot Guy, to help. Moments later, Brewman appeared wondering what had happened to the intrepid hero. Like beer in a glass, Wildman and Brewman have class!

The tire was fixed quickly and the Mighty Minion Nation was on the road again, but with a smaller peleton. About 75 miles into the ride, and as the rain had slowed a great deal, Brewman had a flat. Brewman seemed to have it fixed in an instant and they again hit the road.

At 95 miles, in a small town called Westphilia, Sharkman had his second flat. As Wildman pulled out the last tube and final hope that the Mighty Minion Nation had from his seat wedge, two moths and a cloud of dust came with it. Wildman mentioned that the tube had been in his wedge longer than a 40 year old virgin’s wallet condom!

Just then, a sag wagon went by with a pump and as they began to try to blow the tire up, it wouldn’t hold air. Further examination revealed a tear in the tube near the stem. No tubes left!

But the sag wagon had one last tube! But the stem was too short and they could not get the pump chuck on the stem! Rats!

Our hero refused to be sagged in!

Just then, another rider came by and offered up a tube! Sharkman was saved!

The four Minions finished the day at 114.34 miles with an average of 18.4 mph.

The four Minions stated they had never been more dirty nor had their bikes ever been so caked with grit.

The four Minions had to floss the grit out from between their teeth!

The four Minions said they had never been on a better ride!

It was an epic ride!

Sunday was just as memorable for other reasons. The Silent Mile, the finish of 93 riders, two abreast in matching jersey’s finishing together. Your “Wish Kid” putting your finishing medal around your neck and all 93 Team Taylor riders on the stage together for photo’s singing Happy Birthday to that seven year old “Wish Kid.” Families taking photo’s with a tear in their eye, proud of what their rider has accomplished.

This is a ride that get’s in your blood. It not as much about the ride as it is the friendships and the camaraderie that being with great people brings. It is about the kids you’re helping and seeing the blessings you have right in front of you every day. It is about fun, but also about the emotions that making wishes come true for kids brings.

If you have not experienced a WAM Ride, registration for next year begins on September 1, 2010.

Be there!

ACME LAWN SERVICE TAKES FINISH!

GAZELLE GIRL RETURNS WITH HER PODIATRIST!

BREWMAN NAMED KING OF BREWING JERSEYS!

A KISS FOR THE SHARKMAN?

Belo News

Galesburg, MI

July 17, 2010

Galesburg, Mi. – In the world of brewing jerseys’ there is only one King, and that King demonstrated why he and he alone stands at the top of the beer jersey universe.

Yes, it was Beer Jersey Day this past Saturday at the KK-TdG and once again, there were a number of Oberon and Bell Brewery Jersey’s in attendance. Oberon has been a consistent leader in the Beer Jersey Day Competition. However, we here at the Belo News have been looking for a more distinct brewing jersey in this regular competition.

There was a rather interesting “Ryde Beer” Jersey with its motto’s of “Ryde me” and “draught me” worn by All Black. Very unique, and not Oberon, but still……

The obvious winning jersey for the weekend was (see photo) Brewman’s entry with a “Smuttynose” Beer Jersey. It was an easy pick. Along the back of the jersey was the motto, “make mine a Smutty!” Does it get any better! In addition to this classic jersey, and hard to make out in the photo, Brewman was also sporting some rather dapper beer mug socks! Does this guy rock or what?

As roughly 16 riders started to click in at the start, a rather large group, led by the Skipper and including the return of Hockey Boy, along with his side kick Dad, Stryker Guy, approached the riders. A woman in the group immediately rode up to the Sharkman and said, “So you’re the Sharkman?” to which he nodded acknowledgement just before she gave him a big kiss on the cheek! Sharkman was stunned, as he had never been kissed by a Minion (well not a kiss he enjoyed anyway) and actually, had always preferred it that way. Come on, anyone who has looked at a male Minion would know what that is all about. But apparently Skipper and Stryker Guy had informed the potential Minion that she needed to give the “Big Guy” a kiss to get her name in the Belo News! Because her husband is a jeweler, they had given her the name of “Bling Girl” and so Sharkman gave her the name despite her objections.

Welcome to the Mighty Minion Nation, Bling Girl and to getting your name in the Blog! Congratulations! The Sharkman does want it known that any male Minion who tries this stunt to get their name in the Blog will be declared persona non Grata, so back off gentlemen! Though he does want all female Minions to go ahead and knock themselves out!

Also joining the Nation was Dr. Crack who will be doing the WAM with Team Taylor next week. Belo News is not sure if that name has anything to do with his carbon frame or a substance addiction issue but he was welcomed into the fold. Two new young riders joined the group, one of whom was named Ryan and will need to work on a name for himself and the other young rider before the Minions give him a name he may not like. Welcome to the Mighty Minion Nation, gentlemen!

As the Sharkman was relishing his greeting from Bling Girl, the Skipper got the Minions in order and they slide past the Klutch with our Barista, Jamie out to wave the peloton past the Koffee Shop. Belo News is sad to report that this coming Saturday will be Jamie’s last day at the Klutch, as she has taken a job at the Beacon Club. I am sure the tips will be better than those from the cheap skates in the Mighty Minion nation, but the Minions will miss Jamie none the less. So this week, everyone needs to thank Jamie for all her Barista activity over the past few seasons taking care of the peloton!

Thanks Jamie!

As the Minion Train headed north, a huge cheer went up as everyone recognized the rider heading south as the Minions own Gazelle Girl who was accompanied by her Podiatrist husband, Dr. Toe himself, Eric. A big Minion welcome to Dr. Toe, great to have you in the Nation!

Welcome back Gazelle Girl!

Rainman lead out our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, to the honorary Shark sprint and at the G Ave. Stop Sign, Sharkman counted 27 riders now on the Mighty Minion Nation train as it headed north to the Col de Twin Lakes! A number of riders had latched on in the run up to the opening sprint and it is clearly getting harder and harder to get a count on the number of Minion riders.

It was noted that Rainman was wearing a yellow jersey and it seemed he had taken to heart comments in this publication insinuating that he looked like Andy Schleck on the bike.

The speed picked up accordingly, but again there was a lot of chatter in the peloton.

As all Minions are aware, one of our main credos is that “we leave no Minion behind.” We want to foster new riders to join on and have fun riding with us.

However, because it is getting more and more difficult to get accurate counts, the Sharkman has asked us to remind all Minions that they need to continue to watch who is off the back so that when we get to a stop sign, hopefully a Minion can tell the Nation if someone is off the back or not. The Sharkman learned last week that 3 Minions, two of them new to the group, had inadvertently been left behind the previous week at the foot of the col de Norte. We do not want to leave a rider with a mechanical or worse, an injury, so please monitor the riders behind you and try to keep the Sharkman posted on who is off the back.

This is extremely important in the long section between Rt. 89 through the Yorkville Church, Kellogg Korner, and the Kountry Klub and on to the Rt. 43 sprint, which has become an extremely fast section of the ride. One of the unique things about the Minion ride is that we try to watch out for each other, so the Sharkman would like us to keep it that way. Also, if you are going to drop off, please let someone in the group know.

After the Digital Divide, the historic pace line was, for lack of a better word, short lived and the Minions had trouble keeping it together. A very spirited sprint to the 3G Zone indicated what was to come.

The average speed at the 3G crossing was 19.4 mph, as the speed started to ramp up for the finish. Again, the pack seemed to be pretty bunched up as the Mighty Minion Nation crested the final hill and started the descent to the finish. Sharkman, again wanting to spread out the peloton, shot to the front and tried to stretch out the group but to no avail. The train, close on his wheel, bided their time for the final sprint just as a lawn service truck started to work its way down a driveway adjacent to the Stop Ahead Sign finish.

Sharkman saw the truck first and began to slow just as a mass of Minions shot by. As the lawn service pick-up truck and trailer pulled out on to 37th street, it almost looked like the Mighty Minion Nation was going to ride right up the back of the trailer and become a part of the assorted lawn equipment on the trailer!

Calmer minds prevailed and sanity started to return as Wolf King at the front, followed closely by B-Rod, Ironman and assorted riders slowed down to the finish.

Lawn service truck 1, Minions 0. Average speed 19.7 mph for the ride.

It was reported that there was some head butting and shouldering in the run up line for Koffee at the Klutch, but that was Airman as he worked his way to the front to buy Koffee for the Sharkman and get the first kup of koffee at the klutch! Thanks Airman! Nice moves!

And the guy doesn’t even drink Koffee (though he did order one of those drinks with an umbrella in it.)!

Don’t worry Minions! There are plenty of weeks left in the season to buy the Sharkman Koffee!

The Minions once again sat outside under the umbrella and Jamie kept the Koffee coming as Cloud Girl arrived to sign autographs and talk to the press.

This week, a number of Minions will be at the WAM Ride, including the Sharkman!

Good luck Team Taylor and Eaton Team Riders!

However, the Minions will ride on Saturday!

Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. – SHARP!

Watch out for each other and ride safe!

B GROUP TO FORM?

Galesburg, Mi. – A number of riders have talked about setting up a B group for new riders, injured rider who are recovering, riders who’ve been off the bike for a while and want to work their way back into shape, etc.

The thought is that the B group would start 15-20 minutes before the regular riders so that everyone would finish about the same time so that they could all take part in the press conference and other activities at the Klutch.

An alternate route could also be considered.

Please send your thoughts on this idea to Sharkman. If you would consider leading a B group or know someone who would be willing to try leading such a group, again, please send a note to Sharkman.

B-ROD EDGES OUT NO ONE TO TAKE WIN!

TONY JERSEY DAY BIG SUCCESS!

BEER JERSEY DAY THIS SATURDAY!

TOE PHOTO QUESTIONS?

Belo News

Galesburg, MI

July 10, 2010

Galesburg, Mi. – All week long, the talk in cycling circles was about, what has now become known as, “the Toe” photo. Minions from around the Kalamazoo valley were asking and wondering A.) Was it a real photo of Gazelle Girls toe and B.) Why wasn’t a disclaimer put in the email to warn people about the photo?

Though it can be argued that any semblance of truth found in this digital publication is purely coincidental, we are here to tell you that the photo was indeed, the actual toe of our own beloved Gazelle Girls, untouched by Photoshop or any other form of editing. And though her actual toe was manipulated by her husband and a friend after visiting Bells Brewery, the photo itself was not manipulated in anyway.

No story has created the buzz that this story has!

Secondly, concerning warning readers about the photo, the Editors of Belo News felt that if our reading audience could handle the recently published photo of Wolf King, they would be able to handle any photo! As a matter of fact, there was a unified nod of agreement when it was explained at the Klutch on Saturday as if to say, “Ah, yes, the photo of Wolf King was much scarier……..”

Tony the Tiger Jersey Day was a big success with 24 riders showing up at the start or joining on after the Skipper led the Mighty Minion Nation north out of town. Out of the 24 riders, there were about 10 Minions sporting the colorful Tiger jerseys. There was a new rider to welcome on board. Dave Shelton has joined the mighty Minion Nation and quickly acquired the name of “Cheddar Head.” Though from Battle Creek originally, he recently moved back from Wisconsin. Also in attendance was Last Dog who the Minions hadn’t seen for some time but was easily recognizable in his bike sandals.

Kid Doster also wanted it noted that he was not late the previous week and in an effort of complete disclosure, it was learned that the phantom 3rd place finisher the previous week was none other than B-Rod! (Sorry B-Rod)

Danimal led our intrepid hero out to the honorary Sharkman sprint and all was right with the universe once again.

The pace for the morning was swift and the sprints were all well contested. However, there also seemed to be a lot of chatter in the peloton as the morning sun seemed to warm the roads and the conversation. The Country Club section was again the speed zone it has now become and the riders took a moments rest as they headed on to Rt. 43.

The Minions formed up at the summit of the Col de Norte and headed south through the Bible Conference Hills to Frona’s and then on to the inlet sprint.

After crossing the Digital Divide, Sharkman attempted to form up a pace line and after several attempts, the feat was accomplished just in time to begin the 3G Zone sprint. It worked, but it was one ugly pace line……

As the Mighty Minion Train moved to the finish, Sharkman was concerned at how bunched the peloton was. As the Minions came across the summit for the final descent, they looked more like a swarm of bees than a singe pace line. Sharkman shouted out to hold lines, but the Minions were determined to get to the front of the pack!

In one of the closest finishes in Minion history, the entire Nation descended on the finish like a Wolf King on a stray Doritos!

With no one sandwiched between Ironman on the outside and B-Rod on the inside, B-Rod threw his bike across the line just ahead of the others to take the tape!

The crowds again went wild along the Champs le Galesburg as our hero’s zipped up their jerseys for the sponsors and waved to the crowds.

Someone attempted to purchase Koffee for Sharkman at the Klutch, but Hoosier Boy beat him to the punch as Jamie handed our hero a dark roast bottomless Kup! Is this a great country or what! Ah, the Minions love the smell of a Koffee Klutch dark roast bottomless kup!

The Minions decided to sit outside and then fought for the small space of shade under the table umbrella. The discussion centered on the “toe” and on the Tour de France.

Some of the discussion included;

Is it us, or does anyone else think that Rainman looks like Andy Schleck on the bike? Maybe it’s the white shoes or the slight build, but you have to admit they look very similar…..

Fans are talking about the bad luck Lance has had this year and how with the exception of the Musset Bag incident a few years back, he has not had bad luck in the past. However, here at the Belo News, we’re thinking he didn’t have bad luck before because he wasn’t at the back of the peloton. As they say, “nothing good ever happens at the back of the peloton” and Lance is proving it. His team hasn’t seemed to be around him very much and after his first crash, it only got worse because……he was at the back of the peloton. (See the video clip of the crash on this blog)

Fans talked about how Jamie Farrar and Cadel Evans “cracked” and how Evans did it with the Yellow Jersey on his back. We later learned that Farrar was riding with a fractured wrist and Evans with a broken elbow. Hey they pull pitchers after 90 pitches! These riders are studs!

And are those commercials great or what? Radio Shack and Alphonse, Contador vs. Schleck on the Specialized bikes, and of course, the "I (insert celebrities name, maybe Sharkman ) and I've switched to Sram!" Yes, Sharkman was ahead of the curve on that one!

So, you won’t want to miss the chatter, the riding, the koffee or the discussion on the tour is week. The weather sounds great for another Minion Ride!

Saturday – Launch Time 8:00 A.M. – SHARP!

BEER JERSEY SATURDAY!

Wear your favorite Beer Jersey!

BE THERE!

Ouch!

Armstrong's crash at the base of the climb Sunday. Watch him slide across the deck 2 seconds into the video.

40 RIDERS! A RECORD MINION TURNOUT!

SOMEBODY WON!

WHERE WAS GAZELLE GIRL?
BROKEN TOE? OH, NO!

Belo News

GALESBURG, MI.

July 3, 2010

Galesburg, Mi. – Is this the greatest time of year or what? Warm days, cool nights, and the Tour on TV every single evening! Well, actually, ALL DAY LONG! It doesn’t get any better, does it?

As the sun broke over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero noticed that the garage door at the Nikeboy abode two doors down was up and Nikeboy’s faithful Seven steed was glistening in the early dawn light. Sharkman knew he would have company as he began the ride to the start for the holiday edition of the KK-TdG.

Sooner was also out early and met Sharkman at Skyline Drive explaining that he had ridden from home but couldn’t stay for the actual ride. Further down the road, Qman, visiting for the weekend, came riding up to meet his leader and fellow Minions.

Is there anything better than the sun on your back, great riders around you and the promise of a great ride ahead? Well welcome to the Mighty Minion Nation, Bunkie!

As the riders approached the start, the parking lot was already filling up. But even Sharkman was surprised at the turn out that began to develop. Of course, there were a few late arrivals like Wolf King, Kid Doster and Rainman…..what part of 8:00 a.m. SHARP are you guys not understanding?

Other riders who had not been in attendance in while like Airman, Stingray, Toast, Peugeot Guy and others were piling out of cars!

Stryker Guy even awarded our hero with a “Tour of Ireland” Jersey before the ride kicked off!

Faith and begora, could this morning get any better?

Skipper was getting impatient as 8:00 a.m. SHARP came and went, but all tolled, there were 33 Minions ready to rumble! As the Skipper rallied the ranks and the clock hit 8:08 a.m. the sound of pedals clicking echoed around Galesburg. As the Might Minion Nation passed through town, Jamie came out of the Klutch to wave hello with a look of fear in her eyes, concerned that all 33 Minions would be returning for Koffee at the same time in about an hour and half. The Minions rode by as if to say, “start grinding those beans Jamie, we’ll be back soon!”

In addition to the 33 riders, 7 more riders latched on during the course of the morning, even a crew from Team Active in Battle Creek, bringing the final total to a Minion record of 40 total riders!

The Skipper lead the Nation north and after a while, the Pirate and Squeaky went to the front. Yes, Squeaky was back again! When asked if he had moved back to Kalamazoo he simply stated, “not yet….”

Many Minions asked, “Where was Gazelle Girl?” to which the Sharkman replied, “You won’t believe it!” (see next story)

As the Minions approached the honorary Sharkman sprint a rider came up to lead out our intrepid hero, apparently interested in getting his name in the Belo News, as is tradition. The Sharkman gratefully latched on to his wheel and then went by as the lead out rider gave way to our hero for the final sprint.

However, the rider apparently did not understand tradition or honor in the peloton and decided to re-pass our hero to take the sprint. The Sharkman did not dignify the affront with a counter attack and simply rode on.

Obviously, the rider did not understand what a major infraction of Minion etiquette this is. Due to the infraction, the rider has thus been relegated to “persona non grata” status for a yet to be determined amount of time by the Commissioner of Cycling.

The pace picked up big time as the Mighty Minion Train headed north and more Minions continued to join the ride.

The riders split into groups in the Country Club section but came back together at the summit of the col de Norte. There were so many riders it was difficult to determine who was winning the sprints.

As the speedy band of riders crossed the Digital Divide, Sharkman went to the front to form up the pace line. As the train started to get into motion, a pop was heard from the back of the peloton and it was yet another flat tire! Belo News believes this is the 3rd or 4th flat tire in this section over the past two seasons!

Wilier Boy had punctured and the peloton stopped for the fix. Some riders had to go on, as they had family obligations, but the majority of Minions hung in until the tire was repaired. We leave no Minion behind! Besides, who wants to miss the finishing sprint!

As the Minions crossed the 3G zone, Chico, Sharkman and the Tow Truck went up front to stretch out the peloton. Chico did a humongous pull at the front and was relieved by the ever strong Tow Truck and occasionally by the Sharkman.

As the Mighty Minion Nation bore down after the final hill, the real sprints kicked up in a mass finish. Rainman took second and no one seemed to know who took third. It was a great finish!

The fans were wild along the Champs le Galesburg as our hero’s zipped up their jersey’s for the sponsors and waved to the adoring fans.

As the Minions pulled into the Klutch, Jamie the Barista was ready for the hordes of thirsty riders. Bullet Bob and his lovely wife Sharon were also there to great the Minions and had cycled down to the Klutch to take in the ambiance. Some of the Minions sat outside while some decided to stay in. Even Tardette, who we've not seen in a while arrived to sign autographs and talk at the press conference.

Another perfect KK-TdG!

So you won't want to miss the next one, Bunkie!

This Saturday, July 10, 2010 – 8:00 A.M. – Launch Time – SHARP!

Be there!

Gazelle Girl MIA

by Gazelle Girl herself!

Galesburg, Mi. - I missed y’all this past Saturday and it wasn’t due to too much Independence Day revelry the night before. (I’m leaving that up to the neighbors who, I thought by now, would have been out of fireworks what with the racket since Valentine’s Day. Do they buy this stuff in bulk?)

I’m on the injured list. See the picture? That’s my toe. I brushed it up against Shaft the Dog’s (STD’s) wheelchair ramp whilst changing the bed. (It’s even got a name, my toe. Bedpost Toe.) Most bizarre thing… I stubbed it but didn’t get that second wave of pain that most harmless stubs produce. Thus, I’m like… Cool. That seemed like a pretty bad stub, but didn’t hurt much at all. I continued on around the bed and just happened to look down. Oh. Oh. Hey. Wow. Oh. I feel sick. Oh, dang. Wow. I feel pretty sick. That’s my foot. That’s MY foot!

I was home alone with no one to panic in front of. I hobbled to the phone and rang up Zickman thinking he could talk me through this. “You kids and your silly toes. Push it westward and wrap a hunk of tape around it and its buddy. Good as new.” The phone rang and rang and rang. Do you know that Zickman doesn’t have an answering machine???? Okay, so I don’t have a cell phone, but at least I have an answering machine (and a microwave oven). All right then. Zickman’s no good to me. Time to track down significant sweetie, Eric. He’s gone downtown with a pal to check out an ancient VW bus that needs the attention that the buddy is capable of providing. I call the VW bus’s house. I’m told that the boys have headed to Bell’s nearly 45 minutes ago. Hot tip.

Ring up Bell’s. “Hello. My name is Joan. I’m looking for a couple of guys. One’s tall, bespectacled and has a really looooooong beard. The other has a shaved head and looks like a rugby thug.”

Keep in mind, it’s 1:30 on a Saturday afternoon, not 9:30 on a Saturday night. I’m not asking too much here. Pause. Pause. Pause.

“What’s his last name?” “Bekker.” “Is your last name Bekker?” she says into the phone. I’m about to say, “Noooooo,” when I hear Eric say, “Why yes!” “Yep. He’s here,” she says and sounds as if she’s wrapping up the conversation. Time to hang up. She’s done her job. She’s busted the noon-time barfly. Let’s get to washin’ some glasses. “Can I talk to him? It’s kind of an emergency,” I plead. Eric and his pal have just ordered a freshie. They’ll be home soon.

They arrive an hour later. I’ve managed to take a shower during this time. Careful not to snag my outrigger on a door jam or toilet stool. I’ve got a graduation party to attend. Let’s get the show on the road.

Tim, Eric’s friend, takes one look and says. “I play rugby.” (See, I told ya.) “That’s dislocated. We can fix it.” I’m excited. They’re a bit tipsy. Is this a good thing?

Boy Scout Eric affixes a nifty handle to my toe that he fashions out of athletic tape. He and Tim try to trick me into thinking they are going to do the dreaded relocation on “five” when they’re really going to surprise me on “three.” I tell them to knock it off and just keep chattering to take my mind off this mess. “How was the beer?” Click. “Was Bell’s very busy?” Click. “Who was there?” Click. Oh my golly. There’s my foot. It looks normal again. Not much pain. Yippee! Problem solved. I’m off to eat dusty potato rolls, warm macaroni salad and melted cake.

So… just a little dislocation. I do a little ice. Some ibuprofen. Riding my bike hurts less then walking. However, two weeks later, and the angry little guy is still the same size and hurts when I wear anything but my Sidi road shoes which, lets face it, I don’t typically walk too far in.

I make an appointment with a guy that I will never understand. Feet. Nothing but feet. All day long. Feet. Yuck. His lovely assistant takes a few pix. No dislocation. Busted. The damn thing is broken. I’ve not treated it like broken bone stuff. I’ve treated it like twisted joint stuff. (There is a difference, isn’t there?)

“No bike riding for two weeks,” Dr. Scholl snaps. I plead with him. “A little easy pedaling just to get out a bit?” He clacks his boot heels together and snaps his riding crop against his thigh. “Nein!”

Four sloth-like days later, Friday night, I’m AT Gull Lake instead of riding AROUND it when my dear old dog miscalculates a rear leg placement as she gets up off the dock and cascades into the drink. I get down on all fours and lean over the dock’s edge to coax STD toward shore. She’s under the dock just treading water. Making no move toward shore. I panic a bit ‘cause she’s an old lady and I’m not sure how long she can just paddle, paddle, paddle. Upward I spring to find an appropriately dressed assistant to rescue her. This action is accompanied by a distinct “SNAP!” coming from my right pinkie toe as I flex skyward. Damn dog… again.

I’ll see you guys in the fall.

STD hisself!