Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Crash in the Peloton!
Boffo’s Streak Ends!
And the Winner is……….
Belo News
Galesburg, MI
June 13, 2009
Minions awoke Saturday morning wondering if the Tour de Gull would go on as scheduled. The announced absence of the fearless leader, Sharkman, combined with steady overnight and early morning rain caused many minions to shut off their alarm clocks and go back to sleep. Sooner, on the other hand, was checking out the weather radar on-line, hoping the massive green blob over SW Michigan would move faster to the east. Finally, he gave up on the radar and looked out the window. Sooner saw a dry patch on the road (even though it happened to be under a tree), which was all the encouragement he needed to wheel down his driveway and eastward toward Galesburg.
The ride in from Portage was amazingly dry from above, but amazingly wet from all other directions as the cars and trucks overtaking Sooner seemed to take delight in trying to dry the road by placing all the water on Sooner and his bike. Sooner eventually arrived in Galesburg at 5 minutes till eight, finding only Birdman and his son (nicknamed Tweety Bird, until a proper poll can be taken). Soon after however, Hossman, Bullet Bob and the Un-named rider appeared. As the start time approached and passed, Un-named informed the peloton that Falcon and Stallion were also on the way. Eventually, the minions became restless and had Un-named call Falcon who indicated he would meet the peloton at the Klutch. So, almost 10 minutes late, the undisciplined minions were finally off.
Just before downtown Galesburg, Falcon and Stallion appeared and the peloton of eight passed the Koffee Klutch acknowledging enthusiastic support from Luann. The minions quickly left town and were about two miles down the road when Sooner noticed there were only seven riders present. He thought that maybe he double counted someone but soon realized Birdman was missing! Sooner, Bullet Bob and Falcon reversed course to look for Birdman, as the remainder of the peloton eventually followed. Birdman was found across the street from the Klutch, finishing up a flat change. A quick shot of CO2 and the minions were on the way once again. It was unclear why Birdman was not more vocal about the flat when it occurred, or why Tweedy Bird had not missed his dad.
Finally, the minions left Galesburg behind. Three riders, believed to be Falcon, Tweedy Bird and Hossman, accelerated to lead out Sharkman for the first sprint. As always, Sharkman took it (he doesn’t have to be present you know!). The next stop ahead sign (before the twin lakes), was taken by Falcon who held off Sooner by half a wheel. While doing so, Falcon managed to make his bike almost as wide as the road, causing Sooner to wonder if Falcon landed planes the same way.
The minions continued their relentless march over the constantly wet roads feeling fortunate that the rain had thus far missed them. However, not too long after crossing M-89, disaster stuck. Although the actual details are somewhat sketchy, as the peloton slowed, the rear got caught up in the dreaded slinky effect. Stallion and Tweedy Bird went down, suffering some nasty looking road rash. Bullet Bob and Birdman also suffered contact but remained upright. Stallion’s front wheel suffered a broken front spoke ending his day along with Falcon, who rode home to get the rescue vehicle, and Un-named who stayed behind as the accident scene manager. After retrieving Bullet Bob’s severed tail light, which traveled an amazing distance down the road before ditching, the remaining minions took off once again.
It was now apparent that Hossman was getting stressed about the lost time. Fearing he would be late for his child’s soccer tourney, he was putting the hammer down. His quick pace began fracturing the peloton leading to a breakaway at the country club. Bullet Bob dropped back from the breakaway to make sure the following riders were safe and still in contact. Only Sooner remained on Hossman’s wheel as he pushed the pace. Sooner, almost apologetically took the sprint right before M-43, feeling guilty that Hossman was doing 80%+ of the pulling.
The trend continued as Hossman led the way, Sooner played wheel sucker and Bullet Bob worked to keep all the riders in contact. After a particularly fast run up to the C Ave sprint, Hossman and Sooner had a brief discussion. It seemed that Hossman feared the wrath of his wife more than the pain in his legs. Sooner suggested that Hossman proceed alone, and Sooner would wait and regroup everyone. Hossman didn’t protest and took off like a shot. It is not known if Hossman took any of the remaining short-cuts to the finish. Regardless, he deserves mention as the day’s most aggressive rider.
The remainder of the ride was a little more minion like as the peloton stayed together. As the finish line approached, there was almost a resemblance to a rotating pace line for a tenth of a mile or so. Finally at the little hill, Bullet Bob made his patented early attack, dropping everyone except Tweety Bird. Sooner finally got up to speed and desperately pursued, wishing he was not isolated and having to work alone.
Fully expecting the young, athletic Tweety to draft Bullet Bob down the stretch, and then pull ahead for a debut victory, Sooner was simply trying to hold on for the last podium spot. Suddenly however, Tweety was dropped by Bullet Bob, giving Sooner some hope, (although slight) of victory. Sooner dug deep with his protesting legs passing Tweety and setting sights on Bullet Bob. Sooner zipped around Bullet Bob right at the finish line, resulting in a too close to call photo finish. The finish line photos are still being examined and as off this date, no final victory determination has been made. The remaining minions made it back the Galesburg almost two full hours after the “first” start, easily breaking the record for the longest TdG ever! Average speed including stops was approximately 5.7 mph.
Back at the Koffee Klutch, LuAnn was wondering about the growing aviary branch of minions (Falcon, Birdman, Tweety). It seems she is considering installation of a bird feeder. Meanwhile, minions told tales of crash experiences. Bullet Bob reflected on how in one brief moment, he discovered why cyclists wear helmets, long shorts and gloves, and why they shave their legs.
Sooner rode back to Portage via the infamous Q-Man Hill (yes that Q-Man). After covering 59 total miles, Sooner took one look at his 24% grade driveway and rode right past, having to circle and get psyched up before attacking it. (Yes it really is 24%; last winter in snow, a friend’s parked and unoccupied Ford Expedition made an “unscheduled” descent). Sooner knows from past experience that unclipping part-way up in road shoes is not a good idea.
Overall, it was a great ride (although the crash victims may not agree). So, sleepy and fair weather minions, you don’t want to miss the next edition of the infamous TgG.
Name Tweedy Contest
New rider Tweedy (also known as Birdman’s son) needs a legitimate nickname. Tweedy Bird was suggested (actually demanded) by Falcon. However, Falcon has no authority in these matters. It was considered by others that bestowing the name of Tweedy Bird might be considered cruel and unusual punishment (Be quiet Boffo!...SHUT UP BOFFO!). Nominations will be accepted by Sharkman, subject to the usual $50 entry fee ($100 if you wish to be seriously considered). The winning nomination will be treated to a complementary bottomless cup by the infamous Sharkman (assuming the entry fee check doesn’t bounce).
By guest columnist,
Sooner
Crash in the Peloton!
Boffo’s Streak Ends!
And the Winner is……….
Belo News
Galesburg, MI
June 13, 2009
Minions awoke Saturday morning wondering if the Tour de Gull would go on as scheduled. The announced absence of the fearless leader, Sharkman, combined with steady overnight and early morning rain caused many minions to shut off their alarm clocks and go back to sleep. Sooner, on the other hand, was checking out the weather radar on-line, hoping the massive green blob over SW Michigan would move faster to the east. Finally, he gave up on the radar and looked out the window. Sooner saw a dry patch on the road (even though it happened to be under a tree), which was all the encouragement he needed to wheel down his driveway and eastward toward Galesburg.
The ride in from Portage was amazingly dry from above, but amazingly wet from all other directions as the cars and trucks overtaking Sooner seemed to take delight in trying to dry the road by placing all the water on Sooner and his bike. Sooner eventually arrived in Galesburg at 5 minutes till eight, finding only Birdman and his son (nicknamed Tweety Bird, until a proper poll can be taken). Soon after however, Hossman, Bullet Bob and the Un-named rider appeared. As the start time approached and passed, Un-named informed the peloton that Falcon and Stallion were also on the way. Eventually, the minions became restless and had Un-named call Falcon who indicated he would meet the peloton at the Klutch. So, almost 10 minutes late, the undisciplined minions were finally off.
Just before downtown Galesburg, Falcon and Stallion appeared and the peloton of eight passed the Koffee Klutch acknowledging enthusiastic support from Luann. The minions quickly left town and were about two miles down the road when Sooner noticed there were only seven riders present. He thought that maybe he double counted someone but soon realized Birdman was missing! Sooner, Bullet Bob and Falcon reversed course to look for Birdman, as the remainder of the peloton eventually followed. Birdman was found across the street from the Klutch, finishing up a flat change. A quick shot of CO2 and the minions were on the way once again. It was unclear why Birdman was not more vocal about the flat when it occurred, or why Tweedy Bird had not missed his dad.
Finally, the minions left Galesburg behind. Three riders, believed to be Falcon, Tweedy Bird and Hossman, accelerated to lead out Sharkman for the first sprint. As always, Sharkman took it (he doesn’t have to be present you know!). The next stop ahead sign (before the twin lakes), was taken by Falcon who held off Sooner by half a wheel. While doing so, Falcon managed to make his bike almost as wide as the road, causing Sooner to wonder if Falcon landed planes the same way.
The minions continued their relentless march over the constantly wet roads feeling fortunate that the rain had thus far missed them. However, not too long after crossing M-89, disaster stuck. Although the actual details are somewhat sketchy, as the peloton slowed, the rear got caught up in the dreaded slinky effect. Stallion and Tweedy Bird went down, suffering some nasty looking road rash. Bullet Bob and Birdman also suffered contact but remained upright. Stallion’s front wheel suffered a broken front spoke ending his day along with Falcon, who rode home to get the rescue vehicle, and Un-named who stayed behind as the accident scene manager. After retrieving Bullet Bob’s severed tail light, which traveled an amazing distance down the road before ditching, the remaining minions took off once again.
It was now apparent that Hossman was getting stressed about the lost time. Fearing he would be late for his child’s soccer tourney, he was putting the hammer down. His quick pace began fracturing the peloton leading to a breakaway at the country club. Bullet Bob dropped back from the breakaway to make sure the following riders were safe and still in contact. Only Sooner remained on Hossman’s wheel as he pushed the pace. Sooner, almost apologetically took the sprint right before M-43, feeling guilty that Hossman was doing 80%+ of the pulling.
The trend continued as Hossman led the way, Sooner played wheel sucker and Bullet Bob worked to keep all the riders in contact. After a particularly fast run up to the C Ave sprint, Hossman and Sooner had a brief discussion. It seemed that Hossman feared the wrath of his wife more than the pain in his legs. Sooner suggested that Hossman proceed alone, and Sooner would wait and regroup everyone. Hossman didn’t protest and took off like a shot. It is not known if Hossman took any of the remaining short-cuts to the finish. Regardless, he deserves mention as the day’s most aggressive rider.
The remainder of the ride was a little more minion like as the peloton stayed together. As the finish line approached, there was almost a resemblance to a rotating pace line for a tenth of a mile or so. Finally at the little hill, Bullet Bob made his patented early attack, dropping everyone except Tweety Bird. Sooner finally got up to speed and desperately pursued, wishing he was not isolated and having to work alone.
Fully expecting the young, athletic Tweety to draft Bullet Bob down the stretch, and then pull ahead for a debut victory, Sooner was simply trying to hold on for the last podium spot. Suddenly however, Tweety was dropped by Bullet Bob, giving Sooner some hope, (although slight) of victory. Sooner dug deep with his protesting legs passing Tweety and setting sights on Bullet Bob. Sooner zipped around Bullet Bob right at the finish line, resulting in a too close to call photo finish. The finish line photos are still being examined and as off this date, no final victory determination has been made. The remaining minions made it back the Galesburg almost two full hours after the “first” start, easily breaking the record for the longest TdG ever! Average speed including stops was approximately 5.7 mph.
Back at the Koffee Klutch, LuAnn was wondering about the growing aviary branch of minions (Falcon, Birdman, Tweety). It seems she is considering installation of a bird feeder. Meanwhile, minions told tales of crash experiences. Bullet Bob reflected on how in one brief moment, he discovered why cyclists wear helmets, long shorts and gloves, and why they shave their legs.
Sooner rode back to Portage via the infamous Q-Man Hill (yes that Q-Man). After covering 59 total miles, Sooner took one look at his 24% grade driveway and rode right past, having to circle and get psyched up before attacking it. (Yes it really is 24%; last winter in snow, a friend’s parked and unoccupied Ford Expedition made an “unscheduled” descent). Sooner knows from past experience that unclipping part-way up in road shoes is not a good idea.
Overall, it was a great ride (although the crash victims may not agree). So, sleepy and fair weather minions, you don’t want to miss the next edition of the infamous TgG.
Name Tweedy Contest
New rider Tweedy (also known as Birdman’s son) needs a legitimate nickname. Tweedy Bird was suggested (actually demanded) by Falcon. However, Falcon has no authority in these matters. It was considered by others that bestowing the name of Tweedy Bird might be considered cruel and unusual punishment (Be quiet Boffo!...SHUT UP BOFFO!). Nominations will be accepted by Sharkman, subject to the usual $50 entry fee ($100 if you wish to be seriously considered). The winning nomination will be treated to a complementary bottomless cup by the infamous Sharkman (assuming the entry fee check doesn’t bounce).
By guest columnist,
Sooner
2 comments:
Very nice update by the Guest Columnist, Sooner.
From: Fair-weather rider Rainman
Hossman did finish the route, and made it home just in time to get to the soccer tournament. I only hit about 30mph at the final sprint, so someone would have taken me.
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