BOFFO DOES IT AGAIN!

Sooner KO’d by Errant Wasp!

Who Knew it Was Beer Jersey Day?

Belo News
Galesburg, Mi.
June 6, 2009

Galesburg, Mi. – It was another fantastic Saturday that drew 20 Minions to the start line. Sharkman had ridden over from the Shark Cove with Nikeboy and when they arrived, Stroker, who lives next door to the Shark Cove, and his daughter KP, pulled in by car. Welcome KP!

Filling out the 20 rider field were Sooner, Bullet Bob, the Skipper, Boatman, Danimal, Falcon, the Un-Named Rider, All Black, Hoosier Boy and Birdman (both on their second ride with the Minions), Kid Doster (returning after being AWOL for a few weeks) Zickman, and of course, Boffo.

Two new riders joined the group, one of whom was Jim, now known as Stryker Guy, and Jeremy, now known as Spartan. Welcome to the Minion Nation! Gazelle Girl joined the Minions on 36th street heading north of town as the Skipper lead the group.

The Update went out late last week, and “Beer Jersey Day” had been designated. However, it was quite obvious that the vast majority of Minions had not read the Update and were clearly out of uniform. None the less, Oberon Jersey’s clearly won the day with a total of 4!

The Minions seemed down right social as they worked their way to the Cul de Twin lakes, were they then blew apart as the assent began, but it was again the Country Club section that got the riders moving quickly.

A small group made up of All Black, Sharkman, Danimal, Sooner and Gazelle Girl made a breakaway right after the Kellogg Kurve when an unfortunate mix up with a wasp took place. In an Update exclusive interview with the victim of this unfortunate incident, we’ve asked Sooner to give us his account in his own words:

“I was pumped to be a part of the breakaway leading up to M-43. The hammer was down, which is fun (if it's not for too long). I wasn't aware that Sharkman was attempting to give Gazelle Girl a lead out to the stop sign until I was already committed to the sprint. After that sprint, I was done for the day. I thought I would be carrying my bike up the Cul-de-M43.”

That’s when it happened! Sooner went on, “The darn thing got me four times, the worst of which was just below my right eye (lower lid). I couldn't get it out from under my glasses until I finally pulled my glasses off with both hands, something I didn't want to do while riding in close proximity to other riders on all sides. Anyway, the stings didn't have much visual impact until Monday. The last few days I have had the look of going a few rounds with Mike Tyson, except that my ears are still intact.”

Of course, being the fair and balanced in our reporting, we’ve also allowed a few comments from the Wasp:

“So I was minding my own business on a nice, sunny Saturday, when this big thing wearing a bike helmet and glasses comes at me. I had no choice but to hold my ground and sting the hell out of his bike face. Who does he think he is anyway? He had me trapped under those glasses and wouldn’t let me out. So I stung the hell of him! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!”

Where else can you get this type of in-depth journalism, eh?

But we digress…….

The Minions broke up a bit at the G Ave. crossing as Sharkman waited for a straggling Minion. When he crossed over G, the Minions were all over the road. Being the fearless leader that the Sharkman is, he went to the lead and tried to get the Minions back into form. As they approached the hill before the finish, there were concerns of a bunch sprint and the inherent dangers involved.

As the Minions crested the hill, Bullet Bob made his patented move and lead the minions out. His lightening quickness almost caught the peleton by surprise and for a brief moment it looked like he might maintain the break. As he ramped up the speed, Zickman, Falcon and Boffo, along with other Minions, quickly reeled him in and latched on to his wheel.

Though the lightening move by Bullet Bob had its intended effect of splitting up the group finish, the riders were still close together at the last as Boffo again took the tape with Falcon and Zickman capturing the final two spots on the podium.

The crowd threw kisses to the paparazzi and tafosi along the Champs le Galesburg as our hero’s approached the Klutch and dismounted. Luann was there to great the riders as they came in to order the Bottomless Kups of Klutch Koffee.

Boffo again slept through the press conference while Sharkman fielded questions concerning start times.

But not to worry! The start time will stay the same for the time being!

Unfortunately, the Sharkman cannot ride this Saturday and will be in Wisconsin to visit his daughter and her in-laws. However, he is hoping to be there the following Saturday and hope to have both his Grandshark Kids make an appearance at the klutch! Yes, in two week it will be “Meet the Shark Kids at the Klutch Day!” You won’t want to miss that event, plus it will be Galesburg Days! More on this in next weeks Update.

Launch time Saturday is 8:00 A.M. – Sharp!

Be there!

Style Guy

Dear Style Guy,

How can I ever trust Mavic again? When my R-Sys front wheel was recalled, Mavic promised that the replacement would be the same weight as the original. I weighed the recalled wheel, before sending it back, at 585 grams. When I received the replacement, lo and behold, it weighed in at 586 grams, a weight increase of 0.17%! Not only that, but the front wheel carbon fiber rods no longer match the rear wheel rods. WHY? Because the carbon fiber layers are wrapped in a different direction. Can I suffer the disgrace of mismatched wheels without being an embarrassment to the minions? What should I do?

Signed,

Stylish Weight Weenie

Dear Stylish Weight Weenie,

Talk about “Style!” Just asking a question like this indicates that you are a wheel savant! You have reached the epitome of bike geekdom. But it is true, you can never trust Mavic again and you cannot, under any circumstances, ride with those unmatched wheels. I would suggest that you order new wheels from Zipp, or Bontrager or Fischer Price for that matter, and immediately, and I mean immediately, give those wheels to Sharkman.

Thanks for writing!

Style Guy