Bissell Boy Buys for the House!
Winner of “Name Tardette” Announced!
Belo News
Galesburg, Mi.
May 30, 2009
Galesburg, Mi. – By now everyone is aware that Boffo, that irascible Clown, pulled off the hat trick by taking the May 30th final sprint! As you can see in the photo, he celebrated his victory by napping on the couch at the Klutch at the post race press conference. Though the Minions have had one other triple winner, he was asterisked for an illegal breakaway on one of those victories and he knows who he is!
Sharkman, just returning from his tour of Great Britain, surprised everyone, including himself, by making the start. It seemed Lava Girl just assumed he would ride and when he realized that, he simply headed out the door! Thank you Lava Girl! (More on Sharkman’s Tour later).
Sixteen riders showed up for this edition on yet another cool, but sunny Saturday morning. Sporting her new Kuota, Cloud Girl cut a fine figure on the Minion Credo that if you can’t be good look good. She also had Airman in tow, just back from his crash a couple of weeks ago and sporting those new wheels he had been lusting about during his convalescences. Adding to the group were Rainman and Tardette. The Update is please to report that Tardette has been officially named….Tardette! Yes, Sharkman wins the “Name Tardette” contest and collects the free kup of koffee from himself. Sharkman won because he was the only Minion to submit the $50 entry fee AND the name finally grew on Tardette and to be frank, that is what everyone calls her anyway. So Tardette it is!
Rounding out the group for the morning was Brewman, the Un-Named Rider, Danimal (aka Dancing Dan), Stingray, All Black, Boffo, Bullet Bob, Stroker and a new rider, Eric.
Not having a nickname, Eric was scrutinized closely and when it was noted he had a particularly “pigeon toed” form of pedaling, the name Pigeon Toe or Pigeon Man was immediately thrown out. However, even Sharkman isn’t that cruel, so the name “Birdman” was bestowed upon the new rider and he will here in be referred to as the Birdman. Welcome to the Minion Nation, Birdman!
As the Minions moved north of town, Gazelle Girl surprised everyone by making the early start time and joined in on the fun. As the group approached the C Ave. Sprint, they were joined by Nikeboy, who had thought Sharkman was not riding today. Seeing Sharkman leaving the Shark Cove, Nikeboy quickly suited up and rode the course in reverse to latch on to the group. So they were 16 Minions as the group headed to the finish.
After the G Ave. crossing, the pace line picked up again and was closely bunched together as the mighty Minion nation bore down on the final sprint to the finish. Sharkman, feeling he should sacrifice himself to spread out the peleton, jumped out to the lead and held it for at least 3 to 4 feet before the onslaught of Minions went by him.
A diabolical laugh was then heard from the rear of the peleton as the cunning Boffo ramped up speed to make his patented “fly by” move. Timing his jump perfectly, he shot for the finish with several Minions it tow. But alas, he was again able to hold off Bullet Bob and Stroker, who were right on his butt like a bunch of clowns hanging on to the little red clown fire engine!
As the riders made their way down the Champs le Galesburg, Boffo waved to his adoring fans and made a few balloon animals for the kids in the crowd.
The Minions were greeted at the Klutch by Luann AND Bissell Boy with his son Jack. Not only that, but they bought the house around of Bottomless Kups! What a guy! It is amazing what lengths these Minions go to so that they can get their names in the Update! Keep that Koffee Koming!
Fortunately, Nikeboy was present to pull our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, back to the Shark Cove after he gorged himself on the free Koffee.
The cold mornings continue, so this week’s ride will still launch at 8:00 A.M. – SHARP!
We will also make this week Beer Jersey Week! Let’s see if you’re reading the Update! Wear you favorite Beer Jersey!
Be there!
Style Guy
Dear Style Guy,
I am curious about something. It seems that the only true style in the peleton these days is coming from the Lady Minions. I mean, Cloud Girl has a cool new bike, Gazelle Girl is posted on the photo section of the blog in her cool retro gear and old Schwinn bike, and even Tardette has a cool name. But the rest of the Minions, well, I gotta be honest, they aren’t always cool. What can we do to be cool like the lady Minions.
Signed – Dejected Minion
Dear DM,
Forget about it. The only Minion beyond the Lady Minions with any semblance of style is the Sharkman hizzelf. Come on, this bunch of rag tag riders has trouble pedaling and drinking from a water bottle at the same time. If it weren’t for the lady Minions and Sharkman, well there wouldn’t be any style in the peleton. Just keep trying to do your best and remember, if you can’t be good, look good!
Style Guy
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