SHARKMAN & GAZELLE GIRL TELL ALL!

Sharkman being interviewed on Oprah!

WAS ANYONE CRAZY ENOUGH TO RIDE LAST WEEK? 

NAME THAT MINION UPDATE!


Belo News
April 13, 2013

Shark Cove - Mi.  The entire cycling world was abuzz all week with rumor and innuendo  concerning drug allegations in the mighty Minion Nation.  The allegations began when an innocent photo of one of the iconic members of the peloton captured her dipping into a "bag of tricks" that was labeled "Dope." The infamous photo began to circulate as did a subsequent photo of our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, dipping into what looked like the very same "bag of tricks" as well as speculation about his superior abilities on that particular Saturday that were then connected to the photo.

As a result, both riders have set the record straight with in-depth interviews on Oprah!

In their tell all interviews, first Sharkman stated that he had been tested numerous times and other than heavy traces of Pop Tarts, prunes and caffeine, he has passed every single test the Galesburg Cycling Federation has administered to him (other than the time he missed the sample cup). Concerning his dramatic improvement on the bike on that given Saturday, he attributed that to particularly high consumption of Pop Tarts that morning along with some adult beverages that he had indulged in the previous evening.

Gazelle Girl excited to be on Oprah!

Meanwhile, Gazelle Girl, who started the controversy with her "bag of tricks," also maintained complete innocence and stated that she has carried that particular "change" purse for some time.  Gazelle Girl became increasingly excited during the interview and at one point began to jump up and down on the couch, shouting her love of the bike, the mighty Minion Nation, particular cocktail combinations and that Koffee at the Klutch (and that occasional cocktail) was all the drug she needed to kick butt in the peloton!

You go girl!

As a result, the Cycling Federation has concluded the investigation and has cleared both Sharkman AND Gazelle Girl of any wrong doing and additionally, they have publicly apologized for their over zealous persecution of these two icons of the peloton.

WAS ANYONE CRAZY ENOUGH TO RIDE LAST WEEK? 

Belo News

April 13, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - As our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, headed out early for Muskegon on Saturday, he wondered if anyone would be riding on the cold and snowy morning he was witnessing through the windshield of his Sharkmobile as he headed past Galesburg and the field of dreams he has come to know as the KK-TdG.  As readers of Belo News are all aware, the Shark hates to miss a Saturday with his beloved league of Minions but duty called and he could not be in the Nation on this day.

When he arrived in Muskegon at around 8:30 a.m., he received a text from Rainman stating "This might be the Saturday you ride alone!" to which our hero responded, "Yea, I'm not even there!"

Yes, it would be hard to believe that anyone, even a Minion, would ride on a morning like this, but as we all know, there is always one or two Minions who will ride in any kind of weather!

As we began to go to press, our own Mad Dog sent in the attached story, including photos, and what a story it is!  Not only did he and Airman ride, but Mad Dog rode over to the start from the Creek!  Both he AND Airman have been referred by the Cycling Federation for psychiatric treatment and hope to be released soon. 

But a big thanks to Mad Dog for this great write up!  

Apparently you have a lot of time on your hands waiting to get out of psychiatric treatments!

Belo News Special Report

Mad Dog

April 13, 2013

Galesburg, Mi. - The skies were bleak and the winds were blowing in even more epic proportions than the previous week.

Ardent followers of the blog will remember last week Sharkman rode to the start with Mad Dog, and winds were coming in epic proportions out of the east, resulting in a tail wind. Now this week
Mad Dog, all by himself, was fighting winds of proportions never seen by the Nation. Mad Dog questioned how their intrepid hero knew to ride in with a tail wind last week, have Lava Girl take him
home after the ride, thus avoiding a head wind home, and then be gone for the next ride when he would have faced a head wind.

Mad Dog said he held out hope, as he approached the way leading to Shark Cove, that maybe Rainman would be riding over. He said, “As I crested a small rise at an even smaller pace due to the headwinds of epic proportions, I notice a figure with a fluid cadence and a trademark white strip along one calf and I knew it must be Rainmain.”

Now the careful readers of this blog, not just those who skim the in-depth reporting for their names, will also remember from last week that Sharkman and Mad Dog kind of left Rainman by himself for the
ride over. Well, it seems it was pay back time for Mad Dog, because he said as try as he might, he could not catch Rainman. The question of how could Rainman could be riding as if the headwinds of epic proportions weren't so epic would soon be known.

Scandal had already rocked the peloton the time Mad Dog arrived at the start. 

Mad Dog said the thought of just turning around crossed this mind more than once, but he knew Airman would be waiting. Airman texted him the day before and assured him he would be there; for if he
stayed home he would be on cleaning duty.

The references in the prior blog entries to the possible use of performance enhancing substances within the Nation led to a crackdown by some Commissioner of Cycling. The first casualty was Rainman, who was sent home for having a bike far below the required minimum weight.

Wolf King was the next expulsion from the peloton, due to his refusal to wear a helmet. The Commissioner, citing rule 123.4 (b) ii, sent Wolf King packing. Wolf King was reported to have said, “It's too nice of weather to ride anyway. I only ride when it's really, really cold and Sharkman is buying
koffe.”

All Black, while not technically removed from the peloton by the Commissioner at the start, disappeared shortly after making his appearance in a new top secrete all black getup. Besides being super stylish, All Black's new kit has a super stealth mode, and once activated, he was never seen from again.

Not wanting to loose any more members of the Nation, Airman and Mad Dog led the group out
right at 9:00 am sharp.

As the Minion train rolled by the Klutch, it was reported Hossman was seen hurrying to get ready once again, having parked behind the Klutch. Without their leader to instill discipline and order, some of the Nation hurried across the train tracks to beat a train while poor Hossman was stranded on the other side.

Due to his previous indications of early season form, all thought Hossman would easily catch up, but
the train was just too long and he was never seen again. What was left of the nation was sure they would see Gazelle Girl. But as they approached her typical jumping on point, a gray trailer with ominous wording on the back passed, heading toward her house. It appeared Gazelle Girl's little bag of
tricks and the previous in-depth reporting resulted in a surprise early morning test for her.

The Nation sped on, not wanting her to steal the spotlight and receive any more press than she already does when she doesn't ride.

Without their intrepid hero in the pack, the peloton knew there would be no honorary sprint, and everyone left wanted that prize. Mad Dog launched a ferocious attack, which was easily covered by Airman. As Mad Dog looked over his shoulder to see what damage had been done, Airman jumped him on the other side. As the line rapidly approached, Mad Dog was just able to come to terms with Airman, resulting in a tie!
The next few sprints resulted in the exact same results, with a tie between Airman and Mad Dog. The peloton was quickly becoming dejected with the iron grip the duo had on the sprints, and numerous
Minions talked of abandoning.



Through the Bible Conference Hills the relentless pace of Mad Dog and Airman shredded the peloton's legs. Past the Digital Divide cries of mercy were heard from the peloton as Airman and Mad Dog formed a perfect pace line Their clockwork like precision resulted in unspeakable speed.

As the peloton rapidly approached the hill before the finish, they knew they were racing for third, unable to truly match the power and speed of the Airman and Mad Dog. As in all previous sprints, the photo finish was just too close to call.

Who are all those guys?

Knowing the Tofosi and Paparazzi only wanted to see and hear from Mad Dog and Airman, the rest of
the peloton faded away, leaving only these two strong men of the Nation to ride down the Champs le
Galesburg.

As the duo entered the Klutch, they
were surprised, and maybe just a
little delighted, to find Luann allowed
the Klutch to be the location of a photo
shoot showcasing the newest bikes
and whatnot.

Is this a great country or what!

You won't want to miss this weeks ride when the Sharkman returns!

This Saturday, April 20, 2013

Launch Time - 9:00 A.M. - SHARP!

NAME THAT MINION UPDATE!

Belo News

April 17, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - The results are coming in fast and furious for two Minions to have their Minion names changed!  

As the Nation is aware, there was quite a bit of controversy on nick names two weeks ago and as the Nation also knows, Belo News has had contests in the past to see if a name should be changed.  For those of you new to the Nation, Minions are assigned names to riders to protect the innocent, primarily family members who do not want to be associated in anyway with Minion activities.  

Both Kia Pet and Dr. Toe brought up the possibility of a name change.  

So, the Commissioner of Cycling has declared a "Name that Minion" Contest and we are very pleased to report that the checks are coming in fast and furious and Sharkman loves that.  Though all the checks seem to be coming from one source in Portage, Michigan, well.....money is money and as we all know the Sharkman can be bought!  

Oh, the humanity!  Looks like we might have some name changes coming, that is if the checks keep coming!

You can still vote to change the names of these two riders and only these two riders by sending $50 in a self addressed envelope to "Name that Minion!" ℅ Sharkman, Shark Cove, Mi. 

Please, simply let us know if the Commissioner of Cycling should a name change and don't forget the check made out to the Sharkman.  

Sorry, no second party, out of state, post dated checks allowed.  This contest if void where prohibited by law but you can still send the money in.

We will report the results in a future Belo News!

TUESDAY NIGHT RIDE STARTS!

Belo News
April 16, 2013

Battle Creek, Mi. - The return of the Tuesday Night Minions East Ride has begun!  Yes, a "soft opening" of the regular Tuesday Night Chain Gang Ride has been resurrected for the season as Airman, Mad Dog and Sharkman launched from Kellogg World Headquarters for the inaugural ride of the season.  The winds were strong out of the northwest which interestingly, seemed to affect the riders going both ways, but the dynamic trio was able to still turn in a very respectful 19.5 mph average for the evening.  Sharkman was rumored to have taken Wednesday off to recuperate after the intensity of the ride!

If you like to ride hard in a pace line this is the ride for you!

Tuesday Evenings, Kellogg World Headquarters Upper Parking lot - 5:30 p.m. - Launch!

Be there!

WHOA BABY, IT WAS A GREAT SATURDAY!

"Whoa Baby, what a day!" - Rain Drop says it all!

WHO IN THE HECK IS LIZARD MAN?

DRUG INVESTIGATION LAUNCHED!

Belo News

April 6, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - As the steam from his kup of koffee slowly ascended to meet the first rays of dawn before him, our intrepid hero noted that the Shark Thermometer had a better story to tell this week than the past few! 

It would be a good day to ride!

It was 37 degrees and the radar was showing dry weather for at least the morning hours!  

The Nation Rides!

Sharkman had already cleared it with Lava Girl that she would come over to the Klutch to pick our hero up post ride, so the first thing he did was text Mad Dog to tell him he would have company for the ride over!  Sharkman's biggest problem was trying to figure out from the temperature and wind what to wear. Well, that and the fact that Rainman's garage door was opening and wondering if the young Minion was riding over or just getting his bike ready to drive to the start.  After a couple circles at the end of Rainman's drive and knowing Mad Dog would be waiting, he headed out to Minges Road to find Mad Dog ready to ride over.

Minions start a fire to stay warm?

Sharkman shared with Mad Dog that he had received emails from Team Taylor riders that they would be joining the Nation this very morning for the ride.  Both Nickhead and someone named "Lizard Man" had emailed with questions about the ride.  

Lizard Head?  

Sharkman was unaware of a Minion named Lizard Head and when he looked at the email address he realized it was from the very famous Team Taylor/Minion formerly named Kia Pet.  So Sharkman certainly wanted to get the story from him as to the attempted name change when he arrived for the ride.

The wind on the way to the start was coming out of the southeast and coming in epic proportions (read gusts of 15 mph). This pushed to duo to get to the start a bit early and as they arrived they found no one there as they quickly hustled under the front door area to get out of the wind.  After they got off their bikes, Rainman appeared and stated he had ridden over and just could not catch on to the two.  

Sorry for not waiting Rainman…..

Soon, Airman drove in and got his bike ready and as All Black rode up they all huddled to stay warm.

Yeti Boy, just back from virtual training in Mexico, pulled in and not seeing the riders or Sharkman's car, he sat in his car waiting until Sharkman called him on his cell phone and told him to look out the back window of his car!

As they waited, three Team Taylor riders rode in from Kazoo.  Nickhead, Kia Pet (aka Lizard Man) and the Bounty Hunter!

It was learned that the Bounty Hunter was new to Team Taylor and a virgin Minion!

Bounty Hunter, Kia Pet & Nickhead ride with the Nation!

Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation Bounty Hunter! (Love the name).  Turns out for a guy riding for only the past couple of months, he was an animal on the roads!

Getting back to the Lizard Man, the Shark was savvy to the fact that when some people do not like their Minion name, they attempt to get it changed by calling themselves something else in hopes that it sticks.  Sort of like the old Seinfeld episode where George wants to be called T-Bone and get's the name "Monkey Boy" instead.  Nice try Kia Pet. 

More on this later……

Where'e the mustache Pirate?

Riders continued to arrive, including the Pirate, sans mustache!  Whoa, we hardly recognized the famous Minion without the stache! The Pirate also shared that he will be doing a lot of work from Europe this summer and we won't be seeing him, but also shared he would be sending reports to Belo News on riding in Spain and hopefully reporting from the Tour de France!  Ranger Rick made it two weeks in a row and the peloton was ready to rock after some of the riders made a comfort stop at the back of the school.

Luann was at her post at the front door as the Nation flew past the Klutch and headed out to the course with no flat tires this week!

As the Nation headed north on 36th Street, two riders approached to the shout of "Gazelle Girl!"  Turns out, Gazelle Girl had brought her personal physician, Dr. Toe with her!  

Welcome back Dr. Toe!

As regular readers of Belo News may remember, Dr. Toe had mistakenly been called "Toe Setter" at the Pole 2 Pole race earlier this year and he had taken a liking to the name.  As he stated, "I'm really not a doctor and I just tugged on her toe to fix it.  After all, I'm good at tugging on things!" 

More on this later in this edition.

Rain Drop is ready to ride!

With 13 mighty Minions in the Nation, Airman went to the front and led our hero out to his honorary first sprint at G Ave.

The Nation was in a good mood, discussing the weather and talking about how windy it was and how difficult the ride south was going to be.

The peloton splintered on the col de Twin Lakes as Yeti Boy led the way up the climb but again, the Nation came together at the stop sign.  Ranger Rick, Rainman and Airman took it up a notch in the Kountry Klub section and when Nickhead went by them in the sprint to the stop ahead, Sharkman jumped on his wheel and the two fought it out. (Belo News does not report sprint finishes this early so come on out if you want to know who is winning Spring sprints, Bunkie!).

Ranger Rick again jumped out in front in the run up to the col de Norte and at the summit, Sharkman tried to get a pace line together, but there were either two many Minions, it was too early in the year, or the collective coordination of the Nation sucks, but whatever it was, it was more like trying to push string than anything resembling a pace line.

Our hero and his main squeeze, Lava Girl!

The group experienced more attacks in the Bible Conference Hills and the peloton came apart and then back together at Frona's.

Once past the Digital Divide, a pace line was again attempted but no one seemed to want to play nice and again it would better be described as  organized chaos.

As the Nation crossed the GGG Spot, something similar to a pace line formed up (amazing) as the train headed into gale force winds.

As the Nation got to the foot of the climb before the finish, Rainman, with Sharkman on his wheel, opened up a gap, but when Rainman rolled aside to let Sharkman pull through, Sharkman described it as "hitting a wall of wind" when they crested and then moved down the hill.  

Yeti Boy enjoying his first kup after Mexico!

Meanwhile, Nickhead had bridged the gap and the two breakaway riders and took over the lead with Sharkman and Rainman in tow.

With the wind howling in their faces and the peloton slowly reeling them in, Rainman, Nickhead and Sharkman stayed away to the finish!

Average speed was clocked at 17.8 mph.  

The Nation grows stronger!

As the riders rode down the Champs le Galesburg, Kia Pet began complaining about his name again while the Nation waved to their adoring Tofosi and the Paparazzi.  

Lava Girl was waiting at the Klutch and Sharkman was sure she would have koffee ready for him, but to no avail.  Hey! What's with that?

However, as he turned dejectedly to buy HIS OWN koffee, there was Rainman with a kup of koffee for our hero!  Good ole Rainman….it only made Sharkman feel more guilty he hadn't waited for the young Minion on the ride over!

The Klutch was jumping when the famous Tardette arrived with little Rain Drop in tow!  

Rainman, Tardette & Rain Drop sign autographs!

Rain Drop was in great form and after signing a few autographs, settled in for some nice warm formula.  She was the hit of the post ride activities.

Even the Team Taylor riders stayed for the Press Conference and koffee as Kia Pet continued to protest his name and attempt to build his case as they discussed having to ride back to Kazoo into the gale force winds.

Later in the day, Nickhead reported that he and the Team Taylor riders are hoping to ride with the

Gazelle Girl and Dr. Toe/Toe Setter!

Nation a bit more this year and that "it was very windy heading home but we tucked behind our 'little Kia Pet' and he dragged us home."  When asked if he could be quoted, Nickhead responded by stating that he would gladly give up all rights to the quote.  Kia Pet, who had been copied, was asked for comment and he stated, "Hey, Nickhead, my name is not @#$%*&+ Kia Pet!"  Whew.....!

One thing you should never do is let the Nation know you don't like your name because then it may NEVER change!

It was a great day in the peloton and no one will want to miss this weeks edition, though it will be sans Sharkman as he will be gone this Saturday.  

But the ride goes on!

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Launch Time - 9:00 A.M. - SHARP!

Be there!

NAME THAT MINION CONTEST!

Belo News

April 9, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - As the Nation is aware, there was quite a bit of controversy on nick names this past weekend and as the Nation also knows, Belo News has had contests in the past to see if a Minion should be granted a different name.  

For those of you new to the Nation, Minions are assigned names to protect the innocent, primarily family members who do not want to be associated in anyway with Minion activities, Belo News or the Sharkman.  

This past week, both Kia Pet and Dr. Toe brought up the possibility of a name change.  Well, actually, Dr. Toe mentioned it while Kia Pet was pretty darn vocal about his name, which isn't going to help him any…..

So, the Commissioner of Cycling has declared another "Name that Minion" Contest!  After all, it has been a while since we changed Tardettes name from Tardette to Tardette!

You can vote to change the names of these two riders and only these two riders by sending $50 in a self addressed envelope to "Name that Minion!" ℅ Sharkman, Shark Cove, Mi. 

Please, simply let us know if the Commissioner of Cycling should allow a name change, what the name should be and don't forget the check made out to the Sharkman.  

Sorry, no second party, out of state, post dated checks allowed.  This contest is void where prohibited by law but you can still send the money in.

We will report the results in a future Belo News!

DRUG INVESTIGATION LAUNCHED!

Sharkman investigating? Or does this explain his strengh for the day?

Belo News

April 9, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - As many readers were made aware last week, there were some allegations of potential drug use in the peloton the previous week.  These allegations flew about a certain riders prowess after the winter break. Gazelle Girl, who has vehemently denied any drug use while riding (she has not comment on any other times) was actually caught on camera with her "little bag of tricks" while enjoying a koffee at the Klutch.  

As a result, an in-depth investigation has been launched by the Commissioner of Cycling and it is rumored that in the wake of the overwhelming evidence, Gazelle Girl has scheduled an interview on the Oprah Show where she will tell all. 

Well, not all, but all about these specific allegations.  After all, Oprah is only an hour show.

Meanwhile, there were some questions as to the investigative methods used to gather the evidence as well as Sharkmans great riding form this past Saturday.  Well, great for Sharkman anyway......

Could it be?  Could it possibly be?

Watch Oprah and find out!

UPCOMING EVENTS!

Belo News

April 9, 2013

• The Fort Custer Stampede is slated for May 5th and all proceeds go to trail development and maintenance!
• May is Bike Month and May 13-19 is Bike Week!  So get those bikes out and ride to work, the store, to a Minion Ride near you!
• On the Tuesday of Bike Week, the Kalamazoo Bicycle Film Festival will take with a feature film at Bell's Brewery!
• Tour de Taylor is coming up on June 15th! More on this in a later edition!

The Gathering of Minions!

SUNSHINE AND RIDERS!

WHAT, NO SEAT POST BOLT?

GAZELLE GIRL HALF MARATHON? OH, YES!

Belo News

March 30, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - One can only imagine the excitement at the Shark Cove as a clear, blue sky greeted our hero when he rolled out of his shark bed!  After two weeks of cold and snow, it was looking like Mother Nature was finally going to smile on the Minion Nation.  

Or was it?

New bike or new wheels?

When Lava Girl awoke she looked at the Shark Thermometer and commented that it was a cold 26 degrees outside!  This only confused our intrepid hero as he began wondering what clothes to take with him to the start. The old Shark was also pondering what bike to take.  Suspecting a bigger turnout (what a difference a week and warm temps makes) he decided some of the young studs might be in attendance and he better take his trusty Litespeed rather than his cross bike.  Good thing he did!

As he loaded the car and felt the warm sun on his dorsal, he started going back into the Cove for different, less warm clothes.

Our hero's joy was in abundance as he pulled into the parking lot and saw several riders preparing their steeds for the mornings ride!

There was Airman, who everyone was asking, "did you buy a new bike?"

Apparently, he bought new wheels, which made the bike look different, plus, ....well new!  Airman

Tow Truck, Mad Dog & Ranger Rick listen to Airman.

responded that it was not only the same bike, but it was the first time in three years he DIDN'T have a new bike for the season!  This man loves his bikes!

Kid Doster, Wolf King, Cannon, Brewman, Ranger Rick, All Black where all getting their bikes ready and wondering about what to wear when first, Tow Truck then Mad Dog rode in.

At 9:30 A.M. SHARP, the mighty Minion Nation pulled away from the start and headed toward the Klutch, where Luann was busy with a customer, but still got to the side door to wave the peloton on!

It was then that a cry of "Flat Tire!" was heard from the back of the train.

It was none other than Wolf King himself, whose front tire was losing air fast from the valve area of an old tube.

Alas, not only did Wolf King not have a tube, he did not have either CO2 or a pump or even tire irons!  "What?" you say?  Isn't this the rider who gave grief to our hero, the Sharkman, when he broke his seat post bolt and didn't have a spare?  Who berated our hero about not being prepared?  Who now needed our own hero's tube, tire irons AND CO2 and  hand pump? Yes, it was the same Wolf King.

Kid Doster & Brewman make their debuts!

With the weather a bit cool, it was difficult to get the tire off the rim, but once off, a puff of baby powder, a scent of CO2, and the riders were off again to head north!

As they did, a mighty cheer went up from the peloton as Gazelle Girl approached making her season debut!  "Gazelle Girl!" rang out from the peloton as the Nation moved toward Sharkman's honorary sprint, which he worked way too hard to grab.

The crowd seemed pretty mellow and all still seemed to be complaining that they were not in shape for the ride.  However, as the Nation approached the col de Twin Lakes their speed continued as Cannon picked up the pace with Sharkman on his wheel.

Cannon shared that he had a bad crash at the previous weeks Barry-Roubaix and his GPS had him going from 23 mph to zero in next to nothing as he went down on his knee after getting his wheel stuck in an ice rut.  However, it did not seem to affect his riding this fine, sunny morning.  The col de Twin Lakes blew the peloton apart, but it all came back together at the top and as the Nation moved into the infamous Kountry Klub section after Kellogg Korner.

As many Minions know, this section seems to be where the Minions like to take it up a notch and though Sharkman thought it might be too early for that, it apparently was not.  Thinking he was glad to have brought his Litespeed, he watched as Tow Truck, Cannon and Ranger Rick went to the front and took long pulls.

Meanwhile, Wolf King continued to lose a bit of air out of the newly fixed tire, or at least he was using that as his excuse for lagging behind as the nation waited at the top of the col de Norte.

After the Bible Conference Hills, where Gazelle Girl helped Wolf King get to Frona's by using the cut off, Wolf King need Sharkman's pump to put more air in his tire.

When the train crossed the Digital Divide, Wolf King came from worse to first and pulled the Minions into a nice pace line but then got quickly jettisoned off the back once the group got up to ramming speed.

At the GGG spot, Sharkman had an average speed of 17.5 mph on his computer but when he didn't see the Wolf, he headed back and told the Nation he liked his koffee dark and bottomless (not that it did any good….) 

Leaving no Minion behind, our hero headed back to get Wolf King who was just off the back but was complaining about a rough day on the bike.

Wolf King latched on to the old Shark's wheel and they almost caught on to the run away peloton which seemed to be taking their sweet time getting to the finish.

Now we know where Gazelle Girl get's her edge!

As the peloton headed down the road to the Champs le Galesburg, Wolf King said he was still losing air and was heading straight to the Klutch.  Sharkman again shouted out, "Dark, bottomless!" but again, it was to no avail…..

The crowds went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as the mighty Nation appeared in force on their way to the Klutch where the koffee was dark and bottomless!

Cannon had to leave early, but first showed the Nation his banged up knee and one could only marvel at the fact he was riding fine one week later.  But then again, the Minions are pretty tough sharks and he is young.

In the photo to the right, Belo News was able to catch Gazelle Girl "dipping into" her bag of tricks and we now know what gives her that special edge in the peloton! The Commissioner of Cycling is launching an investigation!

Eleven riders made this week and it is hoped that even more Minions will be out next week!

Since it is April and it is supposed to be getting warmer, the time will be moved up to 9:00 a.m. this week so riders won't need to rush off and miss the ambiance of the Klutch!

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Launch Time - 9:00 a.m. - SHARP!

Be there!

UPCOMING EVENTS!

Belo News

April 4, 2013

• The Fort Custer Stampede is slated for May 5th and all proceeds go to trail development and maintenance!
• May is Bike Month and May 13-19 is Bike Week!  So get those bikes out and ride to work, the store, to a Minion Ride near you - just ride!
• On the Tuesday of Bike Week, the Kalamazoo Bicycle Film Festival will take with a feature film at Bell's Brewery!
• Tour de Taylor is coming up on June 15th! More on this in a later edition so mark you calendars!

GAZELLE GIRL HALF MARATHON!

Belo News

April 3, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - Just as Belo News was going to press, Hoosier Boy sent the Editor a note asking if, in fact, a half Marathon had been named after our own sweet heart of the peloton, Gazelle Girl herself!  Hoosier Boy reported that he is on an email list for Gazelle Sports and received an update on upcoming events, which include a "Gazelle Girl Marathon."  Belo News was able to reach Gazelle Girl at home where she is quoted as stayin, "I'm a brand! Is this a great country or what!"

Yes, it is a great country Gazelle Girl, it is indeed!  For more information on this event, you can go to:

http://www.gazellesports.com/info/255-GazelleGirlHalf.html

SHARKMAN BUY'S?

Luann cheering the Nation on!

WAS BARRY-ROUBAIX ON SATURDAY?

LATE BREAKING NEWS ON BARRY-ROUBAIX!

WHEN WILL WINTER END?

Belo News

March 23, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - After the major debacle that has come to be known as the "Distribution Error," things settled down here last week at Belo News with a number of Minions reporting in. For whatever reason, a number of Minions are reporting that they have not been as, shall we say, "dedicated" over the winter and do not feel  like they are in shape this year and hesitant to come on out and ride.

Additionally, with all the change in the start/finish of Barry-Roubaix, the caution letter concerning ice, and just the cold weather in general, etc. a number of Minions reported they were thinking of blowing off the race.

When a cold dawn broke over the Shark Cove, the Sharkman took a look at the Shark thermometer and wondered if there would be any Minions in attendance with the temperature at 26 degrees!

In the 25 years of Minion riding, including the 8 seasons that the ride has started/finished at the Klutch, Minions always showed up to ride.  Even in some unbelievable weather, some idiotic Minion (usually Sharkman hizzelf) would show up to ride.  But this morning the old Shark had a bad feeling that the hard winter and late Spring had caused some of the Minions to stay in hibernation longer than normal and he was going to find himself riding solo.  As he thought to himself, "At least I could take all the sprints," and approached the parking lot he didn't see anyone there yet.

As our hero made the turn onto Battle Creek Street, much to his relief, Wolf King was pulling in right in front of him!  Wolf King had told Sharkman that he was a definite "maybe" because he was on kid duty for sports, but apparently he had convinced his better half to take over the responsiblity!

As the Sharkman shared his relief that at least one other rider had shown, and as the two were piling on the clothes in the now 28 degree temps, Sharkman spotted another Minion decked out in Bissell Kit approaching from downtown.  "Who could it be?" Sharkman pondered as he knew Bissell Boy was doing Barry Roubaix and there weren't too many other riders with complete Bissell Kit that ride a Pinarello.

But it was, in fact, Bissell Boy who had decided that a ride with the mighty Minion Nation was more appealing than the throngs who would be descending on Hastings and the icy track and major hill climbs.

At 9:30 a.m. SHARP, the mighty Minion Nation headed out and found Luann ready at the Klutch front door to wave the Nation on!  

As the peloton headed north, they spotted yet another ride wondering if it was Gazelle Girl, but she had also told Sharkman that it would be a while before she came out this year.

As the rider headed south towards them, they realized it was Mad Dog, who thought he was late and had gone on ahead.  He was easily recognizable by the messenger bag carrying a change of clothes so that he could ride home to Battle Creek after changing cloths at the Klutch.  Didn't we tell you this guy was tough?

With both Bissell Boy and Sharkman on cross bikes, the speed wasn't too bad and the group enjoyed a nice pace as they attacked the col de Twin Lakes through Kellogg Korner, the Kountry Klub section and the col de Norte.  

As the train headed south, the discussion turned to favorite bourbons, special mix drinks and expensive tequilla.  There had been discussion about stopping at Bissell Boys for a shot of bourbon to warm up and Wolf King immediately started whining when he learned the Nation was only joking.  The group seemed to favor Makers Mark, but even though they did not stop, the thought of a nice Makers warmed their little Minion hearts.

In the Bible Conference Hills, Wolf King put in a sprint, but Sharkman, feeling pretty good for early spring, reeled him in as they approached Frona's.  Bissell Boy commented on how the Nation might want to start a more relaxed ride and stop at Frona's for breakfast some time, which got Wolf King whining again about not stopping for food.

As the Nation crossed the Digital Divide, a really nice pace line formed up and the four Minions played very nicely to keep it going to G Ave. with no one attempting make a move for the sprint.  It must be Spring and it was gratifying to see a good pace line so early in the season.

South of the GGG spot, another very nice pace line formed up and at the top of the final climb, when Bissell Boy moved aside the Sharkman took over.

Sharkman pulled down the hill and then pulled aside but no one came through.  Since Sharkman does not like to look back, he had no idea who was behind him or that Wolf King was right on his dorsal to come around our hero at the finish to steal the finish.

Wolf King started to tell Sharkman that if he had taken off at the top of the hill, he would have won the sprint, but Sharkman explained that A.) it was Spring and he does not report the sprint until well into April or may and B.) he was playing nice and was fully expecting someone to come through on the descent just as they had at the GGG spot crossing.

Ride stats from Wolf Kings phone;

The Nation discussing Bourbon at the Klutch

Trip time:	01:50:37
Trip distance:	28.0 mi
Trip calories:	1019 kcal
Average speed:	15.3 mph
Maximum speed:	27.1 mph
Climbed altitude:	619 ft

There weren't too many paparazzi or tofosi on the Champs le Galesburg as our heroes rode to the Klutch, but those that were there were certainly energetic, waving Makers Mark flags and shouting out favorite Manhattan mixes as the riders triumphantly approached the Klutch.

Luann was waiting with her usual great Koffee and the Sharkman, taking his cue from Wolf King from the previous week, announced he was buying for the four riders!  Bissell Boy handed out some new team Bissell Team T shirts as the discussion of bourbons continued around the table.  Is this a great country or what?!?

Though the weather doesn't seem to want to turn warm yet, the mighty Minion Nation will ride again this week and the time will remain the same in hopes it will allow the temps to come up a bit.  So if you are worried about what kind of shape you are in, or if you haven't been on the bike yet, this is the time to get out and get into shape with the entire Nation!

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Launch Time - 9:30 a.m. - SHARP!

Be there!

DID ANYONE RIDE BARRY-ROUBAIX?

Belo News

March 23, 2013

Reporter Reb

Hastings, Mi. - Belo News is pleased to report that we have a new Minion in our midst and though he has yet to ride with the Nation on a Saturday morning, he did do the Iceman last fall with the Nation and has regularly ridden with our hero, the Sharkman and Yeti Boy out at the Fort.  He was warned that he should consider a Minion name (we try not to use peoples real names in Belo News to protect the innocent) before the Nation names him, so he came up with the name "Reb!" Has something to do with his last name. 

Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation, Reb!

We just need to work on getting him onto a road bike!

Since we did not get any reports from any of the other Minions, Reb was asked to report in from the scene!  This guy has potential as a regular columnist for this rag!

Take it away Reb!

"It was my first Barry-Roubaix so I have nothing to compare it to, but the roads were frozen and unless you were unfortunate enough to get in one of the deep ruts and had a tire go sideways. It was a fast track.

Race was fun and despite everybody warning the roads were too muddy, too icy, too something, it was cool enough that 90% of the race was on hard, frozen dirt.  The only surprise for me was the hills.  I had no idea there were so many hills in that part of the world. 

The only problem with the temperatures being so low was the after party was shorter than average.  Like I said, it was my first BR, but moving the start/finish to downtown Hastings has the potential to become really special, especially if they relax the beer policy.  To drink beer you had to stay inside a fenced-in area and couldn't mingle around the fire pit or visit the vendor tents... unless you brought the beer you "borrowed" from Breadman's (aka Yeti Boy) garage and utilized your half-frozen water bottle.  (Had to throw in a Yeti Boy reference)(Editors note - spoken like a true Minion!)

Tom and I were thinking it would be a good place to train for the Iceman this fall. Besides that, it was a great race.  Nick Head and Iceman both rode the 36 mile event and stated "They had a blast". 

Live from Hastings (2 days ago), this is Reb reporting for the Minion Nation!"

LATE BREAKING NEWS ON BARRY-ROUBAIX!

Belo News

March 27, 2013

Early leaders at Barry-Roubaix

Hastings, Mi. - After getting the above story posted, our own Dr. Dave got in under the wire with his update on Barry-Roubaix, complete with photos!  Two Minion reporters!  Were else can you get this kind of in-depth, up to the minute, breath taking reporting?  No where, Bunkie!  Here it is from Belo News and Dr. Dave!

Take it away Dr. Dave:

"Have you had any reports about the almost literal "Killer Gravel Road Race?"

It was quite an experience!  

Close to 3000 riders descended on what otherwise would have been the sleepy town of Hastings this past Saturday morning. The organization and army of volunteers were superb.  Packet pick up was a breeze.  Parking was plentiful and everybody was in a great mood despite the 26 degree temps to begin a bike race.

The Minions, though scattered throughout the waves, were present and by all accounts did their Nation proud!

Next year we should sign up under a Team category (Minion Nation) so it is easier to find our  names in the results section! (Editors note - We love the idea!)

Minions known to have participated include Brewman, Hutch, Stryker Guy and Brent Slezak.    

Dr. Dave and the "Guy in the Flannel Shirt!

The Green Lantern was seen along the course banging away on his old bent mountain bike frame with a metal seat post.  He wins the loudest cowbell award and thanks for being one of the race Sponsors,  "Greenware!"

As my first outdoor ride of the season it was the most challenging I can remember.

I opted to ride my Twenty Niner over the cross bike due to the reported icy conditions.  While a lot of people rode cross bikes, I have to say I was glad on several occasions to have more surface area on the road.  A couple of Team Taylor riders were witness to my near miss before the tires grabbed and straightened me out. Long stretches of Icy, snowy and frozen ruts made for some sketchy sections.  I saw quite a few riders go down or in the process of getting back up.

Hutch was witness to the events that unfolded requiring one rider to receive CPR and air transport to GR.   Most fortunate that a doc, two firefighters and a paramedic were in the race and came upon the incident very quickly.  The efforts of these good samaritans have hopefully provided one racer the chance to ride again.  Our prayers go out for his speedy recovery.

I have to take my hat off to the riders from the MSU Bike Project.  Two of them were on vintage Schwinns ( Varsity and Letour Sport era 1971) converted to single speed.  I also have to salute an old friend in the 50 - 54 age group who rode his 1976 Nishiki touring bike, with a kit made of a flannel shirt, tweed vest, wool knickers, knee high wool socks and a bicycle handle mustache.  He beat my time by 15 seconds.

While I never caught up with Brewman, rumor has it he was seen in the most obvious of places....the Founders Beer Tent."

Cheers,

Dr Dave

YETI BOY REPORTS FROM MEXICO!

TOAST REPORTS IN FROM FLORIDA!

Belo News

March 27, 2013

Yeti Boys Training Center

San Miguel, Mexico - Yeti Boy is still enjoying Mexico when he isn't hanging out in Biker Bars or taking naps after hanging out in Biker Bars.  Belo News was able to get behind the scenes to get these photos of Yeti Boy's training regiment in Mexico.  Apparently he has bought into the Wolf King regiment of "virtual training" where he thinks about riding after quaffing a few beers!  Actually, he has fallen in with a regular group that includes a former 4:09 mile runner who is 75 years old and an animal on the bike!  However, reports indicate that our Yeti Boy is still spanking him on the climbs!  

Yeti Boy in "Virtual Training!"

The guy is like a fly on the wall!  

Rumors are abounding that Yeti Boy is forming a mighty Minion Nation Chapter in Mexico, but that has not been confirmed at press time and the National Shark Minion Headquarters could not be reached for comment.  Yeti Boy is due back with the Nation in April after his high altitude virtual Mexico training there should be no stopping him!

Where has Toast been?

Somewhere in Southern Florida - Toast reported in that he was in Florida but enjoying Belo News while relaxing in the warm trade winds.  He also was preparing for a Century for this past Sunday and Belo News asked for a report and photo, however as of press time, Toast could not be reached for comment.  He did say he was trying to get into good enough shape to ride with the Minions when spring really comes to Michigan!  Enjoy that warm weather while you can, Toast!

We're holding a spot in the peloton for you!

Men of the Peloton with Luann!

WOLF KING BUYS?

HOSSMAN SHOWS MID SEASON FORM!

ICE?  WHAT ICE!?

BARRY/ROUBAIX THIS WEEKEND!       

BIKE SALES MEANS IT MUST BE SPRING!

Belo News

March 16, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - What a difference a year makes!  

At least that was what everyone was talking about on Saturday morning as the Nation reminisced about the fact it had been 80 degrees just a year ago when close to 30 Minions showed up to ride.  That was not the case this year as the weather turned on the mighty Minion Nation for the first time in 8 Opening Days and the peloton was faced with not only cold weather and winds, but ice and snow covered roads. The wind chill put the temps at about 16 degrees!

Our Hero! "What snow?"

As dawn broke over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero awoke to the sound of the theme from the movie Jaws on his Shark Alarm.  It was Opening Day and our hero was pretty excited to get to the window to see what Mother Nature was dishing out.  At bed time the forecast had not sounded good and several Minions had texted our hero asking if the ride was still on.

Actually, the minute Belo News went to press announcing Opening Day, riders peppered the Belo News Offices on whether it was really happening! Some were confident of the ride, like Mad Dog who emailed and asked our hero if he was riding or driving to the start. Sharkman advised that he doesn't ride to the start until the weather gets to at least 45!  Even Wolf King, who many of you may remember, started talking smack to the old Shark about who would be buying the koffee.  Others were not so sure the ride would be taking place.  One Minion actually called on Saturday morning to ask if the ride was still on!

Wolf King, "Koffe's on me!"

Still on? This is the mighty Minion Nation Bunkie!

However, even our hero began to question his sanity when he saw the snow falling as he looked out over the Cove.  But after a check of the Shark Radar, it looked as though the snow was ending and he was quite sure (at least he convinced himself) that the roads would be clear as the snow had passed.  Lava Girl began asking if there wouldn't be a lot of snow and ice on the roads and Sharkman assured her that all would be fine.

Au contraire!

As our hero drove to the start in the Sharkmobile, his trusty steed in the back, the roads actually seemed fine, though wet.  That was probably due to the higher volume of traffic, but when he got to the start, there was Wolf King, unloading his car and getting ready to ride.

All Black "Are we doing this?"

Moments later, All Black arrived and the festivities began.  All Black mentioned that the roads seemed pretty snow covered near his house and Wolf King confirmed that report.  However, the Minions would not be denied!  It was determined that they would head out and see what the roads were like and if bad, would shorten the ride and return to the Klutch.

After Beyonce refused to get out of her limousine and stated that she would only lip sync from inside the car and the Mayor drove by and threw a key to the City at our hero, the ceremonial shout to begin echoed around the parking lot as Sharkman, doing his best Skipper impression, ordered all to get moving!

As the three riders headed towards the Klutch, Mad Dog arrived, having ridden over from Battle Creek and reporting snowy roads.  (Memo to file: this guy wins toughest Minion award for the season no matter what happens the rest of the year!)

After the Minion train rolled by the Klutch, giving their fans the first peloton wave of the season, they found their first patch of snow as they rounded the back roads to get out to 36th Street.  The peloton was sure it would get better when they got to 36th and the traffic would have cleared the snow.

Au contraire!

The mighty Minion Nation began their trek north, disappointed that the Sweetheart of the Peloton, Gazelle Girl, was no where to be seen.  Discussion ensued about riding to her estate and knocking on the door, but when the Nation arrived at her street and saw the snow, the decided they would need snowmobiles and it wouldn't be that funny anyway.

The further north the Nation rode, the more the roads were covered with snow and ice.  Sharkman was smart enough to have brought his cross bike and he could hear the crunch of ice and snow under his knobby tires.  Sharkman also tried to ride in snow whenever he could, as opposed to the slippery ice.  All Black, Wolf King and Mad Dog were not as lucky and were really feeling their back wheels trying to sneak around them to the front of their bikes!

Mad Dog enjoys a kup post ride!

Mad Dog, being the consummate Minion that he is, backed off at the honorary sprint so that Sharkman could take it.  There was no worry about Wolf King trying to steal this honor, as he was complaining about not only the ice, but the hills, how he hadn't been on the bike and how he wished he was lighter.

As the old Shark waited for the peloton at G Ave., another rider was approaching and he thought it might be Gazelle Girl.  However, it was Hossman hisself!  He was in a bright orange jacket and was actually wearing cycling tights as opposed to his cotton sweat pants from years past. However, in deference to his past and frugal ways, the had a rubber band holding the zippered ankle together as the zipper appeared broken.

Then there were five!

As the Nation move up to the col de Twin Lakes, the snow started to fall again and Hossman and Sharkman attacked the climb.  As they crested the hill, the entire road was covered in ice and snow and even the Sharkman's knobby rear well started to act like it wanted to pass our hero's front tire.  The sound of the crunch of snow and ice under their tires filled the air.

The nation had discussed stopping at Bissell Boy's, who had texted our hero before the ride that he was "taking a snow day!"

That idea was quickly tanked as the peloton approached the Yorkville Church on snow covered roads and Hossman's rear wheel finally managed to pass his front wheel and he went down hard on the ice!  Sharkman was at the front and missed the crash,  but Wolf King described it as being like watching a baseball player sliding into second base!  Wolf King also witnessed Mad Dog make one heck of a maneuver to avoid crashing into the sliding Hossman and avoiding falling himself!

Hossman stated he gave an all clear but when he began to tell the peloton that the crash was caused as he lost concentration when he thought he saw a polar bear chasing a penguin on the side of the road, the entire peloton knew it was time to head back.  Not only because of the crash, but because it was so cold and snowy everyone thought there might be some truth in the polar bear chasing the penguin story!

Interestingly, as the peloton headed past the church to head south on 37th Street, the snow had stopped and the roads were much less ice packed.

Hossman throwing done his Koffee!

Showing no signs of injury from the crash but showing definite signs of early season form, Hossman put in a humongus pull on the final leg and the Nation arrived safe at the finish, where Mad Dog had his second flat tire of the day and was late getting to the Klutch.  

The small turn out of fans went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as the mighty Minion Nation rode into town.  There was no need to zip up their jerseys for the sponsors, as the peloton was so bundled up the biggest fear was falling on their backs and not being able to get up without help.

The Klutch was hopping with paparazzi and tofosi and only two tables were left open, but the Koffee was hot and WOLF KING WAS BUYING! Oh, the humanity.

Of course, Wolf King did comment that he liked to buy when the turnout was low!

Since the ride was cut short, there was more time to enjoy the Klutch ambiance and talk about the upcoming season and the cold spring weather!

When our Hero got back to the Sharkmobile, a freezing drizzle started to fall and he immediately thought of Mad Dog riding his bike back to Battle Creek and with a tire that had already flatted twice, he did not want to leave a Minion behind.

Sharkman found Mad Dog at the top of the Eaton Plant hill and he looked strong and told Sharkman to go on home.  Sharkman checked in with him later by email and Mad Dog, who is now an official legend of the peloton and whose name we may have to change to Man of Steel, made it back home safe and sound, though a bit wet and cold.

What will happen next week?

Will everyone be at Barry/Roubaix?

Will anyone show up to ride with the Sharkman?

Well come on out and find out!

Saturday, March 23, 2013 

Day Two of the Season!

Launch Time - 9:30 a.m. - SHARP!

Be there!

BARRY/ROUBAIX THIS SATURDAY!

Belo News

March 21, 2013

Hastings, Mi. - This weekend is the famous Barry/Roubaix Ride/Race in Hastings, Michigan.  This race of varying lengths, is ridden on dirt/gravel and some paved roads and a bunch of Minions will be riding!  Dr. Dave forwarded a note from the race that they had made some minor changes to the route due to the potential for cold and snowy weather.

Belo News wishes all the Minions riding at Barry/Roubaix a safe and successful ride and as Sharkman always says, "Make the mighty Minion Nation proud!"

BIKE SHOP NEWS!

Belo News

March 21, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - We are pleased to report that Custer Cyclery is now open for the season!  

And don't forget the ALFRED E. BIKE SPRING SALE THIS WEEKEND! 

It must be Spring if the sale is on!  Sale hours extend into Monday! Is this a great country or what?

Sale Hours:

Friday, March 22nd (10am - 6pm)

Saturday, March 23rd (9am - 5pm)

Sunday, March 24th (Noon - 4pm)

Monday, March 25th (10am - 6pm)

Virtually everything in the store will be on sale during those three days!

All Yeti Boy needs is a basket!  It had a bell!

YETI BOY CHECKS IN FROM QUERETARO!

Belo News

March 10, 2013

Queretaro, Mexico - While the Nation is freezing up in the great white north, Yeti Boy continues to report in from Mexico where he is riding mountain bike, as well as city cruisers! This week Yeti Boy enjoyed a tour of the old city of Queretaro on a nice ladies bike, complete with bell!  Does this man know how to travel or what?  

Actually, when Sharkman mentioned that all he needed was a bell and a basket, another picture of his bell appeared in the response but we couldn't get it downloaded!  

Does this Minion have class!

Yeti Boy hopes to return to the peloton in April and we are hoping he will be riding his sleek road bike and not a blue ladies bike with a bell!

Viva Bikes!

OPENING DAY THIS SATURDAY!

OH, THE HUMANITY!

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!?

Belo News

March 14, 2013

Galesburg, Mi. - The day every Minion has been waiting for is upon us!

It is finally here!

As many veterans of the Mighty Minion Nation are aware, for 8 consecutive Opening Days the weather has cooperated.  Actually, as sited in the 2012 Belo News, the National Weather Service launched an inquiry but the investigative initiative proved negative.  Just dumb luck?  We think not! We ARE the Mighty Minion Nation and no matter the weather, WE RIDE! (Well, most of the time.....)

There have been years when it has been a bit cold, and years when more sane riders may not have ridden, but the Nation has seen some pretty historic Opening Days and no one has ever accused a Minion of being sane!

The Nation is just hoping for yet another, great day of riding!  Minions might also remember that for the second week of the season last year, we had 75 degree temperatures and record breaking crowds!

Though we are not expecting rain, it could be a bit cool with a high for Saturday of 37 degrees and winds out of the north at 11 mph, but THAT IS great Opening Day weather, eh?

If the weather is bad, the Nation will still celebrate Opening Day, but we will adjourn to the Klutch.  However, it is expected that the Nation will ride!

At least it is better than riding the trainer in the basement, eh, Bunkie?

Minions will want to arrive a bit early to take part in the Opening Ceremony's where it is hoped that Beyonce doesn't lip sync and where the Mayor of Galesburg will actually be giving a Key to the City to our own Sharkman.

2012 Opening Day Photo!

And, of course, the traditional Opening Day Photo opportunity!  Come on, who doesn't want to be in the Opening Day photo!

Or the parade!  OH, the humanity!

This Saturday, March 16, 2013

Launch Time 9:30 A.M. - SHARP!

Don't be late!

SPRING SEASON!

Belo News

March 14, 2013

(Editors Note - Repeated by popular demand from last years Belo News! 

If you have been holding back on riding, Spring is the time to come on out while the nation is finding their summer legs!)

Shark Cove, Mi. - Over the winter, a number of new Minions have joined the Nation’s distribution list and Opening Day may be their very first ride. So Belo News wants to go over what being a Minion is all about and the “culture” of this iconic Saturday morning ride.

1. The very definition of a Minion is a rider who has family, job and other obligations that do not allow them to hammer on their bike all the time. This ride is more about getting a good work out, testing your skills in group riding and having a good time with good riders. Though we like to sprint for Stop Ahead Signs, we wait for all riders to catch back on at the Stop signs. One of the Minion Motto’s is that “We leave no Minion behind!” In the Minion Nation, it is all about the group! Because the Minions do wait at each stop sign, it is important to let riders know if you are dropping off the ride.

2. Opening Day is a bit more “relaxed” than regular rides, so it is a good time to come out and test your legs. Though there should be some fun sprints and of course the final assault to the finish, this first ride will hopefully be social and an opportunity to “shake winter out” of those dorsal fins and catch up with one another.

3. Having said that, we want all riders to have a good time, and hammer heads need not apply. There are plenty of area rides if you want to hammer. This ride is more about the experience and the enjoyment of riding fast in a pace line in a large group of riders. So if you want to hammer the entire ride, this may not be the ride for you. But feel free to knock yourself out sprinting to the Stop Aheads!

4. As the season goes on and the speed picks up, we do occasionally have a “B” group and we are always looking for people to lead that group.

5. Because this is a group ride it is important to obey all traffic laws as well as appropriate group riding etiquette. The number one concern is safety and riding in a pace line requires good communication with other riders, as well as concentration. Don’t worry, veteran Minions will let you know if you are not following proper etiquette. However, if you are unsure about something, ask. Each rider is responsible for their own safety and as it says in the blog:

Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.

6. If you cannot stay with the group, you should let someone know you are dropping off so that the Minions are not waiting at the next Stop Sign for you. Depending on the number of riders, it can be difficult to determine if riders have dropped off or are left behind, but if you have a mechanical or are dropping off, let a rider ahead of you know.

We look forward to seeing everyone at the start line on Saturday morning!

Yeti Boy & Da Judge ride Mexico!

YETI BOY DOES MEXICO…..AGAIN!

Belo News

March 10, 2013

San Miguel, Mexico - As the Mighty Minion Nation works it's way to the start of this years season, our own Yeti Boy is on location in Mexico to report his adventures for Belo News.  As many Minions may remember, he shared his exploits last year where he experienced numerous flat tires and mechanical issues.  This year, he is armed with a better bike and has found a group to ride with as their "Celebrity Rider."

Yeti Boys first ride was aborted early due to cold temperatures and a lack of appropriate cold weather riding gear!

His second ride was with another Battle Creek native and possible Minion (?), Da Judge! 

Stay tuned for more stories of Ole Mexico from our man on the scene, Yeti Boy!

Speaking of reporting, we here at Belo News are always looking for news, so please send in any information you might have and any photos!  We here at Belo News want to make sure we report on ALL the news!