WHOA BABY, IT WAS A GREAT SATURDAY!
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| "Whoa Baby, what a day!" - Rain Drop says it all! |
WHO IN THE HECK IS LIZARD MAN?
DRUG INVESTIGATION LAUNCHED!
Belo News
April 6, 2013
Shark Cove, Mi. - As the steam from his kup of koffee slowly ascended to meet the first rays of dawn before him, our intrepid hero noted that the Shark Thermometer had a better story to tell this week than the past few!
It would be a good day to ride!
It was 37 degrees and the radar was showing dry weather for at least the morning hours!
The Nation Rides!
Sharkman had already cleared it with Lava Girl that she would come over to the Klutch to pick our hero up post ride, so the first thing he did was text Mad Dog to tell him he would have company for the ride over! Sharkman's biggest problem was trying to figure out from the temperature and wind what to wear. Well, that and the fact that Rainman's garage door was opening and wondering if the young Minion was riding over or just getting his bike ready to drive to the start. After a couple circles at the end of Rainman's drive and knowing Mad Dog would be waiting, he headed out to Minges Road to find Mad Dog ready to ride over.
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| Minions start a fire to stay warm? |
Sharkman shared with Mad Dog that he had received emails from Team Taylor riders that they would be joining the Nation this very morning for the ride. Both Nickhead and someone named "Lizard Man" had emailed with questions about the ride.
Lizard Head?
Sharkman was unaware of a Minion named Lizard Head and when he looked at the email address he realized it was from the very famous Team Taylor/Minion formerly named Kia Pet. So Sharkman certainly wanted to get the story from him as to the attempted name change when he arrived for the ride.
The wind on the way to the start was coming out of the southeast and coming in epic proportions (read gusts of 15 mph). This pushed to duo to get to the start a bit early and as they arrived they found no one there as they quickly hustled under the front door area to get out of the wind. After they got off their bikes, Rainman appeared and stated he had ridden over and just could not catch on to the two.
Sorry for not waiting Rainman…..
Soon, Airman drove in and got his bike ready and as All Black rode up they all huddled to stay warm.
Yeti Boy, just back from virtual training in Mexico, pulled in and not seeing the riders or Sharkman's car, he sat in his car waiting until Sharkman called him on his cell phone and told him to look out the back window of his car!
As they waited, three Team Taylor riders rode in from Kazoo. Nickhead, Kia Pet (aka Lizard Man) and the Bounty Hunter!
It was learned that the Bounty Hunter was new to Team Taylor and a virgin Minion!
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| Bounty Hunter, Kia Pet & Nickhead ride with the Nation! |
Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation Bounty Hunter! (Love the name). Turns out for a guy riding for only the past couple of months, he was an animal on the roads!
Getting back to the Lizard Man, the Shark was savvy to the fact that when some people do not like their Minion name, they attempt to get it changed by calling themselves something else in hopes that it sticks. Sort of like the old Seinfeld episode where George wants to be called T-Bone and get's the name "Monkey Boy" instead. Nice try Kia Pet.
More on this later……
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| Where'e the mustache Pirate? |
Riders continued to arrive, including the Pirate, sans mustache! Whoa, we hardly recognized the famous Minion without the stache! The Pirate also shared that he will be doing a lot of work from Europe this summer and we won't be seeing him, but also shared he would be sending reports to Belo News on riding in Spain and hopefully reporting from the Tour de France! Ranger Rick made it two weeks in a row and the peloton was ready to rock after some of the riders made a comfort stop at the back of the school.
Luann was at her post at the front door as the Nation flew past the Klutch and headed out to the course with no flat tires this week!
As the Nation headed north on 36th Street, two riders approached to the shout of "Gazelle Girl!" Turns out, Gazelle Girl had brought her personal physician, Dr. Toe with her!
Welcome back Dr. Toe!
As regular readers of Belo News may remember, Dr. Toe had mistakenly been called "Toe Setter" at the Pole 2 Pole race earlier this year and he had taken a liking to the name. As he stated, "I'm really not a doctor and I just tugged on her toe to fix it. After all, I'm good at tugging on things!"
More on this later in this edition.
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| Rain Drop is ready to ride! |
With 13 mighty Minions in the Nation, Airman went to the front and led our hero out to his honorary first sprint at G Ave.
The Nation was in a good mood, discussing the weather and talking about how windy it was and how difficult the ride south was going to be.
The peloton splintered on the col de Twin Lakes as Yeti Boy led the way up the climb but again, the Nation came together at the stop sign. Ranger Rick, Rainman and Airman took it up a notch in the Kountry Klub section and when Nickhead went by them in the sprint to the stop ahead, Sharkman jumped on his wheel and the two fought it out. (Belo News does not report sprint finishes this early so come on out if you want to know who is winning Spring sprints, Bunkie!).
Ranger Rick again jumped out in front in the run up to the col de Norte and at the summit, Sharkman tried to get a pace line together, but there were either two many Minions, it was too early in the year, or the collective coordination of the Nation sucks, but whatever it was, it was more like trying to push string than anything resembling a pace line.
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| Our hero and his main squeeze, Lava Girl! |
The group experienced more attacks in the Bible Conference Hills and the peloton came apart and then back together at Frona's.
Once past the Digital Divide, a pace line was again attempted but no one seemed to want to play nice and again it would better be described as organized chaos.
As the Nation crossed the GGG Spot, something similar to a pace line formed up (amazing) as the train headed into gale force winds.
As the Nation got to the foot of the climb before the finish, Rainman, with Sharkman on his wheel, opened up a gap, but when Rainman rolled aside to let Sharkman pull through, Sharkman described it as "hitting a wall of wind" when they crested and then moved down the hill.
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| Yeti Boy enjoying his first kup after Mexico! |
Meanwhile, Nickhead had bridged the gap and the two breakaway riders and took over the lead with Sharkman and Rainman in tow.
With the wind howling in their faces and the peloton slowly reeling them in, Rainman, Nickhead and Sharkman stayed away to the finish!
Average speed was clocked at 17.8 mph.
The Nation grows stronger!
As the riders rode down the Champs le Galesburg, Kia Pet began complaining about his name again while the Nation waved to their adoring Tofosi and the Paparazzi.
Lava Girl was waiting at the Klutch and Sharkman was sure she would have koffee ready for him, but to no avail. Hey! What's with that?
However, as he turned dejectedly to buy HIS OWN koffee, there was Rainman with a kup of koffee for our hero! Good ole Rainman….it only made Sharkman feel more guilty he hadn't waited for the young Minion on the ride over!
The Klutch was jumping when the famous Tardette arrived with little Rain Drop in tow!
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| Rainman, Tardette & Rain Drop sign autographs! |
Rain Drop was in great form and after signing a few autographs, settled in for some nice warm formula. She was the hit of the post ride activities.
Even the Team Taylor riders stayed for the Press Conference and koffee as Kia Pet continued to protest his name and attempt to build his case as they discussed having to ride back to Kazoo into the gale force winds.
Later in the day, Nickhead reported that he and the Team Taylor riders are hoping to ride with the
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| Gazelle Girl and Dr. Toe/Toe Setter! |
One thing you should never do is let the Nation know you don't like your name because then it may NEVER change!
It was a great day in the peloton and no one will want to miss this weeks edition, though it will be sans Sharkman as he will be gone this Saturday.
But the ride goes on!
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Launch Time - 9:00 A.M. - SHARP!
Be there!
NAME THAT MINION CONTEST!
Belo News
April 9, 2013
Shark Cove, Mi. - As the Nation is aware, there was quite a bit of controversy on nick names this past weekend and as the Nation also knows, Belo News has had contests in the past to see if a Minion should be granted a different name.
For those of you new to the Nation, Minions are assigned names to protect the innocent, primarily family members who do not want to be associated in anyway with Minion activities, Belo News or the Sharkman.
This past week, both Kia Pet and Dr. Toe brought up the possibility of a name change. Well, actually, Dr. Toe mentioned it while Kia Pet was pretty darn vocal about his name, which isn't going to help him any…..
So, the Commissioner of Cycling has declared another "Name that Minion" Contest! After all, it has been a while since we changed Tardettes name from Tardette to Tardette!
You can vote to change the names of these two riders and only these two riders by sending $50 in a self addressed envelope to "Name that Minion!" ℅ Sharkman, Shark Cove, Mi.
Please, simply let us know if the Commissioner of Cycling should allow a name change, what the name should be and don't forget the check made out to the Sharkman.
Sorry, no second party, out of state, post dated checks allowed. This contest is void where prohibited by law but you can still send the money in.
We will report the results in a future Belo News!
DRUG INVESTIGATION LAUNCHED!
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| Sharkman investigating? Or does this explain his strengh for the day? |
Belo News
April 9, 2013
Shark Cove, Mi. - As many readers were made aware last week, there were some allegations of potential drug use in the peloton the previous week. These allegations flew about a certain riders prowess after the winter break. Gazelle Girl, who has vehemently denied any drug use while riding (she has not comment on any other times) was actually caught on camera with her "little bag of tricks" while enjoying a koffee at the Klutch.
As a result, an in-depth investigation has been launched by the Commissioner of Cycling and it is rumored that in the wake of the overwhelming evidence, Gazelle Girl has scheduled an interview on the Oprah Show where she will tell all.
Well, not all, but all about these specific allegations. After all, Oprah is only an hour show.
Meanwhile, there were some questions as to the investigative methods used to gather the evidence as well as Sharkmans great riding form this past Saturday. Well, great for Sharkman anyway......
Could it be? Could it possibly be?
Watch Oprah and find out!
UPCOMING EVENTS!
Belo News
April 9, 2013
- The Fort Custer Stampede is slated for May 5th and all proceeds go to trail development and maintenance!
- May is Bike Month and May 13-19 is Bike Week! So get those bikes out and ride to work, the store, to a Minion Ride near you!
- On the Tuesday of Bike Week, the Kalamazoo Bicycle Film Festival will take with a feature film at Bell's Brewery!
- Tour de Taylor is coming up on June 15th! More on this in a later edition!
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