SHARKMAN BUY'S?

Luann cheering the Nation on!

WAS BARRY-ROUBAIX ON SATURDAY?

LATE BREAKING NEWS ON BARRY-ROUBAIX!

WHEN WILL WINTER END?

Belo News

March 23, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - After the major debacle that has come to be known as the "Distribution Error," things settled down here last week at Belo News with a number of Minions reporting in. For whatever reason, a number of Minions are reporting that they have not been as, shall we say, "dedicated" over the winter and do not feel  like they are in shape this year and hesitant to come on out and ride.

Additionally, with all the change in the start/finish of Barry-Roubaix, the caution letter concerning ice, and just the cold weather in general, etc. a number of Minions reported they were thinking of blowing off the race.

When a cold dawn broke over the Shark Cove, the Sharkman took a look at the Shark thermometer and wondered if there would be any Minions in attendance with the temperature at 26 degrees!

In the 25 years of Minion riding, including the 8 seasons that the ride has started/finished at the Klutch, Minions always showed up to ride.  Even in some unbelievable weather, some idiotic Minion (usually Sharkman hizzelf) would show up to ride.  But this morning the old Shark had a bad feeling that the hard winter and late Spring had caused some of the Minions to stay in hibernation longer than normal and he was going to find himself riding solo.  As he thought to himself, "At least I could take all the sprints," and approached the parking lot he didn't see anyone there yet.

As our hero made the turn onto Battle Creek Street, much to his relief, Wolf King was pulling in right in front of him!  Wolf King had told Sharkman that he was a definite "maybe" because he was on kid duty for sports, but apparently he had convinced his better half to take over the responsiblity!

As the Sharkman shared his relief that at least one other rider had shown, and as the two were piling on the clothes in the now 28 degree temps, Sharkman spotted another Minion decked out in Bissell Kit approaching from downtown.  "Who could it be?" Sharkman pondered as he knew Bissell Boy was doing Barry Roubaix and there weren't too many other riders with complete Bissell Kit that ride a Pinarello.

But it was, in fact, Bissell Boy who had decided that a ride with the mighty Minion Nation was more appealing than the throngs who would be descending on Hastings and the icy track and major hill climbs.

At 9:30 a.m. SHARP, the mighty Minion Nation headed out and found Luann ready at the Klutch front door to wave the Nation on!  

As the peloton headed north, they spotted yet another ride wondering if it was Gazelle Girl, but she had also told Sharkman that it would be a while before she came out this year.

As the rider headed south towards them, they realized it was Mad Dog, who thought he was late and had gone on ahead.  He was easily recognizable by the messenger bag carrying a change of clothes so that he could ride home to Battle Creek after changing cloths at the Klutch.  Didn't we tell you this guy was tough?

With both Bissell Boy and Sharkman on cross bikes, the speed wasn't too bad and the group enjoyed a nice pace as they attacked the col de Twin Lakes through Kellogg Korner, the Kountry Klub section and the col de Norte.  

As the train headed south, the discussion turned to favorite bourbons, special mix drinks and expensive tequilla.  There had been discussion about stopping at Bissell Boys for a shot of bourbon to warm up and Wolf King immediately started whining when he learned the Nation was only joking.  The group seemed to favor Makers Mark, but even though they did not stop, the thought of a nice Makers warmed their little Minion hearts.

In the Bible Conference Hills, Wolf King put in a sprint, but Sharkman, feeling pretty good for early spring, reeled him in as they approached Frona's.  Bissell Boy commented on how the Nation might want to start a more relaxed ride and stop at Frona's for breakfast some time, which got Wolf King whining again about not stopping for food.

As the Nation crossed the Digital Divide, a really nice pace line formed up and the four Minions played very nicely to keep it going to G Ave. with no one attempting make a move for the sprint.  It must be Spring and it was gratifying to see a good pace line so early in the season.

South of the GGG spot, another very nice pace line formed up and at the top of the final climb, when Bissell Boy moved aside the Sharkman took over.

Sharkman pulled down the hill and then pulled aside but no one came through.  Since Sharkman does not like to look back, he had no idea who was behind him or that Wolf King was right on his dorsal to come around our hero at the finish to steal the finish.

Wolf King started to tell Sharkman that if he had taken off at the top of the hill, he would have won the sprint, but Sharkman explained that A.) it was Spring and he does not report the sprint until well into April or may and B.) he was playing nice and was fully expecting someone to come through on the descent just as they had at the GGG spot crossing.

Ride stats from Wolf Kings phone;

The Nation discussing Bourbon at the Klutch

Trip time:	01:50:37
Trip distance:	28.0 mi
Trip calories:	1019 kcal
Average speed:	15.3 mph
Maximum speed:	27.1 mph
Climbed altitude:	619 ft

There weren't too many paparazzi or tofosi on the Champs le Galesburg as our heroes rode to the Klutch, but those that were there were certainly energetic, waving Makers Mark flags and shouting out favorite Manhattan mixes as the riders triumphantly approached the Klutch.

Luann was waiting with her usual great Koffee and the Sharkman, taking his cue from Wolf King from the previous week, announced he was buying for the four riders!  Bissell Boy handed out some new team Bissell Team T shirts as the discussion of bourbons continued around the table.  Is this a great country or what?!?

Though the weather doesn't seem to want to turn warm yet, the mighty Minion Nation will ride again this week and the time will remain the same in hopes it will allow the temps to come up a bit.  So if you are worried about what kind of shape you are in, or if you haven't been on the bike yet, this is the time to get out and get into shape with the entire Nation!

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Launch Time - 9:30 a.m. - SHARP!

Be there!

DID ANYONE RIDE BARRY-ROUBAIX?

Belo News

March 23, 2013

Reporter Reb

Hastings, Mi. - Belo News is pleased to report that we have a new Minion in our midst and though he has yet to ride with the Nation on a Saturday morning, he did do the Iceman last fall with the Nation and has regularly ridden with our hero, the Sharkman and Yeti Boy out at the Fort.  He was warned that he should consider a Minion name (we try not to use peoples real names in Belo News to protect the innocent) before the Nation names him, so he came up with the name "Reb!" Has something to do with his last name. 

Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation, Reb!

We just need to work on getting him onto a road bike!

Since we did not get any reports from any of the other Minions, Reb was asked to report in from the scene!  This guy has potential as a regular columnist for this rag!

Take it away Reb!

"It was my first Barry-Roubaix so I have nothing to compare it to, but the roads were frozen and unless you were unfortunate enough to get in one of the deep ruts and had a tire go sideways. It was a fast track.

Race was fun and despite everybody warning the roads were too muddy, too icy, too something, it was cool enough that 90% of the race was on hard, frozen dirt.  The only surprise for me was the hills.  I had no idea there were so many hills in that part of the world. 

The only problem with the temperatures being so low was the after party was shorter than average.  Like I said, it was my first BR, but moving the start/finish to downtown Hastings has the potential to become really special, especially if they relax the beer policy.  To drink beer you had to stay inside a fenced-in area and couldn't mingle around the fire pit or visit the vendor tents... unless you brought the beer you "borrowed" from Breadman's (aka Yeti Boy) garage and utilized your half-frozen water bottle.  (Had to throw in a Yeti Boy reference)(Editors note - spoken like a true Minion!)

Tom and I were thinking it would be a good place to train for the Iceman this fall. Besides that, it was a great race.  Nick Head and Iceman both rode the 36 mile event and stated "They had a blast". 

Live from Hastings (2 days ago), this is Reb reporting for the Minion Nation!"

LATE BREAKING NEWS ON BARRY-ROUBAIX!

Belo News

March 27, 2013

Early leaders at Barry-Roubaix

Hastings, Mi. - After getting the above story posted, our own Dr. Dave got in under the wire with his update on Barry-Roubaix, complete with photos!  Two Minion reporters!  Were else can you get this kind of in-depth, up to the minute, breath taking reporting?  No where, Bunkie!  Here it is from Belo News and Dr. Dave!

Take it away Dr. Dave:

"Have you had any reports about the almost literal "Killer Gravel Road Race?"

It was quite an experience!  

Close to 3000 riders descended on what otherwise would have been the sleepy town of Hastings this past Saturday morning. The organization and army of volunteers were superb.  Packet pick up was a breeze.  Parking was plentiful and everybody was in a great mood despite the 26 degree temps to begin a bike race.

The Minions, though scattered throughout the waves, were present and by all accounts did their Nation proud!

Next year we should sign up under a Team category (Minion Nation) so it is easier to find our  names in the results section! (Editors note - We love the idea!)

Minions known to have participated include Brewman, Hutch, Stryker Guy and Brent Slezak.    

Dr. Dave and the "Guy in the Flannel Shirt!

The Green Lantern was seen along the course banging away on his old bent mountain bike frame with a metal seat post.  He wins the loudest cowbell award and thanks for being one of the race Sponsors,  "Greenware!"

As my first outdoor ride of the season it was the most challenging I can remember.

I opted to ride my Twenty Niner over the cross bike due to the reported icy conditions.  While a lot of people rode cross bikes, I have to say I was glad on several occasions to have more surface area on the road.  A couple of Team Taylor riders were witness to my near miss before the tires grabbed and straightened me out. Long stretches of Icy, snowy and frozen ruts made for some sketchy sections.  I saw quite a few riders go down or in the process of getting back up.

Hutch was witness to the events that unfolded requiring one rider to receive CPR and air transport to GR.   Most fortunate that a doc, two firefighters and a paramedic were in the race and came upon the incident very quickly.  The efforts of these good samaritans have hopefully provided one racer the chance to ride again.  Our prayers go out for his speedy recovery.

I have to take my hat off to the riders from the MSU Bike Project.  Two of them were on vintage Schwinns ( Varsity and Letour Sport era 1971) converted to single speed.  I also have to salute an old friend in the 50 - 54 age group who rode his 1976 Nishiki touring bike, with a kit made of a flannel shirt, tweed vest, wool knickers, knee high wool socks and a bicycle handle mustache.  He beat my time by 15 seconds.

While I never caught up with Brewman, rumor has it he was seen in the most obvious of places....the Founders Beer Tent."

Cheers,

Dr Dave

YETI BOY REPORTS FROM MEXICO!

TOAST REPORTS IN FROM FLORIDA!

Belo News

March 27, 2013

Yeti Boys Training Center

San Miguel, Mexico - Yeti Boy is still enjoying Mexico when he isn't hanging out in Biker Bars or taking naps after hanging out in Biker Bars.  Belo News was able to get behind the scenes to get these photos of Yeti Boy's training regiment in Mexico.  Apparently he has bought into the Wolf King regiment of "virtual training" where he thinks about riding after quaffing a few beers!  Actually, he has fallen in with a regular group that includes a former 4:09 mile runner who is 75 years old and an animal on the bike!  However, reports indicate that our Yeti Boy is still spanking him on the climbs!  

Yeti Boy in "Virtual Training!"

The guy is like a fly on the wall!  

Rumors are abounding that Yeti Boy is forming a mighty Minion Nation Chapter in Mexico, but that has not been confirmed at press time and the National Shark Minion Headquarters could not be reached for comment.  Yeti Boy is due back with the Nation in April after his high altitude virtual Mexico training there should be no stopping him!

Where has Toast been?

Somewhere in Southern Florida - Toast reported in that he was in Florida but enjoying Belo News while relaxing in the warm trade winds.  He also was preparing for a Century for this past Sunday and Belo News asked for a report and photo, however as of press time, Toast could not be reached for comment.  He did say he was trying to get into good enough shape to ride with the Minions when spring really comes to Michigan!  Enjoy that warm weather while you can, Toast!

We're holding a spot in the peloton for you!