TOP GUN FINISH IN THE NATION!!!

GREYHOUND TAKES IT ALL!!!

The mighty Shark Minion Nation!
Though small in number, big in heart!!!

RAIN? WHAT RAIN?!?

WHERE WAS FIRE?!?

FABIO CONTRIBUTES TO NEW MARATHON WORLD RECORD!

WAIT......WHAT?!?

SHARK MINION ANNIVERSARY KIT DAY THIS SATURDAY!

Belo News

September 24, 2022

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke dark, cold and wet over the Shark Cove our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, was already out of bed. Hey, dawn is breaking late this time of year!!! He had actually slept in an extra half hour because after battling Covid and not training, the old Shark wasn't sure he could drag his dorsal the entire 53 miles he normally rides on a Saturday morning. So he had decided to drive to the start. 🚙

Sharkman cuts off Fixit.....

As he loaded up the Shark Mobile for the drive over, he had a nagging sense he was forgetting something. When you ride over, that is never a problem as you have everything you need when you start the ride!

It was also hard to determine what to wear. The rain seemed to have passed through and though there were threats of additional moisture, it looked clear over that field of dreams all Shark Minions know as the KK-TdG! Taking the car meant he could load an few extra clothing options!

Deciding on a long sleeve under base, along with a his Team Bisssell windbreaker, the Sharkman was ready to drive over to the start and to greet his throngs of Shark Minions who would be ready to rock aftre not having their hero in the peloton last week!

Alas, as he drove into the parking lot, it was only the Sharkman. Our hero has often wondered about what would happen if he got to the start and nary a Shark Minion showed up? He began thinking, this might be the day but still began to unload his bike and gear know at least one Shark Minino, namely Reb, would be on his way.

Reb in a real cycling jersey!
Oh, the humanity

Within a minute or two, in rode Reb, sans Fire who had commited to riding on the email stream that Reb had started the previous evening. So they began to wonder......flat tire, perhaps? She has had so many flats of late consideration is being given to changing her name from Fire to Flat!

Shark Minions continued to pour in. All 4 of them! Yep, you heard that right. It may have been the iffy weather, end of season burn out, or a flat, but there were only 5 Shark Minions at the start and all wondering, "where has everyone gone??? It's not that cold yet?!?

The Senator, Fixit and then the legend himself, Bissell Boy all arrived. All in a hurry to get the party started, Sharkman took the Start Photo and the obligatory "Selfie" shot, then saddled up to get the locomotive started and out of the depot!

As the Nation headed to downtown Galesburg, Greyhound rode up, it six riders on the day.

A fine looking peloton as they motored past the Klutch and after a wave to the fans, on to the first sprint.

The Senator came forward, along with Greyhond, then Reb to pull the old Shark to his honoary sprint, which he took at 23mph+. As the old Shark says, "You can't dishonor an honory sprint with a low speed!!!"

The legend, Bissell Boy was
back and riding strong!!
Thanks for the koffee!

It was a jovial group of riders that could be heard talking in the very still morning air as they rode on to the second sprint. It was hard to tell if there was a light rain or if the earlier rain was falling from the trees. But there was a bit of moisture on and off during the ride but never enough to be an issue.

On the col de Twin Lakes, Reb stayed back to make sure the old Shark made it up the hill and both latched on to the group after summiting the climb. It was at this point Reb had to take off and head back for Dad Duties and high school soccer.

And so there were 5 Shark Minions left.

As they headed past the Yorkville Church, past Kellogg Korner and the yet "unrepaved" road, complete with gravel, past the Kountry Klub and on to Rt. 43 the pace picked up considerably with Greyhound and Bissell Boy doing much of the pulling.

The riders stayed together up the col de Norte and on through the Holy Rollers, where the Senator grabbed the sprint and  then on to the Inlet.

After a long wait to cross the Digital Divide, a very nice pace line got started with several of the Shark Minions, including Bissell Boy, Greyhoun and the Senator sharing the lead duties. 

Fixit it was ready to rock!!!

After the GGG Spot Sprint was awarded to Gazelle Girl in abstentia, and a victory for America was declared, the riders crossed G to make their way to the final sprint!

Bissell Boy and Greyhound went to the front and picked up the pace with Sharkmana, Fixit and the Senator taking advantage of their wake.

As the fast moving Shark Minion Train approached the base of the sumit to the final hill to finish, Bissell Boy took over and Greyhound fell off the pace.

As the riders began the final descent to the finish, Sharkman was holding on to Bissell Boys wheel as Greyhound came forward with a second incredible effort to take the pace up a notch.

Feeling he owed Bissell Boy for an inredible pull, Sharkman went around Bissell Boy shouting out for him to grab his wheel!

Game on!!!

The two riders fought to close the gap up to Greyhound and appeared very close to doing it when Greyhound seemed to find another gear, turning on the afterburns in his Boeing F/A 18F!

At the same time, Fixit was coming from out of nowhere on the outside left while Bissell Boy also found another  power level and came up on Sharkmans right side and in the middle of the pack, gaining on Greyhound!!!

Sharkman felt like he was in the movie Top Gun as both Maverick and Hangman turned on the after burners in their Boeing F/A 18F's! 

Oh, the humanity!! This IS a great country!!!

Sharkman was gassed and looking for an aircraft carrier to land on as Greyhound grabbed the finish line and the second spot between Fixit and Bissell Boy was just too close to call, so they both finished second and taxied to the stop ahead sign!

The Senator was looking fast
in his rain jacket!!

It was one of most fun and closest finishes of the season as Bob the Builder latched on to ride as the Shark Minions passed the throngs of one, maybe two paparazzi and tofosi along the Champs le Galesburg! Must be the weather......🥴

When the riders arrived at the Klutch, they found Hoosier Boy already enjoying a kup of bottomless as Bissell Boy threw down his card to buy yet, another round for the Mighty Shark Minion Nation!!! Hasn't he bought like 10 times this summer??

The place was rocking and Sharkman was signing autographs for the early morning group as the koffee and discussion flowed.

You won't want to miss this weeks edition as it may be the last of the season.

 

Hoosier Boy and Bob the Builder joined
the fun at the Klutch!!

As long time Shark Minions are aware, the Shark Minion Nation usually moves to the mountain bike after the first week in October. However, if the forecast is for good weather, the Shark Minion Nation might stay on the road for another week, maybe two, so watch Belo News for more information as the weeks go on in October.

But you won't want to miss this first Saturday of October and in recogntion of the ending of the 35th Shark Minion Season it will be Shark Minion Anniversary Kit Day!

Is this a great country or what?!?

Saturday, October 1, 2022

Launch time - 8:30 a.m. - SHARP!

BE THERE!

FABIO CONTRIBUTES TO NEW MARATHON WORLD RECORD!

Zychkmann storms the 
Brandenburg Gates!!!

WAIT......WHAT?!?

Belo News

Berlin, Germany - In an amazing twist of fate, our own Shark Minion Legend , Zychkmanne ( aka Fabio, Zykman, Zychzhmann, Zick Meister, Zickster, whatever...) has gone down in marathoning history as having been a part of the new Marathon World Record!!!

Reporting in from the Berlin Marathon and photographed near the famous Brandenburg Gate, it was learned that not only did our Fabio survive this test of strength, stamina and courage and in his words, "Drama/trauma" it was also reported that he pushed the world famous Kenyan marathaon runner, Elud Kipchoge to his new world record of 2:01:09. 

Is that time even humanly possible??!

After breaking the world record, the Kenyan was quoted as saying "I could not have done it without knowing and fearing the legendary Fabio was right on my ass!" 

Well, not actually on his ass......well, actually, not anywhere near his ass, but our hero Fabio had Kipchoge worried, so worried he had to pick up the pace causing him to break his own world record!!! Oh, the humanity!!!

Is this a great country or what!

Congratulations Zyckmann on a great marathon! You did the mighty Shark Minion Nation proud!!!!

Now, get your ass back in the Nation!!! We've missed you all season!!!

Hope to hear more about the "drama/trauma" of your trip to Berlin and pusing Kipchoge to the new world record!!!

Riders joining the Shark Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Shark Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.

 

SKITTLES - FIRE TO THE RESUE!!!

Sharkless Shark Minions!
Ready to rock the KK-TdG!

SHARKMAN RETURNS!?!

Belo News

September 17, 2022

Shark Cove, Mi. - As our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, recovered from a nasty bought of Covid (strain unkown), Skittles (story) and Fire (photos) came to the rescue.

Though the young Skittles sent the story around midnight last night, so Belo News had to scrabble to get it out on time, and since he sent it by Facebook Messenger, there seems to be a shadow that got picked up in pasting and copying, here is the story, none the less!!! 

Sharkman is feeling better and hopes to be back this Saturday, though his rides this week have indicated a complete loss of fitness, well if he ever had any fitness to begin with, he does hope to make the ride!

So, big thanks to Skittles and Fire for taking care of business while our hero was battling Covid!!

Take it away Skittles!!!

See, it is hard to do!!!
But a much better looking photographer!

As dawn broke warm and humid over Skittle’s house, a brightly colored rainbow themed bouncy house castle, your handsome replacement editor was stepping out for the 8:30 AM start (SHARP!!) Deciding to drive in he hit the road in hopes of a good turn out in Sharkman’s absence. *All positive thoughts and well wishes for his recovery from a bout of COVID* Thankfully seven riders showed up including Fire, Snow White, The Swede, Spartan, The Senator, et al. Conspicuous by their absence was the normally omnipresent Gazelle Girl and Toesetter. And His Sharkness. Start Line photos were snapped and our group of heroes took off in to the cool humidity of a beautiful early fall morning. Skittles and The Swede took to the front and pulled our casual conversational pace along until the M43 sprint where Fire took the win in a brilliant tactical move of utter bravery and perfectly precise timing! OH THE HUMANITY! Then at the top the hill at M43, appearing as if from a mirage, our very own superhero FABIO appeared riding his famous Termite Express!! The Swede took off with Skittles on the trip down M43. Eventually our hero’s superhuman sense of spacial awareness alerted them to the void of Minion Spirit behind them and they looked back to see absolutely no one!! Tumbleweeds!! The riders reversed course on the assumption someone had a mechanical. They coasted in to find Fire had gotten a flat! OH THE HUMANITY! But once again it was FABIO to the rescue with a CO2. IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT??!! Eventually the GGG Spot Sprint drew near and was uncontested out of respect for the Sweetheart of the Peloton, with all riders standing in salute at the stop. The Swede and FABIO pulled out before the M89 crossing, all wished them well. After which Skittles drove a fast pace down to the finish where Spartan lept ahead in a blinding display of robotic fluidity with Fire and Snow White hot on his heels!! Cycling fans watching at home in their PJ’s where in awe, teetering on the edge of their seats, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife!! Fire caught up just a bit more and earned herself second place after Spartan with Snow White a close third! That’s right Bunkie! Not one but TWO women on the Podium today! No conversation could be heard over the ear-splitting, headache-inducing riotous roar of the Tifosi as our heroes made their parade down the Champs le Galesburg toward the post race meeting at the Coffee Klutch where the press would only talk to the cool people: The Klutch was rocking! Be there Saturday September 24th, 2022 to hear Sharkman’s tales of kicking COVID right square in the face! Launch Time 8:30 AM SSSSHHHAARRRRPPP!!

This Saturday, September 24, 2022!

There are only a few Saturday's left in the season!!! So come on out and ride!!!

Launch Time - 8:30 a.m. - SHARP!!!

BE THERE!!

SHARKMAN WINS TWO WAYS!!!

They Mighty Minion Nation 
ready to rock it!!

CELEBRITY RIDER BOB THE BUILDER RETURNS!

AND BUYS THE KOFFEE!!!

SHARKMAN TAKES ABUSE FOR NO BELO NEWS LAST WEEK!!!

SHARKMAN TESTS POSITIVE FOR COVID!!!

OH, THE HUMANITY!!!

YET THE RIDE GOES ON!!!

Belo News

September 10, 2022

Shark Cove, Mi. - The emails and texts started coming into Belo News  on Friday morning... 

"Hey, is there a ride tomorrow?"

"What happened to Belo News?"

"Where is my Shark Minion Update?"

With the Holiday Weekend, and a trip to visit some friends in Kentucky, it had been a busy week and, well, that sometimes happens. At least once or twice a season, a Belo News just doesn't get done......

Additionally, since Sharkman was out of town and though he did send out a very detailed Shark Minion Update, it apparently did not send. He suspects it is because he sent it out from his iPad and with 118 people on the distribution, it just may not have been able to handle it. 

Sharkman Selfie!

Sharkman is blaming the error on a "loose nut behind the keyboard" or thoughts to that effect and amazingly could not find it in his sent or outbox files. This will go in his "God Questions" for when he dies and goes to Shark Heaven. He has an entire list of questions, things like, "how does a Coleman Lantern really work?" He has had it explained to him but still doesn't know how it is possible to light a small silk mantel filled with kerosene and not blow yourself up!

Be that as it may, he went on to finish his trip, returning Thursday evening, thinking everyone knew there was a ride on Saturday and also, feeling bad that he did not get Belo News out, particularly as it  had been a great day with 15 riders, Rainman coming over to ride with Sharkman and his entourage, Virgin Minion Shawn Aimesbury aka, Spartan joining the mix, Skittles big win and buying koffee, the return of Fixit after breaking his collar bone, to the peloton and a huge win by Oberon/Bells brewing, etc.

The Senator was back
after a short hiatus!

Though Belo News does ocassionally miss one or two editions a season, missing the Shark Minion Update caused quite a bit of abuse for the old Shark on Saturday morning.

After getting all the emails, he immediatly put out a Shark Minion Update for the ride, declaring it Bissell Kit Day, but ended up being the only rider in Bissell Kit indicating his advanced age in that it has been a while since the mighty Shark Minion Nation was able to get Bissell Team kit at cost!

Yeti Boy arrived at the Shark Cove on time as the two made their way over to the start sans Reb and Fire.

The two had a pretty brisk ride over to the start and were the first to arrive. The Senator was one of the first on the scene, having been gone on vacation for a couple weeks, he was ready to ride. Next in was Hermster who explained that work, i.e., cutting wood, had kept him from extending his "iron man" streak and claiming he had not ridden in some time. Falcon arrived, along with Sasquatch to round out the riders to 6 riders on the day!

As previously mentioned, Sharkman was the only one in Bissell Kit......😏 He thus awarded hizzelf winner on the theme jersey day.....😎

Hermster returns with his
"silent wheels!"

Sharkman started the ride off and the group was very "chatty" as they approached the Klutch, giving waves to the ones of people along the route before heading north.

Falcon went to the front and lead out Sharkman to his honorary sprint, which he took at 23.2 mph!!! 

Thank you, Falcon!

Yeti Boy, having not been on the bike in two weeks, managed to snag climb up the col de Twin Lakes proving again to be the one hell of a climber.

After passing through Kellogg Korner, where the road has still not been repaved, the riders headed on to the Rt. 43 sprint and on to the col de Norte.

The small group of riders stayed pretty close through the Holy Rollers, on to the Inlet and past the Digital Divide.

After the crosssing, Sharkman started up the pace line and at the first hill turned it over to Falcon and a series of riders went though a great cycle of leads at a comfortable speed of around 22 mph. 

It was at this point the former Shark Minion, Bob the Builder joined on to ride into the Koffee Klutch with the mighty Shark Minion Nation! 

Welcome back, Bob the Builder!!!

Falcon, who spent his day
leading out Sharkman!
Thanks Falcon!

After giving the GGG Spot sprint to Gazelle Girl in abstentia, (it was a victory for America!) the riders headed south to the finish.

The mighty Shark Minion Nation took it up to warp speed as trees began to blurr as they rode by!!!

As the Nation moved to the foot of the final ascent to the finish, Hermster made a very silent move to the front. It turns out Hermster had put on his "winter wheels" and he had ditched that hollow, carbon fiber sound as he would go by and that sounds like a car sneaking up behind you!

Falcon took the lead at the top of the hill with a cast of thousands on his wheel, then backed off for a bit. Sasquatsh came forward to lead as Falcon got a second wind and came back to challenge him.

The two rode side by side with Sharkman on Falcons wheel and Yeti Boy on Sasquatch's.

As the mighty Shark Minion train bored down on the final Stop Ahead, Sharkman tried to time his move at the right moment, while having Yeti Boy boxed in it was a matter of if/which rider ahead would make a move.

The two younger riders seemed to be pulling the duo forward and as Sharkman made his final assault, Yeti Boy went with him on his wheel and the two riders finished one, two to take the top two spots on the podium.

Sasquatch was on fire all
day!!

Sharkman is not used to being up front, and either is Yeti Boy so neither knew who took third, but Sharkman decided to award that spot on the podium to both Falcon and Sasquatsh for the great lead outs for the two old guys of the peloton!

It was a victory for America!!!

Bob the Builder came up and rode with Sharkman down the Champs le Galesburg as throngs of one's greeted the hero's as they zipped up their jersey's for the sponsors and the paparazzi and tofosi crowed around the riders on their way to the Koffee Klutch.

In celebration, Bob the Builder bought Koffee for all 4 riders who stopped!!! 

Good morning to buy too!!!

Thanks Bob the Builder!!!

Another great day in the saddle!

Yeti Boy and Sharkman had a great time riding home after picking up a bottle of champagne to celebrate their win........🥴🍾🥂

Unfortunately, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman wasn't feeling too well on Sunday morning and because he had some church duties tested himself for Covid. His test was negative.

Bob the Builder buys!!!

It is reported that he felt worse as the week went on and tested again on Wednesday, when he tested positive for Covid.

So he will be out this Saturday but the ride goes on and hopefully, someone can send in a report with photographs.

Saturday, September 17, 2022

Launch Time - 8:30 a.m. - SHARP!

Be there!!

Riders joining the Shark Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Shark Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.

PROTESTS IN THE PELOTON!!!

The mighty Shark Minion Nation!!!

MICHIGAN*, MICHIGAN STATE* AND WISCONSIN* VIA FOR VICTORY?!?

Sharkman selfie!
Go Badgers!

WHAT IS A SCAD BEE ANYWAY?

BEER JERSEY DAY THIS SATURDAY!!!

Belo News

August 31, 2022

Shark Cove, Mi. - Short edition of Belo News this week, as our intrpid hero, the Sharkman has been extremely busy with some issues, out of town guests and a major power outage!

Brewman sporting MSU!

Last weeks ride was an interesting study in College Sports as riders turned out to show support for their favorite college Teams by wearing their teams kit.

Perenial favorites like MSU, Michigan and Western Michigan were expected to take top honors on the day, however several protests were filed, putting an asterick next to any team victory.

As it turned out, MSU took an early lead with Brewman and Reb arrived in MSU Kit. It looked like a slam dunk victory as only one Michigan jersey and zero Western Michigan Jersey's were there for the start. The one Michigan Jersey rider, Rule 24 Guy immediatly filed a protest in that one of the MSU jersey's, Reb, aka "Maximus Dickus," was actually wearing an MSU T shirt.

Wait, what? A T shirt in the peloton? 

After the 10 riders lined up for the start photo, and Sharkman started the ride, Michigan Jersey clad Greyhound appeared and MSU T shirt clad Reb filed a protest that since Greyhound was late for the start, MSU felt they should win because there were two MSU riders on time!

Wait....is that a T Shirt?

With all the protests, the Commissioner of Cycling awarded the winner to Wisconsin because they were the first Big Ten College Team over the finish. A protest was immediatly filed by both MSU and Michigan. Oh, the humanity.

Falcon also joined on, sans a College Jersey, just before Sharkman took his first, honorary Sprint, making it 12 riders on the day.

Sharkman also stole the second sprint when he rushed forward unexpectedly and unchallenged by Skittles, Wildman and Cricket who were discussing race strategy and with Falcon trying to catch him but starting too late. The old Shark was frisky on the day, as were Cricket, Wildman and Skittles who kept the pace up.

After a flat on Cricket's bike in the run up to the col de Twin Lakes, the mighty Shark Minion train continued its onslaught on the course.

Cricket and Wildman finished 1-2 but Belo News is unsure of who took the final spot on the podium. Sharkman was trying to reel in Skittles and thought he may have a chance catch him and working his tiny little heart out, only to learn he was pulling a cast of thousands on his wheel and just as they approached the Stop Ahead sign, Gazelle Girl, Maid Marianne, Fire, and a gazillion Shark Minions passed and though it looked like Skittle may have ecked out the win, there was no photo finish available. Skitlles is now free to file a protest, as is Sharkman for being abused like that in the final run up before koffee.

Speaking of koffee, Cricket was not only first on the score card, but first with the plastic as he threw it down his credit card to pick up koffee for everyone! Is this a great country or what!!!

During koffee, the protests flew, the shouting got louder and Sharkman took a photo of who he felt was the winner on the day. Then it really got loud!!!

Oh, the humanity!!

SCAD? Bee's?
Go Bee's!!!

Meanwhile, everyone was wondering about the SCAD kit by second place finisher, Wildman. Wildman explained it is the Savanna College of Art and Design and the team mascot is a Bee. Wait, what? 

Yes a Bee and Wildman proved that the bee stings!!!!😫

This week is the first Saturday in September!!! 

Oh, no! Say it ain't true!!! September arleady!???

Fire in her "Beaver University"
kit.....🥴

Gazelle Girl arrives, sans
Toestetter to cheers!

Maid Marianne & Cricket
U of Team Athletic Mentors!

Rule 24 Guy was back in
Michigan Kit!

Skittles! At least he
had a map of Michgan on
his jersey!!!

The Klutch was rocking!!!

The winner * 
Wisconsin!!!*

Saturday, September 3, 2022

In recognition of the Labor Day Holiday, when people are enjoying rest from their labors with a cold beer, it will be BEER JERSEY DAY!!!

Launch Time - 8:30 a.m. - SHARP!

BE THERE!

* protest filed concerning team

Riders joining the Shark Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Shark Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.