Belo News

RAIN? WHAT RAIN?

Sharkman has given up on selfies!

THE RETURN OF FABIO!

OR IS IT ZYCKMANN?

MINIONS ROCK FAST FITTY!!!

RED, WHITE & BLUE WEEKEND COMING UP!!!

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!?

Belo News

May 22, 2021

Shark Cove, MI. - As dawn broke wet over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, was dreaming sweet thoughts of winning that final sprint when the shark alarm tolled, breaking the dream trance and bringing him back to reality.

When our hero glanced at his shark phone, he noticed a rain warning for 5:57 a.m., 3 minutes before his alarm when off! Rain? Wait, what???

There was no forecast for rain!

He immediately pulled up the shark radar and saw that rain was passing over, but needless to say, he was not a happy shark!

Moments later, a text from Reb read, "The corner at 7:35?" followed immediately with "....not really sure if this counts as rain?"

Reb's prediction was for it to be light rain at our start, but fine after we reached the Klutch but recommended leaving 5 minutes later.

Since Sharkman always counts on Reb's weather predictions, he got ready to ride. However, he did recomment 5 minutes delay to launch. So the old Shark launched from the Cove at 7:35 a.m., SHARP!

With his rain jacket on, the old Shark was a bit warm heading over and the rain was, as predicted, very light, ending before the pair crossed over I-94 near the Eaton Plant and made their descent into that thriving metropolis known as Galesburg.

Waiting at the start were Brewman, Squeaky and that long lost Shark Minion, Bulldog! Welcome back, Bulldog! He was even wearing his 30th Shark Minion Anniversary Jersey!!!

Shortly after, Wishbone pulled in along with that legend of the peloton, Zyckmann, aka, Fabio!!! The crowds went wild......

Welcome back from the West Coast, Fabio/Zyckmann!

Fabio/Zyckmann hizzelf!

After the start photo, the riders were ready to ride. No rain, slight wind and a bit overcast......perfect!

Squeaky kept Sharkman talking on the way to the first sprint and as the old Shark picked up speed, Reb came up beside him with that "Dick Move" look in his eye, but seemed to know better. However, it did push our hero to what may be a record speed for the sprint, somewhere north of 26 mph!

There was no doubt that Zyckmann had returned to the Nation from the West Coast in great shape as he tended to push the pace, grabbing every sprint he could.

Brewman put Fabio to the test on the col de Twin Lakes and the battle continued through the Yorkville Church, past the Kellogg Korner and the Kountry Klub and on to the sprint to Rt. 43. As the two battled, Reb pulled Sharkman out to the front and the two tried to break away, but Favio would have none of it and dashed to take the sprint.

After the col de Norte, Brewman took a humongus pull to the turn at the Holy Rollers with Sharkman taking a free ride on his wheel. Then Zyckmann moved up and Sharkman, feeling no shame, pealed off of Brewman and grabbed the new, fast moving wheel of Fabio for more free fun.

The return of Bulldog!!!

While riding Zyckmann like a rented mule, our intrepid hero hung on and watched his HR actually go down as he sat in the wake of the West Coast phenom all the way to the Food Stop.

As the fast moving train pulled out and headed to the Inlet, the Nation would be taking a detour after the Digital Divide due to their beloved finish being "chip and sealed" the previous week! "Who in the hell approved that?" Sharkman wanted to know!

Oh, the humanity!!!

After crossing the Digital Divide, the nation turned right at what has become known as the "dam road." Not to be confused with "damn road," but because of the new dam that has been built there. Reb made the comment as they past the new dam that if it was his yard, he would turn that into a part of his landscaping!

Since Sharkman hates landscaping, or even cutting grass, he let that go.....

As they turned to head down the col de Twin Lakes road, Zyckmann again came to the front and the old Shark continue to take the free ride he so deserves and road Favio like that rented mule he spoke of before.

Wishbone, showing off his
mane of hair!!!

Zyckmann was so geeked, he kept it up past the G Ave. crossing and the old Shark was loving every minute of it!

As they summited the last climb before the finish, Zyckman pulled off and seemed suprised a rider was still there, on his wheel.

Sharkman had occupied his time in the back seat watching his heart rate continue in a mellow mode and slowly dropping as he caught the air of the legend known as Fabio/Zyckmann!

The old Shark, feeling he couldn't steal the sprint after riding for free for so long, asked if the rented mule, known as Fabio, wanted to battle it out for the final sprint, to which they both crossed over together making it a victory for America! The Shark would never pull a "dick move" on someone he had ridden like a rented mule (and wasn't sure he'd of won it anyway!)! Well, maybe not.........

The Klutch was rocking!!!

The crowds were extremely upset that their hero's did not ride down the Champs le Galesburg, where they were waiting, due to the detoured finishing sprint. An angry mob circled the Klutch but after an appearnce by Fabio, they quieted down quickly and came in for koffee.

Speaking of koffee, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman bought the round for his mighty Shark Minion Nation! Yes, you heard that right!

All was well in the Kingdom as the press conference continued while all sipped their Bottomless Kups of brew and sat in awe with their cycling hero's!

This weekend is Memorial Day and so all Shark Minions are requested to donn their Red, White & Blue kit for this weeks ride in rememberance of our military hero's!

Saturday, May 29, 2021

Red, White & Blue Jersey Day!

Launch Time - 8:30 a.m. - SHARP!

Be there!

MINIONS ROCK FAST FITTY!!!

STRYKER GUY CELEBRATES BIRTHDAY WITH WIN!!!

Belo News

Two "Legends" at the start!
Bissell Boy & Stryker guy ready to rock!

Charlotte, MI. - It was a great weekend for the mighty Shark Minion Nation as 3 of their finest competed at the the Fast Fitty Race.

Ace Reporter, Bissell Boy joins in.....

The Fast Fitty is a classic gravel road race in Charlotte MI, traversing Eaton and Barry county through beautiful Amish farmland. All proceeds from the race fight human trafficking.

We signed up last January and I remember telling Stryker Guy I was doing the 36 miler.

There was the choice of 19, 36 or 54. Stryker Guy told me he would ride over that morning to drive up together and on the way up he told me "I am riding my age today" as he put 11 in before reaching my house! (Editors Note: That is why the man is a legend!)

Our own Skittle on the podium!

I said "bad news I signed up for the 36 miler.

Well before getting to the start line I decided to hang with the birthday boy for the 54 and we were off and riding. It was a beautiful day and we took turns on the front for a spectacular ride. As I was signed up for the 36 I placed solid 6th for my age group with my 54 mile time in the 36 miler and Stryker Guy finished 5th in our age group for the 54 miler.

My time was 4th in the 60+ age group coming in just ahead of SG.

Fellow minion Skittles won his age group with a blazing 2h38 min performance averaging 20.5mph. (see attached photo)

Editors Note: It was a victory for America! Well, and the mighty Shark Minion Nation!