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BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED ROCKS!

The mighty Shark Minion Nation!

HOW MANY BLOODY MARY'S CAN A MINION DRINK???

WHAT IS A “COBAIN TRAIN” AND WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH??

LET'S GO TO THE NUMBERS, SHALL WE???

NO DICK BANGING BUT WHAT ABOUT OTHER BODY PARTS???

BACK TO OUR FIELD OF DREAMS THIS SATURDAY!!!

Belo News

August 10, 2019

After a few Cobains.........

Zyckmann Estate, Mi. - As dawn broke cool and bright over the Zyckmann Estate, that legend of the peloton, that man of many names, that rider who needs no seat but does need a Camelbak full of beer, who is so comfortable in his manhood he can ride in a Hawaiian shirt, shorts and sandals, who thrills and entertains the mighty Shark Minion Nation with his many antics, the Nations own Zyckmann,....... was still sleeping!

Though it was Bloody 'Ell 'Undred Day and he would have the Nation descending on his Estate soon, he slept on, dreaming of bloody mary's and deviled eggs.

Meanwhile, as the same dawn broke over the Triple Nasty Rancho, the “Sweetheart of the Peloton,” the Vice President of Minion Morale and the conscious of the Minion Nation was thinking, “deviled eggs, check. Bloody Mary fix'ins, check, Toesetter up and ready to mix, check.” 

MMmmmm Yeti Boys Blueberry Crumble!

That's our Gazelle Girl!

IT WAS BEU SATURDAY! Is this a great county or what?!?

And these two had a big day planned for the Shark Minions!

Oh, the humanity!

The tribe started to gather at the Zyckmann Estate around the bar at 9:00 a.m. with Toesetter looking great in his “bar attire” serving up bloody mary's to the thirsty Minions. Meanwhile, Sharkman had picked up some fantastic Blueberry Crumble baked by the Breadman hizzelf, Yeti Boy who was unable to attend the festivities.

And, of course, Gazelle Girl had prepared her amazing deviled eggs!

All the major celebrities of the Shark Minion Nation began to arrive.

Plot Twist and Gazelle Girl!

Back for a second year was Vlad the Impaler and he even bought the last BEU Jersey that Zyckmann had been trying to sell for years!

Stryker Guy appeared out of nowhere to ride the early part of the tour before heading out to Canada to begin his Canada to Mexico ride along the Continental Divide with Easty. What were those two thinking???

Even the Skipper and Bissell Boy made the trip to start the Nation out, proudly wearing their BEU kit!

Dr. Dave paddled his kayak across the lake to say hello, though he couldn't do the ride and even Kid Gallagher made another appearance, his second of the year, to ride the start.

Toesetter looking quite dapper
in his "bar attire!"

Others in attendance included this year's attendance champion, Brewman, as well as Wildman, CycoCross and BEU Virgins, Super Trooper and Skittles!

Special guest Caty, Fabio's daughter (aka "Plot Twist"), made a guest appearance in her very own BEU kit!!! 

Is this a great country or what?!?

After the deviled eggs, blueberry crumble and bloody mary's had been served and consumed, the Nation was ready to rock!

The start photo was an exercise in herding the Minions into a line and was only marginally as successful as their feeble attempts at pace lines.....

Thanks to Caty, Belo News was actually able to get a start photo with our intrepid hero, the Sharkman in it!!!

Skittles did his best to be provocative, striking a pose that extended throughout the day!

'Round about 10 a.m., the Nation took off heading north to start the longer part of the odyssey to the Walldorff in fine style, being accompanied by Skipper, Bissell Boy, Stryker Guy and Kid Gallagher.

The rides gracious hosts!

After their pace line on Rt. 43, and with the Skipper dropping off, Stryker Guy, Bissell Boy and Kid Gallagher hung on for a bit before dropping with Styker Guy as the Nation wished Styker Guy all the best on his quest in the west!

Shortly after the split, the Nation faced its first of two interesting challenges.

Shortly after Sharkman had asked Zyckmann if he had checked the route and to which ZM replied, “Sure, rode it last year.” the group was faced with a “Road Closed” sign.

Wait, …...what???

CycoCross & Stryker Guy!
Might be the best SG looks for a while!

As Minions, they rode past the sign, as they began to notice no cars...... and then they saw it. The road was flooded!

But, hey, Shark Minions should have no problem with water, right?

As a matter of fact. and for reasons unknown to the Nation (as are most of the things this Zyckmann does), Zyckmann ATTACKED the water, splashing the H2O all over his bike, shoes and butt! Oh, the humanity. He later commented that it made him feel like a kid!

The rest of the Shark Nation decided to ride it slowly with the exception of Skittles, who removed his shoes and socks and carried his steed over the bubbling brook that was the road.......

Once organized on the other side, the Nation once again gathered up and headed to Orangeville, where Vlad the Impaler and Wildman decided to take the cut off claiming a lack of training, though Wildman is a perennial top finisher, he was given the benefit of the doubt......however Sharkman wondered if he really wanted the get to the Walldorff and the beer....... sooner........

Brewman enjoying his bloody mary!

The Nation stopped to call in their pizza order to the Walldorff before heading into the hilliest part of the ride up to Hastings at Yankee Springs. This part of the ride was incredible as the Nation split apart into small groups, climbing and descending hills like ants on a cube of sugar!

Sharkman clocked a speed of 41 mph at one point on one of the descents and he wasn't the quickest!

Though the climbs could be tough, the Nation dropped like rocks on the long descents with smiles on their faces (maybe from thinking about the beer and pizza that was soon to be theirs!)! Actually, Sharkman likes to claim to be a fantastic descender and often brags it is his greatest gift on the bike!

Sharkman also noted a average speed of 18.2 mph as they rode into the hill section and though the speed dropped as low as 17.6 mph, it was back up to an 18.2 mph average after the hills and 18 mph when they arrived at the Walldorff where Vlad, Wildman and Caty were already into the beer and pizza!

As the thirsty, hungry Shark Minions gathered around the table, patrons watched in awe as the cyclists downed pitchers and pizza like a pride of lions on a fresh kill. The pitchers flowed, particularly the well liked double black IPA known as The Cobain.

Bissell Boy and the Skipper!

Zyckmann graciously paid for the beer and was somewhat taken aback by the fact that buying the pizza would have been less expensive! Hey, it is the mighty Shark Minion Nation here!!

Thanks Zyckmann! You rock!

As Gazelle Girl worked on the bill and the Nation settled up with her, Toesetter was out affixing a pair of day glow testicles to Gazelle Girl's bike. She had already proven that she had them on the ride up, so why not display them!

Apparently Zyckmann was given the "day glow testicles" and had Toesetter mount them on the Sweetheart of the Pelotons ride. Zyckmann thinks of everything!!!

After celebrity guest Caty (aka Plot Twist) took a photo both in the Walldorff and outside, the Nation was off and the “Cobain Train” immediately noticed the “Cobain Drain.....”

Sharkman described the feeling it created in his legs as "it was like riding in mud!”

Suffice it to say, the ride back to the Zyckmann Estate was not as, shall we say, “brisk” as the ride up.

This man knows how to serve up
a bloody mary!

Here is the ride by the numbers:

Ride to the Walldorff - 18.04 mph avg./climb 1575 ft./41.70 miles/ one water crossing......
Ride back from the Walldorff - 15.01 mph avg./climb 1093 ft./21.87 miles/ no water crossing/day glow testicles......

Total miles - 63.57
Three miles an hour slower on the way back to the Zyckmann Estate. That says it all!!!

Oh, the humanity!

As the Nation traversed the hilly countryside, they made their usual bathroom stop at the church where several photos were taken. Gazelle's Girl appendages allowed her join in!

There was one delay when Sharkman thought there were riders off the back and waited at the stop sign as the Nation rode on, but Super Trooper came back to get our hero as all the riders were in the peloton and all was well in the realm.

Poster Boy, Skittles!

The crowds at the Zyckmann Estate went wild as the riders arrived to women with baskets of wine and cheese, holding up babies to be kissed by their ride hero's.

Several of the Nation then changed into swimming attire and ran down to the lake! 

Toesetter actually brought his paddle board and did a few laps, while Super Trooper swam out into the lake with a swimmers buoy as Wildman and CycoCross cooled at the dock. 

Meanwhile, Sharkman sat down with a beer, allowing the Cobain Effect to eek out of his body as he sipped an All Day IPA and relaxed on the dock. 

Is this a great country or what!??

Huge thanks to Zyckmann, Gazelle Girl and celebrity guest, Caty, aka Plot Twist, for a fantastic day!

It was a great day to be a Shark Minion!

You won't want to miss this weeks edition of the KK-TdG!

Wildman on his second helping
of Yeti Boys Blueberry Crumble!

Saturday, August 17, 2019

Launch Time - 8:00 a.m. - SHARP!

Be there!

Dr. Dave "paddled" to the start!

Vlad the Impaler was back, sporting
his new BEU jersey!

Even Kid Gallagher made the call!

Uh, oh, water crossing!

Shark Minions in the swim!

Here they come!

Super Trooper makes the crossing, while
Skittle takes off his shoes and socks!

A very interesting crossing!

The feed station was wild!

Gazelle Girl sporting her "new equipment!"
Oh, the humanity!

Poster Boy! We're sure this photo will
get legs!

Sharkman trying to get some love (and a buck)
from Skittles. It was a no go......

Speaking of poster boys!
Belo News needs a Center Fold!

Sharkman living the dream!

Love the Croc's Sharkman!,

Mrs. Zyckmann joins the festivities!
Is this a great country or what?!?

STYKER GUY WOWS WITH MINION JERSEY!

Love the jersey Styker Guy!
Banff looks beautiful!

Belo News

August 13, 2019

Banff, Canada - Styker Guy is already reporting in from the road and shared this photo with Belo News as was getting ready to ride his quest from the Canadian boarder to Mexico along the Continental Divide!

Stryker Guy, living the Minion credo that  "if you can't be good, look good!" was sporting his 30th Anniversary Shark Minion Jersey and commented that "every one wants one!"

Sharkman replied, "There are two kinds of bike riders. Those the are Shark Minions and those who WANT to be Shark Minions!" 

Is this a great country or what!??

Good luck to the legend the Nation knows as Stryker Guy and to is wingman, Easty who will be joining him somewhere in Montana! The Nation is with you!

Ride on!

Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.