CELEBRITY RIDER BUYS COFFEE AND MAKES PODIUM!!!

Ugly Jersey Day ready to rock!

SHARKMAN MAKES PODIUM (WELL, SORT OF)!!!

UGLIEST JERSEY GOES TO GAZELLE GIRL!!!

Polar Bear, our celebrity rider
on the day! Welcome home
Polar Bear!

AND THE STORY OF THE UGLIEST JERSEY!!!

SHARKMAN AND THE "SITES" OF KALAMAZOO COUNTY!

OH, THE HUMANITY!

KID DOSTER, WILDMAN ROCK RIBFEST!

Belo News
August 3, 2018

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke over the Shark Cove, bright and warm, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, concentrated as he lay in bed, to see if he could hear any rain on the Shark roof.  No, .....rain had not been predicted, and the forecast was clear, but the old Shark was so use to rain on Saturday mornings he just wasn't sure.....

Obligatory Sharkman Selfie!

Sharkman was also excited on the morning, as that legend of the Peloton, Polar Bear, had emailed him earlier in the week to report that he was "driving back to Michigan and should be there in time to join you guys on Saturday morning. I’m already excited about the best downhill finish in cycling!!!"

Of course, Sharkman was amazed someone was actually reading Belo News when Polar Bear mentioned "the best downhill finish in cycling!!!" but also happy to have Polar Bear back in the peloton!

The old shark was also pretty excited that it was "Ugly Jersey Day" and that is a jersey day the Nation has never had. Sharkman got the idea for Ugly Jersey Day when an old jersey came up in his rotation (Sharkman has quite a haberdashery of jerseys....but we digress) and he could not remember buying it, getting it as swag or as a gift from anyone, and could not believe how ugly it was. Could he have bought it himself? Not bloody likely!

Sharkman began calling it his "Disco" jersey due to the color and the fact that every time he wore it he would  say, "disco in the trash as soon as I get home!"

Sharkman thought he had a lock on
the Ugly Jersey Competition!
"So repulsive, yet I can't look away!"

But, being the, for lack of a better word, "frugal" shark that he is, he just has trouble throwing out usable gear......just look at some of his shorts!

Sharkman, as winner of the Ugly Jersey Award would be buying himself a kup of koffee, but that was OK with him. After all, he doesn't win much of anything anymore and to him, this jersey was a slam dunk! He did think of wearing a Stryker jersey that was given him that was pretty ugly, but didn't want to offend Stryker Guy who not only gave it to him, but who ended up wearing that jersey himself!.....But more on that later.......

Nikeboy arrived on time looking quite dashing in a nice blue jersey and matching kit. Nikeboy had already informed Sharkman that he did not own ANY ugly kit and would not be vying for the win. The idea of having any ugly cycling kit was anathema to the legendary Style Guy.

The two riders met Reb on the road, who was wearing an old T shirt that could have made it in the Ugly T Shirt category, of which didn't exist, but was not even going to place in the Ugly Jersey Contest. Sharkman's confidence continued to grow!

With Polar Bear in the Nation, a slam dunk win in the Ugly Jersey Division AND the South Route with the "greatest downhill finish in cycling" looming ahead, it was going to be a "wonderful day in the neighborhood!" for our hero.

Oh, the humanity!

Stryker Guy in the jersey Sharkman
didn't wear!

As the riders approached the start, there was Polar Bear, complete with his Polar Bear jersey, ready to ride. It was fantastic to see the veteran rider back in the nation as he shook hands and hugged the Nation as they arrived.

Sharkman took a look at Brewman, Easty, Rocketman, and others and kept thinking, "I've got this ugly jersey thing locked up!"

He then turned around and was taken aback to see Stryker Guy riding in with the Skeleton Stryker Jersey in blue, orange and (what?) yellow. Sharkman was starting to feel his grip on the Ugly Jersey Trophy slipping away as people asked Stryker Guy, "where did you get that jersey?" to which he responded, "it was not one of Stykers better designs...."

Padre was sporting a pretty wild jersey and said Mrs. Padre was not happy that he chose a jersey she had picked out for him. However, most of the riders thought it was a pretty cool jersey and Sharkman again began to feel more confident.

The back was even worse!
Who knew???

As Polar Bear and Stryker Guy were shaking hands and talking about the Stryker jersey, Gazelle Girl rode in with Toesetter,  .......wearing,........ THE jersey!

The brown, cotton Jersey was not only ugly and had a draft coefficient that on a scale of 0-10 would be a 20, it had a major story behind it! Wait, what....? Apparently, it was a one of a kind jersey!

Meanwhile, Sharkman was walking around asking people what they thought of his jersey, but all he heard about was the cotton "Bell's Angel" jersey that Gazelle Girl was wearing......

Oh, the humanity! Gazelle Girl was declared the "slam dunk" winner. You can read the full story of the jersey in the next story.......Oh, the humanity!

Sharkman welcomed Polar Bear back to the Nation, reminded all to ride two abreast through town, and took a couple of start photos before the sweet sound of pedals clicking in and the whir of tires could be heard throughout the gentle village of Galesburg as the Nation pulled out of the station.

Stryker Guy looked mystified when
asked, "where'd you get that jersey?"

There were 16 riders at the start and Wishbone would catch on as the Nation headed up Qman Hill as Reb peeled off to head back to work.

The Nation was a bit frisky as they moved up Qman Hill and Sharkman was still mulling his loss on the Ugly Jersey Day and had to work hard to hold on.

But as they got to Hawk Ally, and the fresh pavement, he was feeling better and started to shout out orders on which way to turn. Sharkman loves to shout out orders and it put him right back in a great mood on a beautiful morning. Jersey schmersy.......he thought as he pondered all the money he would be making with the sites to come!

The Nation kept up the pace as they went past the waterfall, the Ox Farm, Cook Cemetery and the once famous Rail Road House that no longer has the Rail Road decorations, yet Sharkman charged for the site anyway.....

"$.50, no change!" Was heard throughout the ride as the Nation hustled along the roads.

On to the Fairy Tree House and the bad railroad crossing.

As the mighty Minion Nation continued south they even got dowsed by a farmers irrigation sprinkler that felt somewhat refreshing as the temp continued to climb, as did the speeds.

Padre's jersey was actually pretty cool!
Nice try Padre!

Sharkman decided to forgo Scots Mill, as the road that way had not been in good shape the last time, but to his dismay the road straight into Scots have been chip and sealed and the riders had to be more careful, though it didn't seem to slow the fast moving train down a lot.

As the Nation rode through Scots, Sharkman offered three sites for $1.00 (no change!). Scooters, the Coffee Shop and the famous Scots U.S. Post Office! Is this a great country or what.

Finally the Nation arrived at 37th Street and picked up the pace, back on the fresh new pavement, with excitement growing at the prospect of the greatest downhill finish in cycling being just ahead.

The Nation formed up at the MN crossing as Sharkman cautioned everyone to hold their lines and be careful on the down hill finish.

Luke Skywalker jumped out early and Sharkman jumped on his wheel as they moved towards the down hill. Sharkman prides himself on his ability to sit on a wheel and his down hill prowess. He likes to move that Oberon belly to the front of the bike and let it all hang out!

He was going to ride the young Luke Skywalker as long as he could!

Gazelle Girl Rides in with the winning
Jersey! Oh, the humanity!

As the hill moved down to the finish, more of the Minions started to come around the two riders. Polar Bear made a move and Luke Skywalker immediately covered it. Toesetter and Gazelle Girl, as well as Easty, Brewman and Nikeboy and a cast of thousands began to move up.

Sharkman was grabbing any wheel he could to propel him into the turn and began to move back up to the front.

As the Nation made the turn, Sharkman went low and was able to get behind Easty who was making a move on Luke Skywalker and Polar Bear who were fighting it down to the wire!

Who would take it? Who?

It was too close to call and both Minions had too much class to say who won, so the Commissioner of Cycling gave them both the win! This put Easty in Second and gave Sharkman a podium finish! Is this a great country or what!?! Sharkman knows how to play the game!

Though a bit crowded on the podium, the Nation made it work!

Average speed on the ride was clocked at 19.3 mph! Oh, the humanity!

The paparazzi and the tofosi along the Champs le Galesburg went wild as the mighty Shark Minion Nation made its way back to the Klutch for the Press Conference and Polar Bear stepped up to buy the koffee! This is a great country and it was great to have the legend back among the Minions where he belongs!

Polar Bear greeting Gazelle Girl!

Sharkman, still a bit stung about his lose in the ugly jersey competition took even more photos of Gazelle Girls winning jersey and listened to the story below.

It was another fantastic day in the kingdom known as the mighty Shark Minion Nation! Is this a great country or what?!?

This week the Nation will be back on its field of dreams known as the Koffee Klutch Tour de Gull!

Saturday, August 11, 2018

Launch Time - 8:00 a.m. - SHARP!

Be there!

Easty back in the Nation
and looking good!

Brewman in, what else,
a Beer Jersey!

Reb in his "jersey" or whatever.....

The winning jersey outside the Klutch!
Look at that wind drag!

The back of the winning jersey.
Bell's Angels!

Polar Bear buys the koffee!
Thanks Polar Bear!

It was a great day to be a Minion!

THE STORY OF THE UGLIEST JERSEY!

Gazelle Girl herself, rockin' the Ugly
Jersey Winner AND a fanny pack!
It this a great country or what?!?

Belo News
August 7, 2018
Gazelle Girl

Triple Nasty Rancerho, Mi. - Back in 1996, before Bell's Brewery sponsored such signature events as the Iceman mountain bike race, Copper Harbor Trails Fest and the Bayview Mackinac sailboat race, there was a little group of five Bell's beer fans that were able to snag Bell's as the sponsor of their self-named "Bell's Angels" team for a 24-hour relay mountain bike race taking place in Canaan, West Virginia.

Breakaway Bicycles was also kind enough to sponsor the team. Jerseys were designed by a team member (himself, a talented brewer today), but - quite obviously - without fit or style in mind.

These are one-of-kind jerseys, folks, and with good reason!

Bell's and Breakaway also sponsored our telemark ski team in '95 and '96. And yet another ill-fitting garment was created. A lovely Kavu vest - in keeping with the canvas-look theme. Oh, the humanity!

Gazelle Girl with jersey designer and brewer
extraordinaire Steve "Bert" Bethel.

Bell's Angels!
Ride to Live. Live to Ride.

Three members of the Bell's/Breakaway
Bicycle Ski Team - The Pineheads!
Gazelle Girl, Bert and yes, gang, that's Toesetter!

Kid Doster and Wildman!
Makin' it happen!

KID DOSTER, WILDMAN ROCK RIBFEST!

Belo News
August 3, 2018

Kalamazoo, Mi. - Proving that Minions are everywhere, the paparazzi sent in this photo of two of the mighty Minion Nation rocking it at Ribfest this past weekend!

Kid Doster and Wildman were rumored to have broken some records in both beer drinking AND rib consumption!

This is a great country!