THE NATION ROCKS GALESBURG! LITERALLY!

A WHOLE LOT A SHAKING GOING ON!

Style Guy was back in his
Ripped Air Bag Safety
Jacket!

THE REAL STYLE GUY RETURNS! OH, THE HUMANITY!

B-ROD TAKES THE FINAL SPRINT!

WHO ORDERED CHINESE?

MINIONS RULE AT CUSTER STAMPEDE!

Belo News

May 2, 2015

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero quickly began to get text messages....

The Nation gets ready to ride!

First, Mad Dog texted to say he would meet our hero on the road.

The second text came in from Rainman advising that his garage door being open on this sunny morning was a red herring and that he was tending the home fires (read watching Rain Drop for the morning) while Tardette went on a training run in preparation for a upcoming marathon.

The old Shark again struggled with what to wear, as the sun looked warm, but the temperature was only at 39 degrees on the Shark thermometer.

After deciding on arm and leg warmers, our hero, after getting his steed ready, went back for a light jacket as it seemed colder than it looked.

Easty was back and riding
strong!

As he launched from the Cove, he was greeted by none other than Nikeboy, making his season debut (well, sort of....he had actually been riding and was seen by the Nation, but hadn't joined on).

Yeti Boy had mentioned he may ride over to the start and ride back for a golf game (yeah, what was he thinking....?) but wasn't at the appointed location. So Nikeboy and Sharkman rode down to his house but not seeing him, started the ride over to the start. Shortly after, Mad Dog came riding up and the three riders commiserated about how cold their hands were! Sharkman was grateful that he had gone back for the jacket.

Sharkman had wondered how the turnout would be on this cold but clear morning because of the Kalamazoo marathon and the Ft. Custer Stampede being set for the following day. However, much to his surprised, the parking lot was packed as they rode up.

Nikeboy making his season debut!

Sharkman commented that he was going back to use the Minion “toilet” behind the school, but noted that a Kalamazoo Sheriff was parked next to the concession stand and he decided to wait. Others also need to stop, but the Deputy seemed to be stationed in his position. Could someone have notice Reb the week before looking for “his spot?” Whatever, the Deputy did not leave until shortly before the start and Wildman had to be excused to go to the Klutch to “find his spot” where he later meet the Nation.

Riders started piling in and a few new Minions joined on for their virgin ride! Airman brought a friend who had already been named by Airman. Diamond Dave joined on and seemed to be a strong rider! Also new Minion Kevin (name to be determined), who stated he had ridden with the Nation before but was not anointed with a name yet. He was told the Nation would be watching him! Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation Diamond Dave and Kevin to be named later!

PJ made his season debut!

Easty also made his debut ride and was looking lean and mean as he was welcomed back into the Nation. Ranger Rick made his return on his cross bike! What a stud! Oxito was also on hand and when asked where his father, Ox was, he simply stated he couldn't get him out this morning! PJ was also making his Debut after a long winter! Welcome back Minions!

To every one's surprise, Squeaky rode in wearing his famous Optic Winter Safety Jacket with built in air bag! Yes, the Style Guy, feeling slighted the previous week for actually conforming to the peleton and actually wearing cycling gear, was back in form! As he posed for photos, the Nation marveled at his sartorial splendor, decked out in full winter regalia of said safety jacket, snowmobile gloves and who can forget the pre-broken in nylon jogging pants, complete with a tear that matched the tear in his jacket! Can this man style or what! He was so taken aback that he might lose the title of “Style Guy” that he had only ridden in for the photo op and was not going to actually ride with the Nation.

Kevin (name to be determined) was back!

Gazelle Girl snuck in with Toesetter, along with Stryker Guy, Boatman, and Zickman and Sharkman didn't see her. He asked where she was as she surprised him from behind.

The Nation posed for the pre-ride photo and Sharkman counted 24 Minions. Though we here at Belo News aren't sure, this might be the largest early season ride in Nation history! Is this a great country or what?!?

The Nation buzzed into town and as they slid by the Klutch Andrew and the Early morning crew waved to their hero's, while Wildman was waiting to jump on. A short time later, Dr. Dave jumped on making his season debut as well! Welcome back, Dr. Dave!

A cast of thousands led our hero out to the first sprint, with Oxito and Mad Dog parting at the last minute to give Sharkman the sprint.

Ranger Rick making his debut gets
a photo of Sharkman getting a
photo!

After a photo op and a count of 25 riders, the Nation began across G ave. and on to the run up to the col de Twin Lakes where the Nation was fairly bunched going into the sprint. It was apparent that the Nation was ready to start putting the hammer down!

As the Nation turned past the Yorkville Church, the speed went up considerably but no one was giving any quarter. Sharkman noticed as they went by the Kountry Klub that his speedometer was at 29.8 mph! Riders jockeyed back and forth as the lead continued to change hands.

Normally the Nation slows as it makes the turn up to Rt. 43, but not this week. Riders at the front put the pressure on, yet the Nation stayed together all the way to the sprint.

At Rt. 43, PJ needed to make a comfort stop to “find his spot” and took so long he was asked if he needed a magazine.....

Welcome to the Nation,
Diamond Dave!

After waiting for some cyclists who were riding the wrong way, towards the Nation, Sharkman led out and the Nation actually stayed behind him until the Boat Launch, where they all started getting in position for the ascent up the col de Norte.

Since all were on at the summit, the Nation kept going!

(See Chalk Talk below for etiquette for both waiting and not circling in intersections)

For whatever reason, Zickman and Sharkman found themselves at the front and wondered why a couple of the oldest guys in the peloton were pulling the Nation? As they approached the turn to the Holy Rollers, both backed off and were quickly passed by surging Minions everywhere.

As the Nation pulled into Frona's, Easty rode up to a window and started knocking at two customers in what is now called the Queens Cupboard but will always be Frona's to the Nation. Everyone thought he was looking for a free breakfast but as later learned, some of his fans were enjoying their food and when they saw him, wanted his autograph. After signing a few and getting pried away by Sharkman, the Nation was off again with Sharkman warning about the bad road ahead. However, Zickman had done some scouting and reported that it had been patched the previous week! Amazing!

Gazelle Girl sneaks up
on the Sharkman!

As the Nation bore down on the Inlet Sprint, Zickman surged ahead and Sharkman rode him like rented mule, making a final move at the end to surprise Zickman and take the sprint (whoa, where did that come from, eh?).

The Nation formed up at the Digital Divide and had to actually cross in two groups as that intersection seems to have become extremely busy of late.

Sharkman went to the front and tried to form up a pace line, but it appeared the Nation did not want to play that on this fine day. The hunt was on and the Nation picked up speed going into the GGG Spot Sprint. The train remained bunched until just before the sprint, where Buff broke from the pack and edged out Sharkman by half a bike. Sharkman? What the.....?

The Nation crossed G and began their final assault on the finishing sprint. Again, no Hossman or Tow Truck to lead out and the Nation stayed bunched but moving fast none the less. Again, Sharkman was worried about the finish but the Minions held their lines as they summited the last hill and began the fast ascent to the finish. Sharkman, after a brief time in the lead, had felt spent but when he saw the Greyhound go by and realized the drafting power behind the bus, he found to hold on and was able to stay with the finishers! Thanks Greyhound!

Squeaky, aka Style Guy in "full
regalia!" Oh, the humanity!

B-Rod was in position to make a jump and moved up to the right as he went by to nip new Minion Kevin at the line with Brewman taking the third spot on the podium! A classic finish!

Average speed on the day, 20.1 mph!

As the Nation slowed to a stop at 89 and older gentlemen in a blue pick up truck swerved in front of the riders, slammed on his brakes and jumped out of his truck with a plastic bag with, what looked like, food containers in it. He began to berate the riders for “throwing garbage” in his driveway, holding up the bag as evidence. For the most part, this seemed so foreign that the Nation seemed lost for words! Sharkman stated to the man that there was no way that the Nation had done that and tried to explain that cyclist do not carry food like that with them. But he would not be placated and was convinced it was one of the Nation. He got back into his truck and drove off and Sharkman regretted not stopping and actually trying to speak with him. One of the Minions rode next to Sharkman and asked if he has ordered Chinese Take Out because that is exactly what the bag looked like! It is unfortunate that anyone would believe the Nation would throw garbage in someones drive. Using the dumpster as a bathroom at the school is one thing......throwing garbage? Never!

Oxito makes his season debut,
sans Ox! Where was Ox?

The Nation rode down the Champs le Galesburg to the cheers of all their fans!

As the heroes of the peloton rode up to the Klutch, Skittles was on hand with his daughter, Madison to greet the returning riders!

Again, the Klutch was rocking as most of the Nation stopped to enjoy Andrews hospitality, as well as his Bottomless Kups!

Of course the big news of the day was the Great Earthquake of 2015 that rocked greater Galesburg after the ride. Sharkman had just cleaned up after the ride and had gone out to the garage when he heard a sound that made him think a huge dump truck was coming down the street. As he looked out, he noticed the garage door shacking and he knew what it was.

It was further reported that the older gentlemen in the blue truck later alleged that the cause of the quake was “those damn bikers who threw garbage in my drive!”

Minions form up a the first G Ave. crossing.

Nikeboy reported that the epicenter of the quake was near Scott's, right on the Nations southern route and immediately thought that Sharkman could charge at least $1.00 for pointing this sight out on the next southern tour of Kalamazoo County! Good thinking Nikeboy!

Is this a great country or what?!?

It was good to be back in the Nation on Saturday and you won't want to miss this weeks edition of the Koffee Klutch Tour de Gull!

Dr. Dave made his season debut, but not
at the start so we caught him at the
Klutch!

Saturday, May 9, 2015

NEW LAUNCH TIME – NEW LAUNCH TIME – NEW LAUNCH TIME!

Launch time – 8:00 a.m. - SHARP!

Be there!

Skittles with his daughter Madison
welcome the Nation to the
Klutch

Andrew was serving up
the Bottomless!

The Klutch was rockin!

Dream Boat gives his thumbs up on the day!

CHALK TALK!

Belo News

May 6, 2015

Shark Cove, Mi. - And now a word from the Sharkman. Time for some "chalk talk" from the man hizzelf!

I would like to remind everyone that safety is a priority on the Minion ride and as a part of that, we want to also be respectful of both one another AND motorists. So two things from last weeks ride;

1. We want to WAIT for all riders to catch back on at the stop signs after sprints and at the top of the col de Norte. Rolling stops are not STOPS and we respectfully request that all riders do not continue across roads until the Nation is gathered back together.
2. Additionally, it is not only dangerous to circle in the intersections, it really pisses motorists off. So please, STOP at the intersection, move to the right and DO NOT circle in the intersection. This is really important. At the top of the Col de Norte it is OK to circle once (first insuring there is no traffic) but only ONCE!

Thanks. Nuff said.....

Sharkman

MINIONS RULE AT THE FORT CUSTER STAMPEDE!

Belo News

Skittles makes the podium again!
Photo by Tara Plante.

May 3, 2015

Augusta, Mi. - The Fort Custer Stampede took place on Sunday with some Minions “working” the event, while others competed..... and compete they did.

Conditions were outstanding for this race and accordingly it drew a large crowd for the race.

Belo News is not sure if the entire Nation is covered here, as going through the results the Editors don't always know the real names of the Minions. However, needless to say some fantastic results were turned in by the mighty Minion Nation!

Toesetter "officiating" with a drink!

Gazelle Girl, quotes as saying, "I only
go for the Bloody Mary's!"

Expert Division:

Skittles takes 3^rd in his age group!

Sport Division:

Polar Bear takes 4^th Place in his age group!

Clydesdale Division:

Iceman takes 4^th and Reb takes 10^th place!

Beginner Division:

Yeti Boy takes 3^rd in his age group!

Congratulations to all the racers! And to the celebrity couple working the event! Gazelle Girl AND Toesetter were “Stylin' big time!”

Yeti Boys trophy, which he forgot
on the truck and promptly
broke when he drove off!

Yeti Boy took the above photo of his award, then promptly forgot his trophy glass was on his truck and drove off, breaking the glass. However, Cheese is working on getting him a new one! What a great MInion!

Is this a great country or what?!?

Viva the Minion Nation!

MONDAY MOUNTAIN BIKE RIDES STARTS WITHOUT REB!

Sharkman, Polar Bear, Kevin, Gazelle Girl & Yeti Boy!

Belo News,

May 4, 2015

Fort Custer, Mi. - Our own Reb has started an informal Monday afternoon mountain bike ride that had it's second edition this week sans Reb! This didn't stop the Nation from riding on a warm, fantastic day! This retirement thing is pretty damn sweet!

Yeti Boy, Polar Bear, Gazelle Girl (riding her “Sports Car of Mountain Bikes” cross bike), Sharkman and newbie Kevin, were all in attendance. Reb had to call in sick as his kids were all on the disabled list and he wasn't feeling too good either. Thinking a fast run around Ft. Custer might not be the answer to a cure, he had to beg off but is reporting that he is doing fine.

The five riders had a great time at a great pace doing both the Blue and the Red trail without any major mishaps!

This ride will continue through the summer and here are the details:

Monday's

Launch time – 3:15 p.m.

Fort Custer Trail Head

Be there!

TUESDAY NIGHT RIDE RAINED OUT!

Belo News

April 5, 2015

Battle Creek, Mi. - The Tuesday Night Chain Gang Ride was a victim to Mother Nature again this past week!

However, there is always next week!

This ride launches at 5:30 p.m. from the parking lot behind K2, which shares the parking lot with Arcadia Brewing in Battle Creek. The ride goes out to Galesburg and back and some riders join on during the ride.

This ride is similar to the old Chain Gang ride that Kellogg Minions were always late for. So it is set up as a pace line ride. It is a great work out and the Minions adjust the speed to the riders who are present.

So come on out and join the Tuesday Night Minion Chain Gang.

Stingray in the Emergency Room!

IN OTHER NEWS!

Belo News

April 29, 2015

Al Sabo, Mi. - In late breaking news, Stingray was put on the disabled list after a major crash while riding at Al Sabo last week. Moving quickly down hill, he caught some roots and went off the bike on to his side. He took a major head to the helmet, which seems to have saved him from major injury but could not save damage to his ear that needed a number of stitches to close up. There was some concern that he had broken a hip or his pelvis but tests proved negative.

Stingrays helmet took a hit, but no concussion!

Stingray is resting and hopes to be in action soon!

Best wishes from the mighty Minion Nation for a speedy recover!

A good reminder of the importance of a good helmet!

Stingrays ear after the stitches! Ouch!

FREE BIKE RACK!

Free to the first Minion who asks for it!

Finally,......

to a good home, Polar Bear is giving away this Thule Bike Rack to a good home.  If you're interested, contact Sharkman and he will put you in touch with Polar Bear! What a deal!

Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.