BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED HUGE SUCCESS!!!
THIRTY TWO MINIONS ROCK THE KK-TdG!
COLLEGE GAME DAY THIS WEEKEND!
SHARKMAN RETURNS!?!
BISSELL BOY AND DAUGHTER ROCKS AT CHICAGO TRANSAMERICA TRI!
Belo News
August 27, 2014
Shark Cove, Mi. - Well, Belo News finally has a report for the Minion Nation! As anyone who is anyone in cycling knows, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, has been out of commission of late while the rest of the Nation enjoyed the Bloody 'Ell 'Undred and last weeks ride (which we did not get a report for) and Bissell Boy was competing in a triathlon with daughter Erika and they were kicking butt!
But we digress, let us get straight to the stories!
 |
| The mighty Minion Nation does the Bloody 'Ell 'Undred in style! |
BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED HUGE SUCCESS!!!
Belo News
August 16, 2014
Gazelle Girl
Zickman Estate, Mi. - Dawn broke over the Triple Nasty Rancho on Bloody ‘ell ‘undred Day with Gazelle Girl’s usual shout of “Bloody ‘ell!!” to wake the dead. Although this year there was a tiny lack of enthusiasm in her shout.
Gazelle Girl was laid up and would have to ride in a CAR instead of aboard her beloved bicycle. Oh the humanity!
 |
| The Nation on the move! |
But… Yeti Boy to the rescue with a BEAUTIFUL bright red 1986 Alfa Romeo Spider in which Toe Setter would chauffeur the Sweetheart of the Peloton. “I’ll be driving Miss Girl,” Toesetter stated with a noticeable swelling to his chest.
Minions, decked out in their gorgeous Bloody ‘ell ‘undred jerseys, assembled in Zickman’s sun porch for the annual Toesetter Bloody Mary, Gazelle Girl Deviled Egg and Yeti Boy Cinnamon Bun extravaganza. Is this a great country or what?
In an “attempt” to remind riders that the BEU is a TOUR (and a drinking one at that), not a race, Gazelle Girl had nifty “Sit in for FREE!” prize cards to give away to two lucky winners. A random drawing performed by Zickman produced the two lucky winners… none other than B-Rod and Chico. What are the chances???
 |
| Slow down, gentlemen! |
Immediately, there were grumblings of a “rigged” contest. “Pshaw!” the Commissioner of Cycling was heard to say after being consulted from an undisclosed location. “How could the contest possibly have been rigged? Now, leave me alone and go ride your bikes!”
Since your intrepid reporter wasn’t on the ride, she can only go by conjecture to discern that MORE “Sit in for FREE!” prize cards will be needed for the 2015 BEU.
Lunch was nice, although we were only given ONE poor hardworking – but very cheery and friendly – waiter who had the best line all day in Toesetter and Gazelle Girl’s opinion. When Gazelle Girl – eschewing “bar food” due to her lack of exercise of late – inquired about which of the menu’s salad offerings was the tastiest, the quite finely coiffed and slightly effeminate waiter, Wally, was heard to say, “Well, I like to eat things that are pretty, so….” to which Gazelle Girl knitted a brow and snuck a peek at Toesetter. Hmmmmmm, pretty, eh?
 |
| Gazelle Girl riding in style thanks to Yeti Boy and his 1986 Alfa Romeo! |
Back at Zick’s more beer was drunk, lovely wives appeared, lafs were heard and another Bloody ‘ell ‘undred TOUR was in the books. Next year’s event will feature a rigged BEER PONG contest in the a.m. in an attempt to slow down those riders who seem to forget that the BEU is a TOUR, not a race. You know who you are…
 |
| The hosts, Zickman & Gazelle Girl! |
 |
| Dr. Dave, Styker Guy and Yeti Boy..... |
 |
| The Nation rolls into Hastings! |
 |
| What's upppppp? |
 |
| Gazelle Girl at the Waldorf! |
 |
| Toesetter, the Sweethearts Chauffeur Extraordinaire! |
 |
| Gazelle Girl & Toesetter in style! |
 |
| Chico & B-Rod accepting their "Sit in Free" cards. |
BISSELL BOY AND DAUGHTER ROCKS AT CHICAGO TRANSAMERICA TRI!
 |
| Bissell Boy & Erika rock Chicago! |
Belo News
August 24, 2014
Chicago, Il. - Many in the Nation have been asking where the heck that legend of the Peloton, Bissell Boy, has been most of the summer. As previously reported in Belo News, in a moment of weakness, he agreed to do a triathlon with daughter Erika. This past Sunday, both father and daughter competed in the Chicago TransAmerica Triathlon where they both apparently kicked butt big time!
Describing his style as "laid back" this Minion had no problem in very choppy Lake Michigan waters, on the bike (where he is a natural) and on the run (which he was worried about for no reason what so ever)! Erika also turned in a great performance and both did the mighty Minion Nation proud!
Great job Lancaster's! But the Nation will be glad to get Bissell Boy back in the peloton now that he is done with this triathlon silliness!
 |
| Bissell Boy out of the water! |
 |
| Bissell Boy, chilling on the run and looking good! |
 |
| What will be little Debbie Dark-Matter's Minion name? |
THIRTY TWO MINIONS ROCK THE KK-TdG!
COLLEGE GAME DAY THIS WEEKEND!
SHARKMAN RETURNS!?! OH, THE HUMANITY!
Belo News
August 27, 2014
Shark Cove, Mi. - As previously mentioned, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, has been AWOL the past two weeks. Additionally, though there were 32 Minions in the Nation last week, no one, and we mean no one, reported in other than to say that there were 32 Minions and many virgin Minions!
This week, our hero returns for College Game Day!
That's right, Bunkie! It is the start of College Football so get your favorite College Jersey on and come out and ride!
This Saturday! College Game Day! Wear your College Colors!
Launch Time - 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!
BE THERE!
No comments:
Post a Comment