IRONMAN RULES THE DAY!

The Nation closes out the 2013 Season in style!

PINK TUBES? OH THE HUMANITY!

2013 SEASON ENDS IN SPECTACULAR FASHION!

BARRY-ROUBAIX RIDE? OH, YES!

MOUNTAIN BIKE SCHEDULE!

THE PHILOSOPHY JUST KEEPS COMING!

Belo News

September 28, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, was abuzz with excitement!  Again, he had been separated from his Minions and was anxious to get back in the peloton despite the fact he had not been on the bike in a while.

His biggest decision of the morning was trying to figure out what to wear on the cool morning that he knew would get warm as the morning lay before him.

Sharkman sporting his Sharkman Jersey!

Of course, since it was "Wear Any Jersey You Want Day" he had to wear the custom made "Sharkman" jersey that his beloved Nation had given him on his 60th birthday almost 4 years ago.  As our hero looked in the mirror he could only think of how dapper he looked in the special jersey and did not want to cover it up with a jacket.  So arm and leg warmers it was as our hero launched from the Cove in the morning mists.

Sharkman soon came upon Mad Dog and the two rode and caught up the entire ride over, which seemed to go much faster on this fine morning.

As they rolled into the start, Easty and Brewman were pulling in as well.

B-Rod also pulled in and to everyone's surprise, had Toast with him!  Toast was asked about his treatments and he reported that they would begin at U of M on the following Monday so he wanted to make the last road ride of the year! Is this guy tough or what?  

An inspiration to the entire peloton and our thoughts and prayers go with Toast as he starts his treatments this week!

More riders began to pile in.  Falcon, Cannon, Polar Bear, and Peugeot Guy.

After the press was done with the photos, Sharkman led the Nation out on the last official road ride of 2013 as a cheer went up from their adoring fans!

As the Nation rode past the Klutch, Luann and the Saturday Morning Group waved enthusiastically with tears in their eyes as the peloton road by waving back in thanks for a great season.

Before the Nation even got to 37th Street, Gazelle Girl surprised everyone by jumping on early!  She caught the Nation so off guard, no one called out to her!  Minions began asking, "Did she have trouble sleeping?" and "Maybe she never went to bed and just went from Friday night to Saturday to ride!"  But Gazelle Girl simply stated she was peeked up over the last road ride of the year and just got up early.  Whoa!

A bit later, Ironman jumped on and there were 12 riders in the peloton.

B-Rod, then Cannon and finally Falcon, led the old Shark to the last  honorary sprint of the season and Sharkman took it going 24.5 mph, well…..because you just can't skate on an honor like that!

As the Nation approached the run up to the col de Twin Lakes, the Skipper and Boatman jumped on and warned of logs in the road near the col de No Name.  The Nation found out it wasn't only logs, but tons of hickory nuts littered the roads in several places.

The Cannon and Falcon spared at the front as the Nation glided past the Yorkville Church but no one was raising to the bait of the two antagonists.

The speed picked up at Kellogg Korner, where the Skipper had made sure the hickory nuts were swept off the road, and then on through the Kountry Klub section where Cannon put in an awesome pull and took the sprint.

The Nation waited for the Skipper at Rt. 43 as he had thrown a chain and needed to stop to get it unwedged.

As the Nation topped out on the Col de Norte, Ironman commented that Sharkman should take a look at the fact NO ONE was circling in the intersection!  Ironman commented that "You don't have to yell at anyone this week!"  

Just as Sharkman commented that he was impressed, but that it had only taken the entire season, the Skipper rode up stating he was going to circle the intersection just to cause Sharkman some heart ache on the last day of the season!

As the Nation rolled by the Zickman Estate a shout of "Hey Zickman!" could be heard throughout the east side of Gull Lake, but alas, no Zickman was seen…….

And then, that is when it happened.

Cannon shows the "Pink Tube!"

What has now come to be known as "the Pink Tube Scandal" took place in, of all places, the Holy Rollers!

As stated, the Cannon had done a monster pull in the Rt. 43 sprint and after taking two sprint finishes, he found himself off the back and puking!  Cannon was quoted after the ride as saying that it was the first time he had ever puked during exercise, which caused Belo News to remember the time Boffo's professional baseball pitching (for the Detroit Tigers no less) brother had puked on the col de Norte, the very same place as Cannon!  

But we digress…..suffice it to say, Cannon was struggling off the back of the peloton when it happened.

As the Nation was lining up to contest the Holy Roller Sprint, B-Rod had a flat tire and had to pull over.

The Nation was waiting at Frona's for B-Rod to fix the tire giving the Cannon a chance to latch back on and catch his breath.  Considered one of the best tire changers in the peloton, the Cannon assisted in the change and that is when it occurred!

To everyone's surprise, B-Rod was riding a pink tube! 

You heard that right, Bunkie, pink!  

Mass of tubes, some pink, some not.....

The Cannon immediately asked B-Rod if they made tubes like that in a men's version.

Everyone began to wonder what B-Rod was wearing under his kit?  Pink?

As the big sprinter started up after fixing the tire, the back tire blew! Oh, the humanity!

Again, another pink tube!  What the ………..

After getting the second tire fixed, the peloton left Frona's all wondering about the pink tubes.

After crossing the Digital Divide, Sharkman noticed the Skipper, who had struggled in the first part of the ride, was now leading and stated, "you got a great second wind!"

Skipper responded that he actually had a bad second AND third wind and was now on his fourth!

Sharkman, noticing the average speed was hovering around 19.8 mph decided to go to the front and try to form up a pace line.  Ironman asked if the peloton was moving counter clock wise to which Sharkman stated, "I'll take what I can get. With these Minions I never know……" 

What everyone saw at the Klutch.....

Alas, no one seemed to want to play and one of the worst pace lines of the year formed up.  It was like watching a bunch of dog's trying to get to the feeding bowl at the same time, yet no one wanted to be the first one to feed!

As the Nation approached the GGG Spot, a couple of riders wanted to lead Gazelle Girl out but she declined saying, "Not today!"  So, maybe she never did go to bed the night before and just came straight from the party?!?  Whoa, is this a great country or what?!?

After crossing the GGG Spot and reminding everyone to hold their lines and ride safe, Sharkman went to the front to try to get that average up and spread out the peloton.

After what seemed to him to be a long time, Polar Bear came forward to relieve him and put in a monster pull bringing the speed up as they climbed the final ascent to the finish.

As the Nation crested the hill, the Cannon, now back in form after leaving his breakfast on the col de Norte, shot to the front and opened up a gap.

What everyone was wondering! Boatman
and Cannon seemed confused......

Realizing that they were letting the Cannon steal the show, the Nation responded and Ironman, Falcon and Mad Dog responded with Polar Bear and Sharkman hanging on.

The four fought it out with with Ironman taking Falcon and Cannon, with Mad Dog, Polar Bear and Sharkman on their tails.

The Nation looked a bit thin on the way in and word went through the peloton quickly that B-Rod had again flatted and some of the Nation stayed with him to help.

The paparazzi and tofosi were impatient on the Champs le Galesburg as our hero's rode to the Klutch.

Much to their surprise, long lost Wolf King was waiting for them as they pulled up to the Klutch.  It appears he was between a baseball fitting and birthday party for his son and came in to kill time with the Nation.

Wolf King was in attendance for koffee!

The Skipper bought Sharkman his koffee (is this a great country or what?) and the Klutch was alive with tofosi.

During the press conference, Cannon reported that once back at the Klutch, two Sheriff's Deputies showed up to arrest Ironman for stealing the final sprint from the Cannon and Falcon, but he was able to hide his face well enough to escape jail time...for now...muwahaha!" (Editors Note - Yes, these are his exact words!)

Shortly after, Gazelle Girl arrived after having time to shop for tomato's at the grocery store next door and B-Rod, who explained he had two more flat tires, as he put the spare tubes on the table for all to see.

After seeing the pink tubes, conjecture began on what B-Rod was wearing under his kit and how one must be very secure in his manhood to be riding with pink tubes.  B-Rod tried to explain they were expensive latex tubes to save weight, but commenting on "latex" only seemed to make the situation worse.

The crowd stayed long on this beautiful fall day and Mad Dog had trouble getting Sharkman on the road to head back to the Cove.

Big thanks to the entire Nation for a great 2013 Season!

FORT CUSTER RIDE SCHEDULE ANNOUNCED!

TWO STARTING POINTS!

Belo News

October 2, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - As the Nation is aware, the peloton now moves to Ft. Custer to begin training for Iceman and to enjoy the beauty of one of the greatest mountain bike State Parks around!

Unfortunately, Sharkman will not be on board the next two weeks! Oh, the humanity!  What is that guy doing?

However, the mountain biking will begin and a special event is being tentatively planned for Saturday October 19 so mark your calendars! (see next article)

For the next two Saturdays there will be two start points.  For those wanting to get some miles in, a group will leave the Klutch at 8:30 a.m. after koffee and will ride to the trail head to meet riders who want to launch from there at 9:00 a.m. 

As in previous years, the group will decide on trails and there maybe different pace groups.

So….for the next two Saturdays;

Saturday's October 5 & 12, 2013

Launch from Klutch at 8:30 a.m. and ride to Trail Head

Launch from Trail Head at 9:00 a.m.

BARRY-ROUBAIX TRAINING RIDE OCTOBER 19, 2013

Belo News

October 2, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - Several Minions have suggested that the Nation do a Barry-Roubaix ride in preparation for Iceman.  After all, with 3,000 feet of climb, what could be a better way to train!

There will be further announcements on this as the team here at Belo News firms things up but mark the date of Saturday, October 19, 2013 with a tentative launch of 9:00 a.m. up in Hastings.  After the ride, the Nation will retreat to the Waldorf for lunch and perhaps a few adult beverages!  Is this a great country or what?!?

So mark you calendars and we are looking for riders who know the route.  The plan would be for this to be more of a social ride.

Watch for more news on this in an upcoming Belo News!

THE CANNON SHARES HIS WISDOM!

The Cannon speaks.......

Belo News

October 2, 2013

Galesburg, Mi. - Back by popular demand, more musings by our resident philosopher, the Cannon!  Enjoy!

"Hey Sharkman, i got some more philosophical ramblings: Bike Advice: Don't be a dick Just Say No...to being a dick Speaking of being a dick: No one will like you if you can't hold your line.  If you can't hold your line, practice on your own so you won't endanger anyone's life. Some of us have children.  Lube your chain. Just do it.  The Three Most Important Things on a bicycle are: Saddle, Pedals/Shoes, and Grips/bartape. In that order Don't be a dork: Thy bartape shall match thy saddle. or you can't go wrong with black/black.  Aero-bars:  Rule 1: Completely dangerous unless when one is off the front pulling the group.  Rule 2. When you are caught, go back to the drops or hoods for safety's sake. Rule 3. Putting one's forearms on the flats of a road bike to fake aero-bars when you're "on the rivet" is just freaking cool.  Remember Rules 1 and 2.  Sitting on the top tube to gain more speed on a down hill is freaking cool too, but remember the preceding three rules.  A rider who can dismount like a pro is a cool rider: un-clip one foot, swing your leg over the top tube and dismount the bike in a walking gait. Now, my friend, you are as cool as the other side of the pillow. In a road ride, do your best to stay on the road, but if you do find yourself on a dirt shoulder, being able to get back on the pave' without waking up in the hospital gets you cool points every time.  In a group mountain bike ride, don't drop the group. This rule becomes invalid when one or more riders are being dicks.  Harden the EFF up! Pre-ride: Always check tire pressure.  Rotate your tires periodically before they become flat on top. Just Do it. A dirty road bike is a shameful, shameful thing. Try harder. A clean mountain bike is a shameful, shameful thing. Try harder. Harden the F@#$ Up. Bad weather is no excuse to quit. See above There is no bad weather, only bad gear -Anon See above and, If you go into a bike shop with intentions of trying stuff on only to turn around and buy stuff on line, then go stuff yourself."