 |
| Tow Truck talks at Press Conference. |
TOW TRUCK TAKES TAPE!
SQUEAKY WITH A NEW JACKET? SAY IT AIN'T SO!
ANOTHER BISSELL BOY IMPERSONATOR ALLEGATION?
PIRATE FILES ANOTHER TOUR De FRANCE REPORT!
Belo News
May 4, 2013
Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke over the sleepy Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman was jumping out of bed and excited to get moving on the morning. The weather was just about perfect and Rainman had assured him that he would accompany him on the ride over. Additionally, Mad Dog, who is a perennial riding companion was also supposed to be in attendance.
As our hero was getting his trusty steed ready he noticed that Rainman's garage door had yet to open?
Lava Girl commented that the Rainman is young and probably just jumps out of bed, puts on his kit and climbs his bike moments before launch. (She also mentioned Sharkman can't do that anymore.......)
As the old Shark headed down the drive and saw Mad Dog approaching, it was becoming obvious that the Rainman Estate was quiet.
After a couple of loops in the street, the duo decided to go ahead without Rainman, who later showed up at the start stating he didn't realize the new launch time! What part of NEW LAUNCH TIME - NEW LAUNCH TIME - NEW LAUNCH TIME did Rainman not read?
But we digress……
 |
| Nikeboys new shoes! |
As Mad Dog and Sharkman were heading east into the rising sun they noticed a bright light ahead of them. Actually, bright light might be an understatement as they had to shield their eyes despite having sunglasses on. As they rode closer to the glare they realized it was none other than Nikeboy, sporting a new pair of neon green Sidi road shoes! Oh, the humanity. After commenting that Nikeboy must be very confident in his manhood, Sharkman, sporting his red Giro, attempted to defend his comment.
As the threesome rode into the parking lot at the start, it was loaded with riders getting their steeds ready for the ride. There was a buzz as more and more riders came in.
As regular readers of Belo News are well aware, after the number of Minion riders reaches 12-15, it can be difficult to list all the names of those in attendance. Something about memory problems.....
After Airman and Mad Dog got a better look at Nikeboys shoes, Squeaky rode up wearing a new
 |
| The glare was blinding for Mad Dog & Airman |
Squeaky stated he'd heard enough out of the peloton and had taken his birthday money to buy the new, bright yellow jacket. He did reassure Sharkman that he still had the Parachute/Safety Jacket, stating that you just don't through a great jacket like that away!
Thank God!
Ox and Boatman made their first appearance of the season with Boatman riding a new Pinarello! He had purchased it from Danimal and it had been a Health Priority Team bike last year. Boatman was styling on the new ride! Hey, isn't this guy fast enough? Does he really need to have a Pinarella? Oh, the humanity!
 |
| Squeaky in his new Jacket! |
Stryker Guy rode in making is his first ride of the year, sporting a goatee/beard and wearing an Ohio State Jersey!
Two new riders, or should it be said, two new virgin Minions, rode in. Nick, now known as Sasquatch (always smart to arrive with your own name) and Joe, name to be determined.
 |
| Welcome to the Nation, Sasquatch! |
Welcome to the Nation Sasquatch and Joe!
Sasquatch mentioned that he got the name for growing a beard at an early age and thankfully did not mention any other body hair, while Yeti Boy got his name for his ability to climb and 13 shoe size! As Yeti Boy says, "it ain't easy finding road shoes!"
Wildman also made his debut ride after promising the old Shark he was coming back the previous week and didn't! Oh, the humanity!
Speaking of shoes, just as the Sharkman was about to get things going, Hossman pulled in with about 2 minutes to get ready for the start. His preparations were cut short when he realized he had brought the wrong cycling shoes! Hard to ride those road clips with those mountain bike shoes. Oh, the humanity, Hossman was out…..or was he?
All in all, about 19 riders were on the train as it pulled out of the station and buzzed by the Klutch
 |
| Wildman finally makes his debut! |
As the Nation headed out to 36th St. to head north, they saw Rainman flash by, looking for the peloton. He had hustled over from the Cove when he realized he had the wrong start time.
Riders began appearing on course with Dr. Dave making his debut appearance of the season. One of Belo News best reporters, it was good to have the Dr. back in the house.
A shout of "Gazelle Girl!" went up as she approached the peloton and Ironman, who was riding with her seemed a bit upset that in the excitement of greeting the sweetheart of the peloton, he was just so much chopped liver.
It was Ironman's debut ride of the year, but Gazelle Girl still got top billing. Sorry Ironman!
B Rod and Falcon led out our hero to the first sprint and after taking it, Sharkman attempted a count at the G Ave. crossing and it was believed there were 22+ riders on the bus.
It could not be determined if the "Safety Information" in last weeks Belo News, the concerns about the
 |
| Ox & Boatman on his new ride! |
The usually, fast paced Kellogg Korner through the Kountry Klub did not take place and the sprint didn't rally start until after the turn to Rt. 43. Several riders broke free and Sharkman rode the wheel of Falcon and Mad Dog before making a move on the right and thinking he had the sprint, noticed Tow Truck coming out wide to the left and nipping him at the line for the sprint. It was a Tow Truck kind of day!
At the top of the col de Norte it became very apparent that riders had actually paid attention to the safety information from the Sharkman in last weeks edition of Belo News. As a matter of fact, the riders were all good about not crossing intersections early and there was a minimum of circling in the intersections!
 |
| "Look Sharkman, wrong shoes!" |
To everyones surprise, waiting for the train at the top of the col de Norte was none other than Hossman, who had gone home, got his shoes and then rode out to meet the Nation! He was quoted as saying, "I'm getting three pairs of road shoes. One for each car!"
As the Nation headed through the Holy Rollers, Sharkman put on a sprint and as he and Ironman were fighting it out, a guy on a Cannondale, pulling two cute kids in a bugger, came out of nowhere and stole the sprint from Ironman as he edged ahead of the old Shark. I this a great country or what?!?
The riders all came together at the Digital Divide and a fairly decent pace line formed up. Getting up to nice cruise speeds, Gazelle Girl positioned herself perfectly for the GGG spot when Falcon made a move and stole the sprint at the tape.
As the mass of riders headed to the final tape, Sharkman was worried about a pack finish. Mad Dog took off and began to pull the pace line. Just before the last hill to the finish, Rainman busted past the leaders to shouts from B Rod of "Oh, no!"
B Rod knew that if a gap opened it would be difficult to catch the young Rainman!
 |
| Tow Truck & Stryker Guy (with facial hair!) |
The peloton went after him and at the top of the hill before the finish, Rainman, as though toying with the peloton, pulled aside and the racing began in earnest!
The Nation careened down the finishing hill as Tow Truck came to the front and stayed out there, with Falcon and B Rod on his wheel and Sharkman getting shut out of a podium finish!
Tow Truck takes the first "official" finish of the 2013 Season.
As Belo News had previously reported, some of the riders the previous week had complained of too fast a pace so early in the season and everyone was talking about how great the pace was this week. The average speed for the prior week was 19.5 mph and the average for this ride was 19.4 mph. Everyone seemed to think the difference was that the peloton stayed together more, waited to move to sprint later in each section, and riders weren't breaking off the front as much. Either way, everyone reported a great ride, particularly Tow Truck!
The tofosi and paparazzi went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as our heroes rode to the Klutch.
Stryker Guy needed to adjust his handlebars after getting bumped by Ironman on the col de Norte and Sharkman pulled out his 10 lb. Alien tool and he and Nikeboy helped Styker Guy get his handlebars back on straight for the ride home.
By the time Sharkman got into the Klutch he was relegated to the back of the line but was please to learn that his koffee had been paid for by good old Yeti Boy! Don't worry, everyone get's a chance to buy Sharkman koffee. It is a long season!
The discussion at the press conference seemed to center around the great pace of the ride but when Sharkman went to get more koffee one of the locals asked him if he could help adjust his new bike computer. Sharkman stated he needed the instructions and the Klutch regular pulled them out of is pocket. When the Shark asked what size wheel he had, he went out to his truck and brought the whell into the Klutch. Luann gave the Sharkman a pin to reset the computer and, walla! Sharkman had the computer set up and ready for installation!
However, when he worked his way back to his table, all the Minions were getting up to leave! The Sharkman reported it was like he missed the social aspect of the great ride!
Fortunately, the old Shark had Mad Dog and Nikeboy to pace him into the wind, back to the Cove.
You won't want to miss next weeks KK-TdG!
Launch Time - 8:30 a.m. - SHARP! DON'T FORGET YOUR SHOES!
Be there!
THE PIRATE FROM SPAIN!
 |
| The Pirate and his new Minion in Spain! |
Belo News
May 4, 2013
Valls, Spain - The Pirate, on location in preparation for the Tour de France, reported in this week that he had found a British riding partner in Spain who gave him quite a workout. After pushing the pace past 20 mph for the first 30 miles, the Pirate informed him that he was one Minion that was not taking the bait, though he was quite willing to ride his wheel for most of the ride!
When asked when he was going to start reporting on the Tour de France he simply stated, "after another cerveza!"
You go Pirate, you go!
MORE IMPERSONATOR ALLEGATIONS!
Belo News
May 6, 2013
Shark Cove, Mi. - On the heals of the allegations made against Sharkman attempting to impersonate his hero, Bissell Boy, a second complaint was filed by a reader of Belo News. Much like calling out Tiger at the Masters, you just can't get away with this stuff when it is seen in Belo News!
 |
| Bissell Kit? |
 |
| Sharkman in his Shark Kit! |
As the complaint read, "How come Sharkman get's called out and not the Pirate?" Yes, please note the past couple of file photo's of the Pirate from Spain. Coincidence? We think not!
We are hoping he brought more than one jersey to Spain for the summer!
Meanwhile, Sharkman has apologized to the legendary Bissell Boy and has gone back to his Shark attire! Damn the Sharkman looks good no matter what he is wearing!
CELEBRITY RIDER JOINS THE TUESDAY NIGHT CHAIN GANG!
 |
| Mad Dog, Express Mail, Airman & Stingray. |
Belo News
May 7,2013
Battle Creek, Mi. - Regular riders of the Tuesday Night Chain Gang may remember a couple of summers ago when a rider who worked for the Postal Inspection Service who was in town on business, called Team Active looking for a Tuesday Night ride and heard about the Chain Gang. He showed up and was immediately given the name "Express Mail." Turned out he and Sharkman had some mutual aquaintances in law enforcement in Chicago, where his offices were and he asked to subscribe to Belo News and has been a regular reader and has stayed in touch ever since.
He was in town again on business and shot Sharkman an email to ask if he could catch on with the Chain Gang to which the Sharkman replied "once a Minion, always a Minions, come on out!"
So at 5:35 p.m. Mad Dog and Sharkman arrived at Kellogg HQ where Stingray and Airman were waiting, thinking the start was at 5:30 p.m. HEY Minions! Read the Belo News which has all the start times!
Shortly after, Express Mail arrived and the crew agreed to attempt a more steady paced ride this week after last weeks leg burner.
The riders could tell it was summer as they rolled past the Team Active Time Trial going on at River Road where Nikeboy and Hutch were spotted in the mix.
Express Mail showed his stuff by taking major pulls and setting a nice steady pace in the Chain Gang.
As the group came to the final stretch, Airman took the first hard pull and peeled off, then Stingray, then Express Mail and finally Mad Dog and Sharkman cut the tape with an average speed of 20.8 mph, which was actually faster than the previous week but all the riders reported it seemed to be an easier ride. It was like watching a well trained time trial team!
Thanks for coming out Express Mail!
Another demonstration of how staying together in the group can actually create a faster pace!
If you like to work on speed and pace line technique, this is the ride for you!
Tuesday Nights!
5:45 p.m. Starts for May
Kellogg HQ Upper Parking lot
Be there!
No comments:
Post a Comment