MINION NATION RULES ICEMAN!

Early Wave at the Iceman Cometh takes off!

BEER POWERED?

ANOTHER PEAK2PEAK WINNER? OH, YES!

HOOSIER BOY IN NEW YORK, NEW YORK!

Belo News

November 2, 2013

Kalkaska, Mi. - As dawn broke over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, was not there!

Oh, the humanity!

"Where was our hero?" you ask?  

Hot Coffee at Mickey D's!

Motoring his way to the start of this years Iceman Cometh along with expedition leader, Bissell Boy,  Zickman and Stryker Guy.  These four hardy Minions were contemplating their strategies as they dropped a car off at the finish and then drove to the start wondering what they may have forgotten in the car they had just dropped off.

The previous evening, after attending the Expo, getting their packets, signing autographs, saying hello to many of the Minions in attendance like Danimal, Gazelle Girl, the Cannon (who was posing with Emily Batty, Trek Racer, Brian, MC Hammer, Chumbly), etc. the foursome headed back to their Condo to pour over weather maps and plan an assault on dinner.  The big questions were, "would it rain on race day?" - "what gear should be brought along?" - "and what wine pairs well with Pork Ravioli?"

Bissell Boy had arranged for fantastic accomodations, and had organized the entire weekend like the inner works of a fine Swiss watch.

Of course, in the case of Zickman, it was "what beer should I fill my Camelback with for the Iceman?"  

Yes, you heard that right Bunkie!

When morning did break, there was a light rain in the air and it wasn't looking good for the Nation. 

Sharkman, "I"ll drink to that!" Is it us
or does Sharkman's nose look big?

However, as the intrepid group of riders headed out, the rain slowly began to recede and though the sun threatened to show up at times, it never made a full debut on the day but it never rained either!

Hallelujah!  

Strategy for this years race had reached a new level of contemplation as the riders approached Kalkaska, where the race would begin.

Due to their strong finishes the previous year, Zickman (who some may remember raced without a saddle in 2012 and this year was experimenting with a Camelback full of beer - what will he do in 2014?) and Bissell Boy, had early seedings, starting around 9:30, while Sharkman and Stryker Guy were not due to launch until Wave 39 at 10:54 a.m.  Almost an hour and a half wait and actually 2 hours after arriving in Kalkaska.

After Zickman, who looked very happy as he passed in the first wave, sipping on his Camelback, and Bissell Boy who waved as he went by, launched, Styker Guy and Sharkman looked at each other and decided to go to McDonald's for a coffee.

Stryker Guy waiting for his wave to go off!

As it turns out, the McDonald's in Kalkaska not only has great coffee and a clean bathroom with heat, but also sports a fireplace!  Is this a great country or what?!? (We hope posting this won't make it "the" place to be next year....)

As the time ticked away to the 39th wave, Stryker Guy and Sharkman were enjoying the ambiance of the Kalkaska Mickey D's, sipping coffee, going to the head at will (which can be often) and warming their feet by the fireplace.

However, as the clock clicked closer to the appointed launch, the two Minions saddled up and headed to the start line where they found Yeti Boy in the wave ahead of them, signing autographs and mugging for the crowd.

The weather had warmed and was hovering at around 41 degrees as the clock ticket down and they heard, "5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and wave 39 is off!"

For the most part, the entire race was somewhat of a blur for our hero, as he felt strong, felt he had

The Cannon with Emily Batty. Lucky dude.......

dressed appropriately, and pondered why he too, did not fill his Camelback with beer……oh, the humanity!

The course seemed to be very quick this year and instead of ruining the route, the previous rains seemed to make the course faster, the sand more packed and the route did not seem to have the "bottlenecks" of the previous year.  Though it was slow going in the single track spots, riders were much better about allowing others to pass and kept the pace going as best they could considering the crowds. There were some major water puddles along the route, some as big a 15-20 feet wide and riders developed paths around them.  However, in some cases riders scrambled to be first into these "paths" and if they lost, some had to go through the water and in some cases went down in it. One rider stated he was shocked by not only the

Cannons autographed number! Lucky Dude....

cold of the water, but how deep the puddles were!

Near the end, going up hills, riders were scattered like injured and wounded on a battle field.  As Sharkman climbed "Anita Hill" on rider was cramping up bad and crawling on his knees trying to stand.

The finish was a bit masochistic as it brought riders right to the finish, then took them out for the last kilometer.  After riding through a tunnel that appeared to be a buried truck trailer, the riders circled in some silly single track, to a hill climb to riding over the buried truck trailer to the finish.

Sharkman, who did not look at his watch the entire ride, felt strong and thought he was on pace for a

Emily Batty finishing. Photo supplied by
the Cannon. Lucky Dude.....though he was getting close
to being considered for stalking the racer.......

PR and was somewhat disappointed that he had finished 4 minutes off his best time in 2011.  However, he later learned the course was around a mile to a mile and a half longer and then felt somewhat better about his result.  Yeti Boy and Stryker Guy finished with our hero and Zickman was waiting to take the riders back to the car to change into warmer clothes and get down to the drinking of adult beverages. While Bissell Boy had left to pick up the car at the start, Styker Guy and Sharkman quickly changed so that they could go in search of food and drink.

Again, the way to get beer at the Iceman is that you have to wait in line to buy tickets so that you can wait in line to then purchase the Bells Beer with the ticket.  Oh, the humanity.

So while Sharkman waiting in line to purchase the ticket, then the beer, Styker Guy went in search of the food. 

Zickman denying to Race Officials
that he had a controlled substance in
his Camelback!

A Sharkman, Iceman tradition is the Mac & Cheese from Firefly.  Sharkman needs his comfort food after a big race and feels there is nothing quite like Mac & Cheese washed down with a Bells' Amber Ale! Is this a great country or what!?!  Meanwhile, Stryker Guy decided on the Polish sausage and fries combo as he sipped his Bell's.

Sharkman searched the grounds for other Minions and though he did run across the Cannon, Danimal, MC Hammer and Chumbly, he was unable to find Gazelle Girl, who he had seen launching earlier on her tandem with Richard Neuman.  Sharkman lamented that a late wave meant many of the riders who finished early had left or were lost in the crowds.

While Bissell Boy and Zickman headed out to visit the Hagerty Car Collection, Stryker Guy and Sharkman went in search of free beer at the Team Taylor Campsite.  They were not disappointed as they found the Team Taylor contingent surrounding their campfire, handing out hot dogs and cans of beer! Oh, yes!  Good ole Team Taylor……

After a few brews, team photos, and more autographs signed, Stryker Guy and Sharkman headed back to their condo to watch the MSU/Michigan game.

They were later joined by Yeti Boy, Reb, Hambone and a possible new Minion named Dave for a post

Zickman, Sharkman and Styker Guy at the finish!

ride drink and the watching of the big game.  The Team Taylor guys also stopped by but emailed the group that they were in the lobby but no one was checking their email and they missed them.

The results of Minion riders can be checked at the Iceman Cometh website, but briefly;

Danimal turned in a stunning ride on his fat tire bike!

Both the Cannon and the Falcon turned in amazing times, with the Cannon edging out the Falcon in their grudge match!

Wrongway, and Rainman who actually was going to ride in the rain if it rained, both finished with outstanding times!

Buick, Stryker Guy, DPS & Kia Pet!

Team Taylor Crew with Sharkman & Stryker Guy.

Brewman not only turned in an outstanding time, but did it without "touching" (putting his feet down) for the entire race! That means he did not walk any of the hills! Oh, the humanity!

Yeti Boy, Reb and Hambone and their new buddy Dave all had great times!

Polar Bear was there and was reported as having a great ride!

Gazelle Girl and Richard Neuman (who build our hero, the Sharkman's Litespeed) had a fantastic tandem ride.  How they do that is beyond comprehension!

Oh, the humanity!

Nickhead, Iceman, Bounty Hunter, Kia Pet, DPS, Buick, Doctor and the entire Team Taylor crew had their usual spectacular ride!

(Editors Note - we apologize if we missed anyone or didn't post a photo that was submitted, but there were a lot of riders AND photos!)

Thanks to all those Minions who submitted photos!

The Iceman was a great way to finish the season!  

Stay tuned for periodic rides at the Fort or Cross Country ski outings this winter!

Bounty Hunter, Iceman & Nickhead enjoying a beer.

Bounty Hunter, Sharkman & Nickhead!

ANOTHER MINION WINNER AT PEAK2PEAK!

Nickhead takes honors!

Belo News

October 19, 2013

Crystal Mountain, Mi. - Last week we reported the exploits of Polar Bear and Baby Bear at the Peak2Peak race in Crystal Mountain.  Right after Belo News went to press, it was learned that our own Minion and Team Taylor favorite, Nickhead had won his age group at the same race!

Oh, the humanity!

Belo News wanted to make sure the Nation was aware that Nickhead did the Nation proud, taking the first place in his division! Great job Nickhead!

HOOSIER BOY TAKES NEW YORK BY STORM!

Belo News

November 3, 2013

Hoosier Boy, pre marathon! No, we have no
idea what he has on his nose.....

New York, NY. - While the Iceman was winding down, Hoosier Boy was winding up to do the New York Marathon.  This regular Minion, who would have normally been at the Iceman, had decided to run the New York City Marathon (what was he thinking?).  Actually, Hoosier Boy is a very accomplished marathon runner and had decided that he wanted to run this famous race at least once in his life time and this was the year.

Fortunately for him, he was able to score a ticket to the United Airlines "First Class Lounge" at the start of the race.  Due to security and other concerns, runners are required to be at the start almost three hours before the gun goes off to start the race.  For most, this means waiting in the cold, much like at the Iceman.  However, by scoring the tickets, Hoosier Boy was able to enjoy a pre-race reading of the paper with his beloved kup of joe! Duncan Donuts no less.

Is this a great country or what!

Hoosier Boy turned in a great race, making the Nation proud and was back in the office by Monday morning! What a stud!

SEVEN MINIONS FOR LAST OFFICIAL FORT CUSTER

RIDE!

ADVENTURES OF TEAM TAYLOR!

POLAR BEAR FAMILY KILLS AT PEAK TO PEAK!

Belo News

October 26, 2013

Augusta, Mi. - As dawn broke VERY late over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman was already on his way to the Fort in Yeti Boy's pick up truck.  As he loaded his bike into the back of the truck he mentioned to Yeti Boy that if the sky opened up, like the radar seemed to be showing, they would be heading right back to the Cove.

As the two drove on in the darkness, Yeti Boy lamented his being on a tour of Myanmar the past two weeks and not getting any miles in before Iceman.  Yeti Boy was so concerned, he began to developing a plan for a Sunday ride in the event the rains did come.

Sharkman was pleased to see familiar faces at the Trail Head as Yeti Boy screeched his ole pick up truck into the parking spot and started unloading their bikes.

Ironman, sporting a new beard, causing Sharkman not to know who he was at first, was circling the lot on his cross bike, looking like a caged tiger ready to attack. 

Danimal was also present with a potential Minion, Jay Bridgeman (name to be determined) circling the lot.  Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation, Jay!

Stingray was also making  the start, riding a new dual suspension mountain bike and Hambone, who is becoming a regular, also was ready to rock!

After pit stops by Sharkman (too much morning coffee) and Yeti Boy, Sharkman suggested that Ironman, on his "sports car" of mountain bikes, lead out.

Sharkman stated he would stay with Yeti Boy, who was lacking in miles and suffering from a cold and jet lag.

As the nation launched, the discussion turned to the impending rain and how sleet would be falling any minute.  However, and to everyone's surprise, not only did the dawn finally, come, but with it, sunshine and warm temps! Is this a great country or what?!?

Ironman led out to the Green Trail until the cut off back to the Crazy Beaver on the Red, at which time Sharkman and Yeti Boy lost the pack. 

However, Sharkman and Yeti Boy did follow on the Crazy Beaver, back to the start of the Red, then did the Blue/Red/Green route ending up with around 18 miles at 9.9 mph.  Not bad for a guy who spent two weeks in Myanmar and was fighting a cold AND jet lag.  As both of Sharkman's son in laws say, "Yeti Boy is a force of nature!"

Belo News has no idea were the rest of the riders went, but Stingray reported in later in the day that a good ride was had by all!

And so ends the "regular" season..... but stay tuned for a report on Iceman next week, as well as periodic ride announcements for the Fort after Deer Season and if winter snow isn't too bad.

Thanks to the mighty Minion Nation for another great season and good luck to all the Minions doing Iceman!  Make the Nation proud.....or at least have a great time!

ADVENTURES OF OUR OWN ICEMAN AND TEAM

Iceman and Bounty Hunter on the Iceman Trail!

TAYLOR!

ICEMAN EXPLAINS HOW HE GOT HIS NAME!

Belo News

October 26, 2013

Deep Lake/Traverse City, Mi. - After last weeks edition hit the streets (or should we say "net") Iceman reported in that he was sorry to be missing the ride, but was planning a major training effort that combined riding Barry-Roubaix and then the Iceman course back to back! Oh, the humanity!  And all of this after suffering kidney stones! Oh, double the humanity!

Belo News immediately "embedded" Iceman with the expedition team and the following is Icemans's report!  

(Editors Note - where else can you get this type of in-depth, cycling specific reporting? Only Belo

Iceman in fall colors!

News, only Belo News!)

"Sharkman,

Week of 10/14 I found myself in the ER on two different occasions battling kidney stones….causing me to miss my trip to the Peak to Peak race at Crystal Mountain.  So after all of my pain and suffering for almost five days, and believe me when I say pain and suffering and two more days to recover,  I loaded up the buggy and went off to try to get some miles in.

Thursday 10/24: My version of your Minion BR double:  Bounty Hunter, Nick Head and I rode the Deep Lake Trail AND the 30+ mile Barry Roubaix course, a nice weeknight jaunt of 42 miles on our MTB.   It lasted into the cold dark night.  As we were finishing the ride after being snowed on and sleeted on we were pulling into the

Bounty Hunter and Nick Head....

Deep Lake Trail Head and we asked each other, ‘Hey how many other knuckleheads do you think are still in the parking lot? ( approx.8:30pm, pitch dark, cold, wet) we  laughed and bet each other zero people would still be there.   Much to our surprise there were still 6 cars in the parking lot… it was full at the start… of other knuckleheads training for ICEMAN!!  Little headlights bobbing their way towards us through the cold, misty air.  We visited with them for a bit and decided we were plenty cold now and it was time to leave.  Leave for where you ask!!

We got in the car and headed for Traverse City to ride the ICEMAN course on Friday morning!!  Spent the night in the tiniest cabin you will ever see at the ICEMAN finish line…otherwise known as Timber Ridge RV resort and Park.  We woke to a beautiful, but chilly 31 degree morning.  Bone dry, crisp air.  My sister, who lives in TC, and is a Team Taylor Honorary member, drove us to Kalkaska at9:00am.  And what did we see?!  2 – 3 inches of snow in Kalkaska!!! 

Since I don’t know the ICEMAN course all that well and there were zero tracks, we were nervous to proceed on untracked trails for fear of getting lost.  Luckily, some other crazy person showed up at the trail head, kissed his wife goodbye and rode over to our car to see what we were doing.  I asked him, hey do you know the course very well?  Answer was,  “like the back of my hand!”  Just what myself and the Bounty Hunter needed to hear!!!  So off we went with this stranger on a single speed MTB into the slick snow covered trail. Turns out this guy is in my WAVE #4, is buddies with Steve Brown (aka Iceman creator) and buddies Karl the course builder.  So Single Speed Dan led us through the snow which slowly turned to mud.  The snow lasted at least 10 miles into the Pere Marquette Forest.  It

Bounty Hunter and Iceman.  Was it cold?

sleeted on us, it snowed those big Styrofoam ball snowflakes and it rained.  But we were on the ICEMAN course! And it was a weekday!!!  And we were not at work!!! And we were riding bikes… in the snow!!!!

Dan showed us all the new little intricacies that have been added to the course, some not even marked or ridden on yet… “hey Karl showed me this one, come on.”   There are about 6 new little add on loops to get the course around certain sand pits, bottlenecks and other. Most won’t remember the course well enough to even recognize the changes, but Single Speed Dan was on top of it.  They did remove one of my favorite little descents and the single track after the logging road that was so backed up last year is still there with a new by-pass trail…it is off camber and slow…and greasy/muddy when we rode.  It will be slow and backed up again, Particularly for the later waves…mark my words and build your patience now.  Forecast is for rain on Saturday…Oh boy!

Iceman saves puppy! Is this a great country
or what?!?

The Subaru Fly Zone will be the place to watch… there will be crashes on the entry.  It’s a semi trailer unit that they turned into a tunnel…single file and watch out for the depression upon entry into the tunnel.   Should be a blast!

But here is the highlight of the day.  About 3 miles from Timber Ridge we passed a puppy on the trail.  We said hi and he looked up at us with dazed and confused eyes.  Guilt got to me and we turned around to go get him.  No tags, no nothing.  He hesitated for a few seconds and then came right to me wanting to be picked up.  He was freezing cold and shaking. .  Great what do we do now.   We loaded him up and carried him with us.  He was so happy to be warming up in my home made kangaroo pouch.  One and half very slow  miles later we came across a lady and she didn’t recognize the pup.  She took him in and back to her house to see if she could find the owner!! We were off the hook, but had saved him!!   This weekend I will swing by her house to check on the puppy.  Oh the humanity!!!!!  

Net,  a great MTB excursion with Nick Head and Bounty Hunter.  Cold, crappy nights sleep, 75 miles of MTBing in less than 18 hours, saved a puppy, learned a few new twists.  Is this a great country or what!! 

ICEMANIA baby.   See you all up there.

Cheers and have a good ICEMAN.

Bounty Hunter says, "See ya at the Iceman Cometh!"

Iceman

p.s. For those that wonder why my name is Iceman, it has nothing to do with this great race.   One  bitter cold October morning years ago, as a rookie cyclist I decided to show up for this thing called the Minion ride.   I complained the entire ride about how cold it was, somehow the Sharkman came up with Iceman… this is before we even knew of the amazing race called the ICEMAN.

(Editors Note - Iceman leaves out the part that he was not really dressed for the cold weather AND he won the final sprint!)

(Editors Note - Thanks for a great write up Iceman and see you up at Iceman!)

POLAR BEAR FAMILY KILLS AT PEAK TO PEAK!

Polar Bear and Baby Bear do the
Nation proud!

Belo News

October 19, 2013

Crystal Mountain, Mi. - As reported above, Iceman might have missed the Peak2Peak Race up at Crystal Mountain, but our own Polar Bear and his daughter, Baby Bear, did the Nation proud by taking special honors at this grueling race!  Polar Bear (another Minion who got his name for riding in shorts in cold weather - Polar Bear is a Brit and they are all tough, eh? Stiff upper lip and all that stuff…..) managed to WIN the Sport Category and Baby Bear captured  second place in her age group in the same category! Oh, the humanity!  Double win for the Minion Nation!  Way to go Polar Bear and Baby Bear!  

Polar Bear on top of the Podium! Yes!

Baby Bear takes Second in her age category! 

THE NATION RULES BARRY-ROUBAIX!

Sharkman toast to Barry-Roubaix!

WHAT? NO RAIN? MAYBE A LITTLE……

CHILLING AT THE WALDORF!

NEW "HAMBONE 
DOUBLE!"

YETI BOY REPORTS IN!

Belo News

October 19, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - After the details of the Barry-Roubaix Ride went out last week, the Command Center here at Belo News was flooded with questions……

The first email asked "How many miles will it be?"  Then, another, "mountain bikes or cross bikes?" and another, "Really? Rain or shine….?"

The Editors went crazy fielding questions and thinking it would be a big crowd for the first ever, mighty Minion Nation Barry-Roubaix Ride!

Then on Friday night, the call came in!

Hambone listens to the ride leader, Tow Truck!

Gazelle Girl had blown out a knee riding and wasn't going to make it and with Toe Setter also out, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman was unsure of the route!

Oh, the humanity!

As dawn broke wet and misty over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman was deciding what clothes to bring and pouring over his route map after printing it off the Internet.

With the car loaded, the Sharkman was feeling good that he was getting an early start so he could stop at McDonalds if he needed the restroom, and he could be there to greet the brave Minions who were coming out in the rain to ride.

As Sharkman backed out of the Shark Cove drive, the rain began to spread across the windshield. Our hero had this "feeling" that he had forgotten something, but couldn't think of what it could be….

It was after a few miles that Sharkman realized what he had forgotten.  The map!  He had been "pouring" over it on the kitchen island and that is where it still was! 

Oh, the humanity!  

Bissell Boy goes over the stats while Brewman goes
over the beer list!

Without Toe Setter, he wasn't sure who would know the route he had studied, so it was back to the Cove.

So much for having extra time, eh?

As Sharkman drove north, the rain seemed to be tapering off and when he checked MyRadar on his cell phone it looked like the bulk of the rain was just to the south of Hastings.  Could the Nation get the ride in before the rain continued to the north?  

When our hero pulled into the K-Mart Parking to he was overjoyed to see Bissell Boy, Tow Truck, Brewman and Hambone unloading their steeds.  Hambone, a relatively new Minion, had just gotten married two weeks previous but was not demonstrating any lack of cycling prowess from the nuptials!  He and was ready ride!

A toast to Gazelle Girls blown out knee! Get well soon!

Tow Truck was on his cross bike and thankfully stated he was pretty sure he knew the course once he was on it. He also mentioned that as soon as he saw the ride on the Minion schedule, he circled the date and wanted to do it.  Tow Truck loves Barry-Roubaix and seemed to be an expert on the route! 

YES! A miracle!

Tow Truck just needed to get on the route!  

So Sharkman pulled out the map and Bissell Boy realized that they just needed to get to Green Street, about a block away, and head west. Sharkman, always wanting to be safe, stuck the map in his rear pocket anyway, just in case…….

As the Nation headed out of the parking lot all they could do was wonder if the rain would hold off or would the sky open up at any moment. Oh, the suspense!

About 3 miles out of town, the Nation turned onto the first section of dirt road and all Sharkman saw was the hills.  And they kept on coming!  Sharkman kept pestering Tow Truck, "How many hills are there?"  "Does this ever end?"  "Are we at the finish yet?"

Tow Truck, the ever calm leader just shook his head and told the Shark to be patient.

On his cross bike, Tow Truck was able to stay well ahead of the Nation, scouting out the road ahead and making sure they were on course.  Sharkman was amazed there were roads (if they could be called roads) like that in Michigan and at times, it seemed they were in another world of back woods, sand, hills and more hills.  One section was simply two track rock and sand with nary a house to be seen.  Sharkman kept hearing the theme from Deliverance in his head as he pedaled his dorsal off to stay with the group.

Newly married Hambone! Congrats
young Minion!

Since the old Shark doesn't have a computer on his bike, he also kept asking, "how many miles now?" to which he only got replies about not worrying until they got to the "Wall."

The "Wall?"

Yes, the "Wall!"  A section of gravel/dirt road that was short but almost straight up, or at least seemed that way.  Oh, the humanity!  And then more hills!  Oh, double the humanity!

Bissell Boy, Brewman and Hambone were making short work of the hills behind Tow Truck as the old Shark hung on for dear life, but was having a great time!

As the Nation arrived back at Cook Road, Sharkman was feeling good, only to learn there was a lot of "road" and "hills" left on Cook Road!

As the Minion train got close to town, the rain started.  It made the Nation grateful it hadn't rained for most of the ride.  Though the roads had been wet, it had been for the most part a fairly dry, comfortable ride.

The rain started in earnest as the Nation rode down the Champs le Hastings waving at their adoing tofosi and got back to K-Mart. The Nation scrambled to get into dry cloths and head to the Waldorf and though the tofosi and paparazzi wanted to take photos, the Nation was more interested in staying dry.  

Good thing the Nation never needed the map Sharkman took along.  When he pulled it out of his jersey it was wet and runny from Shark sweat (Yeah, discussing, eh?)!

Sharkman simply hustled into the Sharkmobile and tooled his way to the Waldorf where he headed to the Men's Room to change into his cotton sweats, giggling at the movie quotes on the wall on the way down to the restroom ("It's not a purse, it's a satchel! Indiana Jones wears one!" - the Hangover).  

Sharkman later mentioned to the Nation that his Buyers Guide and outdoor wear fabric expert Son in Law, the Great Moultini, had mentioned that after being out in the cold, nothing feels better than soft cotton on the body and man, that was so very true on this great day in the saddle with a wet ending to the ride!

The entire cast of riders found a table at the Waldorf and started ordering their adult beverages of choice, along with lunch.  The main discussion was on the ride stats, as everyone had brought in their computers and/or smart phones with the results.  An impressive ride;

34.18 miles

2100 ft. of climb

14 mph avg.

29.4 max speed

After devouring their meals, washed down with a couple of beers each, and signing autographs for their adoring tofosi, the Nation headed home in the now, pretty steady rain, with big smiles on their faces. 

What a ride!

Those smiles were because it had been decided this would become an annual event on the Minion calendar! Is this a great country or what?!?

See you next year at the Second Annual Minion Barry-Roubaix!

"HAMBONE DOUBLE!"

Reb, Hambone and Sharkman after "the Double!"

Belo News

October 22, 2013

Hastings, Mi. - The text message came in early on Tuesday morning from Reb, a sometimes Minion who had missed out on the Saturday ride because he had to coach his kids soccer games (yes, games in the plural) in the pouring rain on Saturday.

Reb wanted to know if the old Shark wanted to hit Barry-Roubaix again!  

What?  Again?

When the old Shark heard that Hambone was going and riding on his cross bike, Sharkman thought, "I can do it on my cross bike too!" plus, Reb only wanted to do the short course of 24 miles.

Still feeling the effects of Saturday, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, loaded his cross bike into the Sharkmobile and hit to road for the 12:45 p.m. launch from the K-Mart in Hastings.

Sharkman arrived first, followed by Reb, who would be riding on his dual suspension Canondale 9er, but no Hambone?

Hambone apparently took the wrong route from the Creek and would be late, so Reb and Sharkman did a few miles to warm up and wait for the errant Hambone.

Reb & Hambone at Barry-Roubaix finish!

As the two rode back into town, Hambone was on the road and heading out to meet them.

Sharkman felt the hills seemed a bit easier on the cross bike than the mountain bike but the road also seemed a lot rougher on his derrière, if you know what we mean…….

Hambone seemed to know the course pretty well and though the Shark was hopoing they'd miss the wall, it was not to be! With the warm up, Reb and Sharkman still ended up doing 29.10 miles!  But no rain!

Again, the average speed was 14 mph and though perhaps a bit less climb, the old Shark was feeling the burn!

It was decided that this second ride would become known as the "Hambone Double" in honor of the newly married guy coming out twice to ride Barry-Roubaix!  

Is this a great country or what!

YETI BOY REPORTS IN FROM MYANMAR!

Yeti Boy and Yeti Girl in Myanmar!

Belo News
October 17, 2013

Yangon, Myanmar - As some Minions are aware, Sharkman's wingman, Yeti Boy, has been touring Myanmar (formerly Burma) with Yeti Girl.  Because this trip has interrupted his Iceman training he has been obsessing about getting his training in and also, making sure he beats Reb (see above story), his host for the race.  Yeti Boy has been entertaining his fans at home with periodic updates on his travels to the orient.  In this missive, sent by iPhone, he laments his concerns about racing against Reb and the meaning of life.

From the iPhone of Yeti Boy hizzelf......

"I climbed 1764 steps (barefoot) this morning to the Buddha figure.  He say "don't worry about kicking Rebban's ass in bike race, slowly , slowly grasshopper. " OK, I say.  D 

Sent from my iPhone"

We are pleased to report that Yeti Boy and Yeti Girl returned safely last night and Belo News has learned that Yeti Boy spent the morning on the training bike at the Y this morning.  Ride on, Yeti Boy, ride on!

SEASONS END/THIS SATURDAY!

If you can't be good, look good!

Well, maybe......

Belo News

October 23, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - And so the season draws to a close……..

Or does it?

Though the season has traditionally ended with the Iceman, which is in a week, the old Shark plans to continue riding out at the Ft. until, at least the Deer Season starts, unless the weather is too bad to ride.

As Belo News goes to press, the forecast for this Saturday is not looking good.  However, the Sharkman will be at the trail head at the Ft. on Saturday's at 9:00 a.m. unless it is raining or has rained enough the previous day/night to gum up the trails.  

So if the weather is O.K., come on out to the trail head and see if the Sharkman is there!

BARRY-ROUBAIX THIS SATURDAY!

Giordana Catalog and the Nation is in it!

BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED JERSEY MAKES CATALOG!

LAST RIDE OF THE SEASON? OH THE HUMANITY!

Belo News

October 12, 2013

Ft. Custer, Mi. - As dawn broke over the Ft. Custer Trail Head, four mighty Minion Nation riders were ready to launch, waiting for the Cannon to return to defend his previous week's win.  

Gazelle Girl, riding her "sports car of mountain bikes," her cross bike, along with Ironman, Zickman and Danimal, all launched at the appointed time (9:00 a.m. - SHARP!) despite the Cannon's absence.

It was reported that they had a great ride in fantastic weather and are ready for this upcoming weekend at the final ride of the season, the Barry-Roubaix with lunch at the Waldorf in Hastings, to follow!

Check out Gazelle Girl, Zickman and brother, Tom Slick in bottom left!

It was also learned this week that the now, even more famous Bloody 'Ell 'Undred jersey designed by our own Gazelle Girl with some kibitzing from Zickman, was features in the Giordana 2014 Custom Cycling Apparel Catalog!  

Yep, you read that correctly Bunkie!  

Not only featured, but the models were Gazelle Girl, Zickman and his now equally famous brother, Tom Slick, no less! Is this great country or what!?! 

Even a guy who looks like Zickman can get his photo in a catalog when he is wearing a Bloody 'Ell 'Undred jersey!  Only in America!

Hey Bunkie, aren't' you sorry you didn't buy one of these baby's when you had the chance? 

Oh, the humanity!

BARRY-ROUBAIX TRAINING RIDE THIS SATURDAY!

Belo News

October 16, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - An event that the entire Nation has been waiting for is this Saturday!

The Barry-Roubaix Training ride launch from the K-Mart Parking lot near Applebee's at 9:00 A.M. - SHARP!

Sharkman will be in attendance and will need all the help he can get making it around the course.  Not only because of his poor conditioning but also because he has no idea of the route! 

However, early indication is that Toe Setter, who has an intimate knowledge of the route, will be there along with Gazelle Girl!

Bring your mountain bike or your cross bike and be ready to ride!

Oh, the humanity!

Again, the game plan is to meet at the K-Mart Parking lot in Hastings near the Applebee's for a 9:00 A.M. launch!  The K-Mart is on the south side of Rt. 37 on the west side of town.

After the ride, those wanting to enjoy lunch and perhaps an adult beverage with a bit of foam on top, will retreat to the Waldorf!

Sharkman will be leaving the Cove at round 8:00-8:10 a.m. and has room for three more bikes if anyone is interested in car pooling.  Please let Sharkman know if you want to ride with him so he knows whether to put the 2 or 4 banger rack on the back of the Shark Mobile Honda Pilot.

You won't want to miss this event and remember, the ride goes on no matter the weather!

Be there!

CANNON STEALS THE SHOW!

The Cannon!

BARRY-ROUBAIX RIDE OCTOBER 19!

WHERE WAS THE NATION?

Belo News

October 5, 2013

Grand Rapids, Mi. - As dawn broke over the Marriott Court Yard in down town Grand Rapids, Michigan, our intrepid hero was waking up after celebrating his 64th birthday the night before.  Our hero's first thought was "How did I get so old so fast?"

Sharkman was combining some church and work events over the weekend and could only think of his beloved Nation on this fine, brisk morning as he drove over to Holland in the early morning light looking for a Starbucks.

Meanwhile, at the trail head, the Cannon waited for the Nation to arrive and ride!

Cannon waited to the appointed hour to launch and was the only Minion to start the ride.  Where was the Nation?

It was reported that Cannon rode in stunning fashion and won every climb, sprint and finished first at the Trail Head to take the first mountain bike ride of the year!  Is this a great country or what?

More importantly, due to Cannon's diligence, the consecutive weeks of a Minion Ride continue for the 2013 season!

And though our hero, the Sharkman will again be gone this weekend, the ride will go on and the weather is sounding fantastic!

So the drill is the same as last week!

This Saturday;

October 12, 2013

Launch from Klutch at 8:30 a.m. and ride to Trail Head

Launch from Trail Head at 9:00 a.m.

Don't leave Cannon alone to win everything!

Be there!

BARRY-ROUBAIX TRAINING RIDE OCTOBER 19, 2013

Belo News

October 2, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - As previously reported, mark your calendar for the first ever, Barry-Roubaix Training ride for Saturday, October 19, 2013!

Sharkman will be in attendance and will need all the help he can get making it around the course.  Not only because of his poor conditioning but also because he has no idea of the route! 

Bring your mountain bike or your cross bike (as Gazelle Girl calls her's, "the sports car of mountain biking!")!

Oh, the humanity!

The game plan is to meet at the K-Mart Parking lot in Hastings near the Applebee's for a 9:00 A.M. launch!  The K-Mart is on the south side of Rt. 37 on the west side of town. If anyone has a better meeting place, let Sharkman know before next week's edition of Belo News goes to press!

After the ride, those wanting to enjoy lunch and perhaps an adult beverage with a bit of foam on top, will retreat to the Waldorf! Is this a great country or what!

You won't want to miss this event and the ride goes on no matter the weather!

So mark you calendars for Saturday October 19, 2013 in Hastings!  Be there!

IRONMAN RULES THE DAY!

The Nation closes out the 2013 Season in style!

PINK TUBES? OH THE HUMANITY!

2013 SEASON ENDS IN SPECTACULAR FASHION!

BARRY-ROUBAIX RIDE? OH, YES!

MOUNTAIN BIKE SCHEDULE!

THE PHILOSOPHY JUST KEEPS COMING!

Belo News

September 28, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, was abuzz with excitement!  Again, he had been separated from his Minions and was anxious to get back in the peloton despite the fact he had not been on the bike in a while.

His biggest decision of the morning was trying to figure out what to wear on the cool morning that he knew would get warm as the morning lay before him.

Sharkman sporting his Sharkman Jersey!

Of course, since it was "Wear Any Jersey You Want Day" he had to wear the custom made "Sharkman" jersey that his beloved Nation had given him on his 60th birthday almost 4 years ago.  As our hero looked in the mirror he could only think of how dapper he looked in the special jersey and did not want to cover it up with a jacket.  So arm and leg warmers it was as our hero launched from the Cove in the morning mists.

Sharkman soon came upon Mad Dog and the two rode and caught up the entire ride over, which seemed to go much faster on this fine morning.

As they rolled into the start, Easty and Brewman were pulling in as well.

B-Rod also pulled in and to everyone's surprise, had Toast with him!  Toast was asked about his treatments and he reported that they would begin at U of M on the following Monday so he wanted to make the last road ride of the year! Is this guy tough or what?  

An inspiration to the entire peloton and our thoughts and prayers go with Toast as he starts his treatments this week!

More riders began to pile in.  Falcon, Cannon, Polar Bear, and Peugeot Guy.

After the press was done with the photos, Sharkman led the Nation out on the last official road ride of 2013 as a cheer went up from their adoring fans!

As the Nation rode past the Klutch, Luann and the Saturday Morning Group waved enthusiastically with tears in their eyes as the peloton road by waving back in thanks for a great season.

Before the Nation even got to 37th Street, Gazelle Girl surprised everyone by jumping on early!  She caught the Nation so off guard, no one called out to her!  Minions began asking, "Did she have trouble sleeping?" and "Maybe she never went to bed and just went from Friday night to Saturday to ride!"  But Gazelle Girl simply stated she was peeked up over the last road ride of the year and just got up early.  Whoa!

A bit later, Ironman jumped on and there were 12 riders in the peloton.

B-Rod, then Cannon and finally Falcon, led the old Shark to the last  honorary sprint of the season and Sharkman took it going 24.5 mph, well…..because you just can't skate on an honor like that!

As the Nation approached the run up to the col de Twin Lakes, the Skipper and Boatman jumped on and warned of logs in the road near the col de No Name.  The Nation found out it wasn't only logs, but tons of hickory nuts littered the roads in several places.

The Cannon and Falcon spared at the front as the Nation glided past the Yorkville Church but no one was raising to the bait of the two antagonists.

The speed picked up at Kellogg Korner, where the Skipper had made sure the hickory nuts were swept off the road, and then on through the Kountry Klub section where Cannon put in an awesome pull and took the sprint.

The Nation waited for the Skipper at Rt. 43 as he had thrown a chain and needed to stop to get it unwedged.

As the Nation topped out on the Col de Norte, Ironman commented that Sharkman should take a look at the fact NO ONE was circling in the intersection!  Ironman commented that "You don't have to yell at anyone this week!"  

Just as Sharkman commented that he was impressed, but that it had only taken the entire season, the Skipper rode up stating he was going to circle the intersection just to cause Sharkman some heart ache on the last day of the season!

As the Nation rolled by the Zickman Estate a shout of "Hey Zickman!" could be heard throughout the east side of Gull Lake, but alas, no Zickman was seen…….

And then, that is when it happened.

Cannon shows the "Pink Tube!"

What has now come to be known as "the Pink Tube Scandal" took place in, of all places, the Holy Rollers!

As stated, the Cannon had done a monster pull in the Rt. 43 sprint and after taking two sprint finishes, he found himself off the back and puking!  Cannon was quoted after the ride as saying that it was the first time he had ever puked during exercise, which caused Belo News to remember the time Boffo's professional baseball pitching (for the Detroit Tigers no less) brother had puked on the col de Norte, the very same place as Cannon!  

But we digress…..suffice it to say, Cannon was struggling off the back of the peloton when it happened.

As the Nation was lining up to contest the Holy Roller Sprint, B-Rod had a flat tire and had to pull over.

The Nation was waiting at Frona's for B-Rod to fix the tire giving the Cannon a chance to latch back on and catch his breath.  Considered one of the best tire changers in the peloton, the Cannon assisted in the change and that is when it occurred!

To everyone's surprise, B-Rod was riding a pink tube! 

You heard that right, Bunkie, pink!  

Mass of tubes, some pink, some not.....

The Cannon immediately asked B-Rod if they made tubes like that in a men's version.

Everyone began to wonder what B-Rod was wearing under his kit?  Pink?

As the big sprinter started up after fixing the tire, the back tire blew! Oh, the humanity!

Again, another pink tube!  What the ………..

After getting the second tire fixed, the peloton left Frona's all wondering about the pink tubes.

After crossing the Digital Divide, Sharkman noticed the Skipper, who had struggled in the first part of the ride, was now leading and stated, "you got a great second wind!"

Skipper responded that he actually had a bad second AND third wind and was now on his fourth!

Sharkman, noticing the average speed was hovering around 19.8 mph decided to go to the front and try to form up a pace line.  Ironman asked if the peloton was moving counter clock wise to which Sharkman stated, "I'll take what I can get. With these Minions I never know……" 

What everyone saw at the Klutch.....

Alas, no one seemed to want to play and one of the worst pace lines of the year formed up.  It was like watching a bunch of dog's trying to get to the feeding bowl at the same time, yet no one wanted to be the first one to feed!

As the Nation approached the GGG Spot, a couple of riders wanted to lead Gazelle Girl out but she declined saying, "Not today!"  So, maybe she never did go to bed the night before and just came straight from the party?!?  Whoa, is this a great country or what?!?

After crossing the GGG Spot and reminding everyone to hold their lines and ride safe, Sharkman went to the front to try to get that average up and spread out the peloton.

After what seemed to him to be a long time, Polar Bear came forward to relieve him and put in a monster pull bringing the speed up as they climbed the final ascent to the finish.

As the Nation crested the hill, the Cannon, now back in form after leaving his breakfast on the col de Norte, shot to the front and opened up a gap.

What everyone was wondering! Boatman
and Cannon seemed confused......

Realizing that they were letting the Cannon steal the show, the Nation responded and Ironman, Falcon and Mad Dog responded with Polar Bear and Sharkman hanging on.

The four fought it out with with Ironman taking Falcon and Cannon, with Mad Dog, Polar Bear and Sharkman on their tails.

The Nation looked a bit thin on the way in and word went through the peloton quickly that B-Rod had again flatted and some of the Nation stayed with him to help.

The paparazzi and tofosi were impatient on the Champs le Galesburg as our hero's rode to the Klutch.

Much to their surprise, long lost Wolf King was waiting for them as they pulled up to the Klutch.  It appears he was between a baseball fitting and birthday party for his son and came in to kill time with the Nation.

Wolf King was in attendance for koffee!

The Skipper bought Sharkman his koffee (is this a great country or what?) and the Klutch was alive with tofosi.

During the press conference, Cannon reported that once back at the Klutch, two Sheriff's Deputies showed up to arrest Ironman for stealing the final sprint from the Cannon and Falcon, but he was able to hide his face well enough to escape jail time...for now...muwahaha!" (Editors Note - Yes, these are his exact words!)

Shortly after, Gazelle Girl arrived after having time to shop for tomato's at the grocery store next door and B-Rod, who explained he had two more flat tires, as he put the spare tubes on the table for all to see.

After seeing the pink tubes, conjecture began on what B-Rod was wearing under his kit and how one must be very secure in his manhood to be riding with pink tubes.  B-Rod tried to explain they were expensive latex tubes to save weight, but commenting on "latex" only seemed to make the situation worse.

The crowd stayed long on this beautiful fall day and Mad Dog had trouble getting Sharkman on the road to head back to the Cove.

Big thanks to the entire Nation for a great 2013 Season!

FORT CUSTER RIDE SCHEDULE ANNOUNCED!

TWO STARTING POINTS!

Belo News

October 2, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - As the Nation is aware, the peloton now moves to Ft. Custer to begin training for Iceman and to enjoy the beauty of one of the greatest mountain bike State Parks around!

Unfortunately, Sharkman will not be on board the next two weeks! Oh, the humanity!  What is that guy doing?

However, the mountain biking will begin and a special event is being tentatively planned for Saturday October 19 so mark your calendars! (see next article)

For the next two Saturdays there will be two start points.  For those wanting to get some miles in, a group will leave the Klutch at 8:30 a.m. after koffee and will ride to the trail head to meet riders who want to launch from there at 9:00 a.m. 

As in previous years, the group will decide on trails and there maybe different pace groups.

So….for the next two Saturdays;

Saturday's October 5 & 12, 2013

Launch from Klutch at 8:30 a.m. and ride to Trail Head

Launch from Trail Head at 9:00 a.m.

BARRY-ROUBAIX TRAINING RIDE OCTOBER 19, 2013

Belo News

October 2, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - Several Minions have suggested that the Nation do a Barry-Roubaix ride in preparation for Iceman.  After all, with 3,000 feet of climb, what could be a better way to train!

There will be further announcements on this as the team here at Belo News firms things up but mark the date of Saturday, October 19, 2013 with a tentative launch of 9:00 a.m. up in Hastings.  After the ride, the Nation will retreat to the Waldorf for lunch and perhaps a few adult beverages!  Is this a great country or what?!?

So mark you calendars and we are looking for riders who know the route.  The plan would be for this to be more of a social ride.

Watch for more news on this in an upcoming Belo News!

THE CANNON SHARES HIS WISDOM!

The Cannon speaks.......

Belo News

October 2, 2013

Galesburg, Mi. - Back by popular demand, more musings by our resident philosopher, the Cannon!  Enjoy!

"Hey Sharkman, i got some more philosophical ramblings: Bike Advice: Don't be a dick Just Say No...to being a dick Speaking of being a dick: No one will like you if you can't hold your line.  If you can't hold your line, practice on your own so you won't endanger anyone's life. Some of us have children.  Lube your chain. Just do it.  The Three Most Important Things on a bicycle are: Saddle, Pedals/Shoes, and Grips/bartape. In that order Don't be a dork: Thy bartape shall match thy saddle. or you can't go wrong with black/black.  Aero-bars:  Rule 1: Completely dangerous unless when one is off the front pulling the group.  Rule 2. When you are caught, go back to the drops or hoods for safety's sake. Rule 3. Putting one's forearms on the flats of a road bike to fake aero-bars when you're "on the rivet" is just freaking cool.  Remember Rules 1 and 2.  Sitting on the top tube to gain more speed on a down hill is freaking cool too, but remember the preceding three rules.  A rider who can dismount like a pro is a cool rider: un-clip one foot, swing your leg over the top tube and dismount the bike in a walking gait. Now, my friend, you are as cool as the other side of the pillow. In a road ride, do your best to stay on the road, but if you do find yourself on a dirt shoulder, being able to get back on the pave' without waking up in the hospital gets you cool points every time.  In a group mountain bike ride, don't drop the group. This rule becomes invalid when one or more riders are being dicks.  Harden the EFF up! Pre-ride: Always check tire pressure.  Rotate your tires periodically before they become flat on top. Just Do it. A dirty road bike is a shameful, shameful thing. Try harder. A clean mountain bike is a shameful, shameful thing. Try harder. Harden the F@#$ Up. Bad weather is no excuse to quit. See above There is no bad weather, only bad gear -Anon See above and, If you go into a bike shop with intentions of trying stuff on only to turn around and buy stuff on line, then go stuff yourself."