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| Sharkman & Durango Kid! |
MINION RUNAWAY TRAIN!
MINION DISQUALIFICATIONS!*
GAZELLE GIRL TAKES FINISH!**
SHERMANATOR WEEKEND DETOUR?!
MAKE A WISH RIDE REPORT!
ANOTHER BLOODY 'ELL PARTY? OH, YEAH!
Belo News
July 21, 2012
Galesburg, Mi. - As our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, was taking his emptied garbage cans in on Friday afternoon (yes, our hero has to take his own garbage out and is, in fact, a Lava Girl Minion when he is at the Cove) he noticed Rainman pulling his garbage cans in (Tardette rules over there as well), recently emptied of diapers (it's not just a job, it's a dooty! That one never grows old!)
Rainman asked our hero if he was riding in the morning and after Sharkman acknowledged that indeed, he was, Rainman stated he was planning on riding as well.
"I'll believe it when I see it…." thought our hero as he headed back into the Cove garage with the empty shark shaped garbage containers…..
Yet, as good as his word, as dawn broke bright over the Shark Cove on Saturday morning, there was the Rainman, though sleep deprived, along with Nikeboy and our Celebrity Rider from Colorado, the Durango Kid, all ready to ride!
Quite a large mob of Minions showed up for this weeks edition and even Kid Doster was making his return for the FIRST TIME this season! Anyone, who was anyone was in attendance on another beautiful day for a ride on the Minions Field of dreams, the KK-TdG!
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| Squeaky meditating...sort of...... |
Squeaky was back and proclaimed he too, was sleep deprived, so he decided to lay down on the sidewalk to meditate and asked Sharkman to wake him up when the ride started.
Hoosier Boy arrived with a Starbucks Cup in his hand. He would not comment on where he got the coffee or how he road from Portage with the hot cup in his hand or bottle cage…..but he was ready!
Even Yeti Boy was back to ride with his brother in law and celebrity rider, the Durango Kid!
In all, over 25 Minions answered the call as the Skipper started the Mighty Minion Nation up
and headed past the Klutch, where Luann made her usual appearance to tell the Nation to ride safe!
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| Yeti Boy & Durango Kid |
As the Nation headed north, Ironman jumped on and shortly after, the cheer of "Gazelle Girl" rang out as the legendary rider joined on to the Nation.
Sharkman, infused with the energy of having so many Minions in the peloton, flashed to the front with Squeaky (who was now fully awake) leading him out to the first honorary sprint.
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| Kid Doster returns! |
Sharkman tried to do a count at the G Ave. crossing but lost count after 25 riders as it looked like close to 30 riders were riding on the train!
The Col de Twin Lakes was declared a neutral zone due to recent chip and seal, however, the Minions seemed to be in a particularly frisky mood as the Nation rambled up the hill chomping at the bit as they contested the sprint.
The run up the Col de No Name and past the Yorkville Church really got hot as the speed ramped up in the Country Club section with a major push up to the Rt. 43 sprint.
As the peloton came back together at the top of the Col de Norte, the Nation again picked up the speed considerabley through the Bible Conference hills as some riders took the cut off to the Inlet.
Due to the closing of 37th street between the Digital Divide and the GGG Spot, the route was detoured down the Inlet to 38th street and that is were, what has come to be known as, "The Runaway Train" Incident ...took place.
As the Nation got past the first couple of hills, the Pirate called out a flat tire. As he began to work on the wheel, he instructed the Nation to go on and the Skipper graciously offered to stay back and ride the Pirate home after his wheel was repaired.
This seemed to split the field up as they approached G Ave. and our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, began to lose control of the mass of riders descending on to G Ave….
As the faster and faster Minion train moved on to the hills of G, the entire peloton began to splinter. Sharkman attempted to move to the front on G Ave. to remind the Nation to hold on when they got to 37th Street and wait, but it was to no avail as Ironman, Airman, Rainman, B-Rod among others, led a runaway train into a major lead on to 37th Street and never looked back!
Oh, the shame!
As is tradition, the Nation waits at each Stop Sign so that no Minion is left behind, particularly for the finishing sprint. Additionally, moving for a lead on G Ave. is problematic as it is not only a busy street, but riders can use on coming traffic as a block when making the left turn on to 37th Street, creating very dangerous conditions as riders try to catch on by cutting in front of on coming traffic.
A break on G Ave. give some riders an unfair advantage! Or so says our hero, the Sharkman!
As Sharkman made the turn, riders were well ahead and there was no way to stop them. Sharkman tried to catch on and a new rider (actually his second week, name is Steve on a yellow/black Trek, very fast - Welcome Steve!) came up and attempted to pull our hero to the front, but the leaders were too far gone. Carnage left in their wake, the Minions were blown to smithereens and with Sharkman completely disqualifying the lead riders, Ironman, Rainman, and B-Rod.
Though there were others, lucky for them Sharkman could not remember who they were!
Meanwhile, Gazelle Girl, who COMPLETELY followed the rules, was awarded the win when she went around a completely depleted Sharkman and Steve, to take the win!
Go Gazelle Girl!
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| Sharkman explaining the rules! |
The tofosi were confused on the Champs le Galesburg as they could not figure out what was happening with riders strewn along the roadway.
Who won?
Who lost?
What in the hell was that?
Rainman, in an attempt to get in the good graces of the Sharkman, bought koffee for our hero, while the paparazzi went wild trying to interview an ecstatic Gazelle Girl as she basked in her win!
Meanwhile, Ironman and Airman attempted to explain their errant ways and how much fun it was, but Sharkman was having none of it!
The Commissioner of Cycling designated Gazelle Girl the Official Winner!
What will happen next week?
Will there be more controversy?
Who knows? The only way to find out is to be there!
* Disqualified Riders - Ironman, Boatman & B-Rod
** Gazelle Girl the real winner!
This Saturday, August 4, 2012
Launch Time - 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!
Southern Route - Southern Route - Southern Route - (see next story)
SHERMANATOR WEEKEND - SOUTHERN ROUTE!
Belo News
August 4, 2012
Augusta, Mi. - This weekend is the infamous Shermanator Race and Belo News has learned that due to the closure of 37th street, the race will actually take place on even more parts of the KK-TdG course than normal. The race will actually infringe on the beloved Minion Finish on 37th Street! Oh, the humanity! Additionally, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman will not be in attendance as he is entertaining in laws at the Shark Cove this weekend (oh, double the humanity!).
Therefore, the Mighty Nation will need to do a southern route this weekend for their course.
At press time, Belo News does not know who will lead the group, but the Commissioner of Cycling is asking that the Nation not ride on the normal KK-TdG field of dreams and head south for the morning.
Belo News is concerned that the Nation will be without adult supervision with the Sharkman gone, but it is what it is!
Besides, he couldn't control them last week, what makes anyone think he could do it this week?
It is also hoped that someone, anyone, will report the results to Belo News!
BLOODY E'LL 'UNDRD ANNOUNCED!
Another Party Extravaganza!
Belo News
August 18, 2012
Richland, Mi. - Belo News is pleased to announce that Zickman and Gazelle Girl are planning another party for the Minion Nation!
The invitation is as follows:
"A few years ago the Minions did a convenient stop at Zickman's garage to put some air into Gazelle Girl's weeping tire. Such a pleasant place, Zickman's pad... thus, as the Minions exited the estate Gazelle Girl was heard to say, "I think we should start a ride from here some day. We could have Bloody Mary's first and then ride a century!" And, at last, it is so.
Please join us Saturday, August 18 for the "BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED" (a metric 'undred, that is). Details on the invite here!
MAKE A WISH RIDE REPORT
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| Stryker Guy & Hockey Boy do Nation proud! |
Belo News
July 27-29, 2012
Reporter: Stryker Guy
Michigan Speedway, Mi. - Several of the Mighty Minion Nation rode the Make a Wish ride this past weekend. This is a three day, 300 mile ride from Traverse City and this year ending at the Michigan International Speedway!
In addition to Iceman, who leads Team Taylor, more specifically, Stryker Guy, Hockey Boy, Bling Girl and Wildman took part in this great ride. We believe other Minions were also there!
Styker Guy reported in with the following:
Sharkman,
We attempted to represent the Minion Nation as well as possible. Wildman was out there as well. Three great days, although Friday’s rain was not much fun. Hockey Boy once again dispelled the notion that one must put in some quality miles (or any miles) before doing something like this. He killed it with some very good riders at an impressive pace. His father hung on for dear life, but did not embarrass himself too much. See you Saturday!
Stryker Guy
Thanks Stryker Guy and congratulations to all the WAM Riders for another outstanding showing!
TUESDAY NIGHT RIDE REPORT
Belo News
July 31, 2012
Reporter: Rainman
Battle Creek, Mi. - Seven riders (All Black, Airman, Hoosier Boy, Chedderhead, Rainman, and celebrity riders Wrong Way, and Dutch), 25 mph NW wind gusts, 1 near record breaking (Strava) assent on G Ave, 1 wrong-turn by someone other than Wrong Way (hint: Dutch), 0 mechanicals, and 1 really fast assault (averaging 27 mph) on the second-half of Michigan Ave to the final stretch that yielded a 21.4 mph average. Oh the humanity!
Great ride, Minions!
If you looking for a great work out, come on out and ride! Tuesday Nights, 6:00 p.m. from the Kellogg upper parking deck! Be there!
3 comments:
I object!!!!! Anybody who was somebody?
I was riding up to Sagatuck Brewing Company and would have been on the podium if I would have been on the short ride.
See you at Zicks.
I object!!!!! Anybody who was somebody?
I was riding up to Sagatuck Brewing Company and would have been on the podium if I would have been on the short ride.
See you at Zicks.
I put a lot of miles in with Stryker guy and hockeyboy. Quadruple the humanity, those guys are strong. BTW, their nicknames for team taylor is the Hanson Brothers. It was a great ride in some wet conditions, some hot conditions and some perfect conditions. Team Taylor raised over $205,000 for Make A Wish this year. Some more of the minion nation should join us, its an amazing experience.
Rob Iceman Grainger
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