Sharkman & Lava Girl at the Shed at the Barn Theater!

CHICO AND SQUEAKY’S BIG ADVENTURE!

DISQUALIFICATIONS STILL CONTROVERSIAL!

WHO’S GUILTY, WHO’S NOT?!


BLOODY 'ELL EXTRAVAGANZA IN ONE WEEK! OH, THE HUMANITY!

Belo News
August 4, 2012

Galesburg, Mi. – It was a week of controversy and confusion as the results of last week’s ride were being disputed by the miscreant Minions, and this week’s ride was mired in detours, new or not so new jersey’s and periodontal disease!  Is this a great country or what?

As dawn broke over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman lay sleeping in his Shark Bed, snug in his shark pajama’s, stuffed shark toy safely under his arm.  He would awake soon and go on a breakfast ride with Lava Girl, and her sister and brother in law.  As he rode along talking to his brother in law and later downing his eggs, over easy with bacon and hash browns, he did wonder how his Minions were doing without their hero to lead them on what has come to be known as “Shermanator Saturday!” Later in the day, our hero took in "The Rocky Horror Show" at the Barn! Oh, the humanity!

However, ace reporters Stryker Guy and Gazelle Girl were on the case, to submit the following reports:

CHICO AND SQUEAKY’S BIG ADVENTURE!

Belo News
August 4, 2012

Galesburg, Mi. - It was not going to be just another Saturday morning ride for the mighty Minion Nation.  The Shermanator, which caused one of the worst crashes in Minion history, was taking place.  Champs d’37th Avenue was torn up *(SG did a head first crash two days earlier on said road just to prove its danger).  AND our leader—Sharkman—was not there to lead the group.  Potential mayhem loomed at the Galesburg Middle School.  Fortunately, the Sharkman has taught the troops well and in a matter of minutes Danimal and B-Rod had a route figured out.  Gazelle Girl surprised the group by actually showing up at the meeting point before the Nation was ready to push off.

Seventeen strong left the parking lot, pedaled past the Klutch and waved to all three adoring fans.  B-Rod and Stryker Guy led the group up the first climb and soon gave way to, you guessed it, Tow Truck, who just doesn’t feel good unless he is out pulling the group along.  Several moves were made before the first sprint and ultimately Squeaky, adorned in a new (it looked kind of new) jersey took the first sprint.
All Black, who hasn’t worn black in at least two years, was up front for most of the first half of the ride and Danimal, who now seems to wear only black, was right there with him.  Two new(er) riders who will be known (until Sharkman officially christens them) as the Green Hornet and Kato (his wife) were very impressive throughout the ride.

Chico jumped into the lead after the Col de Twin Lakes and pushed the pace all the way to M-43.  The group rode around the lake and back down 35th to avoid the bad roads, triathlons and other obstacles.  I don’t believe any other sprints were hotly contested especially coming down 35th.  B-Rod informed the Nation that the average speed was 20.5 mph!  Not bad.

Perhaps the most interesting part of the entire ride was coffee at the Klutch. Gazelle Girl and Chico got into a deep discussion about periodontal disease and B-Rod held the rest of us captive with his VERY descriptive breakdown of “Pig Sticking” (killing wild boar with a dog and a knife). (Editor's Note - sorry we missed this!)

Fortunately, none of us had more than coffee at that point and managed to get back on our bikes for the ride home.

Respectfully submitted,

Stryker Guy

OH, THE HUMIDITY!

Belo News
August 4, 2012

Galesburg, Mi. - We had a nice - albeit very humid - ride on Saturday. (Oh, the humidity!)
Since not a soul could honestly say they knew the southern route by heart, we wound up doing the usual course, but instead of turning left to head toward M-89 at the top of the bay, we went straight and came back the way we went out. Worked out great.

Hopefully another Minion writes in with a few more details about the ride. (I'm just not so good at remembering those things!)

(Editor’s Note – welcome to our world Gazelle Girl!)

Gazelle Girl

You won’t want to miss this weeks edition of the KK-TdG when the Nation gets back to the regular course and Sharkman is also back before heading out to the U.S. Pro Challenge!

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. – SHARP!

Be there!

DISQUALIFICATIONS BEING CONTESTED!

Belo News
August 1, 2012

Shark Cove, Mi. – Immediately after last week’s Belo News went viral, appeals were quickly being registered with the Commissioner of Cycling, the Sharkman hizzelf!  It seemed that everyone was getting into the mix!

First, from Rainman who conveniently could not remember the finishing line up, though he was definitely one of the errant riders:

"Great write up! However, Rainman’s lawyers are formulating a defense!  Stay tuned….."

Then from the Chief culprit hizzelf, Ironman:

"Greetings Sharkman! 

I hope this finds you well.  I do apologize for the "incident".  I support the decision to be disqualified from the standings.  Does that mean I have to give back my prize money or forfeit any previous wins?  Will any sanctions be issued?  I might schedule a press conference before to help explain the controversy and ask for forgiveness from the Mighty Minions.  My press secretary is currently composing a speech."

(Editor’s Note – we can’t wait to hear that speech!)

After being told that Rainman was seeking legal counsel, Ironman responded;

"Seeking counsel from an Attorney??!!... some people just can't take criticism.  ha  I'm here to fall on my sword and ask the Mighty Minion board of trustees for reinstatement into the federation.  I can only ask for leniency when it comes to fines.  I'm not sure my wallet is as deep as U.S. Postal.. well, come to think of it, maybe it is." (Editor's Note - words of wisdom Rainman, words of wisdom...)

(Editor’s Note – Belo News is pretty sure a couple cups of koffee for Sharkman will make things right again…..)

Belo News also wants to apologize for incorrectly naming B-Rod as part of the runaway group, as well as Boatman.  Though it is still unclear who all the riders were, and there seems to be a “code of silence” among the miscreant Minions, B-Rod wrote back to Belo news that:

“I'm not sure who got second and third??? Sorry it wasn't me. l followed the rules and waited for the group.” 

But perhaps the final and best word came from the attached photograph that Gazelle Girls sent to Ironman after the release of Belo News:

The "Real Winner!"

BLOODY 'ELL  EXTRAVAGANZA  IN A WEEK! 

OH, THE HUMANITY!

Belo News
August 8, 2012

Richland, Mi. – Another Minion Extravaganza is in store for the Mighty Minion Nation!  Yep, as previously billed, the Bloody E’ll will be one ride/party/extravaganza that no Minion will want to miss! The reservations are coming in fast and furious!

DON'T FORGET TO RSVP NOW!

(Gazelle Girl at joan.o@comcast.net or 665-4555)

On August 18, 2012 the Nation will meet at the Zickman Estate for the Minion ride and will do a metric century (for the uninitiated that is 100 kilometers or 62 miles).

Zickman and Gazelle Girl will be leading this ride up to Hastings!  The ride will begin with Bloody Mary's on the beach ad then a ride up to Hastings where the Nation will have lunch at the Waldorf Brew Pub, then get back on their bikes to return to the Zickman Estate for more fine beer and/or possibly another bloody Mary!

Come on!  Beer AND a chance to see the Zickman Estate! Is this a great country or what?

So get ready for a great ride and a chance to actually see the Zickman’s lair!

Oh, the humanity!

Be there!