POLAR BEAR?
SHARKMAN’S RETURN TO THE NATION!
TUESDAY NIGHT RIDE REPORT!
Belo News
May 2, 2012
Reporter: Gazelle Girl
Galesburg, Mi. - What does any practical human being do
when there is an 85% chance of rain with temps in the low 40s? Why, she goes on
a bike ride with her friends, of course!
Feeling a bit of residual from the PBRs consumed over the
pool table down at The Time Out Lounge the previous night (this activity being
preceded by the Friday night TdG and the post-ride mandatory margaritas her poorly
paid mechanic insists upon), Gazelle Girl started her KK TdG by turning north
onto 36th St to get those darn hills out of the way at her own pace.
No sense riding them twice today.
An imaginary Sharkman took the honorary first sprint and,
in celebration, Gazelle Girl commenced to circling… wondering: (1) if anyone
was as dumb as her on a day like today and (2) how far would Gazelle Girl be
willing to push on by her lonesome if no one showed up to ride. Soon, she saw
two riders in the distance. It wasn’t too tough to figure out who her mates
would be for this epic experience…. one had bare legs and the other was all
a-billow. Polar Bear and Squeaky Bob (aka Style Guy) to the rescue! Off they
went at a very pleasant pace… fast, but not retching fast.
The rain started to spit as the riders passed the Country
Club, and became a full-on painful sleet by the time they hit the Cul de Norte.
Sleet turned to a fairly heavy, steady rain, and the soaking and body part
numbing began.
The riders pushed on, and in quite a chatty fashion,
despite the wet grit flying into their mouths.
Squeaky, feeling the weight of his wardrobe bearing down
upon his frozen frame, split for home at the Digital Divide. Polar Bear and
Gazelle Girl pressed on amid conversation of local legends and some nonsense
about six something’s of separation. (Ed. – Ask Gazelle Girl for details on
that one when next you see her.)
Gazelle Girl took her post-ride coffee from the depths of
a warm bathtub and marveled at how much better she felt than when she got up.
Thank you, Style Guy and Polar Bear for a not-too-shabby rain ride!
(Editor’s Note: it was reported by Polar Bear that there
was a Minion in the parking lot at the start who seemed upset that no one,
other than Polar Bear, had shown up for the ride. We apologize for any confusion, but as all
Minions know, whoever shows, shows. And
if the weather looks bad, well, you take your chances!)
THE RETURN OF THE SHARKMAN!
 |
| Sharkman returns! |
Belo News
May 2, 2012
Shark Cove, Mi. – The Editors of Belo News are pleased to
report that they have confirmed that our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, will be
returning to the Mighty Minion Nation this weekend after his “Tour of the West”
(see previous blogs). You won’t want to
miss this ride!
This Saturday!
May 5, 2012!
The Return of Sharkman!
Launch Time 9:00 A.M. – SHARP!
Be there!
TUESDAY NIGHT RIDE REPORT!
Belo News
May 1, 2012
Reporter: Stingray (with comment from Rainman then Stingray again......)
Battle Creek, Mi. - While the weatherman had predicted
sunny and 72 for the Tuesday night ride, it was actually overcast and, well,
probably not quite 72. But 4 fearless
minions clipped in at precisely 6:04pm (can’t minions be punctual without the
Sharkman present??). Anyway, Rainman,
Wilier Boy, Airman, and I pulled out of the parking ramp, making our way
westward.
As we headed out of town we were joined by Cheddar
Head. As a light spattering of rain
continued, riders began to place a wary eye on Rainman, who was now considered
a flight risk due to the precipitation.
The 5 riders pushed on, enjoying a generous tailwind, and the rain
subsided with no riders going AWOL.
Rainman put in a monster pull on the road leading down to
the High School. Turning east we met the
headwind; Airman and Rainman took the lion’s share of pulling us back to
town. At one point there was
conversation about the missing Sharkman, and whether he would return to the
Peloton this weekend. Due to his lengthy
absence, some minions had trouble remembering what he even looked like! Oh the humanity!
The ride was a bit of a nature tour tonight, with an
abundance of turkey and deer; well, ok only two deer but one was a buck in
velvet. They seemed quite impressed with
our riding skills.
Average Speed 19.9mph
(Comment from Rainman)
One more note to add:
Nearing the end of the ride, and composed of the same
line-up at launch (sans Chedderhead), the group checked-in with an average of
19.9mph at the Michigan Ave. turnoff.
With Stingray leading the group back into town, Airman made an
aggressive move just past the light at Jackson St and Bedford Ave launching
speeds into the stratosphere. Rainman
was quick to react to the sudden explosion latching onto Airman’s wheel, but
this moved proved to be too much for Minion [East] Nation and the group was
split in half. Airman continued to pull
at Warp Speed and Rainman waited for the signal to take a turn on the
front. In a flash, Airman gassed,
Rainman took the helm and concentrated on the Doppler / Speedometer cranking
the pedals at an aggressive rate. Sure
enough, 20.0mph average shortly after Airman pulled off! After what seemed like forever pull (really
only 30 seconds), Rainman looked back and Rainman was alone!? A solo break?? No way!
Knowing that the average does not count unless at least two Minions cross
the line together*, Rainman backed off to re-join the group. 19.9 mph average, a victory for Minion [East]
Nation!
*UCI regulations recognize average speed on Tuesday Night
only if at least two riders cross the finish line together. Reason being, there is no proof of Minion
average unless another rider is present when the official time has been
logged. This rule is in compliance of
the Minion By-Laws that clearly state, ‘no Minion rider is left behind.’
(Comment by Stingray)
That is awesome….foiled again by those pesky UCI
regulations
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