NO ONE WINS FINAL SPRINT!

HOSSMAN TAKES SECOND!

LEADERLESS, CAFFINELESS KK-TdG THIS WEEK?


Belo News
March 24, 2012

Galesburg, Mi. – As our intrepid hero, the Sharkman launched solo from the Cove, he was sure that the rain would hold off. Wearing his rain jacket and adding his lights to his steed, he started to build up a sweat almost immediately as he danced on the pedals as he made his way to the start of the KK-TdG.

Riding past the Klutch, All Black approached from the other direction and said he was glad to see someone. With the threat of rain, and the Barry-Roubaix race being run this wet morning, Sharkman was unsure of who would show up for the third edition of the 2012 season.

However, as All Black and our hero approached the start line they found Sooner, Peugeot Guy, Airman, persona non Grata, and Wilier Boy, and Squeaky (making his season premier), along with Bison and his Dad, Fred (name to be determined), who was a Minion virgin! But no more!

Welcome to the Mighty Minion Nation Fred!

(Editors Note – we apologize for omitting a virgin Minion from the ranks last week. He even came with a built in nick name. A big welcome to the mighty Minion Nation for Schong!)

As the crowd continued to gather in wait for the start, Bissell Boy, the Skipper, Hossman, Luke Skywalker and Hutch (making his first appearance of the season) rode in.

While Fred (from the Chicago area where Sharkman grew up) and Sharkman reminisced about an old TV show called “Barn Dance” on WGN in Chicago where the MC was the Mayor of Schaumburg, and with Bison’s eyes started to glaze over, The Skipper called out “Click in Minions, we’re heading out!”

By this time, our intrepid hero had taken his rain jacket off and everyone was convinced that there would be no rain this warm morning! And they would be wrong! Oh the humanity!

As the peloton snaked past the quiet Klutch, over the tracks and began heading towards 36th Street they caught a blaze of orange heading north on 36th! It was none other than Nikeboy, who had gotten a late start and had not caught on with Sharkman for the ride over. They were then 16 riders!

Squeaky, Luke Skywalker, Sooner, Peugeot Guy and others lead out our hero to the ceremonial first sprint, protecting him from any wayward attempts by miscreant Minions to try to steal it this week and become persona non Grata.

As Sharkman did his count at the G Ave. crossing, he rolled to the back of the peloton and watched as the nation began to get a bit frisky early in the ride. With the warm temperatures and not having to wear layers of Lycra, it appears the Minions are getting into mid season form a bit earlier than usual

Hossman, showing early season form, shot up the col de Twin Lakes and splintered the peloton with Airman on his wheel in the run up to the Gull Lake High School.

As the nation rode past the Yorkville Church, Airman attacked early and after realizing that he had opened a gap, decided to open that gap up big time. Showing some early season form, the mighty Airman cranked on ahead with several Minions trying to reel him in on an individual basis. With those attempts failing, it was only after the turn after the Country Club that the Minions formed up and finally caught him right at the Rt. 43 stop ahead sprint.

By this time, the rain had started. Not a hard rain that washes the grime off the road, but the slow, wet rain that makes everything, including dead worms and other unmentionables cling to every part of your bike.

At the summit of the col de Norte, Hossman was sidelined with a rear flat tire. It is never easy to change a tire in a drizzling rain, but even worse with a bunch of Minions telling you to hurry up! None the less, Hossman had the wheel changed quickly and the wet riders moved south towards the Bible Conference Hills.

As the rain continued and the grit and grime continued to accumulate, yet another attack took place in the hills to the sprint at Frona’s.

As the Nation moved into the Inlet, riders began dropping off like rats on a wet ship, as the rain took it’s toll and any Minion close to home was not going to ride back to Galesburg in the rain!

After the Digital Divide, what was left of the Minions formed up into a semi pace line that began to take the speed up as they approached the GGG sprint. Airman made a move at this point and took the GGG sprint.

As the train heading into the final stretch, Hossman went to the front in his signature move and made one, very long, humungous pull that lasted to the short rise before the finish, where he finally dropped back, as no other Minion seemed to want to take the front.

As the riders crested the hill, the peloton split up and it seemed to be every Minion for hizself as bedlam ensured!

Sharkman grabbed on to the wheel of Wilier Boy, who was riding very strong and was holding down the gap in front of him! It was then that he heard the voice of Hossman on his left, raised from the dead, shout, “jump on Sharkman!”

Sharkman, never one to not take advantage of a free ride, jumped on as he heard Wilier Boy shout out, “I feel so used!”

It was then that no one made a break from the pack with Hossman, Sharkman and Sooner and the mighty Nation in hot pursuit!

As the wet, grime covered riders bore down on the finish, no one took the sprint with the resurrected Hossman taking second and Sharkman ahead of a surging Sooner. Final average speed of 18 mph, which was pretty fast considering the rain and the flat tire!

The crowds were small, but enthusiastic on the Champs le Galesburg as the dirty riders, thinned out from the start, made their way to the Klutch for the post race press conference.

No one actually bought koffee for Sharkman, attempting to get back into his good graces (how could the old Shark stay mad at a persona non Grata when he buys the Koffee?)

The wet riders were glad to wrap their cold hands around the hot koffee that Luann was serving and Sharkman was excited to see that Lava Girl had taken pity on him and had driven over to have some koffee and take him back in the warm Sharkmopilot! Yeah Lava Girl!

Sharkman stated that he had to scrub his legs to get the grit out and that when he cleaned his filthy steed later that day, he found a family of worms and a raccoon living in his front derailleur!

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT ON THIS WEEK’S RIDE!

The Sharkman will not be in attendance this week, as he will be out visiting his Sharklet’s in California. But the bigger news is that

THE KLUTCH WILL BE CLOSED! Oh, the humanity!

Yes, Luann will be closing the Klutch for one week to go on a well deserved vacation!

So the Nation will be leaderless and cafineless this Saturday!

But the Mighty Minion Nation will ride on!

Since the weather is still cooperating, the start time will be moved up to 9:00 A.M.!

Saturday – March 31, 2012

New Time! New Time!

Launch Time – 9:00 A.M. – SHARP!

Be there!

Tuesday Night Rides to Start!

Belo News
March 28, 2012

Battle Creek, Mi. – Back by popular demand, the Tuesday Night ride from Kellogg will begin next Tuesday, April 3, 2012! This ride will launch from the upper parking deck at Kellogg Headquarters at 5:45 p.m. The start will be pushed back to 6:00 p.m. as longer daylight continues to creep into the Michigan summer.

This ride is a pace line work out of 30 miles and is not for the faint of heart. This is a heads down, all out ride but a team effort to see how fast the pace can be maintained.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Launch Time – 5:45 p.m. – SHARP!

From the Kellogg Headquarters upper parking deck!


WRONGWAY DOES IT AGAIN AT BARRY-ROUBAIX?

Falcon does the 62 miler!

Belo News
March 24, 2012

Middleville, Mi. – Once again, our fellow Minion, Wrongway, took a wrong turn! This time it during the Barry-Roubaix Race at Middleville this past weekend. Despite this minor indiscretion, our young hero still finished 8th in his age group with a time of
1:53:22! This converts to an average speed of 19.1 mph! We here at Belo News can only wonder how well young Wrongway would do if he didn’t, well, keep doing the wrong way!

Congratulations Wrongway, you did the Mighty Minion Nation proud!

Also competing in the 62 mile division, the some time Minion, Falcon finished 152d with a time of 3:35:53 for an average speed of 17.2 miles for 62 miles! Outstanding!

Congratulations Falcon, you did the Mighty Minion Nation proud!



STATE SWIMMING CHAMPION IN THE PELETON!


Belo News
March 23-26, 2012

Detroit, Mi. - At the Michigan Masters Swimming State Meet this past weekend our own Stroker, and Sharkman’s next door neighbor at the Cove, won all his breaststroke and individual medley races in his age group. In addition he was the second fastest overall for all age groups in the 100 breaststroke! A State Champion…..again!

This, despite major shoulder surgery over the winter! We can only wonder how Stroker will be kicking butt when he get’s back on the bike this season!

However, the great part of the story is that Mrs. Stroker also competed and swam in seven individual and 4 relay events. Mrs. Stroker’s first event was Friday afternoon and her last wasn't until Sunday night! A marathon weekend for her as well!

Must be that living in the Cove with the Sharkman makes you a State Champion swimmer!

Congratulations to the Stroker Family, you did the Nation proud!

CLASSIFIED

ANYONE HAVE A MOUNTAIN BIKE FOR SALE?

Belo News
March 28, 2012

Battle Creek, Mi. – A fellow Minion known as Da Yoop, is looking for a mountain bike for Da Loop Junior. He would like to find a 17-18” hard tail with suspension up front that will be used for off-road riding, with an occasional race mixed in. So if you’re looking to find some additional room in your garage or plan on moving your junior up to a bigger bike, let Sharkman know and he will put you in touch with Da Yoop!