Friday, August 28, 2009

They're everywhere!







Is this gal ready for Game Day or what? How we pay homage...in so many ways.
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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Minions Ride Without Incident!

Wildman Returns

Doctors Duel

Knute Surly on Fixie

Belo News
August 22, 2009
Gull Lake

It seems that all was back to normal in the peloton as 16 Shark-less minions rode on a cloudy, brisk morning. Not only were they Shark-less, they were without Skipper, so Danimal lead the peloton out of the parking lot with his buddies Chumley and Dan Henshaw, both returning from injuries. It was a bit frightening for the minions to witness Chumley in a full back and neck brace due to injuries sustained on his mountain bike but All Black, back in All Black, had a calming affect as they headed north on 36th at a social pace. The pace lifted and Sharkman was granted the honorary opening sprint and the speed increased nearing the 35th Street sprint as Hausman won uncontested.

As they spun through Twin Lakes and up the Col the group splintered and a small group went off the front with No Name taking the sprint at DE. The pace continued to lift as the pack went through Country Club Hills and several riders were shoved into the "pain cave" with the move up to M-43 where the Zickman took the sprint.

The tight grupetto including Stryker Guy, Sooner, who reported the only riding he has done this year is on Saturdays, B-Rod, Sting Ray and Bissell Boy headed south after the climb up Col de Norte. Wildman showed he has been working hard to dominate tri's this summer winning the Frona's sprint.

The peloton acquired Knute on the run down 39th as he was peddling a fine Surly Fixie and the the Doctors Scalpel Duel began as Dr. Dave and Zickman dueled it out for the Bay sprint with Dr. Dave edging out the Z-man.

Gazelle Girl in fine late season form was riding with the front group all day and continued as they headed down 37th in what would turn out to be nearly a 20 mph average. The G Ave sprint went uncontested. No Name showing Super Domestique work pulled the group up the last rise toward the sprint and the group chased toward the finish. Iron Man took final honors, sharing the podium with Zickman and Falcon.

Will Sharkman return? When is College Game Day? Show up Saturday for the last ride of August!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Cloud Girl vs. Bambi!




Bambi Banned!




















Belo News
Galesburg, Mi.
August 15, 2009


Galesburg, Mi. – The buzz in bike circles this entire week has been, “How is Cloud Girl?”


The emails started pouring in on Saturday afternoon and on into Monday morning. “How was Cloud Girl doing?” They all asked.

The Update is very pleased to report that Cloud Girl is doing fine despite the major road rash and crunched, but not broken, pinkie finger that she suffered after her run in with Bambi on Saturday.

Unless you live in a cave, you are by now aware that our own Cloud Girl tangled with a wayward deer during last Saturday’s KK-TdG. The Update has been amazed that people who don’t even ride a bike, were aware of the incident and wanted to know how Cloud Girl was doing.

The day began innocently enough when 22 minions toed the start line. Prior to the Skipper starting the group out, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, cautioned everyone that there was some sort of event around Gull lake involving runners and bikers and that everyone needed to be careful.

The start of the ride was peaceful enough with a couple more riders joined on, including Gazelle Girl, as the peloton moved north of town.As the Minions made the turn at the Yorkville Church, some of the runners and bikers began to appear on the course and the entire peloton, not wanting to repeat the Shermanator debacle, slowed and cautioned that they were “passing on the left.”

As the Peloton grouped up at the summit of the cul de Norte, Cloud Girl shouted out to Sharkman that she was on and the Minions started down the hill with Cloud Girl in tow.

But as the group picked up speed and spread out, and as Cloud Girl approached the road to the boat launch at a pretty good clip, a deer ran out in front of her and Cloud Girl “T Boned” the deer, going down hard on the pavement!


Meanwhile, the rest of the peleton was moving ahead and did not hear a shout that a rider was down.Airman and Dr. Dave realized the crash and were able to respond. There was also a very kind couple who stopped and were able to not only help, but gave Cloud Girl a ride back to her car.

The deer, however, could not be reached for comment. A spokesman for the deer named Thumper did state that the deer's mother has severely reprimanded her for not looking both ways before crossing and has been told that she is not to play in the street if the Minions are riding!


Cloud Girl sustained some pretty severe road rash to her shins, arms and lower back as she skidded across the road. She did, however, do a great job in protecting her Kuota, which came out of the debacle without a scratch. Her brand new helmet, however, was not as lucky as it took a good crack.


As the hapless Minions contested the C Ave. sprint, they had circled up at Fronas to wait for riders when a lady in a minivan told them, “the girl rider hit a deer at the last road!”

The Minions, realizing it had to be Cloud Girl, immediately started back and confusion ruled as they could not find the scene of the accident. This also caused the Minions to have to repeat the Bible Conference Hills that everyone seems to hate! Damn Bible Conference Hills!

As the Minions scattered along the road, a group that had gotten back to her returned to announce the Cloud Girl was on her way back to the start.


As the Minions staggered in to the Klutch, Luann handed Sharkman the phone. It was Cloud Girl reporting in that she was O.K., but a little shook up. She later came into the Klutch with Airman to display her wounds.


It was also reported, and this is important, that Brewman bought Sharkman his koffee as he spoke on the phone with Cloud Girl.


As previously reported, Bullet Bob and the lovely Mrs. Bullet were on hand (see previous story).
Again, it was an unusual ride......but great weather!


We, here at the Update, are just pleased that Cloud Girl is doing O.K. and hope she will be back in the peloton soon.


Minions are invited to leave get well wishes in the comment section.


You won't want to miss this weeks ride! Mostly out of morbid curiosity..... but you won't want to miss it!


It is, however, reported that our hero, the Sharkman, will not be in attendance, but the Minions will ride!

Launch Time - 8:00 A.M. - Sharp!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Minions Rule at Shermanator!


Abebe Bikila a Shark Minion?

Belo News Update
Sherman Lake, MI.
August 1, 2009

Sherman Lake, Mi.
– While the Shermanator was doing a number on the Shark Minion Peloton, some Minions were doing a number on the Shermantator. Our own Nikeboy, Hoosier Boy and Hutch were all entered and did an outstanding job! And they didn't crash into anyone!


Nikeboy is rumored to have won his age group, as did Hoosier Boy. Meanwhile, our own Hutch ran the running leg, (are you ready for this?) in his bare feet! What? You ask…..

In an exclusive Shark Minion Update investigative report, it has been learned that Hutch actually finished the bike segment and went to the wrong bike slot. After spending a couple of minutes looking for his shoes that were not there (because they were at his assigned slot) he decided that he either could quit or run.

What, a Minion quit? No way! Minions never quit!

So our hero, the Hutch Man, ran bare foot like the famous Abebe Bikila! For those of you too young to know or remember, Abebe Bikila won the 1960 Olympic Gold Medal in the Marathon running the streets of Los Angeles for 26.2 miles in his bare feet!

Proof, you ask? Check out the photos at;

www.backprint.com/estf.asp?PID=bp%19sEw&EVENTID=53155&PWD=&BIB=133

You may find a barefoot competitor in the running photos!


Hutch wins the “Stud of the week” award. The Minions might want to start calling him Abebe Hutch!

Congratulations to all the Minions who competed at the Shermanator!


Injury Update!

Belo News
Galesburg, Mi.
August 15, 2009

Galesburg, Mi.
– The Update was a bit premature with the injury report last week!

Bullet Bob and his lovely wife Sharon, joined the Minions for a Kup of Koffee at the Klutch on Saturday to report on Bullets crash injuries.

It appears that our fellow Minion, Bullet Bob, has three broken ribs in his back and it might be a few weeks before he is back in the peleton. He is, however, able to drink Koffee at the Klutch and it was good to have he and Sharon back in the peloton, even though it was only in the Koffee Shop.

We are holding a spot in the peloton for you Bullet! Get well soon!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Minions get washed out!


First Rain out of the Season!


Recovery Update!


Shark Week on Discovery!



Belo News
Galesburg, Mi.
August 8, 2009


Galesburg, Mi.
- It was the first rain out of the season!

Our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, was out in San Francisco for his daughters birthday and when he checked the radar back in the Creek, all he saw was flashing green, red and yellow across the Shark Radar screen!

After checking with a few Minions, we here at the Update have confirmed that NO ONE Rode!

Meanwhile, since none of the Minions were riding, we here at the Update hope the Minions were able to catch Shark Week on Discovery! It was outstanding! Who can NOT watch shark's attacking people? Uh, is this a great country or what?!?

Injury Update

Galesburg, Mi. - The Update has checked in with our injured Minions and we have learned that All Black is feeling ready to ride. Hawkeye, who sustained the worst road rash, as well as ruptured Gu Packs, is healing and hopes to be back soon.

Bullet Bob reports that he is feeling better, but is still avoiding laughing, sneezing, coughing, and lying down. If he gets a clean bill of health from the Doctor, and his Director Sportif will let him go out and play (providing he can get on and off the bike, oh, and breathe deeply) he hopes to be back Saturday.

Bullet Bob reports that Danimal was able to save his brake/shift lever, but did pronounce the handlebar D.O.A. (with cracks). The rear wheel needed some truing and he took the opportunity to replace the tire, brake pads and of course, handlebar tape. Heck, it's like a new bike!

We hope to see all our wounded Minions back this week!

So don't miss this Saturday! The weather report is excellent!

Launch Time 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!

Wolf King's New Track Bike!


Wolf King has a new ride!

Belo News
Galesburg, Mi.
August 8, 2009

Galesburg, Mi.
In an exclusive investigative report, the Update has learned that the infamous Wolf King, has procured a Bianchi single speed/track bike. In this never before seen photograph, we see the intrepid sandbagger training on the classic steed in his driveway!
His driveway?

What can this former perennial podium resident be training for?

Enquiring minds want to know!

Be there Saturday to find out!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Sherminator Demolishes the Peloton!

Squeaky Returns!

You just never know!

Belo News
Galesburg, MI
August 1, 2009

Galesburg, Mi. – In a very unusual day for the Mighty Minion Nation this past Saturday, this write up will be a little less, “tongue in cheek” and a bit more serious. The Minions experienced a situation that reminds us all how sometimes things just happen and we should all be grateful with any chance to ride a safe ride on a Saturday.

Twenty two Minions showed up with two celebrity riders in the fold. Squeaky had returned to ride, as he was in from New Jersey visiting his kids. Also, Styker Guys son, Rob, came along for the event and his first group ride. It must have been an interesting experience for young Rob.

Before the ride began, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, welcomed the celebrity riders and then reminded the Minions that this was the day of the Sherminator Triathlon and that they needed to be careful in the stage between Rt. 89 and G Ave.

Unfortunately, the Minions did not know HOW careful they needed to be!

As the peloton moved south from Rt. 89 they quickly came upon the final chase vehicle of the Sherminator. Just in front of the chase vehicle was an older lady in last place.

The Minions passed the chase vehicle and Sharkman later mentioned that he noticed that the driver had a Sheriff’s Department patch on his shoulder and he started thinking, “we just passed a Sheriff’s Deputy in a no pass zone.”

However, there was no reaction from the Chase vehicle as the Mighty Minion Nation formed a pace line and started to pick up speed. Shortly after the pass, a second rider was spotted ahead of the fast moving pace line, which had broken into two groups. As the first group, made up of Danimal, Falcon, Un-named Rider, Boffo and Sharkman, moved up the road Falcon shouted out, “Riders on the left!” and the line moved towards the center of the road. The robust woman rider, apparently freaked by the passing riders, began to wobble on her poorly set up bike.

As the second group came up behind her, she decided to look over her left shoulder again and as she did, she drifted left and apparently over compensated and made a complete left turn towards the middle of the road, into the second group of pacers who were on the yellow line. The woman's front wheel hit Sooner’s rear wheel, which actually corrected her course, but caused Hawkeye, All Black and Bullet Bob to take evasive action that caused the three riders to go down on the left side of the road.

Hawkeye took the worst of the road rash as he skidded across the road, while All Black went over him and landed on his helmet. Bullet Bob was thrown over All Black and landed on his back on the side of the road.

The sound of crashing bikes could be heard up the road as the shout, “bikers down!” was broadcast. As the first group turned around, they were greeted by the woman rider who was saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I’m sorry!” Apparently, she wasn’t sorry enough to stop and see if she could help. It was assumed it was more important for her stay ahead of the last place rider than to stop to see if she had killed anyone.

On the side of the road, the Sherminator crew and the Minions tried to help Hawkeye, All Black and Bullet Bob get back on their feet.

Hawkeye, in addition to major road rash, had landed on his back and had smashed open his Gu packs and had Gu running down his butt and onto his road rash. All Black’s sunglasses and handle bars were bent and it looked like his helmet may have been cracked. Bullet Bob really took a hard hit, landing on his back in the ditch on the left side of the road.

Both Hawkeye and Bullet Bob had major damage to shift levers on their bikes.

The good news is that no one was seriously injured.

It is interesting to note that Hawkeye and All Black had ridden the WAM 300 the weekend before and rode 300 miles over three days, in rain, traffic and with 900 + other riders and did so without incident. On a 27 mile jaunt around Gull Lake, a very large woman, on a comfort bike that looked like it wasn’t set up for her correctly, took out the three riders in what could only be described as an unexplainable move into the middle of the road.

It is a reminder to us all of how random these things can be and three highly capable and experienced riders were taken out by an action no one could have predicted.

The remainder of the ride was anticlimactic and the discussion in the Klutch centered around how unfortunate the whole affair had been.

Subsequent check of the riders on Tuesday revealed that Hawkeye is still suffering the road rash issues and will need a new Ultegra shift lever and All Black is fine, but may need a new helmet. Both were a little stiff the next day. Bullet Bob may have cracked or broken a rib in his back and has been sleeping in a chair, as he cannot lay down in bed. He also broke an Ultegra shift lever and will need to have it replaced. Unfortunately, Bullet Bob may be out of action for a while.

All in all, as bad as the crash was, it could have been worse and it is a reminder that we all need to be careful out there! We are extremely grateful no one was seriously injured, including the Sherminator Lady who didn't seem to know how to ride a bike.

Next Saturday – 8:00 A.M. Sharp! AND BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!

Be there!

Minions Ride at WAM!


Make a Wish Ride Report

Belo News
July 23-25, 2009
Traverse City/Big Rapids/Chelsea



It was an incredible weekend!


This is not only very fun and challenging event as a bike ride, it was an extremely emotional and rewarding experience for all those that took part, including many Minions.

The ride was truly outstanding and though I had to miss the first day due to work, taking part in the campground events on Friday night, waking up to thunder, lightning and a driving rain on Saturday morning, doing 114 miles at a 20.4 mph average, followed by the 90 miles on Sunday, the real experienced was the kids and what occurred in the last few miles of the ride. So I will begin with the end of the ride first.


Team Taylor all meet at the last rest stop so we could finish as a team. Eighty five riders, two abreast, rode together for the last 5 miles, lead by Team Taylor Captain, Rob Grainger, aka, Iceman.

We then experienced what is called the "Silent Mile."

Riding slowly in silence one mile from the finish, we passed the photo’s of the kids that have been lost over the years, along with a small star on the side of the road. It is difficult to explain the emotion that surges through your heart as you look at these Wish Kids. It was an experience that I will not soon forget.

We then approached Taylor's star and photo where all of Team Taylor stopped for special words and prayers. What I didn't know was that there were 3 other parents on the Team that had lost kids. Those parents all came forward and they all hugged and everyone was pretty emotional. I had been riding with one of them most of Saturday and didn't know he'd lost his son. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the crowd. We then rode into Chelsea slowly and as we approached the finish at the Chelsea Fair Grounds there were, what seemed like, a gazillion people all cheering for us. There were families and also Make A Wish kids who were yelling thanks and applauding for us as we came down the finish shoot, people lined on both sides. It felt like we were finishing the Tour de France!

Those Make A Wish kids that could, came out and hugged us and then took our bikes. They then escorted the team to one of the Fair Ground Buildings and marched us up on a big stage where there were even more people watching.

We had been given wrist bands with the name of our Make A Wish kid, Jacob M. on it. He was waiting for us to give us our medals. He looked about 6 or 7 years old and had a baseball cap to cover his close cropped head. He was incredibly engaging without ever saying a word. We all went up, 85 of us, one at a time and got down on one knee in front of Jacob so he could put the medal around our necks. He then looked in my eyes and said "thank you!"

Words will never describe how powerful that moment was for me, and I am sure, all of Team Taylor. Then we all posed with Jacob for a photo while the whole crowd took pictures and cheered "Team Taylor, Team Taylor!" It was simply incredible and I had a hard time talking about it for days without getting a little choked up!


I'm still find myself thinking about those kids.

However, as unprepared as I was for this experience, the other surprise was the generosity that so many of my friends and family had in helping me raise the funds for the ride. I was deeply moved by just how generous everyone was in helping me raise money for these kids. There was so much more. The awards on Saturday night and meeting a little girl named Amanda, who has liver cancer and got to meet Elmo from Sesame Street that day. They showed us the video of their meeting and it was hilarious. There was little Eric, who had his Make A Wish photo album from his visit to Disney World and his obsession with all the photo’s of Pluto, there were all these kids wanting our autographs in their little Make A Wish books, there was a guy named Kevin with, what seemed to be cerebral palsy, who rode on a tricycle using only one leg and one arm! I cannot begin to tell you how heart breaking AND heart warming the whole experience was.

All of this really makes you appreciate the many blessings that you have.


And it makes you want to do even more for these kids.

Team Captain, Rob Grainger reported the following stats:

- Team Taylor burned approximately 1,000 calories per hour while on the bike.
- Team Taylor consumed a huge amount of calories in food, beer, and performance concoctions.
- Team Taylor climbed approximately 2.0 miles of true vertical feet on Day 1.
- Team Taylor covered 25,500 miles with no broken bones or broken spirits,
- Team Taylor covered 25,500 miles with less than 10 flat tires and had no major mechanicals.
- Team Taylor recognized that your friend, Mr.. Gravity, can also be a brutal enemy.
- everyone recognized that drafting is about 30% easier than pulling.
- Team Taylor stopped and helped an old lady change a flat tire...in 3 minutes.
- Team Taylor drank 12 cases of beer and polished off 16 pizzas, and then went to dinner.
- Team Taylor had the best camaraderie on the tour
- Team Taylor had the coolest jerseys and swag
- Team Taylor had the coolest decals...many thanks to Dave Johnson for providing the decals to the team.
- Team Taylor thanked all volunteers at all rest stops and at the finish
- Team Taylor has the biggest fan base.
- Team Taylor....priceless.

Team Taylor raised $147,000!

I've attached a couple of photo's of me and the Shark Minions that rode, though I am not sure we got all of the Minions in the photo. However, many of the 85 Team Taylor riders were Minions.

This was an outstanding experience and I hope even more Minions can ride with Team Taylor next year. July 23-25, 2010! Be there!

Monday, August 3, 2009

Cloud Girl & Tardette finish One, Two at WAM!


Where was Stingray?

Who cleans their bikes!


Belo News
Galesburg, MI
July 24-26, 2009


Traverse City – Big Rapids – Chelsea, Mi. – In the three day tour that is the Make A Wish Ride, our own lady Minions took top honors by sweeping the one and two spots on the podium, ahead of the other Minions on the ride.

Riding like the Mighty Minions that they are, they finished the 300 mile sojourn in record breaking time. Making it to the camp each night first, the pair were rewarded with cold beer and pizza!

When interviewed, Cloud Girl was quoted as saying it was a victory for the Mighty Minion Nation and Tardette added that it was great to beat Airman and Rainman so soundly, proving who the real riders in the family are! Airman and Rainman were both too busy cleaning the winning riders bikes to be interviewed by the Update Staff.

Meanwhile, in an interesting development, Stringray, whose career has been in a downward spin ever since his false allegations that he can win every sprint and not get as much ink in the Update as the ladies, was DNE (did not enter) for the WAM. (Come on Stringray, this is a digital format! There’s no ink in digital!) And look! You got INK in a digital publication without even being there!

The Update will be reporting more on the WAM so please stay tuned!


Brewman Takes the Death Ride by Storm!


Mighty Minion Nation Rider Rules in Kansas!
Was he Beer Fueled?


Belo News
Galesburg, MI
July 25, 2009


Flint Hills, Ks. - Our own Brewman took Kansas by storm in the recent "Death Ride" that occurs in Madison Kansas in the center of the famed Flint Hills. You think Kansas is flat??? 83 miles and close to 6,000 feet of climb on dirt, rock and pasture. The terrain is brutal enough on your body let alone the intense summer heat and wild free range cattle. Our own Brewman was at one time surrounded by running cattle intent on crossing the trail he occupied. Six hours and one flat tire after the start a dehydrated beat up body crossed the finish line. The toll of the ride became more evident when the Brewman passed up an offering of free beer! Could be? Could it possibly be? Say it ain't so!

The average number of starters who finish this ride varies between 50 and 60%. Overall a well organized and challenging event with the great Midwest friendliness and humor. The only way to capture a jersey for this ride is to finish. You will see one on the Brewman in the future.

Check it out at the attached site for all the details:

http://flinthillsdeathride.com/index.shtml