BISSELL KIT DAY HUGE SUCCESS!
RIDE BRINGS OUT THE CREATOR OF ALL THAT KIT!!!
IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT!?!
 |
| The Nation was ready to rock!!! |
EPIC BATTLE IN THE PELOTON!!!
VIRGIN MINION IN THE MIX!
SHARKMAN GONE AGAIN?!?
OH, THE HUMANITY!!!
AARP SPRINT WIN AND WHAT IS STRYKER GUY UP TO NEXT!!!
Belo News
July 31, 2021
Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke cool and dry over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, was getting his Bissell Kit arranged. After all, he had plenty of it! He had been aquiring the kit for many years thanks to the Bissell Boy connection and it had lasted many seasons.
 |
| Virgin Shark Minion Lee! Welcome to the mighty Shark Minion Nation, Lee! |
Our hero pondered whether he would be the only rider with it on, as it had been a long time since the Nation had been able to score cycling gear at those great, low costs and he knew Bissell Boy would not be riding.
As the Shark Garage Door slowly lifted, there was Yeti Boy, who was only able to ride over to the start, arriving just on time for launch at 7:30 a.m. - SHARP!
The two riders, Sharkman in arm warmers and Yeti Boy in a new, quite stunning, yellow cycling jacket, picked up Reb at the usual location, wearing a Team Beaver Cycling T shirt. Wait, .....what? ....Well, it wasn't exactly cycling gear, per se, but he is trying. He immediatly began complaining about the cold and Yeti suggested a long sleeve T shirt next time, to the big cyclist with little cycling gear.....
Without Fire in the mix, Sharkman took it up to a blistering pace of 16 mph before he could hear Reb complaining, "what's the rush?" from the back of the three riders.
At the Eaton Plant, Reb's boss Lee, jumped on! Welcome to the mighty Shark Minion Nation, Lee (Minion Name to be determined)! Despite the recommendation from Reb, the virgin Minion was welcomed into the Nation by Yeti Boy and the Sharkman hizzelf!
 |
| Reb, sporting a T shirt, but it was a cycling T shirt! |
At the ride start, Sharkman was pleasantly surprised that A.) so many Shark Minions had been around long enough to have Bissell Kit and B. that so many Shark Minions actually read Belo News this week and knew it was Bissell Kit Day (win/win) and C. he learned that Maid Marian was the person who not only designed the Bissell Kit, but had managed the Team!!!
Say what? A celebrity in our midst and unbeknownst to the Shark Nation??? Oh yes, Bunkie, you heard that right!!!
When Cricket and Maid Maryann rode in, the lovely Maid Marian had on a Bissell jersey. Being a fairly new Shark Minion, she was asked by our diminutive hero how she had come by the jersey when she stated, "I designed it!" and went on to share that she was with the team from the inception of Bissell taking it over!
Small world, eh?!? Who knew?
Other Shark Minions began pouring in, like Brewman, fresh from his ride across Iowa at RAGBRAI! Way to go Brewman! You made the Nation proud!!!
Gazelle Girl came rolling in to shouts of "Gazelle Girl," looking quite fetching in her Bissell Kit hidden under a red wind vest sans her main squeeze and crowd favorite, Toesetter. Skittles rounded out the 10 starting riders as Yeti headed back before the photo. After introducing Lee (Rule 24?) to the Nation, Sharkman led the train out of the station towards the thriving metropolis of Galesburg as the start crowd gave up a huge cheer that could be heard throughout the Kalamazoo River Valley!
 |
| Yeti in his new cycling jacket! |
Just as they launched, Dr. Dave and the legend known as Stryker Guy both jumped on in thier Bissell Kit as Sharkman thought to himself, "all is well in the realm!
With 12 riders in the mix, the Nation headed north, where Sharkman moved back in the peloton to press the flesh, give Lee the "rules of the mighty Minion Nation road" and catch up with some of his beloved Nation of Shark Minions, before moving forward behind his big lead out man, Skittles.
Skittles took the pace up and led our hero to the first sprint of the day, which he took doing 23.9 mph once again.
Sharkman took the offical count at the first G crossing as the fast moving train headed towards the col de Twin Lakes where Skittles and Crickett battled it out to the top and on to the sprint.
As is the usual for the ride, the pace continued past the Yorkville Church, through Kellogg Korner and on past the Kountry Klub, where Reb made a move to the front that was countered by Cricket, .........heck, let's let Reb tell it.......I won the 3rd sprint by first, riding close, but not on the yellow line, and proceeded to call out “car back” and using the opportunity to pull in front of the peloton cutting off Skittles and moving besides Cricket. While Reb apologized to Cricket for the cheeky move, Cricket explained he hadn’t figured out what sprints we're competed openly or reserved for specific riders. Reb politely explained to him that this sprint is usually reserved for the “lesser riders” before capturing the win by less than a bike length. Well played, Reb, well played......
 |
| Brewman was back!!! |
As the "smoke'em if you gottem" stop, a few of the riders took comfort breaks before Dr. Dave led the Nation out on to Rt. 43 in the run up to the notorious col de Norte.
Skittle was in peak form as he pulled the train through the section leading to the Holy Rollers and continued to hold the pace up and over those damn short, steep rollers Sharkman hates so much and into the feed stop.
After the Inlet, where EVERYONE made a full and complete stop before being waved through the intersection by a kind driver, the Nation had a quick and safe crossing at the Digital Divide before the pace line formed up behind, you guessed, it, Skittles!!!
Skittles got the speed up to 23-24 mph and the rest of the Nation just held on. Actually, there was some concern about where Gazelle Girl was as the speed picked up, but right on cue, being led out by that legend known as Stryker Guy, she moved up to claim her coveted GGG Spot Sprint and all was right in America!!!
It was somewhere between the Food Stop and the Digital Divide that Rocketman again appeared, as if a ghost from previous rides. As the Nation crossed the GGG Spot, he and Crickett grabbed on to Skittles wheel as the Nation moved for its assault on the final sprint of the day.
 |
| Cricket and Maid Marian! Maid Mairan in her Bissell Kit that the designed!!! |
Skittles again, put in a huge pull as Cricket feel back and bidded his time. At the top of the final ascent to the tape, Stryker Guy came forward shouting, something to the effect, "I'm taking us to the AARP Final Sprint!" or "Victory or Death from the Senior Circuit!" or words to that effect, and grabbed the lead......for a short time.
This seemed to motivate the young sprinter, Skittles to dig even deeper into his sprint bag and he then made his break for the finish with Rocketman and Sharkman and a cast of thousands on his wheel. Sharkman was pretty sure that Rocketman would jump on any move, and also knowing he could not officially place, as he had not done the entire ride, Sharkman grabbed on to his wheel like it was the last piece of bacon on the plate! MMMmmmmmbacon..........
But all along, Cricket had been laying in the weeds, waiting for just the right move and it was then that he came from the back like a missle, to take the tape, with Skittles letting up and Rocketman moving ahead of him. Sharkman actually got the third spot on the podium behind Skittles as Rocketman had not ridden the entire race!
It was a victory for America as the riders rode along the Champs le Galesburg to cheers from the paparazzi and tofosi along the route and as Stryker Guy moved ahead to buy the koffee!!!
 |
| The "Sweetheart of the Peloton" making her appearance!! |
Is this a great country or what!?? Thanks Stryker Guy! You not only lead the Senior Citizen onslaught, but bought koffee too!!!
That's why the man is a legend!! He does it all!!
Sharkman was awarded the "Best of Bissell Kit Day" Award as he was decked out, head to toe, in complete Bissell Kit, including cycling cap for the post race celebration AND cycling gloves and socks! He was one, stunning Bissell Team Shark!!!
Oh, the humanity.......
Even Andrew, back from his National Guard Basic Training, was decked out in his Shark Minon T and glad to have the Nation back at the Klutch!!!
It was a great day, topped off with Fire meeting Sharkman and Reb on the ride up the Eaton Hill to pull them both back to the Shark Cove!
This IS a great country!!!
You won't want to miss this weeks edition of the KK-TdG, though Sharkman will be absent again, entertaining out of town guests for the weekend! Oh, the humanity......
Saturday, August 7, 2021
 |
| Strong man Skittles at the start! He did some major pulls! |
"Any Jersey You Want because Sharkman Won't Be There Day!!!"
Who knows, even Reb might have a jersey he could wear!!!
Launch Time - 8:30 a.m. - SHARP!
 |
| Even Andrew was rocking the Shark Minion vibe!!! Welcome home, Andrew! |
 |
| Just look at our hero in satorial splender! |
 |
| Sharkman, easily took Bissell Kit Day! |
 |
| The Klutch was rocking! |
 |
| Maid Marian, Queen of Team Bissell! |
 |
| The man of the hour! The winner of the AARP Sprint! And the buyer of koffee! Thanks Styker Guy!!! |
And speaking of Stryker Guy..........
STYKER GUY, THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND!
Belo News
Late Breaking News!
 |
| Our hero, Stryker Guy! Is he truly contemplating a space launch? |
July 31, 2021
Galesburg, Mi. - So, who is this man, this myth, this legend known simply as, Stryker Guy?
What has he been up to of late, you might ask....
Belo News has launched an exhaustive, or should we say, exhausting, investigation into how this humble Shark Minion has come from those humble beginnings in the mighty Shark Minion Nation to become the legend of the peloton that he is today.
It not just about winning AARP Sprints and buying koffee.
(O.K., where else can you find hard hitting, in-depth news like this? Belo News is your source for all your cycling information and this is probably a good time to point out that any similarity to the facts in any story in Belo News is purely coincidental.)
Starting his Shark Minion career while still working as THE Man at Stryker, he has been a regular on the pro Shark Minion Tour for years. Known around the peloton as a solid rider and a perennial sprinter, many are unaware of his true prowess on the bike.
 |
| Stryker Guy, you ROCK!!! |
However, his most recent endevaour takes it to yet, another level!
Shark Minion legend, Stryker Guy decided to try sky diving!!! Yep, you heard that right.
Our hero, Stryker Guy decided to sky dive. Pictured here, in this never before seen photograph, obtained from secret files deep in the resources of Sharkman past life files, this photo proves that Styker Guy IS the man, the myth, the legend!!!
Congratulations to that legend, hizzelf, Stryker Guy! You did the mighty Shark Minion Nation proud!!!
It is now rumored that Styker Guy is contemplating a space launch soon.
Belo News will continue to be there to report any subsequent crazy ideas that this guys gets into!!!
We'd follow him anywhere! Mostly out of morbid curiosity, but we will be there to document it!!!
Great job Stryker Guy!!!
THE BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED IS BACK!
Belo News
August 3, 2021
Zyckmann Estate, Mi. - It's baaaack!
The Bloody 'Ell "Undred is back after a year off for Covid!!!
Actually, this will be the 8th Annual Bloody 'Ell 'Undred! Is this a great country or what!?!
100K of fun, pizza and beer, followed by a dip in Gull Lake and a chance to see Fabio's Muy bueno Estate!
All the information is in this very strange Bloody 'Ell 'Undred Poster, suitable for printing and posting on your living room wall! And yes, that is our own Toesetter, rocking it with whoever that sculputer guy is supposed to be!!! A story on the making of this poster may appear in a future issue of Belo News, but we digress......
Oh, the humanity!
This ride is 40K up to the Waldorf, followed by a 20K return after some beer and pizza!
Don't miss THE social event of the season and anyone who is anyone in cycling will want to be a part of this annual fun fest!
You must RSVP Gazelle Girl by email before August 18!
It is all on the poster, so just look at where ever you hung it on your living room wall and then, RSVP NOW!
Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.
No comments:
Post a Comment