SHARKMAN TAKES BEER JERSEY DAY, BUYS HIS OWN BEER!
KID DOSTER EDGES OUT FALCON, ZYKMON IN EPIC FINISH!
BREWMAN BECOMES AN OFFICIAL "LUCKY ONE" THIS WEEK!
 |
| CONGRATULATIONS BREWMAN! |
OH, THE HUMANITY!
"LUCKY ONES" LUNCH COMING UP!
POSSIBLE 4TH OF JULY RIDE SLATED!
GUEST COLUMNIST REB - SHARK GET'S A WEEK OFF!
Belo News
June 22, 2019
Reporter Reb
(Big thanks to Ace Reporter Reb for writing this weeks Edition!)
Shark Cove, Mi. -As dawn broke over the Shark Cove, Sharkman awoke on the couch and looked over at the empty Maker’s Mark bottle and his glass that still contained ice. "Damn," he thought to himself; “better get out of here before Lava Girl wakes up."
 |
| The Shark chewing on his Bit O Honey! He liked his own jersey so much he named himself the winner and bought his own koffee! |
Grabbing his dirty kit out of the hamper as to avoid waking up his beautiful bride, he scuffed on his shoes and headed out the door to find Yeti Boy circling in the cul de sac. The Breadman was as enthusiastic as ever and expressed that this might be the best weather of the year.
All the Shark could think was "I’m really hurting so why don’t you shut up and do another hundred burpees?” as the duo rode towards Galesburg.
A mile into their journey, they noticed a pair of bike lights that could only be Reb and Fire. Happy to know that the funny and attractive Fire; the obvious heir to Gazelle Girls throne, would be joining the group on the ride over.
On the contrary, he could only wonder if just once, she would leave her dim-witted ogre of a neighbor at home, just once. However, he was hopeful that if he and Fire could set a fast-enough pace, Yeti would hang back and talk golf or bread with the fat kid.
"Didn’t really matter" he thought, "as long as I don’t have to listen him."
Forty minutes later the foursome was rolling by the Klutch, but no one was waving. "Eh, probably can’t see us because of the angle of the sun," thought the Shark.
As the moment of launch grew closer, the silhouette of Gazelle Girl could be seen in the distance
 |
| Yeti Boy and his full Sail Brewing Kit! |
(Editors Note - Man, this guy was smoking something as we all know, Sharkman only has eyes for his beloved Lava Girl who sometimes reads the blog and Gazelle Girl ain't giving up the GGG Spot for anyone.....!)
Back to reality (Editors Note - Yes please, back to reality!), shark and the rest of the peloton rode through town with minimal response from both the patrons of the Klutch and the residents of Galesburg. Sharky wonder if they were indeed, over his group of veloheads.
Despite his best efforts to avoid taking the first sprint by hanging at the back, Shark realized that this devoted and loyal peloton would undoubtably go in reverse in order to avoid winning the first sprint. So with his dirty kit starting to smell like the Kentucky bourbon from the night before, Sharky followed his lead-out train to take victory. "Damn, my head is starting to hurt..." was all that was going through his mind. (Editors Note - Special thanks to Ranger Rick for the early lead out followed by LK, who took it up a notch and got Sharkman his sprint at 24.6 mph! Also a thanks to Ranger Rick for the Bit O Honey pre ride! It fired the Old Shark up for the first sprint!)
The middle of the ride was pretty uneventful, except when the ageless wonder, Zyckmann took a sprint on a wooden bicycle. Shark felt sadness for the lovely people at Team Active who try to convince all the Zyckmann wannabes that a 13-pound carbon-framed steed will allow them to win sprints when obviously it’s the Native American, not the arrow. As the almighty Zyck was waving to this Gull Lake fans, Shark reflected on Zyckmann’s request to change his minion name to Fabio to reflect his masculinity and his prowess with the ladies. Shark thought to himself that “DIGJAM” might be a better option. (DamnI’mGoodJustAskMe)
(Editors Note - It should be pointed out that Sharkman was leading into the Rt. 43 sprint when new Minion Hermster went by like a speeding bullet when Ziyckmanne and the nation responded. But alas, Hermster couldn't hold it and bowed to Zyickmonne in the end!)
 |
| Brewman and his Schalafly Brewing Kit! |
(Editors Note - Gazelle Girl was able to review an early addition to this write up and took exception over the fact that there is no mention of her trouncing of Falcon after being led out by LK on her GGG Spot Sprint. She was given an opportunity to submit a rebuttal but as of press time, nothing was received. Suffice it to say, she CRUSHED all comers and retained her title of GGG Spot Sprint Queen.)
As they approached the final sprint, the peloton was bunched up behind Wildman. (Editors Note - it should be noted that Wildman threw himself on his sword for the good of the Nation by stretching out the peloton (thanks Wildman, you rock!) and that Sharkman rode him like a rented mule.)
Besides dumbass Reb, Wildman is definitely the best windscreen to draft behind. Shark, just off Wildman’s wheel, waited as long as he could before sprinting around his bandmate with the hope of finishing on the podium and enjoying the ride through the streets of Galesburg and hearing the screams of hundreds.
With everything lining up perfectly, Shark realizing that his podium finish was on the tip of his dorsal, but mother-bleeping Reb gets him by a third of a wheel.
What a “dick-move” was all he could think, but offered instead a heart-felt congrats because that’s the type of person Sharkman is (Editors Note - Thank you Reb....). To make matter worse, Reb announces that he’s staying for coffee leaving Shark thinking; “great, one more person who ain’t buying coffee and worse yet, he’ll probably talk.”
True to form, Reb claims that his $5 bill fell out of his kit (like $5 was going to cover the tab) and some nice minion stepped up buying his coffee. But all ended well with great conversation and Zyckmann offering to share his piece of pie with everyone. Is this a great country of what!
26 riders, and the Nation finally shattered the 19 mph season average speed with a 19.17 mph average! Oh, the humanity!
You won't want to miss this weeks edition of the KK-TdG!
Saturday, June 29, 2019
Tony the Tiger/Kellogg Jersey Kit Day!
That's right, blow the dust of the Kellogg Kit and ride!
Launch Time - 8:00 a.m. - SHARP!
BE THERE!
 |
| Thanks Ranger Rick!!! |
 |
| Zykcmonn and his Left Hand Brewing Kit! |
 |
| Virgin Minion, Stryker Girl! Welcome to the Nation! |
 |
| LK was back and leading the pack! |
 |
| The Klutch was rocking! |
 |
| Gazelle Girl making her "Grand Entrance!" |
 |
| Brewman can now grow that beard whenever he wants!!! Oh, to be a Lucky One! Welcome to the club Brewman! |
Belo News
June 23, 2019
Kalamazoo, Mi. - That legend, that Cal Ripkin/Lou Gerhig of the mighty Shark Minion Nation, Brewman will be retiring this Friday, which will be his last day of work. If rumors are correct, his actual last day of "work" was years ago. He just won't have to show up at the office after Friday!
Seriously, congratulations to one of the class guys of the mighty Shark Minion nation!
Help us celebrate this occassion at the Lucky One's Lunch Ride on July 9! (see next story)
Congratulations and best wishes on a long and bike filled retirement Brewman!
"LUCKY ONES" LUNCH COMING UP!
Belo News
June 24, 2019
Zyckmann Estate, Mi. - Since Brewman is joining the ranks of the "Lucky Ones" it is appropriate to have the first Lucky One's Lunch Ride of the season to the Walldorff! We will be celebrating Brewman's retirement on this ride and welcoming him into the fold, though he has done the ride before, he has never done it as a true Lucky One!
Is this a great country or what?!? Oh, yes it is Bunkie!
Join us for this great ride up to the Walldorff and help us celebrate with the Brewman!
All are welcome, retired or not!
POSSIBLE 4TH OF JULY RIDE SLATED!
Belo News
July 4, 2019
Shark Cove, Mi. - Several Minions have asked about a 4th of July Special Edition on the south route so watch for more information next week, but right now, the Shark is planning on it!
Is this a great country or what?!?
SPEAKING OF LUCKY ONES.......!
Belo News
June 23, 2019
News Room, Mi. - Absent Minion, OKC.....(Other Kevin Camp) sent in the attached that he received after demoing a bike.
Apparently OKC had done a test ride of a Yeti mountain bike with Mike's Team Active out at the Fort. He got the attached text for riding the Yeti and thought of the retired Minions who go by the same name.
Copy right infringement? Wait, maybe the Nation is the infringer.....
Thanks for sharing OKC and get back on the road bike and ride with the Nation!
Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.
No comments:
Post a Comment