GAZELLE GIRL'S BROOMSTICK TAKES FLIGHT!

TWO CRASHES IN THE PELOTON!

The Mig

IRONMAN GOES DOWN ON THE CHAMPS LE GALESBURG?!?

MSU LOSES BY A "SQUEAK!" OH, THE HUMANITY!

HELP US WELCOME LOCH NESS TO THE NATION!

LAST ROAD RIDE OF THE SEASON! MAYBE?

SHARK MINION JERSEY DAY THIS SATURDAY

Belo News

September 30, 2017

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Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke bright and damn cold again, over the Shark Cove, we find our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, back in the Shark basement looking for his arm warmers! Though our hero has enjoyed this warm fall, that "warm" for whatever reason has rarely been on a Saturday morning!

When the old Shark got his sorry dorsal out of bed, the Shark Thermometer read 44 degrees, but as he headed for the door, it was down to 42 degrees! Burrrrrrr!

Be that as it may, the old Shark put on his Wisconsin kit as it was another College Game Day, then covered it with a rain jacket for warmth. 

As the garage door worked it's way up, the Sharkman was looking for that lost rider, that former "legend of attendance," but again, no Mad Dog! 

Come back Mad Dog!?! All is forgiven!

Brewman in his MSU kit!

Yeti Boy came rolling in and as the two rode out on Watkins, they found Reb for the ride over.

As they approached the start, the crowd looked thin again after a crowd of 20 the previous week. That began a discussion on the temperature.......

Brewman was there in his MSU kit, and then Squeaky came rolling in sans sweat pants, which was unusual, however, he had enough on the top half of his body for a polar expedition. Squeaky immediately asked if it was "College Game Day?"

He usually wears an MSU jersey on College Game Day and then heard from Brewman that he had blown it for the Green and White! Read the blog, Minions!!! MSU lost by a "Squeak!"

Gazelle Girl rolled in to a shout of "Gazelle Girl" with this weeks "other guy," being none other than the legendary rider, Zyckmann! Zyckmann was decked out in his UCLA kit.

He read the blog! He read the blog!

It was like "kissing your sister" as Wisconsin, UCLA and MSU all tied on College Game Day!

OKC, Gecko and Wildman were also there for the start photo, but Hossman, arriving right at 8:30 a.m. - SHARP!, missed the photo! 

As the train pulled out of the station, they had no idea of what lie ahead! Oh, the humanity!

As the Nation passed the Klutch and waved, Ironman jumped on to the ride, as Reb headed back to the Creek for kids soccer.

Brewman led our hero out to his honorary sprint, which he took from Ironman who was trying to be funny. Sharkman, not wanting to dishonor the win, picked it up to 22.5 mph to pull away from Ironman.

As the Nation headed north, they were commenting on the number of walnuts on the road. Sharkman shared that each of the past two week, he had skidded on a walnut. Though round, they seemed to cause the thin road tires to skid. Little did they know just how dangerous these little fall bobbles would be!

Squeaky was only half dressed!
and he forgot his MSU kit!
Oh, the humanity!

The riders stuck together as they traversed the col de Twin Lakes, the first Rt. 89 crossing and into the Kountry Klub section.

This normally quick section was no exception this fine, cool morning, as Ironman and Wildman were feeling no pain and split from the bunch. Sharkman hung on as long as he could but around the Kountry Klub lost contact. OKC came foward to try to track down the break away, but he too, could not latch on. Sharkman finally gave up and got swallowed up the the peloton as they worked to pull Ironman, Wildman and OKC back to the Nation.

At the top of the Col de Norte, the group came together quickly and Sharkman gave the go ahead, then latched on to Zyckmann and Yeti Boy, hoping to get some investment tips from the two riches guys in the peloton. As they fell back off the pace, Sharkman wondered what they were doing when he learned they were stopping at the Zyckmann Estate to pick up $20 that Zyckmann owed to Yeti Boy. What the......

Sharkman frantically tried to catch on to the Nation as they headed into the Holy Rollers. Sharkman was again "standed" in no man's land as he worked to latch back on!

Sharkman had already blown his load on the effort to track down Ironman and Wildman in the Kountry Klub section! Oh, the humanity.

Gecko, pre crash!
Oh, the humanity!

By the time Sharkman reached the peloton at the the Feed Zone, he was breathing like a race horse in the final stretch at the Preakness!

As the Nation headed into the Inlet sprint, Zyckmann and Yeti Boy, who had taken the cut off, were back on the train into the Digital Divide. Luckily for them, Gazelle Girl shared a story at the Feed Zone that allowed Sharkman to catch his breath and Zyckmann and Yeti Boy to latch back on.

After the Divide, a nice pace line started up in the Tunnel of Trees that got Gazelle Girl to her coveted GGG Spot Sprint. All was well in the kingdom!

Hossman came forward in the final stretch to take up the speed and to string out the peloton. Sharkman loves when he does this!

Then, it happened............Gazelle Girl shares her account of the infamous crash here:

Gazelle Girl arrives with "other guy" for
the start!

GAZELLE GIRL'S BROOMSTICK TAKES FLIGHT!

Gazelle Girls "Broomstick."

There's an old adage in motorcyclists' circles that goes "There are two kinds of motorcycle riders, those that have been down and those that are going down." As a motorcycle rider herself, Gazelle Girl has always hated hearing that phrase. And she knows that the adage can very well apply to bicyclists who ride in a peloton. Well, after a quarter century of pack riding, Gazelle Girl finally went down. Well, actually, she went UP.

A pack of a dozen riders were thundering down 37th St, a mere minute away from the final sprint. Powerhouse Hossman was in the front setting a blistering pace with Sharkman second, Gazelle Girl third and the remaining nine riders all in a single file line behind.

Gazelle Girls saddle after
bouncing a few times
on the road!

The entire trip down 37th St, Gazelle Girl - a bit of a safety "nut" - had been pointing out the clumps of walnuts gathered at the side of the road. She then saw one lone benign fruit of fall* in the line of the cyclists' path. She didn't give it much thought. If you touch it, it will roll out of the way. It's round. Wheels are round. She didn't aim for it, but she didn't swerve from it either. And maybe it rolled a bit after having four whizzing wheels fly by it. Whatever happened, suffice it to say that Gazelle Girl was ASTONISHED when her forward motion suddenly simply STOPPED. Stopped. Right there in the road. Next up was the feeling of FLYING and then the right front part of her head hitting the deck. After that, Gazelle Girl found herself sitting upright on the side of the road, knees bent as if perched at the feet of a compelling story teller. (Feel free to assume that position now.)

 Our downed rider was with it enough to turn and look back to see how everyone else had fared, making her move just in time to see Gecko hitting the ground. He was in the unfortunate position of being at the end of the train and locked wheels with the rider in front of him as the pack slowed. (Who was that other rider? I don't recall!)

Skittles tape job came out
without a scratch!

As luck would have it. Dr. Zychmann was in the mix that day and was next to Gazelle Girl's side in no time. Always a comfort, Zychmann's first words were, "Don't move. You don't HAVE to move." And she didn't. Because she wasn't IN the road. She'd landed off the pavement. Surely this is why, today, Gazelle Girl has a few bruises here and there - and that's it. What could have been a very hard hit was softened by Mother Nature. (Wait. She was also the b---- who put the devious devil nut* in front of our Sweetheart of the Peloton. WTF, Mom?)

GG's bike didn't fare as well as she did. It landed IN the road, on the rear wheel and saddle, and slid. Flat tire, flat spot on the rim, seat pack strap ripped in two and a somewhat shredded saddle. At last check Gecko bent a chain ring and lost some spokes. He had a hip and hand injury, but was readying for a run when Gazelle Girl checked in on Sunday.

Shout out to Squeaky for volunteering to ride up to Gazelle Girl's house - just around the corner - to fetch Toesetter and his van. As he took off for the Triple Nasty Rancho, Gazelle Girl was heard to say, "How does Squeaky know where I live?" To which Nike boy suggested the new moniker of "Stalky." Speaking for herself, and hopefully for Gecko, too, Gazelle Girl REALLY appreciated the jokes being cracked by our fellow cyclists. Laughing is always a great stress reliever. Kudos to all who were present for their skills on the bikes in a time of unexpected action, as well as their concern, care and humor!

Needless to say, Gazelle Girl
was not happy with
the walnut!

In the wee hours of Sunday morning, Gazelle Girl had a dream. She was driving down a busy four-lane city street when she saw a soda can in the road. She didn't give it much thought. If you touch it, it will roll out of the way. It's round. Wheels are round. She didn't aim for it, but she didn't swerve from it either. Well, of course, she nailed it, flipping it into the air, blowing the tab open. She looked in her rear view mirror to see caramel colored foam spray itself ALL over the windshield of the car behind her. Temporarily blinded, the car's driver slammed into a telephone pole. Gazelle Girl pulled over to see a nearly seven foot tall elderly man emerge from his crashed car dressed in full Scottish Highland wear - kilt and all. Gazelle Girl hugged the man and woke up. Later in the day, Gazelle Girl recalled the dream to Gecko and asked, "You're not Scottish, are you?" Gecko's answer: "Yes. In fact, my sister plays the bagpipes." Witch? You decide.

*Nod to Zychmann for these nut monikers

P.S. ALWAYS wear your helmet!

Thanks Gazelle Girl and we are just glad it wasn't worse!

Sharkman remembered hearing a shot of "look out" or words to that effect and as he turned to look saw a red jacket that was airborne towards the ditch on the side of the road. Then that sick sound of bikes crashing and bouncing down the road. Oh, the humanity!

As Gazelle Girl and Gecko got sagged in by Toe Setter, the peloton went on the the finish and the Nation gave the final sprint to Sharkman.

Toe Setter to the rescue!

As the Nation rounded the turn on to the Champs le Galesburg, Sharkman was talking to Ironman as they both looked left to see if there was any traffic before turning on to the storied avenue. Sharkman looked back just in time to see Ironman drift to the right as he looked left and hit the curb and slowly fall over on to the grass knoll. It actually sort of looked like the guy on the tricycle falling over on "Laugh in."  Ironman stuck the landing, but was giving only a 7.5 on the actual fall. He jumped up as if to say, "I meant to the that" in Pee Wee Herman fashion, and then began to mention to Sharkman that his gymnastic tumble should not be reported in Belo News. Yea, right......! Freedom of the Press is important at Belo News and we can't hide the facts!

As the riders arrived at the Klutch, it was only a few minutes before Gazelle Girl and Toe Setter showed up, proving once again, just how tough our "Sweetheart of the Peloton" is!

Sharkman was given a Shark Minion Birthday Card from the Nation as he turns 68 this week! Oh, the humanity!

The Nation, glad no one was hurt bad!

All were happy that, what has come to be known as the "walnut incident" did not cause more serious injury! Gazelle Girl stated she was seriously considering going out to sweep the course this Friday to insure a safe ride!

Last road ride of the season this Saturday unless this weather continues! So stay tuned for Belo News next week to make the determination!

The cover of Sharkman's Birthday Card.
Where are you Mad Dog?

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Shark Minion Jersey Day!

Launch Time - 8:30 a.m. - SHARP!

Be there!











HELP US WELCOME LOCH NESS TO THE NATION!


Belo News
October 4, 2017

Loch Ness!
Is this kid cute or what?!?

Shark Cove, Mi. - Late breaking news just in! Well, not so late breaking but, Belo News is just getting the official information at press time.

Many have wondered where Sasquatch has been of late, but some of the Nation was aware that he and Mrs. Sasquatch were expecting their first baby!

Belo News if VERY pleased to report  that the new baby has arrived!

Silas Stroup won his first sprint and was born on September 26! This little cyclist weighed in at 9 pounds, 9 ounces!

And he is a keeper!

Gazelle Girl has already named him "Loch Ness!"

Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation, Loch Ness! Can't wait until you're ready to ride with the peloton!

Sasquatch, the proud Papa!

And congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Sasquatch!

When reached at press time, Sasquatch was quoted as saying, "Hope he will take after his Dad and enjoy cycling as much as I do!"

So does the Nation, Sasquatch!

Congratulations to the Sasquatch Clan!

SHARK MINION NIGHT AT GAZELLE SPORTS

BIG HIT!

Belo News

September 28, 2017

Kalamazoo, Mi. - It was a great night at Gazelle Sports, as the mighty Shark Minion Nation poured in to take advantage of their 15% discount, beer and snacks!

Big thanks to Nikeboy and Gazelle Girl to help set up and coordinate this special evening!

It was reported that Srtyker Guy, Great Dane, Wildman, Sharkman & Lava Girl, Mr. & Mrs. Yeti Boy, all made major contributions to Gazelle when shoes, clothes and even a Garmin were purchased by the the discount happy Minion Nation!

After working the store over pretty good, the Nation headed down to the City Tap for beer and pizza and other assorted treats.

Thanks Gazelle Sports for a very special evening for the Nation! You guys ROCK!

Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.