RIDE CANCELLED BUT PARTY GOES ON!

LOCH NESS MAKES HIS DEBUT!!!

The mighty Shark Minion Nation ready to party!

ZYCKMANN THE LEGEND, MAKES THE PARTY AFTER ROCKING ICEMAN!

REB BUYS!?!

WHAT A GREAT YEAR!

Belo News
November 4, 2017

Augusta, Mi. - After years of fantastic weather, Mother Nature seemed to catch up with the Nation the past 4 weeks. Since the mighty Shark Minion Nation has been riding out of the Koffee Klutch (2004), there have been very few rain outs.

The motto, "we will ride in the rain, but not start in the rain" has held up pretty well and though there have been some rainy starts, there have not been many rain outs until this very wet end to the season!

The proud Momma and Poppa
with Loch Ness! Who slept
through the entire thing....

As the Nation knows, two road rides were rained out, and this past Saturday, the "ride" part of the 3rd Annual In Lieu of Iceman Ride/Party was a complete washout. It didn't just rain, it poured!

But that didn't stop the Nation from a good party!

Though few in numbers, the Nation that showed rocked Players in Augusta!

Gazelle Girl and Toesetter arrived first, followed by Sharkman and Lava Girl and the four acted as the reception committee as the Nation filed in.

First came the Hossman contingent with Mrs. Hossman and son, Tanner as part of his Hossman's entourage!

Everyone wanted to know why Tanner wasn't riding with the Nation but it was apparent he was much to tall to be riding on any of Hossman's hand me down bikes! It also looked like he might just be in better shape that Hossman and the old Hoss might be afraid to unleash him on the Nation?

Then, the celebrity Minion for the day arrived with his Mom and Dad (Sasquatch) in his grand debut to the Nation!

Yes, Loch Ness (aka Silas Stroup) arrived in all his glory. Though he only woke up for a moment or two to down some milk, the little guy seemed to be the life of the party none the less! Displaying the calm demeanor shared by his Dad, this kid rocked it for the entire Players bar!

Then, in a surprise appearance, Zyckmann walked in after rocking Iceman earlier in the day!

Wait, what?

Tanner enjoying his Dad buying he beer!

Yes, as an added bonus, and after a challenge from Gazelle Girl to show, Zyckmann walked in to a round of applause!

Zyckmann, who had driven up to Iceman earlier, rode the race, turning in an excellent time, and then drove back in time to take part in the party!

Is this guy a legend or what?!?

Yes, Zyckmann had accepted Gazelle Girls' challenge and done it all in one day!

That is why this man is a legend in the Shark Minion Nation!

Zyckmann arrives to his adoring fans!

Reb was also in attendance and was so moved by Loch Ness, Zyckmann's feats of daring, and of course, wanting to get his name in Belo News, he not only bought Zyckmann's beer, but Sharkman and Lava Girls dinner!

Oh, the humanity!

This is a great country!

The party continued into the wee hours of 6:30 p.m. though Zyckmann had to get home a bit earlier to shower and to convince Mrs. Zyckmann that he had come straight home from the Iceman!

It was a great ending to another fantastic year in the Nation!

On to 2018!

Reb sitting in awe of two cycling legends.

2018 will be the 30th Anniversary of our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, leading a Saturday Morning Ride.  Starting out as the "Tour de Bill," with Bullet Bob and Karl the Kannibal and then turning into the "Koffee Klutch Tour de Gull," this madness has been going on for 29 years and who the hell knows what will happen in the 30th year!

So stay tuned for occasional, unofficial mountain bike rides and/or skiing this winter and for the kick off for the 2018 30th Anniversary Season!

Toesetter taking it all in stride!

Have a great winter and thanks to the Nation for all the fun!

Loch Ness knocking off a nap!

THE NATION ROCKS FORT CUSTER!

Morning Koffee before the Nation attacks the Fort!

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL FALL MORNING!

IN LIEU OF ICEMAN RIDE/PARTY THIS SATURDAY!

SPECIAL CELEBRITY ATTENDING!

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!?

Belo News
October 28, 2017

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke cool over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, had a hard time getting his dorsal out of his shark bed. YMCA and Monster Mash were echoing in his shark brain, thinking about his stint on the ukulele at Bowman's the previous evening.....well, that and the number of PBR's he had while belting out songs along with Wildman and the Great Dane, that is.

But he quickly realized it was not a normal Saturday morning! No, it was the morning the Nation moved from their beloved field of dreams affectionately known as the Koffee Klutch Tour de Gull, to mountain bikes and the Fort!

But wait, he thought.....there was a chance of rain, right?

Wrong! Radar clear, dry streets, GAME ON!

At the stroke of 7:23 a.m. - SHARP!, Yeti Boy pulled into the Shark Cove in his old faithful Chevy Truck and after loading up the Sharkman's 9er, they were off to the Klutch for koffee!

As Yeti Boy pumped up his tires, Sharkman went into the Klutch and ordered up two bottomless and talked with Mary and the Early Morning Group about how far they would be riding, how much longer the Nation would be riding, and other assorted cycling questions they had of their hero.

Yeti joined in and shortly after, Gazelle Girl, then Zyckmann were at the table, koffee in hand, discussing if they had dressed warmly enough. The temps were about 38 degrees, but wind was light and NO RAIN!

Zyckmann was looking quite dapper in his G.I. Joe helmet and ear muffs, while Yeti Boy's shivering determined that he had not worn enough clothes!

At 8:31 a.m. - SHARP! the four riders, fueled up bottomless koffee and raring to go, set out for the Fort commenting on how unfortunate the two week of rain had been in delaying this fun ride.

The Fort was remarkably dry, considering the amount of rain that had fallen recently, and at 9:01 a.m. - SHARP!, the Nation arrived at the Trail Head and were met by Stingray who was wondering if anyone would show. He was the only Minion at the Trail Head and though Sharkman was happy to see him, he was disappointed there weren't more riders. However, it had been a strange end of the season with all the rain and the threat of rain on this day may have held the crowd down.

It was a reverse trail day and Sharkman had never done any of the trails in reverse before and was a bit concerned. Stingray had done the routes in reverse so Sharkman designated him as the leader and quickly volunteered to take up the rear to protect the Nation (or so he says.....).

The group decided to do the Red Trail and it was interesting to say the least.

Going backwards on the trails offered periods were Sharkman wasn't sure where he was! It also made for being in the wrong gear when coming around a bend to find a steep climb, or when the roots made choosing a line very difficult.

However, the Nation went through the Red and the front end of the Green (this section in reverse was determined by the group to be quite fun!) without mishap. For Sharkman, the jury is out on whether he likes the new alternate route riding......

The Nation parted ways with Stingray at the Trail Head and headed back through the Yellow, then the Blue trails to the farm road in the western part of the Fort and on to the Klutch.

Sharkman got a bit nostalgic as they four Minions rode down the Champs le Galesburg for the last time this season. The paparazzi and tofosi stood cheering their hero's on with tears in their eyes as the season comes to a close.

But what a season it was!

As the Nation approached the Klutch, the sky began to spit some rain, but nothing major as Zyckmann headed back into the Klutch to see if he could "milk" more koffee out of his Bottomless Kup purchase earlier in the morning and Yeti and Sharkman loaded up there bikes for the drive home.

It was a great ride and the old Shark was only sorry that it had been so long since he had been on  his mountain bike.

But it isn't over yet, Bunkie!


IN LIEU OF ICEMAN RIDE/PARTY THIS SATURDAY!

SPECIAL CELEBRITY GUEST!

Belo News

Loch Ness! Is this kid cute
or what?!? Love that
jersey!

November 1, 2017

Augusta, Mi. - This is it, mighty Shark Minion Nation! The last "official" ride of the year. And even if you don't mountain bike, you can take part in the festivities!

It is time for the Annual "In Lieu of Iceman" Ride/Party at Fort Custer and then over to Players in Augusta for beer and dinner with significant others.

This will the the 3rd Annual ride/party that was started after the "MudMan" year at Iceman, when most, but not all, of the riders decided to not ride the Iceman event anymore.

So, if you are not riding Iceman, and even if you are not a mountain bike rider, but like Players in Augusta and seeing the Nation, this event is for you and your significant other!

Saturday, November 4, 2017

2:00 p.m. - SHARP! Be at the Fort Custer Trail Head to ride the trails in reverse!

4:00 p.m. - Not so SHARP! The riders, those who didn't ride the Fort and significant others meet at Players in Augusta (just west of Fort Custer) for dinner and drinks!

This year we have a Celebrity Guest!

Sasquatch and Mrs. Sasquatch will be in attendance and will be introducing Loch Ness to the Nation!

Oh, the humanity!!!

That's right, the newest and maybe smallest, Shark Minion, Loch Ness, will be in attendance for all to see and Belo News wants all to be warned, ........be ready for excessive cuteness!

NO, not Sharkman, Loch Ness!

He is already sporting a Shark Jersey, along with a bike bed blanket in the photo!

Is this a great country or what?!?

So come on out and enjoy a ride, dinner and Loch Ness as the Nation officially closes down the 2017 season!

And if you can't make it, thanks to everyone for another phenomenal year of cycling!

POST NOTE:

Readers may have noticed the term "official" being interspersed into Belo News. The Editors use the word "Official" because there may, and probably will have informal, last minute mountain bikes rides this winter after Deer Season. Depending on snow, there may also be a ski outing at some point.

So stay tuned!

THE NATION RIDES!

What a fantastic day for the seasons last road ride!

WILDMAN TAKES THE TAPE!

CYCLOCROSS, PERSONA NON GRATA?!?!

GECKO, GREYHOUND ON DL LIST!?!

OH, THE HUMANITY!

FORT CUSTER THIS WEEKEND!

IN LIEU OF ICEMAN PARTY NOVEMBER 4, 2017!

Belo News

October 23, 2017

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke bright, and somewhat warm, over the Shark Cove this past Saturday, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, could hardly contain himself!

The Nation ready to ride! Not sure what Reb is doing, but ready to ride!
And  yes, that is Mad Dog on the right, between Wildman and Squeaky!

For the first time in Shark Minion recorded history, the Nation had been rained out the past two Saturday's and time in the season was running out. But here was one last opportunity to not only ride the road that the Shark loves so much, but ride it in fantastic weather!

As he donned his Shark Minion Jersey and got his steed ready, he thought about the fantastic season that was coming to an end and his deep appreciation for having such great Minions in his life!

Also, the long lost Mad Dog was supposed to return! Is this a great country or what!?!

CycoCross had returned for his first and last
ride of the season along with his
portable bike shop!

In fact, Sharkman was so excited that he jumped the gun a bit and headed out from the Cove a minute or two before 7:30 a.m. - SHARP!

Sharkman caught his wingman, Yeti Boy, riding into the Cove neighborhood and the two wondered if they should wait a minute for Mad Dog. Mad Dog usually rides for an hour or so before latching on to the group so they went ahead.  It was only a matter of a few minutes before the wayward Mad Dog rode up behind them and the old Shark was all smiles to see his long lost Saturday morning companion back in the peloton!

Shortly, Reb joined on as they enjoyed one of the most beautiful sunrises that they'd ever been blessed with on a Saturday morning! Actually, the sunrise was so beautiful that Sharkman made the riders stop at Renton Road so he could get a photo. He only wished he had shot it sooner as it was such a deep, beautiful red earlier!

Gazelle Girl sporting her new
lid!

The ride over was filled with stories of where the hell Mad Dog had been all summer. To make a long story short, it had a lot to do with buying a new motorcycle and the Nation can all ask Mad Dog next season when they see him. 

Sharkman was unsure of how big a turn out the Nation would have as it was late in the season. However, he did have hopes that the fantastic weather might bring out a big crowd for the last road ride of the season. But it was not to be.

Twelve Minions in total made the start, in addition to Mad Dog, Yeti Boy, Reb and Sharkman, Gazelle Girl (sporting a new helmet after she stuck her landing in her crash by finishing on her head), Cycocross making his first and last season appearance, Rocket Man, Squeaky, who had done a "Walnut Reconnaissance" ride the previous evening and sent a full report to the Commissioner, Wildman, and Wishbone. Coming in just under the start wire and late for the photo, was Bull Dog.

The Nation headed out two abreast and at the Klutch, PJ jumped on making it twelve Minions. However, just as the Nation headed north, Mad Dog broke off for home to do a motorcycle ride later in the day. Yes, you'll have to ask him about that........

There were no takers on the A Group Ride and CycoCross and Rocket Man led our intrepid hero out to the first sprint, making him work way too hard and taking the tape at around 23 mph.

The Nation headed north, up the col de Twin Lakes and on to the Rt. 89 crossing where they decided to run the light, causing Gazelle Girl to give the Nation a stern talking to about road safety. And she was right! No more running lights!

Squeaky was "Stylin" and over dressed,
yet again! Thanks for your
"Walnut Reconnaissance!"

As usual, the pace picked up through the col de No Name, Yorkville Church, Kellogg Korner, the Kountry Klub and on to the Rt. 43 Stop Ahead Sprint. The Nation seemed to be working as a unit as they buzzed through this section enjoying the beautiful fall morning in their short sleeves!

The nation continued up the col de Norte and on to the Holy Rollers, with a stop at the Feed Zone now known as the Dandelion Cafe.

As the Nation headed up the hill to the Inlet Sprint, Sharkman was next to Squeaky when Squeaky's shoe came out of his cleat. When it came out the second time, Sharkman noticed that it looked like Squeaky was missing the knobs on the ends of his Look compatible cleats! Sharkman told him he needed new cleats and though he tried to argue they were OK, Sharkman will be checking them the first day of the season next year! Worn cleats cause crashes! No excuses, when cleats get old, REPLACE!

Sharkman pulled a surprise at the Inlet sprint as he grabbed a couple of wheels to get to the front and go by Wildman and Gazelle Girl who were doing a major pull in that section.

The Nation gathered up at the Digital Divide and then formed up an informal double pace line in the section Sharkman is now calling the "Tunnel of Trees."

The speed picked up and Gazelle Girl began to get in position to take her coveted GGG Spot Sprint.

Gazelle Girl was being pulled by Wildman and CycoCross at the front when she made her move a bit early, at the curve heading into the final sprint.

After opening up a fairly nice gap, for some reason, CycoCross began to counter her move to the shock of the Nation. Everyone's first thought they he wanted to try to get closer to observe the "Victory for America" and hear the cheer that would go up.

But then it happened! To everyone's surprise, CycoCross went by Gazelle Girl and stole the sprint to the booing of the Nation as he crossed the finish just ahead of the "Sweetheart of the Peloton!" 

Oh, the humanity!  

A collective hush came over the Nation as everyone thought, "what just happened!?!"

Yep, Sharkman was there!

CycoCross tried to brush it away, and usually this would result in being declared "Perona Non Grata" by the Commissioner of Cycling. However, since it was his first and last ride of the year, Belo News thought it was better to acknowledge his shame in denying the GGG Spot Sprint from the "Sweetheart of the Peloton!" 

Though CycoCross did ask the Sharkman if there were any other sprints he had to give away on the day, he was apologetic and has since sent an apology to Gazelle Girl stating it was that "chase instinct."

Gazelle Girl forgave the wayward cyclist and that was good enough for the Nation!

On to the finish!

CycoCross went out to the front and after a short pull, Reb took over for some time. Sharkman was next in the chute and took over to try to string out the pace line. To his surprise, he was able to take the speed up to around 23 mph as he approached the final ascent to the finish.

It was great to see
Hoosier Boy!

As he began to climb the hill in the lead, the Nation began to pass him up as he faded.

CycoCross had come back to lead out the Nation as the fast moving train moved to the finishing tape.

Wildman took the lead and the tape with Rocket Man second and CycoCross in third place.

After an Amtrak Train slowed the Nation from getting to the Champs le Galesburg, the crowds went wild for their hero's knowing this would be the final ride down the Champs le Galesburg for the 2017 season. Oh, the humanity!

Bull Dog pulled ahead and bought Koffee for everyone at the Klutch and all were very pleased to see Hoosier Boy waiting for them as they entered the Kafe. 

Also joining the Nation at the Klutch was Greyhound, who earlier in the week had been involved in a crash on his mountain bike resulting in a broken collar bone! Oh, the humanity.

Greyhound after shoulder surgery!

It was also learned that Gecko, who had been involved in what has become known as "the Walnut Crash," had broken his hand when he went down behind Gazelle Girl. Diagnosed with a "Boxer Break" in his hand, he had to also have surgery!  It has been a rough year for the Minions!

Everyone got together for a photo that was photobombed by one of the Early Morning Koffee Group!

The group stayed late at the Kluch, attempting to grasp every moment of a fantastic end to the road season.  Sharkman and Yeti Boy enjoyed the ride home in the fantastic fall sunshine, thinking about how great a season it has been.

But the season isn't quite over yet!

Weather permitting (and it isn't looking good at press time) the Nation moved to Fort Custer this weekend! See next story and for those of you who don't ride mountain bike, hope to see you at the In Lieu of Iceman Party at Players on Saturday, 

November 4, 2017 at 4 p.m.!

It was a fantastic season! Thanks to Andrew and the Koffee Klutch Team!
And thanks for the photobomb from the Early Morning Koffee Group!
And thanks for the koffee, Bull Dog!

THE NATION MOVES TO FORT CUSTER!

Belo News

October 25, 2017

Augusta, Mi. - The mighty Shark Minion Nation moves to Fort Custer this weekend! Normally, this would have taken place already to get ready for Iceman. But the two rain outs also put a crimp on the annual Barry-Roubaix ride and therefore, the Nation is going straight to the Fort for some fun!

For those new to the Nation, some Minions will meet at the Klutch at around 7:45-8:00 a.m. for an early kup of bottomless, then at 8:30 a.m. head over on bikes to the Fort Custer Trail Head where other riders will meet them at 9:00 a.m. for a trail ride. It will be determined at the Trail Head what route to take and if there will be an A and B group. 

So, two launch times......8:30 a.m. from the Klutch and 9:00 a.m. (or whenever the Klutch group gets to the Trail Head) from the Trail Head!

SHARP!

Be there!

IN LIEU OF ICEMAN PARTY NOVEMBER 4, 2017

Belo News

October 25, 2017

Augusta, Mi. - Man, this really snuck up on the Nation this year!

The Annual In Lieu of Iceman Party (for all those riders who do not compete at Iceman anymore or never did) will be Saturday, November 4, 2017.

Those that are mountain bikers will meet at the Fort Custer Trail Head at 2 p.m. for a group ride, followed by a brief cool down with BYO adult beverages.

The Nation will then head over to Players in Augusta where significant others and road riders can join the group for dinner and more adult beverages to celebrate the end of a truly fantastic year of cycling!

So even if you don't mountain bike, you and your significant other should join the Nation at Players at 4 p.m. on Saturday, November 4, 2017!

Be there!

HOLD HARMLESS

Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.

RIDE CANCELLED!

SHARK MINION FIRST! 

TWO RAIN OUTS IN A ROW!

OH, THE HUMANITY!

Belo News
October 14, 2017

Shark Cove, Mi. - Can't believe it, but for the second week in a row, the KK-TdG has been cancelled.

First time EVER!

The team here at Belo News has been pouring over the weather charts and radar, but when they heard the thunder they knew! Flood warning, flashing red on the radar, and then the thunder.

Trainer ride in the basement for our intrepid hero, the Sharkman this morning!

Hopefully next week. We can't end the road season like this!

NO RIDE TODAY!

Oh, the humanity.....!!!

RAIN OUT!

Sharkman hates to be rained on!

LETS TRY THAT AGAIN!

ONE RIDER SATURDAY, OR TWO?

MAD DOG'S RETURN!

OH, THE HUMANITY!

Belo News
October 7, 2017

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke wet and cool over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero was fretting over what to do.

The Shark Radar was showing rain but it looked like a small possibility that it would stop by launch time.

However, by 6:30 a.m. it was pretty obvious that it would be raining over the Field of Dreams the Nation calls the Koffee Klutch Tour de Gull and would have rain for a good part of the morning. Even if it did stop, the roads would be pretty wet and the old Shark had had his fill of crashes this season.

At 6:30 a.m. he texted Mad Dog to inform him that the ride would be cancelled. Yes, you read that correctly! Earlier in the week, the lost rider known as Mad Dog had emailed our hero and told him he would be at the Cove at 7:30 a.m. - SHARP!

Sharkman really did want to see his perennial wing man who he hadn't ridden with since the Tour de Taylor in June. But it was not to be.

Reluctantly, the Shark put out the email  stating the ride was cancelled.

However, at 8:38 a.m. the first text came in from Mad Dog.....

"Thought I was late"

Along with this selfie of him in front of the Shark Cove. The problem was that it was way too light in the photo to be 7:30 a.m. but you do have to give him credit for riding in that rain!

Mad Dog in front of the Shark Cove!
Seems a bit bright for 7:30 a.m. Mad Dog.......

Moments later a second text arrived.....

"the sky was blue and there was not rain...."

Wonder where Mad Dog found this "patch" of blue sky.....?

Ya, right.....

Later, another text and photo.....

"I ended up riding with this guy"

Wait, is the photo taken across the wet street from the Klutch? Wet, slick street?

On Monday, at 1:18 p.m yet another text arrived;

"Expresso was Mad Dog's only company on what turned out to be a sun filled day."

Belo News is starting to think that Mad Dog spent the summer in a treatment center and some how escaped and is off his meds....

It might explain his imaginary friend, thinking the sun was shining in the pouring rain, and stopping at the Shark Cove at 8:30 rather than 7:30 a.m. and thinking that is sunshine on that wet road outside the Klutch.......

Give us a second chance, Mad Dog!!!

The ride goes on! Will it be the last road ride of the season? Will it get rained out again?

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Shark Minion Jersey Day!

Launch Time 8:30 a.m. - SHARP!

Be there!

RIDE CANCELLED!

TOO RAINY!

HOPEFULLY NEXT WEEK!

GAZELLE GIRL'S BROOMSTICK TAKES FLIGHT!

TWO CRASHES IN THE PELOTON!

The Mig

IRONMAN GOES DOWN ON THE CHAMPS LE GALESBURG?!?

MSU LOSES BY A "SQUEAK!" OH, THE HUMANITY!

HELP US WELCOME LOCH NESS TO THE NATION!

LAST ROAD RIDE OF THE SEASON! MAYBE?

SHARK MINION JERSEY DAY THIS SATURDAY

Belo News

September 30, 2017

Add caption

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke bright and damn cold again, over the Shark Cove, we find our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, back in the Shark basement looking for his arm warmers! Though our hero has enjoyed this warm fall, that "warm" for whatever reason has rarely been on a Saturday morning!

When the old Shark got his sorry dorsal out of bed, the Shark Thermometer read 44 degrees, but as he headed for the door, it was down to 42 degrees! Burrrrrrr!

Be that as it may, the old Shark put on his Wisconsin kit as it was another College Game Day, then covered it with a rain jacket for warmth. 

As the garage door worked it's way up, the Sharkman was looking for that lost rider, that former "legend of attendance," but again, no Mad Dog! 

Come back Mad Dog!?! All is forgiven!

Brewman in his MSU kit!

Yeti Boy came rolling in and as the two rode out on Watkins, they found Reb for the ride over.

As they approached the start, the crowd looked thin again after a crowd of 20 the previous week. That began a discussion on the temperature.......

Brewman was there in his MSU kit, and then Squeaky came rolling in sans sweat pants, which was unusual, however, he had enough on the top half of his body for a polar expedition. Squeaky immediately asked if it was "College Game Day?"

He usually wears an MSU jersey on College Game Day and then heard from Brewman that he had blown it for the Green and White! Read the blog, Minions!!! MSU lost by a "Squeak!"

Gazelle Girl rolled in to a shout of "Gazelle Girl" with this weeks "other guy," being none other than the legendary rider, Zyckmann! Zyckmann was decked out in his UCLA kit.

He read the blog! He read the blog!

It was like "kissing your sister" as Wisconsin, UCLA and MSU all tied on College Game Day!

OKC, Gecko and Wildman were also there for the start photo, but Hossman, arriving right at 8:30 a.m. - SHARP!, missed the photo! 

As the train pulled out of the station, they had no idea of what lie ahead! Oh, the humanity!

As the Nation passed the Klutch and waved, Ironman jumped on to the ride, as Reb headed back to the Creek for kids soccer.

Brewman led our hero out to his honorary sprint, which he took from Ironman who was trying to be funny. Sharkman, not wanting to dishonor the win, picked it up to 22.5 mph to pull away from Ironman.

As the Nation headed north, they were commenting on the number of walnuts on the road. Sharkman shared that each of the past two week, he had skidded on a walnut. Though round, they seemed to cause the thin road tires to skid. Little did they know just how dangerous these little fall bobbles would be!

Squeaky was only half dressed!
and he forgot his MSU kit!
Oh, the humanity!

The riders stuck together as they traversed the col de Twin Lakes, the first Rt. 89 crossing and into the Kountry Klub section.

This normally quick section was no exception this fine, cool morning, as Ironman and Wildman were feeling no pain and split from the bunch. Sharkman hung on as long as he could but around the Kountry Klub lost contact. OKC came foward to try to track down the break away, but he too, could not latch on. Sharkman finally gave up and got swallowed up the the peloton as they worked to pull Ironman, Wildman and OKC back to the Nation.

At the top of the Col de Norte, the group came together quickly and Sharkman gave the go ahead, then latched on to Zyckmann and Yeti Boy, hoping to get some investment tips from the two riches guys in the peloton. As they fell back off the pace, Sharkman wondered what they were doing when he learned they were stopping at the Zyckmann Estate to pick up $20 that Zyckmann owed to Yeti Boy. What the......

Sharkman frantically tried to catch on to the Nation as they headed into the Holy Rollers. Sharkman was again "standed" in no man's land as he worked to latch back on!

Sharkman had already blown his load on the effort to track down Ironman and Wildman in the Kountry Klub section! Oh, the humanity.

Gecko, pre crash!
Oh, the humanity!

By the time Sharkman reached the peloton at the the Feed Zone, he was breathing like a race horse in the final stretch at the Preakness!

As the Nation headed into the Inlet sprint, Zyckmann and Yeti Boy, who had taken the cut off, were back on the train into the Digital Divide. Luckily for them, Gazelle Girl shared a story at the Feed Zone that allowed Sharkman to catch his breath and Zyckmann and Yeti Boy to latch back on.

After the Divide, a nice pace line started up in the Tunnel of Trees that got Gazelle Girl to her coveted GGG Spot Sprint. All was well in the kingdom!

Hossman came forward in the final stretch to take up the speed and to string out the peloton. Sharkman loves when he does this!

Then, it happened............Gazelle Girl shares her account of the infamous crash here:

Gazelle Girl arrives with "other guy" for
the start!

GAZELLE GIRL'S BROOMSTICK TAKES FLIGHT!

Gazelle Girls "Broomstick."

There's an old adage in motorcyclists' circles that goes "There are two kinds of motorcycle riders, those that have been down and those that are going down." As a motorcycle rider herself, Gazelle Girl has always hated hearing that phrase. And she knows that the adage can very well apply to bicyclists who ride in a peloton. Well, after a quarter century of pack riding, Gazelle Girl finally went down. Well, actually, she went UP.

A pack of a dozen riders were thundering down 37th St, a mere minute away from the final sprint. Powerhouse Hossman was in the front setting a blistering pace with Sharkman second, Gazelle Girl third and the remaining nine riders all in a single file line behind.

Gazelle Girls saddle after
bouncing a few times
on the road!

The entire trip down 37th St, Gazelle Girl - a bit of a safety "nut" - had been pointing out the clumps of walnuts gathered at the side of the road. She then saw one lone benign fruit of fall* in the line of the cyclists' path. She didn't give it much thought. If you touch it, it will roll out of the way. It's round. Wheels are round. She didn't aim for it, but she didn't swerve from it either. And maybe it rolled a bit after having four whizzing wheels fly by it. Whatever happened, suffice it to say that Gazelle Girl was ASTONISHED when her forward motion suddenly simply STOPPED. Stopped. Right there in the road. Next up was the feeling of FLYING and then the right front part of her head hitting the deck. After that, Gazelle Girl found herself sitting upright on the side of the road, knees bent as if perched at the feet of a compelling story teller. (Feel free to assume that position now.)

 Our downed rider was with it enough to turn and look back to see how everyone else had fared, making her move just in time to see Gecko hitting the ground. He was in the unfortunate position of being at the end of the train and locked wheels with the rider in front of him as the pack slowed. (Who was that other rider? I don't recall!)

Skittles tape job came out
without a scratch!

As luck would have it. Dr. Zychmann was in the mix that day and was next to Gazelle Girl's side in no time. Always a comfort, Zychmann's first words were, "Don't move. You don't HAVE to move." And she didn't. Because she wasn't IN the road. She'd landed off the pavement. Surely this is why, today, Gazelle Girl has a few bruises here and there - and that's it. What could have been a very hard hit was softened by Mother Nature. (Wait. She was also the b---- who put the devious devil nut* in front of our Sweetheart of the Peloton. WTF, Mom?)

GG's bike didn't fare as well as she did. It landed IN the road, on the rear wheel and saddle, and slid. Flat tire, flat spot on the rim, seat pack strap ripped in two and a somewhat shredded saddle. At last check Gecko bent a chain ring and lost some spokes. He had a hip and hand injury, but was readying for a run when Gazelle Girl checked in on Sunday.

Shout out to Squeaky for volunteering to ride up to Gazelle Girl's house - just around the corner - to fetch Toesetter and his van. As he took off for the Triple Nasty Rancho, Gazelle Girl was heard to say, "How does Squeaky know where I live?" To which Nike boy suggested the new moniker of "Stalky." Speaking for herself, and hopefully for Gecko, too, Gazelle Girl REALLY appreciated the jokes being cracked by our fellow cyclists. Laughing is always a great stress reliever. Kudos to all who were present for their skills on the bikes in a time of unexpected action, as well as their concern, care and humor!

Needless to say, Gazelle Girl
was not happy with
the walnut!

In the wee hours of Sunday morning, Gazelle Girl had a dream. She was driving down a busy four-lane city street when she saw a soda can in the road. She didn't give it much thought. If you touch it, it will roll out of the way. It's round. Wheels are round. She didn't aim for it, but she didn't swerve from it either. Well, of course, she nailed it, flipping it into the air, blowing the tab open. She looked in her rear view mirror to see caramel colored foam spray itself ALL over the windshield of the car behind her. Temporarily blinded, the car's driver slammed into a telephone pole. Gazelle Girl pulled over to see a nearly seven foot tall elderly man emerge from his crashed car dressed in full Scottish Highland wear - kilt and all. Gazelle Girl hugged the man and woke up. Later in the day, Gazelle Girl recalled the dream to Gecko and asked, "You're not Scottish, are you?" Gecko's answer: "Yes. In fact, my sister plays the bagpipes." Witch? You decide.

*Nod to Zychmann for these nut monikers

P.S. ALWAYS wear your helmet!

Thanks Gazelle Girl and we are just glad it wasn't worse!

Sharkman remembered hearing a shot of "look out" or words to that effect and as he turned to look saw a red jacket that was airborne towards the ditch on the side of the road. Then that sick sound of bikes crashing and bouncing down the road. Oh, the humanity!

As Gazelle Girl and Gecko got sagged in by Toe Setter, the peloton went on the the finish and the Nation gave the final sprint to Sharkman.

Toe Setter to the rescue!

As the Nation rounded the turn on to the Champs le Galesburg, Sharkman was talking to Ironman as they both looked left to see if there was any traffic before turning on to the storied avenue. Sharkman looked back just in time to see Ironman drift to the right as he looked left and hit the curb and slowly fall over on to the grass knoll. It actually sort of looked like the guy on the tricycle falling over on "Laugh in."  Ironman stuck the landing, but was giving only a 7.5 on the actual fall. He jumped up as if to say, "I meant to the that" in Pee Wee Herman fashion, and then began to mention to Sharkman that his gymnastic tumble should not be reported in Belo News. Yea, right......! Freedom of the Press is important at Belo News and we can't hide the facts!

As the riders arrived at the Klutch, it was only a few minutes before Gazelle Girl and Toe Setter showed up, proving once again, just how tough our "Sweetheart of the Peloton" is!

Sharkman was given a Shark Minion Birthday Card from the Nation as he turns 68 this week! Oh, the humanity!

The Nation, glad no one was hurt bad!

All were happy that, what has come to be known as the "walnut incident" did not cause more serious injury! Gazelle Girl stated she was seriously considering going out to sweep the course this Friday to insure a safe ride!

Last road ride of the season this Saturday unless this weather continues! So stay tuned for Belo News next week to make the determination!

The cover of Sharkman's Birthday Card.
Where are you Mad Dog?

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Shark Minion Jersey Day!

Launch Time - 8:30 a.m. - SHARP!

Be there!











HELP US WELCOME LOCH NESS TO THE NATION!


Belo News
October 4, 2017

Loch Ness!
Is this kid cute or what?!?

Shark Cove, Mi. - Late breaking news just in! Well, not so late breaking but, Belo News is just getting the official information at press time.

Many have wondered where Sasquatch has been of late, but some of the Nation was aware that he and Mrs. Sasquatch were expecting their first baby!

Belo News if VERY pleased to report  that the new baby has arrived!

Silas Stroup won his first sprint and was born on September 26! This little cyclist weighed in at 9 pounds, 9 ounces!

And he is a keeper!

Gazelle Girl has already named him "Loch Ness!"

Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation, Loch Ness! Can't wait until you're ready to ride with the peloton!

Sasquatch, the proud Papa!

And congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Sasquatch!

When reached at press time, Sasquatch was quoted as saying, "Hope he will take after his Dad and enjoy cycling as much as I do!"

So does the Nation, Sasquatch!

Congratulations to the Sasquatch Clan!

SHARK MINION NIGHT AT GAZELLE SPORTS

BIG HIT!

Belo News

September 28, 2017

Kalamazoo, Mi. - It was a great night at Gazelle Sports, as the mighty Shark Minion Nation poured in to take advantage of their 15% discount, beer and snacks!

Big thanks to Nikeboy and Gazelle Girl to help set up and coordinate this special evening!

It was reported that Srtyker Guy, Great Dane, Wildman, Sharkman & Lava Girl, Mr. & Mrs. Yeti Boy, all made major contributions to Gazelle when shoes, clothes and even a Garmin were purchased by the the discount happy Minion Nation!

After working the store over pretty good, the Nation headed down to the City Tap for beer and pizza and other assorted treats.

Thanks Gazelle Sports for a very special evening for the Nation! You guys ROCK!

Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.

FROM THE FREEZER INTO THE FRYING PAN!

The mighty Shark Minion Nation ready to ride!

WILDMAN RETURNS AND THE NATION REJOICES!

IRONMAN TAKES TAPE!

BOTTLE ROCKET LAUNCH?

ZYCKMAN WINS FOR MICHIGAN ON WRONG DAY!

OH, THE HUMANITY!

READ THE BLOG, MINIONS!

GAZELLE SPORT SHARK MINION NIGHT THIS THURSDAY!

RETIREE LUNCH ROCKS IT!

SAFETY TIPS FROM WILDMAN!

MESSAGE FROM HOOSIER BOY!

Belo News
September 23, 2017

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke sweltering and bright over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, had no problem picking out his kit for the day. Something white to reflect the heat, was certainly in order!

Wildman returns to the Nation!

After at least 6 weeks of wearing either arm warmers or a jacket or both for the KK-TdG, our hero was looking for something light and cool. The temps were predicted to hit the mid 90's, as they had the day before, and the old Shark wanted to make sure he kept his shark skin as cool as possible!

Only Reb had commented to the affirmative on riding on Friday, so the Shark was sure of only one thing.....that Mad Dog would not be there.

Where are you Mad Dog? Come back? All is forgiven?

As the shark garage door opened he saw 3 riders approach. It was none other than Nikeboy, fresh back from Italy, but suffering with a travel cold, X-Rod and Charles the Elder, who hadn't ridden with the Nation in at least a couple years! Welcome back, Charles the Elder!

As they began the ride over, they came across Reb and the four made quick work of the ride into Galesburg!

The "Sweetheart of the Peloton"
arrives to a cheer of "Gazelle Girl!"

At the start, there were actually a few riders, which hadn't been the case the past couple of weeks. 10-4 and Brewman were there as the riders started piling in. There were enough riders that the Editors did not need to remember everyone who rode!

But one rider that does need to be mentioned is Wildman! Yes, Wildman is off the DL list and riding sans cast on his arm. The legendary rider was back from his broken arm in record breaking time and rode like the stud he is! Welcome back Wildman, the Nation missed you!

The Sweetheart of the Peloton rode in to a huge shout out of "Gazelle Girl!" .....well, because there were a actually number of riders there AND they actually noticed her riding in!

Zyckmann returned wearing his Michigan Jersey and though he denied it, it was suspected he was a week or two behind in his Belo News reading and thought it was College Game Day! He was, however, informed the Michigan did not win on the day.......

10-4 was back in the mix after a long hiatus and Bull Dog had also returned.

10-4 was back and kicked
butt!

Sharkman counted 17 as the Nation lined up at the start, but 2 dropped off as the Nation passed the Klutch and at least 3 joined on as the Nation headed north, like Hutch, PJ, Stingray and Ironman.

All in all, it seemed like a count of 21 excluding the two that would join the Nation in the Klutch post ride. More on that later!

Wrong week on the Michigan kit,
Zyckmann!

Andrew popped out of the Klutch for the count as the Nation went by and Shark mentioned there could be more ahead.

As they headed north, Rocket Man, Gazelle Girl and Ironman lead the diminutive hero, Sharkman, before Ironman took off to lead him to a 22.5 mph speed to take his honorary sprint.

Sharkman confirmed the count at 17 when the Nation crossed G Ave., but more riders jumped on!

After the col de Twin Lakes and the Yorkville Church, an informal pace line formed up and just as Sharkman heard someone shout "HOLE!? he hit it.

Sharkman's water bottle, the one on his seat post, shot straight up in the air, hitting him on the shoulder and flying back into the peloton.

Nikeboy back from his tour
of Italy!

Sharkman was afraid to slow because he was up front, as the bottle flew back into the peloton.

Luckily, no one was hit, but the Nation kept going as Sharkman went back to retrieve his errant bottle rocket.

After a while, he found it under leaves on the other side of the street! That was one honker pot hole! Actually, Sharkman commented that he heard voices coming from the pot hole and thought he saw a family in there holding up a sign asking for help to get out. However, at Sharkman's advanced age, he completely forgot about them by the time he got to the Klutch. But he did remember that only one rider waited for the ride leader and that was Reb!

Padre was also back!

Thank you Reb! You are the man!

Not only did Reb wait, but he took the majority of the pulls to get Sharkman back to the peloton! After a while they caught on with Charles the Elder, who had gotten up at 5 a.m. to run 5 miles before riding over the the start with Sharkman, who then latched on as the three riders caught back on at the Rt. 43 sprint.

After Sharkman gave the Nation a dressing down for leaving their intrepid hero behind, the ride headed up the col de Norte and on to the holy rollers were Sharkman found himself near the front after the hill climb he loves to hate and hearing Reb telling him to go for it, he took off to get the Feed Zone sprint! Sharkman was feeling good!

The Nation moved on past the Digital Divide where a very nice, fast pace line formed up. Not like the previous week, this pace line moved along at between 22-24 mph and just kept rolling to get Gazelle Girl to her coveted GGG Spot Sprint! It was again, a victory for America!

As the Nation headed to the final sprint, the pace line picked up but at a slow pace until Reb made a a very early attack. Throwing himself on his sword, he went out early and took the pace up and stretched out the peloton! Thanks Reb!

The Nation let him go for a while, but then seemed to get a bit nervous and scrambled to track him down.

X-Rod was back in the mix!

After reeling him in at the final ascent, the nation all went for it to the down hill finish.

Ironman and O.K.C. fought it out with Ironman taking the tape in a close one. 10-4 took the third spot on the stand which Belo News believes is his first podium finish! Congratulations to all three!

The Nation went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as the riders waved to their fans, the paparazzi and tofosi!

The Klutch was rocking as Skittles and Echo walked in. When asked where they were they reported that they had been at the start for an 8:00 a.m. launch! Sharkman reminded him that not only had the start time been moved up two weeks previously, but that he was featured in one of the Belo News editions, WHERE THE NEW START TIME WAS ANNOUNCED!

Charles the Elder was back!
Welcome back!READ BELO NEWS, BUNKIES!

But Sharkman, being the benevolent leader he is, forgave Skittles and then allowed him to pull his sorry dorsal back to the Cove! Thanks Skittles and Echo!

The season is winding down, but there is still a couple of weeks or rode riding left, so come on out and join the Nation!

This Saturday, another College Game Day!

Since so many missed the last one, get the college kit out and ride! Zyckmann, you can wear your UCLA Jersey!

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Launch Time - 8:30 a.m. - SHARP! (pay attention Skittles & Echo!)

Be there!

Zyckmann trying to convince Boatman and Brewman
that Michigan won College Game Day.....
Oh, the humanity!

Wildman was BACK and all
is well in the realm!

SHARK MINION NIGHT AT GAZELLE SPORTS!

THIS THURSDAY NIGHT!

Belo News

September 28, 2017

Kalamazoo, Mi. - Have you put your RSVP in yet?

Well, if you haven't yet, just come on down! 

Don't you want to be one of "the in people?"

As is usual for the Nation, we've had a lot of last minute RSVPs for this great event. 

Do you like Gazelle Sports? Do you like getting a deal? Well this is for you, Bunkie!

Gazelle Sports is hosting the first, ever, Shark Minion Night this Thursday, September 28 from 5-8 at Gazelle Sports on Burdick in Kalamazoo. 

There will be food and drink (beer, hard cider, wine, pop and some appetizers). Minions will receive a discount on anything they purchase that evening.  Our own Nikeboy has been working with Gazelle Sports on the event and he will be inviting others.  

There is a rumor that the Nation will migrate from Gazelle Sports some time around 7:30-8:00 p.m. down to Central City Tap House for a nightcap!

Right now the guest list is looking like the royals of Miniondom!  Sharkman and Lava Girl, Mr. and Mrs. Yeti Boy, Gazelle Girl, Widlman, the list goes on! 

Anyone who is anyone in the cycling world will be there! Be part of the "in" crowd! Well, as much as being a Minion can be "in" anyway!

Oh, the humanity! This is a great country!

RETIREE LUNCH ROCKS IT!

Belo News

Sharkman, Zyckmann, Brewman, Rocket Man &
Gazelle Girl, ready to ride!

September 26, 2017

Zyckmann Estate, Mi. - On a hot and sunny but beautiful day, the mighty Shark Minion Retired Nation met at the palatial Zyckmann Estate for what has become a bi-annual event. The Retiree's Lunch Ride was on and it also proved that you don't have to be retired to ride it! Actually, the only fully retired buy was Sharkman hizzelf! It is a job he is quite good at and who knew he would be so damn good at it?!? Is this a great country or what?!?

Gazelle Girl (who is still doing some graphic design), Zyckmann (still doctoring 3 or more days a week), Brewman (who is still fully employed with a lot of vacation days!) and new minion Rocket Man (who is fully, but self employed) joined for the ride.

Launching from the Zyckmann Estate at 10:05 a.m. - SHARP! the five riders ripped it and actually averaged 19 mph on the way up to Hastings and their goal, the Walldorf, for beer and lunch! This ride, which is usually more leisurely, but everyone was feeling so good and there was a slight tail wind, that they just had a great ride!

The Coban and Stout flowed like a river as the five sat and ordered their lunches. They had built up quite an appetite and the choices were great! So great, everyone but Sharkman and Zyckmann kept changing their minds on what they wanted!

As the riders left the Walldorf with wishes of luck on the ride home from their many fans sitting at the bar, the heat hit them like a wet rag to the face as they walked out the door!

Luckily, new Shark Minion Rocket Man had refrained from the Coban and Stout as a "designated driver" and did a massive pull for 10 miles that got the Nation half way back to the Zyckmann Estate!

Riders then took turns at the front and though the ride back was a bit slower (17.6 mph) the Nation had a fantastic time!

SAFETY TIPS FROM WILDMAN!

Belo News
September, 26, 2017

Galesburg, Mi. - As a veteran of one of the Nation's biggest crashes in many a year, Wildman offered to share a couple of observations after coming back from a broken arm. This is important, Minions, so listen up and learn!

Last Saturday, I had my first ride back from being on the DL for around 10 weeks. Man, was it great to be back on the bike and spending time with an awesome group of people! Despite being out of fighting form, I got a lot of encouragement from the Minions. So I want to say thanks to all for that.

I noticed Saturday a lot of riding three- and even four-abreast. I know we have skilled riders in our group, in fact I'd say some of the best there are. But riding more than two-abreast increases both the likelihood of bikes touching, and the impact should bikes touch (more people go down). I've also noticed that people aren't pointing out potholes like they used to. It just seems as if we've gotten a little lax.

Believe me, I don't want to be "THAT GUY," who's always ranting about safety during the rides, and I don't intend to start ranting during the rides. I'm not a perfect rider, and this is supposed to be fun, after all. I would like to see all of us looking out for each other by riding safely, and if each of us can occasionally take the initiative say something when we do notice unsafe practices, then none of us has to be "THAT GUY (or GIRL)." And we'll all be safe. I know I don't mind it when someone shouts out to the group for safety reasons. I think most feel the same. We all should feel confident that we'll return home in the same or better condition than that in which we arrived.

Thanks for listening, and all hail Sharkman and his Minion Nation!

MESSAGE FROM HOOSIER BOY!

Belo News
September 26, 2017

Portage Mi. - That legend of the peloton, Hoosier Boy, sent the following message to the Nation, so listen up!

Hoosier Boy has been hit and miss this year on Saturday mornings as I tried to figure out what was causing anemia (low iron levels) first diagnosed in February.  Ultimately, my health issues impacted my ability to keep up with the B and C group so I have been on sabbatical for a month or so while the docs did more testing.  Last week the docs finally discovered the cause of the anemia. I have b cell lymphoma in my small intestine.  I’ll be starting a six month chemo regime in a week or so.  

Prognosis is good so hope to be back on the bike (did anyone say D group) in the spring.

Get well soon, Hoosier Boy! The mighty Minion Nation awaits your return in the Spring and you are in our thoughts and prayers! Holding a place in the peloton for you!

Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.