MAD HUN RETURNS TO TAKE TAPE!

Zyckmann, Sharkman, Last Dog and Easty
showing there college game day kit!

KONTROVERSY IN THE NATION?!?

SQUEAKY BURNS BIKE!?!

NAME THAT MINION CONTEST!

Belo News

September 12, 2015

Shark Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke bright and cool over the home of the Nation's hero, the Sharkman, the giggles were audible even deep into the reaches of the Cove. Oh, yes, our hero was very happy to be back with his Nation, but that was not what those giggles were all about. Our hero could hardly contain himself, as he donned his Wisconsin Badger Jersey and socks for the ride ahead of him.

The Mad Hun was back
to kick butt!

As avid readers of Belo News are aware, there has been some kontroversey in the Nation of late, calling out the Editors over even the smallest of mistakes in the reports of the exploits of the mighty Minion Nation in the annals of this publication. Despite the advanced age of those Editors, Belo News feels it does a solid job of reporting on the adventures of the Shark's Minions. Besides, the Editors have established an editorial stand that clearly states, “any semblance of the truth in Belo News is purely coincidental.” Yet these issues continue to come up.

So it was good to see that in the “point and counter point” format of last week's write up by budding writers Reb and Mad Dog, making point, and Gazelle Girl making counter point, there were indeed, some, shall we say, inconsistencies.

As an example, Hoosier Boy wrote in to Belo News that he had won the first, ceremonial sprint, usually reserved for Sharkman asking, “How did Reb confuse me with Squeaky?”

Of course, the Editors first question to Hoosier Boy was, “Have you been lubing your chain?”

Nikeboy was styling with
Mad Dog his biggest fan!

Gazelle Girl, in her counter point, responding to who lead her out to try to take the GGG Spot Sprint asked the Editors, “Was Ironman even there?” to which the Editors responded, “how would we know? We weren't there either!” Not that being there, or the truth, has ever stopped the Editors from expressing an opinion on any issue.

So as our hero headed out with Mad Dog, he was still giggling (Mad Dog claiming that he had put Ironman in as an on going joke about Sharkman's mistakes) as they passed the closed up abode of Rainman. There was rain predicted some time in the month of September, so Rainman had decided to sleep in.

It was chilly and the old Shark had a rain jacket on to keep him warm and had old gloves that he had washed that were so stiff and tattered even Squeaky didn't want them, so he threw them out at the start.

Nikeboy's shoes! Oh, the humanity!

It was College Jersey Game Day, but the counts were down to 15 riders as is the rule after Labor Day and riders having kids playing sports. But what a morning it was! By the time our hero got to the start, it had begun to warm up and he took of the rain jacket and began taking photos.

New Minion Paul was back and had brought Renee with him. Her last name is Code, so the Nation decided to name her Dot-Dot-Dash! Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation Dot-Dot-Dash. A name for Paul has not yet been determined so Belo News is announcing a contest to “Name That Minion!”

Nikeboy in his Oregon State
Beavers kit! Wait, what?

Yes, this is your opportunity to win a free Kup of Koffee from the Editors by finding a name for Paul! Simply fill out a card with your name and the name you would like to suggest for Paul. Put the card in an envelope with a check made out to Sharkman for $50 to cover shipping and handling. (Please, no out of state, third party, post dated checks this time). Mail it to Sharkman, Shark Cove, Michigan for your chance to win A FREE KUP OF KOFFEE! (This offer is void were prohibited by law.)

The Mad Hun was back in the hunt after being AWOL for a while. He is a Hungarian and actually was named the Well Hungarian, but went to court to change his name and actually won! And his last name is not Garian.....

Shortly after the Sharkman and Mad Dog rode in, Nikeboy arrived stating he got a late start. The man was again, dressed to the “nines,” with not only a bright orange jersey (hey, aren't those Oregon States colors?) but also with matching orange Giro road shoes! Does this man know how to style or what?!?

Virgin Minion Renee, now
known as Dot-Dot-Dash!

Speaking of style, the original Style Guy, Squeaky, rode in wearing his large winter gloves, a huge stocking cap and a jacket that though a cycling jacket, looked more like it was set for Arctic conditions. You could hear him coming as he rode in as his bike was even more “Squeaky” than normal.

Stroker returned and had forgotten to put air in his tires, which were low. Much to every ones surprise, no one had brought a pump and Stroker was quickly trying to use a mini pump to get air in his tires. Greyhound and Zyckmann also drove in.

The “Sweetheart of the Peloton” rode in to shouts of “Gazelle Girl!” and the four riders who actually wore College Game Day Jersey's were photographed. Sharkman in his Wisconsin Jersey, Zyckmann in his Michigan Jersey, Easty in his Western Michigan Jersey and Last Dog in his Iowa kit. For a first time, there were no MSU OR Purdue Jersey's! What happened!??

Name this Minion! Win a free
kup of koffee!

Sharkman got the Nation started and as they wheeled through town, Nikeboy pealed off, having to get back early. As the Nation went by the Klutch, the Early Morning Crew was on hand, waving at the peloton while Andrew popped out the back door to count heads and wave a hello.

As the Nation headed north, Sasquatch jumped on bring the ride count back up to 15 riders!

Mad Dog went to the front and very methodically took our hero out to the first sprint with Zyckmann chomping at his wheel as he approached the stop ahead.

Actually, Zyckmann was “frisky” all morning, competing for and winning many of the sprints. When asked about his “friskiness” he commented that he was just keeping the young pups like Mad Dog and the Mad Hun in line....and so he did!

Squeaky was dressed for winter!
His bike was not ready.....

Sharkman confirmed the count at the G Ave. crossing and the Nation took off. Feeling somewhat frisky, Sharkman went out front at the base of the climb at the col de Twin Lakes, but it was short-lived as the Nation flew by him half way up the climb. Damn Whitsun...

The Kountry Klub section was again quick, but this morning's Nation was a mellower, happier group that didn't push the pace too fast.

Sharkman led a very civilized single line through the Route 43 section and up the col de Norte and on to the Holy Rollers where the speed picked up yet again.

After grouping at Frona's, the nation moved on to the inlet where Sasquatch had a flat tire. Sharkman, who had lagged behind to pick up a rider he later learned was dropping off to head home, saw Sasquatch and Last Dog stopping to fix the flat and went on to the Digital Divide to hold up the Nation.

Mad Hun, Mad Dog and Gazelle Girl
taking a breather at Frona's.

At the Digital Divide the discussion turned to setting up a collection to pay to get Squeaky's bike fixed. The squeaking had turned into, what sounded like, a bunch of nuts in an Altoids metal box, rattling away.  Like the bike was   It actually sounded like the bike was coming apart and all were taking a wide swatch to stay away from the Squeaking, Rattling-man!

Getting tired of the discussion, Squeaky headed back to see what was taking so long with the flat tire. Someone remarked, “wait....Squeaky can't fix his own bike, how is he going to help?” and the discussion just went on.

Greyhound and Easty talking strategy
before the GGG Spot Sprint.

Shortly after, Sasquatch, Last Dog and Squeaky returned and the Nation headed south with Sharkman leading out.

A very nice pace line formed up as Paul (name to be determined) took over and boosted the pace.

As the Nation descended on the GGG Spot Sprint, they looked around for their Sweetheart of the Peloton, Gazelle Girl and when they did not see her, it seemed to be every man for himself looking for that elusive GGG Spot!

Easty, being the class act that he is, led out Sharkman who took the sprint with a groan of happiness, shouting out his own name! Oh, the humanity! It was a victory for America and now our hero knows what it is like to achieve the satisfaction of that elusive spot!

As they approached the stop sign Sharkman could be heard stating, “was it good for you?” to anyone who was listening.

Gazelle Girl holding kourt at the Klutch.

Last Dog led the Nation south towards the final goal, with Sharkman and others on his wheel. After a while, Sharkman took over until Mad Dog came up to REALLY take over. Taking the pace up to 27 mph plus, it was not until the base of the final ascent to the finish when, like the whirl of wind after a fast moving semi passes, did the Nation start to pounce on the break away group.

Riders jockeyed for position as the fast moving heard crested the final hill and began their ascent to the finish tape.

The Mad Hun went out front, with Mad Dog getting a second wind, Zyckmann, Wildman and a cast of thousands attacking from behind.

New Barista Sienna getting
Easty his kup of koffee!

It was neck and neck and the riders traded positions before the Mad Hun was able to break away from the pack with Wildman and Zyckmann taking the next two podium spots!

The paparazzi and tofosi on the Champs le Galesburg went wild as their hero's zipped up their jersey's for the sponsors and waved at their adoring fans with Zyckmann out front giving huge waves to his adoring subjects. The man was on fire on the day!

The Klutch was rocking and Andrew had a new barista learning the dark arts of koffee brewing, behind the counter. Welcome, Sienna, to the mighty Minion Nation!

You won't want to miss this weeks edition!

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!

Be There!

SQUEAKY BURNS BIKE!?!

Photo provided by Squeaky hizzelf!

Belo News

September 13, 2015

Kalamazoo, Mi. - It was learned today that in a fit of rage over comments about his bike, Squeaky took matters into his own hands and actually melted his bike down on Saturday night! Belo News was unable to reach the Style Guy for comment, but late Sunday a report was received at the news desk stating, “I knew you all were all not happy with my bike so I had a Bonfire last night and melted it down.” 

To be quite frank, we here at Belo News were surprised that the bike was meltable. The value of the bike was less than the $10 deductible on Squeaky's Home Insurance so at press time, his new ride has not yet been determined. If this is all a clever ruse by the Squeakman, the Nation is hoping he will at least purchase a set of wrenches and start tightening parts on that bike so that it doesn't fall apart during the next sprint! The Nation has never banned a ride because of fear of their bike coming apart!

IN OTHER NEWS!

Belo News

September 16, 2015

Shark Cove, Mi. - With the season winding down, there are only a few more weeks left to ride and the weather could not be more perfect right now!

Monday Mountain Bike Ride – This past Monday, Reb led yet another great ride through the Blue, Red and Sharkman loop at Fort Custer. In addition to Reb, Gazelle Girl, riding Yeti Boys extra mountain bike, was in attendance, along with Yeti Boy, Sharkman, Polar Bear (yes, he is still alive and kicking) Zyckmann, riding without a seat to insure he cannot rest, and new Minion Andy were all rocking and rolling! Stryker Guy jumped on later in the ride as he had a mechanical on his bike and had to go back home to fix it. This ride launches from the Trail Head at the Fort at 2 p.m. each Monday so come on out, though you may want to check with Sharkman just in case the ride gets canceled due to weather.

Rainman, Stingray, Sharkman, Wildman and Hossman
tie All Time Minion Record!

Tuesday Night Chain Gang – Regular readers of Belo News may remember that it was just a couple of weeks ago when The Tuesday Night Chain Gang was able to tie the season average speed record for the ride. This week, five hearty Minions were able to TIE the all time average speed record of 21.5 mph for the 28 mile course! Rainman, Hossman, Stingray, Wildman and Sharkman put in a monster effort on a perfect weather night to tie the record. Sharkman stated that “since I was there, it is proof that you do not need speed, ability, or strength! It is obviously our effort as a Minion Team! The group maintained a very steady pace throughout the ride and the weather was about as perfect as it can get. Only two or so of these ride left as light and weather becomes and issue in October. This ride is in a pace line for approximately 28 miles and launches from the parking lot behind Arcadia at 5:30 p.m. - SHARP! 

 Be there!

GAZELLE GIRL IS ON HER HANDS AND KNEES

Gazelle Girl serves on the marketing committee for a very cool organization called Community Homeworks. Their mission is to help low income homeowners in Kalamazoo County maintain their homes. They offer furnace repair and replacement assistance, help with weatherization, lawn mower maintenance/repair classes, roof replacement/repair assistance and much, much more. Sometimes these homeowners have to chose between buying food or buying heat. The more we can help them lower their utility bills, the better.

FURNACE FEST is a fund raising event held each year by Community Homeworks. It takes place Friday, October 9, 5-9 pm at Boatyard Brewing Co. And our one and only Cycocross will be on the stage with his band Joe Wang and The Test Pilots. The event is free and I encourage ALL of you to join us!

HERE IS THE ASK (ergo why Gazelle Girl is on her hands and knees [it's not what you were thinkin']).... we are looking for items for the silent and live auctions that are the meat of the fundraising on this evening. The sky's the limit on what we'll take - so if you or your company have something you can donate, we would be greatly appreciative. Simply contact Gazelle Girl in the next two weeks at joan.o@comcast.net.

THANK YOU!!!

Oh, and a shout out to Pedal bicycle shop. A new Furnace Fest sponsor this year!

Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.