WHO IS READING BELO NEWS!?!

The Durango Kid was the
Celebrity Rider this week!

COULD IT BE A MINION UPDATE FAILURE?

BAD BOYS OF THE PELOTON!

TANMAN RETURNS TO TAKE TAPE!

CELEBRITY RIDER DURANGO KID MAKES SURPRISE DEBUT!

MARK YOU CALENDARS FOR THE BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED!

CASCO'S ULTIMATE MUD CHALLENGE – AUGUST 1, 2015

Belo News

July 18, 2015

Shark Cove, Mi. - The Editors at Belo News would like to apologize to the Nation for a misfortunate mistake that was made last week on the distribution of the Shark Minion Update.

The Great Dane showing he
read Belo News!

As those who rode last week are well aware, Sharkman gave a “dressing down” to the peloton for not reading the latest edition of your source for all you cycling needs, Belo News, last week. The old Shark did this when so few riders appeared in their Shark Minion Jersey for Shark Minion Jersey Day. At the time, B-Rod and Gazelle Girl said that they did not receive the “Update.” But Sharkman would hear none of it and continued to harangue the Nation about not reading Belo News.

However, the following day at church, several members of the congregation told our diminutive hero that his email had been hacked.

What?!?

Turns out that the Editors at Belo News (not to be confused with our intrepid hero who NEVER makes a mistake) inadvertently sent last weeks Shark Minion Update to one of our hero's Church Committees by mistake. Sharkman was told that something like “Sharknado,” “Shark Week,” or “Sharkinator” had been sent to them and they all thought it must be a hack. They also commented on where our hero found the time to write “that stuff” up! Oh, the humanity!

Durango Kid was happy to have a map
in front of him on the course!

Needless to say, Sharkman though at first thought he was hacked, realized that it was the Shark Minion Update......

So the Editors apologize for any confusion and of course, Sharkman was not responsible in anyway.......

On, to this weeks edition of Belo News:

Belo News

July 18, 2015

Shark Cove, Mi. - On the eve of our intrepid hero's return to the Nation, he got a call from Yeti Boy.

“Sharkman, the Durango Kid is in town and needs a helmet!”

“No problem!” replied the Sharkman! Sharkman had just the lid for the President of the Rocky Mountain Chapter of the mighty Minion Nation, the Durango Kid!

Tanman made his season debut
and took the final sprint!

As dawn broke sunny and warm over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero was up early, as he had been over to the Klutch the previous evening and found that Michigan Avenue was closed for the new bridge work over I-94 and was unsure if they would be able to get through.

Mad Dog showed up at 6:45 a.m. and Rainman was readying his steed for the ride, sans Shark Minion Jersey. Of course, Sharkman was all over the young rider about not reading Belo News.

When the three got to Michigan avenue, it was still blocked, but the riders could “squeeze” through the “Road Closed” signs and in utter disregard for the law, the three “Bad Boys of the Peloton” rode on to the start.

Since they did not have to detour, the “Bad Boys” got to the start early and watched the riders piling in.

Tanman, was making his season debut and looking pretty smart in some new silver, Giro cycling shoes.

Shortly, the Durango Kid and his brother in law, Yeti Boy pulled in. Yeti Boy had given his Burly to the ride, insuring that he would beat the younger, and vastly better looking Minion on the ride. After donning Sharkman's helmet, that Mad Dog rode over with worried that the Sharkman would kill himself doing it, he posed for the paparazzi.

Oxito was back from his criterium win!
When asked about his red eye he said,
"you should see the other guy!"

Oxito rode in for his first ride since his victory at the Miller Energy Criterium win, needing a bathroom. When told about the “dumpster” he mentioned he would need more than that and was sent to the Klutch, being told to mention Sharkman's name to insure a good “seat” and to remain seated during the entire performance!

After a few photos, and Sharkman's harangue about not reading Belo News, the Nation was ready to rock! To the sound of pedals clicking in, and with the sun shining down on the happy Nation, Sharkman led the peleton out to the Battle Creek Street as Oxito and Gazelle Girl (in her Shark Minion Jersey – she went to Belo News directly after not getting the Update) took up the speed to the Klutch. Sharkman counted 22 riders as they passed the Klutch and Andrew came to the window to make the count.

The pace picked up quickly as a number of Minions battled for the honor of taking our intrepid hero out to the first sprint. In the end, Zychmann came to the front and took our hero out for the sprint!

Sharkman did the count at the first G crossing and confirmed the count at 22. However, shortly after the crossing, Kid Doster jumped on and later, a new, young Minion named Luke, who is now known as PT, jumped on! Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation, PT!

B-Rod claimed he didn't get the Update.
He was right.......

The Nation was in a feisty mood as the barreled through the col de Twin Lakes, Kellogg Korner and the Kountry Klub. As a matter of fact, B-Rod commented that he did not want to jinx the ride but the Nation was over 21 mph on average at the Rt. 43 sprint!

The Nation was all on at the top of the col de Norte and continued on to the Holy Rollers. Tanman and Oxito had opened up a huge gap that the Nation reeled in at the turn at the Kellogg Manor. It was here that the Durango Kid, already slowed by by the Burly bike and a funky water bottle that he was also provided by his brother in law, Yeti Boy, went off course as Yeti Boy made his move!

Yeti Boy, seeing the Durango Kid miss the turn, threw out a flyer and looking like a man possessed, went to the front while the Durango Kid fought to get back to the peloton.

Gaining even more speed and looking like a fly climbing a wall in the Rollers, Yeti Boy went on to take his first sprint as a Minion! Is this a great country or what!?!

At the Digital Divide, the Nation waited with baited breath while Gazelle Girl was readied for the next sprint. Sharkman gave instructions for a double pace line, but it was to no avail. For some reason, it fell apart quickly with smaller groups breaking off. Gazelle Girl was hurried

Counting heads as the Durango Kid
photo bombs the group!

into position on the wheel of Airman, but then disappeared back into the peloton. Sharkman, at the front, pulled off the line and looked back for Gazelle Girl over his right shoulder while Airman was leading her out on his left shoulder, causing her to go over the double yellow lines and putting her win in jeopardy!

However, as the Nation all had a cigarette break at the GGG Spot Sprint after Gazelle Girls triumph, she immediately lodged a protest on the double lines and quickly was granted the win by the Commissioner of cycling.

As the Nation headed south to the final sprint, Hossman went to the front and B-Rod was commenting on how the heat would slow the sprinters. None the less, the Nation stayed in one of the tightest groupings in recent memory!

As the runaway train headed into the final ascent before the finish, they all seemed to be together and the old Shark was getting worried! Rainman took a flyer on the inside and got free, which only caused the nation to quickly respond and he was quickly reeled in as the entire Nation bore down on the finish!

The Klutch was rocking!

In one of the closest finishes in some time, Tanman beat Rainman by a half wheel, followed by Kid Doster! Average speed, 20.3 mph on the day!

The riders zipped up for the sponsors on the Champs le Galesburg as the Tofosi and Paparatzzi went wild as the heros rode to the Klutch.

The Klutch was jumping with fans as the Nation lined up for their bottomless kups and as they told all the foo foo koffee drinkers to move to the back of the line!

The Nation took up three tables as the press tried to interview their favorite riders.

The Durango Kid decided to ride home with Sharkman, Rainman and Wildman, who was trying to build his miles in preparation for the WAM ride the following weekend.

Gazelle Girl celebrating after winning
her sprint protest!

As Wildman dropped off to head back, and the Durango Kid dropped the helmet off at the Shark Cove before heading back to Yeti Boy's, the clouds began to darken.

As Sharkman was safe in the Cove, the sky's opened up and one hell of a monsoon began to fall.

WILDMAN!

Wildman had been on his way back when the storm hit. He was smart enough to find an awning with smokers from EPI in Fort Custer where he stopped to call his wife to come pick him up! Oh, the wet humanity!

What will happen next week!?!

Unfortunately, Sharkman will be absent, but in recognition of the WAM ride, it will be Make a Wish/Team Taylor/Eaton Jersey Day!

Foo Foo drinkers?

To show support to all the WAM riders and for those of you who could not ride, where your WAM jersey's this weekend!

Though Sharkman will again be absent (it has just been one of those summers!) he will be riding with the Nation in his heart!

Saturday, July 25, 2015, WAM Jersey Day!

Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!

BLOODY 'ELL 'UNDRED AUGUST 15, 2015!

Belo News

July 21, 2015

Zychmann Estate, Mi. - Though the Sharkman has been gone a lot this summer, he will be riding his first ever, Bloody 'Ell 'Undred and is ready to rock! Oh, the humanity!

But is the Bloody 'Ell 'Undred, or better known as the BEU, ready for the Sharkman! Yes it is!

This annual event will take place on Saturday, August 15, 2015 with a start time of 9:00 a.m. This is a casual ride and not a race!

It is important to RSVP for this event! So get your RSVP to Gazelle Girl NOW!

joan.o@comcast.net/665-4555 NOW!

Be there!

CASCO'S ULTIMATE MUD CHALLENGE – AUGUST 1, 2015

Belo News,

July 8, 2015

South Haven, Mi. - Though Belo News does not usually report on none cycling events, a friend of the Editor is helping to organize a Mud Run that is also a fund raiser for their church. Additionally, Belo News knows there are some crazy Minions who enjoy these type of events. Even our own intrepid hero, the Sharkman, used to do these types of events until his feet gave out.

But if you are looking for some fun in the mud, this might be the race for you!

So here is more about this event!

On Saturday, August 1, 2015, will be the first "Casco's Ultimate Mud Challenge, in what is hoped to be an annual event. It will be a 5K off-road Obstacle Course Run (OCR) hosted by Casco United Methodist Church (CUMC) at Lake Arvesta Farms LLC. helping us to fulfill our mission statement, 'Building up the Kingdom of God N.O.W., through Nurture Outreach and Witness.'

The theme for this event "Jump In to Help Out" will help us achieve our goal "To Support Ministries that Support Others". Proceeds generated will help to fund a variety of ministries which focus on the support of others locally, nationally and internationally.

For more information and to register --- go to www.CascoMudder.com

This event will have four main race parts:

The "Mud Free" Run will kick off the day at 8:00am sharp.

The Main Event: The main event for the day will be a 5K or 5 Kilometer Off Road OCR (Obstacle Course Run) through a series of obstacles, mud and water challenges. This race should be a fun and challenging race, testing both participants speed, agility and stamina.

The Team Race: The main event will also include a Team Race with its own "Best Dressed Competition" award in addition to the timed award. So get your family, friends, co-workers, classmates, sports team, or church group together and form a Casco's Ultimate Mud Challenge Team. Casco's Ultimate Mud Challenge Teams must consist of 4 or more racers, with no maximum. A minimum of 4 must register together to create the team, but additional members may be added later. Check out the Rules and Conditions page for complete details.

The 'Mud-Free' 5K: There will be a 'Mud-Free' 5K race to start the day for runners who like 5Ks, but don't want to get muddy. As the property does not have any paved roads, it will still be some what off road but with a path that avoids most of the off-road challenges and all the water and mud hazards.

The Kids' Run: The final event of the day will be a 1K Youth Fun Run for Cids (Kids)12 years of age and younger. This run will be through some of the muddiest parts of the course and all finishers will get a participation award.

The Race Course: The Casco's Ultimate Mud Challenge will feature 15 – 20 physical challenges over a 5 Kilometers (3.1 Mile) course. The path will lead participants over large mud hills and down through ravine and streams. Challenges will test your upper body strength, make you splash in the mud and test your stamina.

Registration for competitive 5K runners is $45 until July 10, 2015 then goes up to $55 until July 31, 2015. The day of registration August 1, 2015 will be $60. Teams of 4 or more registering at the same time will receive a $5 discount each off current cost. The Youth 12 and under 1K untimed event will be $20 from now till July 31, 2015. The day of kid run will be $25. Only those registered before July 10, 2015 are guaranteed a shirt the day of the race.

Join the event as a participant or a team participant or a volunteer!

For more information, go to www.CascoMudder.com

IN OTHER NEWS!

Real Minion race?

Belo News

July 21, 2015

Sister Lakes, Mi. - Mighty Monk reported in that he and his son, Spencer, competed in the Sisters Lakes Olympic Triathlon this past Saturday and Spencer finished 13^th and the old man, Mighty Monk finished 17^th! (not bad Mighty Monk), just 90 seconds behind him! Mighty Monk also reported smoking Spender on the bike! Great job, Minions, you did the Nation proud!

Mighty Monk and Spencer!

Easty and Marco Polo with KJ's brother and Dad at the
Missouri River.

Western Iowa – Easty reported in that he, KJ, and Marco Polo are out in Iowa this week doing the RAGBRAI, representing the Minion Nation (Iowa scale)! After dipping their wheels in the Mousourri River, they are off to the Mississippi! They plan to wear their Minion Jersey's the last day and will send a photo when they do!

Oh, the humanity! There are Minions everywhere!

Easty and KJ with KJ's brother and Dad!

Finally, Dr. Dave sent in this photo that demonstrates and new piece of equipment that every Minion will be lusting after! Thanks Dr. Dave!

Every Minions dream piece of equipment......

Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.