CHIP & SEAL WINS! MINIONS HEAD SOUTH!

The Waterfall! One of the many sites on the
"Sharkman's tour of central Kazoo County!"

NO KK-TdG THIS WEEKEND!


TEAM TAYLOR RIDE THIS SATURDAY!


MINION JERSEY'S GO ON SALE!


STRYKER GUYS THRILL OF VICTORY AND AGONY OF DEFEAT!


Belo News
June 7, 2014


Galesburg, Mi – The messages started coming early in the week. The famous speed zone known as the Kountry Klub section had been chip & sealed and was not looking good for riding. As the week went on, more reports came in concerning other sections of the “Field of Dreams” of every Minion, the KK-TdG! Subsequent investigation revealed that in addition to the KK section, parts of 37^th, including the beloved finish, were also chip & sealed! Oh, the humanity! What were they thinking?!?

Wolf King was back! Even gave Sharkman
a tube he owed him from last season!

Because of the early reports from the Minion Nation (specifically the Skipper, Gazelle Girl, Dr. Dave and Bissell Boy), Belo News informed everyone in last weeks Shark Minion Update, as well as Belo News, that riders should show up at the start to insure that they got onto the ride that looked more and more like it was going to be heading south.


Sharkman, of course, saw it as an opportunity to make some money on his well publicized “Tour of Central Kalamazoo County” where he offers key points of interest at only $.50 a look (no change).


Nikeboy and Mad Dog escorted our hero to the start where he found the Nation gathering like it was a beer convention with free beer.


Some well known Minions were making their season debut on this bright but cool morning!

Puegeot Guy returns!

To everyone's amazement, Wolf King was back in the mix! Looking like he had spent too much time doing “Virtual Training” on his couch, he was actually EARLY and was almost ready as the group launched!


CycoCross was also making his debut, primarily because he had heard that Wolf King would be present and just couldn't believe it!


Peugeot Guy was also making his debut and looked as trim and fit as ever on his classic Peugeot racing blue cycle!


Tan Man was also in attendance and had only just learned that he had been named Tan Man (remember, it is best to come with a name!)


Aaron Z was also returning and though Sharkman could not remember him (happens more

CycoCross returns, mostly because
he couldn't believe Wolf King
would be back!

and more these days) he claimed to be returning to the Nation after a hiatus!


Welcome back, Minions!


A celebrity rider and Virgin Minion was also in attendance! Tim, owner of Pedal Bikes was riding in his first Minion KK-TdG, though he would not get to experience the true Field of Dreams!


Welcome to the Mighty Minion Nation, Pedal Tim!


Gazelle Girl also posed for the press as she tended to be quite the celebrity for actually making it to the start of the ride.


Sharkman gave another “Safety Talk” as he again asked riders to NOT CROSS THE YELLOW LINES during the ride. A Minion had reported to Belo News that he had been approached by an individual who claimed he had come over a hill to find a pack of riders across the entire road and had

Wildman sporting yet another new jersey!

to drive his car into a ditch to avoid hitting them. Sharkman couldn't remember anything like that but cautioned riders to stay on the right side of the yellow lines!


A total of 24 Minions started the ride south, following our hero as they went by the Klutch and saw Andrew running to the door to wave the Nation on.


After climbing out of Galesburg, the Nation got frisky and the pace picked up considerably.


Sharkman rode up and down the peloton making sure everyone knew where to turn and also pointing out places like Qman Hill, the Water Fall, Cook Cemetery, the Railroad house (which isn't there anymore...no refunds!) Indian Lake, Downtown Scotts, the many railroad crossings, etc.


As the Nation was traversing the course just east of Indian lake, when Zickman noticed a

Aaron returns, who needs a name!

major chuck hole at the last minute. Though Zickman was able to maneuver around the massive crater, what sounded like a couple of .22 rifle shots was heard back in the peloton, indicating a Minion hadn't been so lucky.


Oxito hadn't seen the crater and hit it head on! However, the Minion Pit Crew was ready to take action and Wolf King, enjoying the opporutnity to stop riding, took the rear wheel while Oxito took the front wheel. Ox supervised the entire operation and after a puff of CO2, and the snap of compressed air on the valve, the Nation was off again!


The Nation grouped back up in downtown Scotts, where Sharkman pointed out the coffee shop, Scooters Ice Cream Shop and the Post Office. (Sharkman will be sending invoices to the Nation soon for all the looks on the tour).

Pedal Tim joins the Nation!

As the Nation waited for the Minions to bunch back up, Sharkman released Oxito to go ahead as he was already late for work!

Sharkman lead the Nation across MN and very shortly Hossman came up to take over. As Qman Hill is a major descent, Minions started jockeying back and forth as the mighty train dropped towards I-94. First Polar Bear, than Tan Man, CycoCross, B-Rod, Gazelle Girl and a cast of thousands started to get into position.


As the Nationed rolled over I-94 and past the Galesburg Speedway, B-Rod, Polar Bear, Pedal Tim and Cyco Cross and others went to the front! Sharkman noticed a top speed of 36 mph! Oh, the humanity!


As the riders made the sweeping turn to the right, it looked like Pedal Tim, CycoCross, Polar Bear and B-Rod would contest the final.


B-Rod moved up quickly on the outside to nip Pedal Time and CycoCross at the tape with

Hossman at the start!

Polar Bear close behind.

Average speed, 19.8 mph.


During the finish, the Commissioner of Cycling did notice a couple of riders going over the Yellow Line.


The Commissioner stated that from this point forward, any rider crossing the Yellow Lines will be DISQUALIFIED. Safety first in the Nation and that type of riding cannot be tolerated. Anyone crossing yellow lines will be DQed going forward!


The fans went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as the Nation moved back to the Klutch for the Press Conference. Excitement was building as the new Minion Jersey was unveiled, as well as a Tee Shirt and Ball Cap! Is this a great country or what!?!


Polar Bear threw down a bunch of cash and bought koffee for the first mass of Minions into the Klutch!

Gazelle Girl makes the start line!

Most of the talk was centered on the new jersey and the Nation was ordering them faster than Wolf King on a piece of bologna!

Even Squeaky showed up at the Klutch after doing the "Mud Run" to sign autograghs!


This week, the Nation will not ride their Field of Dreams but will be doing the Team Taylor Ride instead.


More on this in the next story!


See everyone in the following week, June 21, 2014!

Tan Man returns!

Pit Crew working on Oxito's wheels!

Squeaky stops in at the Klutch after
the "Mud Run" to
sign a few autographs!

THE NATION DOES TEAM TAYLOR THIS WEEKEND!


Belo News
June 11, 2014


Mattawan, Mi. - This Saturday the Nation moves the ride to Mattawan for the Team Taylor Ride! Sharkman will be leading his beloved Minions on the 100K route.


The plan is to meet at/near the registration tables between 7:00 a.m. - 7:30 a.m. and launch shortly after so that the Nation can be back in time for the complimentary lunch (the operative word here is “complimentary”). If you are riding, please let Sharkman know so that the Nation does not launch without you. If you have not registered, you will need more time to do it, so factor that extra time in so that the Nation can launch as close to 7:30 a.m. as possible. The registration and start is at:


Mattawan Middle School
56720 Murray St
Mattawan, MI 49071


More information at www.tourdetaylor.org


Sharkman and Mad Dog will be driving from the Cove around 6:30 a.m. And there is room for two more riders/bikes but you need to let Sharkman know as soon as possible.


Belo News will be on hand to report on all the Nations involvement in this great ride!


Be there!




MINION JERSEY'S GO ON SALE!

Belo News
June 11, 2014


Shark Cove, Mi. - You've heard about it, you've talked about it, you've dreamed about it and now you can own your own Shark Minion Jersey! Yes, it has finally happened! The Shark Minion Jersey is now for salle and each of you should have received an email announcing the news, along with a mock up and order forms.


Not only can you purchase a jersey, but you can also buy a baseball cap and T shirt!


Is this a great country or what!?!


Be the first in your nieghborhood to own one of these babies!


Dead line for ordering is June 22 so get off your dorsals, fill out those forms and get them into Gazelle Girl!


STRYKER GUYS THRILL OF VICTORY AND AGONY OF DEFEAT!

Stryker Guy at 11,300 ft.!

Belo News
June 11, 2014


Bertoud Pass, CO. - As some may be aware, Styker Guy, a legend in the Minion Nation, was out west, riding through the mountains of Colorado and enjoying the high of climbing peaks at 11,300 ft., but also suffering, in his words, the agony of defeat.


We are sad to report that after Stryker Guy climbed the Bertoud Pass at 11,300 ft., he was heading into Grand Lake when he hit some rumble strips and went down doing about 23-24 mph, suffering 5 broken ribs and cracking his helmet! Fortunately, he sustained no head injuries but will need a new helmet.

After the crash! Oh, the humanity!

We are pleased to report he is now home resting and is grateful for the pain killers. Anyone who has ever broken or even bruised their ribs knows exactly what he is talking about. As Sharkman has been heard to say, “better living through chemistry!”


Our thoughts and prayers go out to Styker Guy and well wishes from the mighty Minion Nation!


Get well soon Stryker Guy!

 Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.