HUGE TURNOUT FOR OUR HERO'S RETURN!

Kia Pet, Iceman and Chains escort the Sharkman upon
his return to the Nation!

SOCK DAY?


NAME CHANGES IN THE NATION?


NATIONAL BIKE WEEK AND RIDE TO WORK DAY THIS FRIDAY!


POLAR BEAR'S NEW RIDE?


Belo News
May 10, 2014


Galesburg, Mi – As dawn broke over the Shark Cove, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman was filled with excitement as he contemplated his return to the Nation. As anyone who is anyone in the cycling world was aware, our hero had been out west on Sharklet Sitting “Dooty” for two weeks and had not been with his beloved Nation. He knew that his mighty Minion Nation was awaiting his return and with the better than normal weather, he was anticipating a good turnout!  He would not be disappointed on this beautiful day!


As the garage door on the Shark Cove went up, the first thing our hero noticed was that the young Rainman was getting his trusty steed ready and with special interest to his rear tire.

Rainman's rear wheel.  It is only flat on the bottom!?!

As Sharkman waited in the street, Nikeboy rode up, making his first “official” appearance of the young season. Mad Dog had already texted our hero to let him know they would meet on the road, as he had headed out early to get some additional miles.


About half way to the start, the undeniable sound of a tire flatting was heard and it was of course, young Rainman's rear wheel. Sharkman and Nikeboy went on ahead in hopes of holding the Nation so that Rainman and Mad Dog could catch on at the start, while Mad Dog stayed to assist.


As Sharkman and Nikeboy descended into the quiet village of Galesburg they noticed three riders in similar kit approaching. It was none other than the Team Taylor contingent riding out to escort our hero to the start! Iceman, Kia Pet (we believe making his season debut) and the former “Bounty Hunter” rode up to make sure the Sharkman was properly led through town and to the start. Is this a great country or what?!?

E.T. phone home! Rainman calls
Tardette. "I'm in the parking lot....."

It was then that Iceman stated he was making an appeal to the Commissioner of Cycling to change Bounty Hunters name to “Chains.” Iceman went on to reveal that he thought the name “Bounty Hunter” was way too cool AND that B.H. had actually broken 5 mountain bike chains last season. Apparently the Commissioner of Cycling is taking the name change under advisement as he is also reviewing the Cannons name.


As the Nation is aware, the Cannon does all his talking with his bike and is a man of few words. Therefore the Commissioner was unaware that he already had a name that all know him by before becoming a Minion.  He was only named the Cannon due to his speed and well, the fact that his last name has Kannen in it. However, the Sharkman has learned that he is known far and wide as “Skittles” and the Commish is taking that name under advisement as well.

Minion Virgin, Rosie!  Welcome Rosie!

As the riders weaved through town to the start, B-Rod approached to join the escort and Sharkman asked him if he was playing basketball after the ride? 

Why, you ask.....?


B-Rod was sporting knee socks that he explained were support hose for his tired his piston like legs. 

Go figure.


The Sock Craze continued as Cheese pulled in with, what looked like designs on stealing the title of “Style Guy” from the Squeak Man!


As the picture indicates, Cheese was adorned in one of the wildest colored kits in Minion history, but it was the socks that seemed to mesmerize our hero. 

So wild, yet one couldn't look away!  Well, without sunglasses......


Not to be outdone, Squeaky was sporting a chain stain on his left leg! An investigation was immediately launched in an attempt to determine how one can get a chain tattoo on the leg opposite the chain, however subsequent inquiry proved negative and it can only be assumed Squeaky had spent some time riding side saddle. Is this guy a trend setter or what?!?


Riders began to pile into the start, one of which was a new “Virgin Minion” by the name of Brad,

Cheese makes a move on Style Guy!

aka Rosie!


Sharkman had met Rosie at a wedding in January and he is also Wildman's neighbor (poor guy.....).


Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation Rosie! Sorry you have to live near Wildman......


Though Hoosier Boy had made an appearance at the Klutch for autographs early in the year, he was making his season debut this fine morning along with the legendary Bissell Boy! 

 Welcome back, Minions!


Just as the Nation began chomping to get started, Rainman and Mad Dog pulled in and Hoosier Boy got his pump out for Rainman to top off his repaired rear tire. Unfortunately, after a few pumps, the sweet sound of the chuck releasing from the stem, and a quick ride around the parking lot, another “bang” rang out and Rainman had flatted yet again.

Is this style or what?!? Sharkman was
mesmerized!

Though the Nation offered tubes (good Minions all) Rainman said it was easier for Tardette to find him at the start than later on the course and he chose to call home for a ride......(lucky for Sharkman too, as Rainman and Tardette went to the Farmers Market in Kazoo, where the infamous Boffo was selling his wares and gave Rainman a gift to take Sharkman of his fantastic Grainery Milled Oats which the old Shark has been eating all week! Oh, the humanity! Thanks Boffo!)


Just as the Nation was beginning to head out, Polar Bear came rolling up on a new (or gently used, Belo News is unsure) Pinarello! Wasn't this guy fast enough without getting a Pinarello? Polar Bear now looks fast standing still!


As approximately 24 Minions approached the Klutch, Gazelle Girl was waiting at the turn and was greeted by the Nation. Kid Doster and Ranger Rick soon jumped on as well.


Sharkman, who has been winning the first sprint from the middle of the peloton this season, was still mesmerized by both B-Rod and Cheeses socks, as they lead him to the first sprint, which he took easily.

Hoosier Boy makes his debut!

Toast also latched on to the Nation but stated he would be pulling off, as he had broken a shift cable and wouldn't be able to stay with the group.

At the first G crossing, Gazelle Girl announced that the Nation had to wait as she undressed. 

Wait, .....what?

The Nation caught their collective breath as they learned she was only removing her jacket.....

After all, it was warming up......

Whoa, the humanity.......


At the G Ave. crossing, the count of riders was estimated at 26-27. As regular readers are aware, Belo News has trouble counting past 15.....


The ride was also picking up speed as the Nation headed into the col de Twin Lakes and on to Rt. 89.


The weather was warming as was the speed as the Nation Train pushed past the Yorkville Church, Kellogg Korner and into the Kountry Klub section.


As the peloton made the turn after the Kountry Klub, Stryker Guy put in a sprint that shredded the peloton to pieces. Sharkman was thinking that the crafty Stryker Guy wanted to win the sprint near the Stryker Guy Estate and immediately grabbed on to his wheel. Sharkman started thinking he might name the sprint “Stryker Guy Sprint” if the intrepid rider could pull of the win!


However, it was not to be as the Nation regrouped and caught back on to the lead riders and passing them like just so much road kill. Oh, the humanity.......

Bissell Boy makes his 2014 debut!

As the Nation approached the base of the col de Norte climb, another “BANG” was heard as Kid Doster had his second flat of the season. With no Cannon (or Skittles) in the peloton, this flat took a bit longer to get fixed before the Nation started to head up the col de Norte and on through the Holy Rollers and on to Frona's.


Sharkman surprised everyone by contesting the inlet sprint, only to have Zickman take it at the last second.


After the Digital Divide crossing, the Nation formed up into a rapidly moving pace line and Sharkman noted the speed at around 18.6 mph.


Gazelle Girl made a move at her favorite “spot,” the GGG Spot Sprint, however the move was covered by the iridescent sock wearing Cheese who must not have gotten the memo on this being Gazelle Girls sprint!


As the Nation slowed at the GGG Spot Crossing, Sharkman shared his concern that with the large peloton and no Tow Truck or Hossman to string out the train, the Nation had to be VERY careful in the finishing sprint and that lines needed to be adhered to.


Sensing the concern and being the Minions that they are, several riders decided to throw themselves on their swords and head to the front to help spread the speeding train out.


First Squeaky, the Style Man hizzelf, took off, leading Iceman, Bounty Hunter and Sharkman clinging to his wheel. Shortly after, Hoosier Boy came forward to put in a humongous pull, followed by Mad Dog and then Zickman, who not only took up the speed, but backed off wondering where everyone was, stud that he is!


Meanwhile, Iceman and B-Rod were biding their time waiting to make a move.

The Peloton watches Gazelle Girl undress.......

As the Nation crested the final hill to the finish, all hell broke loose and the real race began.


Iceman, riding his cross bike, went to the front with a cast of thousands on his wheel. However, he was not to be denied as B-Rod and Kid Doster followed him to take the top three spots on the podium.


The crowds went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as the tofosi and paparazzi cheered the return of the Sharkman, as well as the large Minion Train that pulled into town.


Andy was waiting and actually had extra staff on board to handle the crush of Minions, press and tofosi that follows the Minions wherever they go.


Zickman, wanting to make sure he got his name in Belo News, was quick to buy our hero his koffee. But never fear Minion Nation, there is plenty of season left for each of you to purchase a kup for the old Shark!


New Minion, Great Dane asked if this was the normal number of riders for the KK-TdG and Sharkman told him that it was large for the time of year, so there is no telling how many riders will show up after Memorial Day, when the number of riders usually grows substantially!


The atmosphere was rocking at the Klutch and riders seemed to hang on a bit to chat with the press, sign autographs and kiss babies. Is this a great country or what?!?


What will happen next week?!? Gotta come out to find out, Bunkie!


The forecast is for a low of 38 degrees Friday night and only a high of 55 on Saturday and 50% chance of rain. So the launch time will remain the same and riders can only hope that summer, or even spring, will arrive at some point in Western Michigan. Or did the Nation miss it?


Saturday, May 17, 2014


Launch Time – 9:00 A.M. - SHARP!


Be there!



NATIONAL BIKE TO WORK DAY THIS FRIDAY!

Ride to work with the Sharkman!

TEAM ACTIVE GIVING AWAY LIGHTS TO BIKE COMMUTERS!


SHARKMAN LEADING RIDERS FRIDAY!


Belo News
May 14, 2014


Battle Creek, Mi. - This week is National Bike Week! This Friday in National Bike to Work Day!


In recognition of this week, Team Active is giving riders a free Cannondale Headlight if they commute to work for a day! And here is your chance.


Sharkman is on the Battle Creek Bicycle Committee and will be leading the southern route from the Sears Parking Lot at Lakeview Square to the Downtown wave park where riders will meet. Those Minions who live and/or work in Battle Creek can join their hero ride to work downtown! So if you live outside Battle Creek, you can drive to Sears with your bike and commute into town!


AND GET A FREE LIGHT FROM TEAM ACTIVE!


IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT!?!


So come on and ride with the Sharkman, actually commute to work (you know you've been wanting to!)


AND GET A FREE LIGHT FOR YOU BIKE!


This ride goes, rain or shine so come on out Friday!


Be there!

Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.