THE SPRING OF OUR DISCONTENT?

Shivering Minions waiting for koffee!

 HOW COLD WAS IT?

TALES OF STYKER GUY!

Belo News

April 20, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - This is has been the "Spring of our discontent!"  When will it ever end? Oh, the humanity! 

Though the experts have designated this as the coldest and wettest Spring for western Michigan on record, it is not news to the mighty Minion Nation!  After the Nation had reveled in many fantastic Spring seasons over the past few years, it all seemed to come apart this year with some of the worst weather ever!  Though the Nation has been riding this cold, wet season, the turn outs have been low and some Minions have reported that they are not in good enough shape to come out yet.  

What?

Well, Bunkie, please know that the peloton has not been breaking any speed records and unless you've been somewhere south during this "Spring of our discontent" the entire Nation is in the same boat.  

No one is getting any good, consistent riding in so no need to worry about fitness!

This weeks ride may well have been the coldest Minion ride to date!

But we digress……

As dawn broke over the Shark Cove, and as our intrepid hero, the Sharkman shook the cobwebs out of his head, his first thought was about the cold he felt.  At first, he did not want to pull the shark bedspread off of his warmed dorsal and roll out of bed!  But alas, he knew the Nation was calling and he needed to make the call on whether to ride or drive to the start. As his feet hit the floor he could fell the cold he new he would face outside the warmth of the Shark Cove.

Even Polar Bear had to wear tights!

After checking the Shark Thermometer and seeing a reading of a very cold 28 degrees, he decided that he would text Mad Dog and tell him he was on his own.  Of course, immediately after sending the text, the sun started to break open with beautiful shades running across the majestic grove of trees behind the Cove and, of course, Sharkman had second thoughts about not riding over.

As our hero loaded his trusty steed into the Sharkmobile, the sun was shining into his garage and Sharkman was thinking he should have ridden over!

That is, until he pulled out of the Cove, and noticed that though the sun was in full bloom on this cold Spring morning, the temperature was still only 30 degrees and as the weather report on the radio was reporting a 19 degree chill factor from a 15 mph wind out of the northwest, he knew he had made the right call.  He also began to feel sorry for Mad Dog, if he was, in fact, riding over to the start.

As Sharkman drove into parking lot at the start, he found no other riders getting ready and began to wonder if he would be the only rider on this cold morning.  The thought of a solo run against the gusty wind and cold chilled our hero's dorsal down to his tail.

As the clock showed 8:55 a.m. and as the dejected Shark began to mount his steed, none other than Polar Bear pulled in with a big grin for his season debut!  

YES, ride on!  And Sharkman would have someone to pull him into the wind!  After all, that is what being a Minion is all about!  "One for all and all for the Sharkman," as they say…..

How cold was it you ask?  Well, it was so cold …….even Polar Bear had on riding tights!  Oh, the humanity!

Just as the Shark was thanking Polar Bear from keeping him from having to ride alone, Hossman pulled in late and Sharkman and Polar Bear were more than happy to wait for him to get his booties on and get his tires pumped up.

As the three headed into town, Mad Dog rolled up and had in fact, ridden over into the wind.  Mad Dog also mentioned that he had run into ice on the bridges on his way over and cautioned the riders about the ice on the road!  Is this Minion a stud or what?

Luann was waiting at her post with a look of disbelief on her face as the Nation rolled by the Klutch.

Much to the dismay of the Nation, Gazelle Girl was not to be found on 36th Street has they headed north.  Sharkman told the Nation that she probably woke to the cold and just rolled back, pulled the covers up and thought, "maybe next week!" (this marks an unprecedented run of getting her name in Belo News without showing up on cold days!  Way to go Gazelle Girl!).

Hossman quickly headed to the front and led our intrepid hero to the first sprint at which time Sharkman announced his legs just didn't seem to have anything in them on this cold morning.

Mad Dog sat in at the back saving some energy for his ride home and Sharkman felt a bit guilty as Polar Bear and Hossman did most of the work at the front of the pack.  But, that is what Minions are for, correct?

As the Nation climbed the col de Norte and the wind began to push them, our intrepid hero began to get a second wind and the pace picked up through the Bible Conference Hills, into the inlet section and across the Digital Divide.

After the Digital Divide, a very strong pace line picked up and each of the Minions took their turns in the box as they quickly approached the GGG Spot crossing.

Sharkman shot to the front as the small but hearty riders headed for the final assault.

Sharkman pulled for a short time and then Hossman came forward to take an awesome pull, as is his want to do, at the front!  Taking the small train to the base of the final ascent, Sharkman took over and pulled to the top just as Polar Bear came through to take the lead.

Sharkman stayed on Polar Bear like a wave on a dorsal fin until the final end stretch of the sprint, where within a matter of feet before the finish, Sharkman went ahead by half a wheel!

Shakrman immediately apologized to both Polar Bear and Hossman for going out in front as he felt he had not pulled his share on the front half of the ride.  However, he stated he was feeling good and could not help himself!  After all, the old Shark doesn't always get a chance at strong finishes like the one he had just experienced.

However, being the great Minions that they are, both Hossman and Polar Bear stated it was a great day in the peloton and they were just glad they survived without any frostbite!

Standing room only at the Klutch!

The fans went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as the Nation rode to the Klutch, jersey's zipped up for the sponsors, where the tofosi and paparazzi was so thick the only table the Nation could sit at was the last tall table near the window!  The koffee was hot and strong and at one point, Sharkman was caught pouring some on his feet in an attempt to get the feeling back in his toes!  The Nation shivered for while they sipped the first kup, but they were nicely warmed by the third.  The discussion centered around the fact that Mad Dog had to ride home, but at least he would have a tail wind!

What will happen this week?  Come on out and find out!  The weather can't stay cold forever! Or can it…..?

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Launch time - 9:00 A.M. - SHARP!

Last year by this time the Minions were starting at 8:00! Oh, the humanity!

It has to warm up at some point, right?

Be there!

TALES OF STYKER GUY

Stryker Guy and beard!

Belo News

April 24, 2013

Brasstown Bald, Ga. - Many in the nation have been asking where that perennial Minion rider, Stryker Guy, has been all season.  When last heard from, the veteran Minion had reported that he was training to run a marathon with his lovely daughter and would be out of action on the bike until said marathon was over.

This past weekend, Stryker Guy reported in from Brasstown Bald, the highest natural point in the State of Georgia, with a summit elevation of 4,784 feet.  This famous peak has been a part of some major bike races and is famous for its steep, long climb.  Obviously, Styker Guy is back on the bike and ready to ride as he reported he had made the climb!

Stryker Guy also sent the attached photo of he and other riders doing Hogpen pass, which is not as high as Brasstown Bald, but has 12-14% grades in the middle of the climb.  What a stud!

Stryker Guy and friends!

Stryker Guy has even grown a beard!

Look out col de twin lakes and Norte!  Here comes Stryker Guy!

Stryker Guy reports he hopes to be back in the Minion peloton soon!

HOOSIER BOY DOES BOSTON!

Belo News

April 15, 2013

Boston, Ma. - With all the excitement and tragedy around the Boston Marathon bombings, the news of how one of our own Minions did was left out of last weeks Belo News.

We are pleased to report that our own Hoosier Boy finished in 3:15 and well ahead of the attacks.

Hoosier Boy did the Mighty Minion Nation proud with this stellar performance and it is hoped he will be back in the Nation, where he belongs, soon! 

Congratulations Hoosier Boy!

UPCOMING EVENTS!

Belo News

April 24, 2013

- May is Bike Month and May 13-19 is Bike Week!  So get those bikes out and ride to work, the store, to a Minion Ride near you!    - On the Tuesday of Bike Week, the Kalamazoo Bicycle Film Festival will take with a feature film at Bell's Brewery!   - Tour de Taylor is coming up on June 15th! More on this in a later edition!    - Motor City Bike Ride! June 22, 2013!     To raise money for the Danialle Karmanos Work It Out (DKWIO)     Only 150 spots open.  More information at their website:       - http://www.motorcitybikeride.com/indexV2.asp?Pin=1007       - Facebook page   :  http://www.facebook.com/events/430264013735265/

SHARKMAN & GAZELLE GIRL TELL ALL!

Sharkman being interviewed on Oprah!

WAS ANYONE CRAZY ENOUGH TO RIDE LAST WEEK? 

NAME THAT MINION UPDATE!


Belo News
April 13, 2013

Shark Cove - Mi.  The entire cycling world was abuzz all week with rumor and innuendo  concerning drug allegations in the mighty Minion Nation.  The allegations began when an innocent photo of one of the iconic members of the peloton captured her dipping into a "bag of tricks" that was labeled "Dope." The infamous photo began to circulate as did a subsequent photo of our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, dipping into what looked like the very same "bag of tricks" as well as speculation about his superior abilities on that particular Saturday that were then connected to the photo.

As a result, both riders have set the record straight with in-depth interviews on Oprah!

In their tell all interviews, first Sharkman stated that he had been tested numerous times and other than heavy traces of Pop Tarts, prunes and caffeine, he has passed every single test the Galesburg Cycling Federation has administered to him (other than the time he missed the sample cup). Concerning his dramatic improvement on the bike on that given Saturday, he attributed that to particularly high consumption of Pop Tarts that morning along with some adult beverages that he had indulged in the previous evening.

Gazelle Girl excited to be on Oprah!

Meanwhile, Gazelle Girl, who started the controversy with her "bag of tricks," also maintained complete innocence and stated that she has carried that particular "change" purse for some time.  Gazelle Girl became increasingly excited during the interview and at one point began to jump up and down on the couch, shouting her love of the bike, the mighty Minion Nation, particular cocktail combinations and that Koffee at the Klutch (and that occasional cocktail) was all the drug she needed to kick butt in the peloton!

You go girl!

As a result, the Cycling Federation has concluded the investigation and has cleared both Sharkman AND Gazelle Girl of any wrong doing and additionally, they have publicly apologized for their over zealous persecution of these two icons of the peloton.

WAS ANYONE CRAZY ENOUGH TO RIDE LAST WEEK? 

Belo News

April 13, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - As our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, headed out early for Muskegon on Saturday, he wondered if anyone would be riding on the cold and snowy morning he was witnessing through the windshield of his Sharkmobile as he headed past Galesburg and the field of dreams he has come to know as the KK-TdG.  As readers of Belo News are all aware, the Shark hates to miss a Saturday with his beloved league of Minions but duty called and he could not be in the Nation on this day.

When he arrived in Muskegon at around 8:30 a.m., he received a text from Rainman stating "This might be the Saturday you ride alone!" to which our hero responded, "Yea, I'm not even there!"

Yes, it would be hard to believe that anyone, even a Minion, would ride on a morning like this, but as we all know, there is always one or two Minions who will ride in any kind of weather!

As we began to go to press, our own Mad Dog sent in the attached story, including photos, and what a story it is!  Not only did he and Airman ride, but Mad Dog rode over to the start from the Creek!  Both he AND Airman have been referred by the Cycling Federation for psychiatric treatment and hope to be released soon. 

But a big thanks to Mad Dog for this great write up!  

Apparently you have a lot of time on your hands waiting to get out of psychiatric treatments!

Belo News Special Report

Mad Dog

April 13, 2013

Galesburg, Mi. - The skies were bleak and the winds were blowing in even more epic proportions than the previous week.

Ardent followers of the blog will remember last week Sharkman rode to the start with Mad Dog, and winds were coming in epic proportions out of the east, resulting in a tail wind. Now this week
Mad Dog, all by himself, was fighting winds of proportions never seen by the Nation. Mad Dog questioned how their intrepid hero knew to ride in with a tail wind last week, have Lava Girl take him
home after the ride, thus avoiding a head wind home, and then be gone for the next ride when he would have faced a head wind.

Mad Dog said he held out hope, as he approached the way leading to Shark Cove, that maybe Rainman would be riding over. He said, “As I crested a small rise at an even smaller pace due to the headwinds of epic proportions, I notice a figure with a fluid cadence and a trademark white strip along one calf and I knew it must be Rainmain.”

Now the careful readers of this blog, not just those who skim the in-depth reporting for their names, will also remember from last week that Sharkman and Mad Dog kind of left Rainman by himself for the
ride over. Well, it seems it was pay back time for Mad Dog, because he said as try as he might, he could not catch Rainman. The question of how could Rainman could be riding as if the headwinds of epic proportions weren't so epic would soon be known.

Scandal had already rocked the peloton the time Mad Dog arrived at the start. 

Mad Dog said the thought of just turning around crossed this mind more than once, but he knew Airman would be waiting. Airman texted him the day before and assured him he would be there; for if he
stayed home he would be on cleaning duty.

The references in the prior blog entries to the possible use of performance enhancing substances within the Nation led to a crackdown by some Commissioner of Cycling. The first casualty was Rainman, who was sent home for having a bike far below the required minimum weight.

Wolf King was the next expulsion from the peloton, due to his refusal to wear a helmet. The Commissioner, citing rule 123.4 (b) ii, sent Wolf King packing. Wolf King was reported to have said, “It's too nice of weather to ride anyway. I only ride when it's really, really cold and Sharkman is buying
koffe.”

All Black, while not technically removed from the peloton by the Commissioner at the start, disappeared shortly after making his appearance in a new top secrete all black getup. Besides being super stylish, All Black's new kit has a super stealth mode, and once activated, he was never seen from again.

Not wanting to loose any more members of the Nation, Airman and Mad Dog led the group out
right at 9:00 am sharp.

As the Minion train rolled by the Klutch, it was reported Hossman was seen hurrying to get ready once again, having parked behind the Klutch. Without their leader to instill discipline and order, some of the Nation hurried across the train tracks to beat a train while poor Hossman was stranded on the other side.

Due to his previous indications of early season form, all thought Hossman would easily catch up, but
the train was just too long and he was never seen again. What was left of the nation was sure they would see Gazelle Girl. But as they approached her typical jumping on point, a gray trailer with ominous wording on the back passed, heading toward her house. It appeared Gazelle Girl's little bag of
tricks and the previous in-depth reporting resulted in a surprise early morning test for her.

The Nation sped on, not wanting her to steal the spotlight and receive any more press than she already does when she doesn't ride.

Without their intrepid hero in the pack, the peloton knew there would be no honorary sprint, and everyone left wanted that prize. Mad Dog launched a ferocious attack, which was easily covered by Airman. As Mad Dog looked over his shoulder to see what damage had been done, Airman jumped him on the other side. As the line rapidly approached, Mad Dog was just able to come to terms with Airman, resulting in a tie!
The next few sprints resulted in the exact same results, with a tie between Airman and Mad Dog. The peloton was quickly becoming dejected with the iron grip the duo had on the sprints, and numerous
Minions talked of abandoning.



Through the Bible Conference Hills the relentless pace of Mad Dog and Airman shredded the peloton's legs. Past the Digital Divide cries of mercy were heard from the peloton as Airman and Mad Dog formed a perfect pace line Their clockwork like precision resulted in unspeakable speed.

As the peloton rapidly approached the hill before the finish, they knew they were racing for third, unable to truly match the power and speed of the Airman and Mad Dog. As in all previous sprints, the photo finish was just too close to call.

Who are all those guys?

Knowing the Tofosi and Paparazzi only wanted to see and hear from Mad Dog and Airman, the rest of
the peloton faded away, leaving only these two strong men of the Nation to ride down the Champs le
Galesburg.

As the duo entered the Klutch, they
were surprised, and maybe just a
little delighted, to find Luann allowed
the Klutch to be the location of a photo
shoot showcasing the newest bikes
and whatnot.

Is this a great country or what!

You won't want to miss this weeks ride when the Sharkman returns!

This Saturday, April 20, 2013

Launch Time - 9:00 A.M. - SHARP!

NAME THAT MINION UPDATE!

Belo News

April 17, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - The results are coming in fast and furious for two Minions to have their Minion names changed!  

As the Nation is aware, there was quite a bit of controversy on nick names two weeks ago and as the Nation also knows, Belo News has had contests in the past to see if a name should be changed.  For those of you new to the Nation, Minions are assigned names to riders to protect the innocent, primarily family members who do not want to be associated in anyway with Minion activities.  

Both Kia Pet and Dr. Toe brought up the possibility of a name change.  

So, the Commissioner of Cycling has declared a "Name that Minion" Contest and we are very pleased to report that the checks are coming in fast and furious and Sharkman loves that.  Though all the checks seem to be coming from one source in Portage, Michigan, well.....money is money and as we all know the Sharkman can be bought!  

Oh, the humanity!  Looks like we might have some name changes coming, that is if the checks keep coming!

You can still vote to change the names of these two riders and only these two riders by sending $50 in a self addressed envelope to "Name that Minion!" ℅ Sharkman, Shark Cove, Mi. 

Please, simply let us know if the Commissioner of Cycling should a name change and don't forget the check made out to the Sharkman.  

Sorry, no second party, out of state, post dated checks allowed.  This contest if void where prohibited by law but you can still send the money in.

We will report the results in a future Belo News!

TUESDAY NIGHT RIDE STARTS!

Belo News
April 16, 2013

Battle Creek, Mi. - The return of the Tuesday Night Minions East Ride has begun!  Yes, a "soft opening" of the regular Tuesday Night Chain Gang Ride has been resurrected for the season as Airman, Mad Dog and Sharkman launched from Kellogg World Headquarters for the inaugural ride of the season.  The winds were strong out of the northwest which interestingly, seemed to affect the riders going both ways, but the dynamic trio was able to still turn in a very respectful 19.5 mph average for the evening.  Sharkman was rumored to have taken Wednesday off to recuperate after the intensity of the ride!

If you like to ride hard in a pace line this is the ride for you!

Tuesday Evenings, Kellogg World Headquarters Upper Parking lot - 5:30 p.m. - Launch!

Be there!

WHOA BABY, IT WAS A GREAT SATURDAY!

"Whoa Baby, what a day!" - Rain Drop says it all!

WHO IN THE HECK IS LIZARD MAN?

DRUG INVESTIGATION LAUNCHED!

Belo News

April 6, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - As the steam from his kup of koffee slowly ascended to meet the first rays of dawn before him, our intrepid hero noted that the Shark Thermometer had a better story to tell this week than the past few! 

It would be a good day to ride!

It was 37 degrees and the radar was showing dry weather for at least the morning hours!  

The Nation Rides!

Sharkman had already cleared it with Lava Girl that she would come over to the Klutch to pick our hero up post ride, so the first thing he did was text Mad Dog to tell him he would have company for the ride over!  Sharkman's biggest problem was trying to figure out from the temperature and wind what to wear. Well, that and the fact that Rainman's garage door was opening and wondering if the young Minion was riding over or just getting his bike ready to drive to the start.  After a couple circles at the end of Rainman's drive and knowing Mad Dog would be waiting, he headed out to Minges Road to find Mad Dog ready to ride over.

Minions start a fire to stay warm?

Sharkman shared with Mad Dog that he had received emails from Team Taylor riders that they would be joining the Nation this very morning for the ride.  Both Nickhead and someone named "Lizard Man" had emailed with questions about the ride.  

Lizard Head?  

Sharkman was unaware of a Minion named Lizard Head and when he looked at the email address he realized it was from the very famous Team Taylor/Minion formerly named Kia Pet.  So Sharkman certainly wanted to get the story from him as to the attempted name change when he arrived for the ride.

The wind on the way to the start was coming out of the southeast and coming in epic proportions (read gusts of 15 mph). This pushed to duo to get to the start a bit early and as they arrived they found no one there as they quickly hustled under the front door area to get out of the wind.  After they got off their bikes, Rainman appeared and stated he had ridden over and just could not catch on to the two.  

Sorry for not waiting Rainman…..

Soon, Airman drove in and got his bike ready and as All Black rode up they all huddled to stay warm.

Yeti Boy, just back from virtual training in Mexico, pulled in and not seeing the riders or Sharkman's car, he sat in his car waiting until Sharkman called him on his cell phone and told him to look out the back window of his car!

As they waited, three Team Taylor riders rode in from Kazoo.  Nickhead, Kia Pet (aka Lizard Man) and the Bounty Hunter!

It was learned that the Bounty Hunter was new to Team Taylor and a virgin Minion!

Bounty Hunter, Kia Pet & Nickhead ride with the Nation!

Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation Bounty Hunter! (Love the name).  Turns out for a guy riding for only the past couple of months, he was an animal on the roads!

Getting back to the Lizard Man, the Shark was savvy to the fact that when some people do not like their Minion name, they attempt to get it changed by calling themselves something else in hopes that it sticks.  Sort of like the old Seinfeld episode where George wants to be called T-Bone and get's the name "Monkey Boy" instead.  Nice try Kia Pet. 

More on this later……

Where'e the mustache Pirate?

Riders continued to arrive, including the Pirate, sans mustache!  Whoa, we hardly recognized the famous Minion without the stache! The Pirate also shared that he will be doing a lot of work from Europe this summer and we won't be seeing him, but also shared he would be sending reports to Belo News on riding in Spain and hopefully reporting from the Tour de France!  Ranger Rick made it two weeks in a row and the peloton was ready to rock after some of the riders made a comfort stop at the back of the school.

Luann was at her post at the front door as the Nation flew past the Klutch and headed out to the course with no flat tires this week!

As the Nation headed north on 36th Street, two riders approached to the shout of "Gazelle Girl!"  Turns out, Gazelle Girl had brought her personal physician, Dr. Toe with her!  

Welcome back Dr. Toe!

As regular readers of Belo News may remember, Dr. Toe had mistakenly been called "Toe Setter" at the Pole 2 Pole race earlier this year and he had taken a liking to the name.  As he stated, "I'm really not a doctor and I just tugged on her toe to fix it.  After all, I'm good at tugging on things!" 

More on this later in this edition.

Rain Drop is ready to ride!

With 13 mighty Minions in the Nation, Airman went to the front and led our hero out to his honorary first sprint at G Ave.

The Nation was in a good mood, discussing the weather and talking about how windy it was and how difficult the ride south was going to be.

The peloton splintered on the col de Twin Lakes as Yeti Boy led the way up the climb but again, the Nation came together at the stop sign.  Ranger Rick, Rainman and Airman took it up a notch in the Kountry Klub section and when Nickhead went by them in the sprint to the stop ahead, Sharkman jumped on his wheel and the two fought it out. (Belo News does not report sprint finishes this early so come on out if you want to know who is winning Spring sprints, Bunkie!).

Ranger Rick again jumped out in front in the run up to the col de Norte and at the summit, Sharkman tried to get a pace line together, but there were either two many Minions, it was too early in the year, or the collective coordination of the Nation sucks, but whatever it was, it was more like trying to push string than anything resembling a pace line.

Our hero and his main squeeze, Lava Girl!

The group experienced more attacks in the Bible Conference Hills and the peloton came apart and then back together at Frona's.

Once past the Digital Divide, a pace line was again attempted but no one seemed to want to play nice and again it would better be described as  organized chaos.

As the Nation crossed the GGG Spot, something similar to a pace line formed up (amazing) as the train headed into gale force winds.

As the Nation got to the foot of the climb before the finish, Rainman, with Sharkman on his wheel, opened up a gap, but when Rainman rolled aside to let Sharkman pull through, Sharkman described it as "hitting a wall of wind" when they crested and then moved down the hill.  

Yeti Boy enjoying his first kup after Mexico!

Meanwhile, Nickhead had bridged the gap and the two breakaway riders and took over the lead with Sharkman and Rainman in tow.

With the wind howling in their faces and the peloton slowly reeling them in, Rainman, Nickhead and Sharkman stayed away to the finish!

Average speed was clocked at 17.8 mph.  

The Nation grows stronger!

As the riders rode down the Champs le Galesburg, Kia Pet began complaining about his name again while the Nation waved to their adoring Tofosi and the Paparazzi.  

Lava Girl was waiting at the Klutch and Sharkman was sure she would have koffee ready for him, but to no avail.  Hey! What's with that?

However, as he turned dejectedly to buy HIS OWN koffee, there was Rainman with a kup of koffee for our hero!  Good ole Rainman….it only made Sharkman feel more guilty he hadn't waited for the young Minion on the ride over!

The Klutch was jumping when the famous Tardette arrived with little Rain Drop in tow!  

Rainman, Tardette & Rain Drop sign autographs!

Rain Drop was in great form and after signing a few autographs, settled in for some nice warm formula.  She was the hit of the post ride activities.

Even the Team Taylor riders stayed for the Press Conference and koffee as Kia Pet continued to protest his name and attempt to build his case as they discussed having to ride back to Kazoo into the gale force winds.

Later in the day, Nickhead reported that he and the Team Taylor riders are hoping to ride with the

Gazelle Girl and Dr. Toe/Toe Setter!

Nation a bit more this year and that "it was very windy heading home but we tucked behind our 'little Kia Pet' and he dragged us home."  When asked if he could be quoted, Nickhead responded by stating that he would gladly give up all rights to the quote.  Kia Pet, who had been copied, was asked for comment and he stated, "Hey, Nickhead, my name is not @#$%*&+ Kia Pet!"  Whew.....!

One thing you should never do is let the Nation know you don't like your name because then it may NEVER change!

It was a great day in the peloton and no one will want to miss this weeks edition, though it will be sans Sharkman as he will be gone this Saturday.  

But the ride goes on!

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Launch Time - 9:00 A.M. - SHARP!

Be there!

NAME THAT MINION CONTEST!

Belo News

April 9, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - As the Nation is aware, there was quite a bit of controversy on nick names this past weekend and as the Nation also knows, Belo News has had contests in the past to see if a Minion should be granted a different name.  

For those of you new to the Nation, Minions are assigned names to protect the innocent, primarily family members who do not want to be associated in anyway with Minion activities, Belo News or the Sharkman.  

This past week, both Kia Pet and Dr. Toe brought up the possibility of a name change.  Well, actually, Dr. Toe mentioned it while Kia Pet was pretty darn vocal about his name, which isn't going to help him any…..

So, the Commissioner of Cycling has declared another "Name that Minion" Contest!  After all, it has been a while since we changed Tardettes name from Tardette to Tardette!

You can vote to change the names of these two riders and only these two riders by sending $50 in a self addressed envelope to "Name that Minion!" ℅ Sharkman, Shark Cove, Mi. 

Please, simply let us know if the Commissioner of Cycling should allow a name change, what the name should be and don't forget the check made out to the Sharkman.  

Sorry, no second party, out of state, post dated checks allowed.  This contest is void where prohibited by law but you can still send the money in.

We will report the results in a future Belo News!

DRUG INVESTIGATION LAUNCHED!

Sharkman investigating? Or does this explain his strengh for the day?

Belo News

April 9, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - As many readers were made aware last week, there were some allegations of potential drug use in the peloton the previous week.  These allegations flew about a certain riders prowess after the winter break. Gazelle Girl, who has vehemently denied any drug use while riding (she has not comment on any other times) was actually caught on camera with her "little bag of tricks" while enjoying a koffee at the Klutch.  

As a result, an in-depth investigation has been launched by the Commissioner of Cycling and it is rumored that in the wake of the overwhelming evidence, Gazelle Girl has scheduled an interview on the Oprah Show where she will tell all. 

Well, not all, but all about these specific allegations.  After all, Oprah is only an hour show.

Meanwhile, there were some questions as to the investigative methods used to gather the evidence as well as Sharkmans great riding form this past Saturday.  Well, great for Sharkman anyway......

Could it be?  Could it possibly be?

Watch Oprah and find out!

UPCOMING EVENTS!

Belo News

April 9, 2013

• The Fort Custer Stampede is slated for May 5th and all proceeds go to trail development and maintenance!
• May is Bike Month and May 13-19 is Bike Week!  So get those bikes out and ride to work, the store, to a Minion Ride near you!
• On the Tuesday of Bike Week, the Kalamazoo Bicycle Film Festival will take with a feature film at Bell's Brewery!
• Tour de Taylor is coming up on June 15th! More on this in a later edition!

The Gathering of Minions!

SUNSHINE AND RIDERS!

WHAT, NO SEAT POST BOLT?

GAZELLE GIRL HALF MARATHON? OH, YES!

Belo News

March 30, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - One can only imagine the excitement at the Shark Cove as a clear, blue sky greeted our hero when he rolled out of his shark bed!  After two weeks of cold and snow, it was looking like Mother Nature was finally going to smile on the Minion Nation.  

Or was it?

New bike or new wheels?

When Lava Girl awoke she looked at the Shark Thermometer and commented that it was a cold 26 degrees outside!  This only confused our intrepid hero as he began wondering what clothes to take with him to the start. The old Shark was also pondering what bike to take.  Suspecting a bigger turnout (what a difference a week and warm temps makes) he decided some of the young studs might be in attendance and he better take his trusty Litespeed rather than his cross bike.  Good thing he did!

As he loaded the car and felt the warm sun on his dorsal, he started going back into the Cove for different, less warm clothes.

Our hero's joy was in abundance as he pulled into the parking lot and saw several riders preparing their steeds for the mornings ride!

There was Airman, who everyone was asking, "did you buy a new bike?"

Apparently, he bought new wheels, which made the bike look different, plus, ....well new!  Airman

Tow Truck, Mad Dog & Ranger Rick listen to Airman.

responded that it was not only the same bike, but it was the first time in three years he DIDN'T have a new bike for the season!  This man loves his bikes!

Kid Doster, Wolf King, Cannon, Brewman, Ranger Rick, All Black where all getting their bikes ready and wondering about what to wear when first, Tow Truck then Mad Dog rode in.

At 9:30 A.M. SHARP, the mighty Minion Nation pulled away from the start and headed toward the Klutch, where Luann was busy with a customer, but still got to the side door to wave the peloton on!

It was then that a cry of "Flat Tire!" was heard from the back of the train.

It was none other than Wolf King himself, whose front tire was losing air fast from the valve area of an old tube.

Alas, not only did Wolf King not have a tube, he did not have either CO2 or a pump or even tire irons!  "What?" you say?  Isn't this the rider who gave grief to our hero, the Sharkman, when he broke his seat post bolt and didn't have a spare?  Who berated our hero about not being prepared?  Who now needed our own hero's tube, tire irons AND CO2 and  hand pump? Yes, it was the same Wolf King.

Kid Doster & Brewman make their debuts!

With the weather a bit cool, it was difficult to get the tire off the rim, but once off, a puff of baby powder, a scent of CO2, and the riders were off again to head north!

As they did, a mighty cheer went up from the peloton as Gazelle Girl approached making her season debut!  "Gazelle Girl!" rang out from the peloton as the Nation moved toward Sharkman's honorary sprint, which he worked way too hard to grab.

The crowd seemed pretty mellow and all still seemed to be complaining that they were not in shape for the ride.  However, as the Nation approached the col de Twin Lakes their speed continued as Cannon picked up the pace with Sharkman on his wheel.

Cannon shared that he had a bad crash at the previous weeks Barry-Roubaix and his GPS had him going from 23 mph to zero in next to nothing as he went down on his knee after getting his wheel stuck in an ice rut.  However, it did not seem to affect his riding this fine, sunny morning.  The col de Twin Lakes blew the peloton apart, but it all came back together at the top and as the Nation moved into the infamous Kountry Klub section after Kellogg Korner.

As many Minions know, this section seems to be where the Minions like to take it up a notch and though Sharkman thought it might be too early for that, it apparently was not.  Thinking he was glad to have brought his Litespeed, he watched as Tow Truck, Cannon and Ranger Rick went to the front and took long pulls.

Meanwhile, Wolf King continued to lose a bit of air out of the newly fixed tire, or at least he was using that as his excuse for lagging behind as the nation waited at the top of the col de Norte.

After the Bible Conference Hills, where Gazelle Girl helped Wolf King get to Frona's by using the cut off, Wolf King need Sharkman's pump to put more air in his tire.

When the train crossed the Digital Divide, Wolf King came from worse to first and pulled the Minions into a nice pace line but then got quickly jettisoned off the back once the group got up to ramming speed.

At the GGG spot, Sharkman had an average speed of 17.5 mph on his computer but when he didn't see the Wolf, he headed back and told the Nation he liked his koffee dark and bottomless (not that it did any good….) 

Leaving no Minion behind, our hero headed back to get Wolf King who was just off the back but was complaining about a rough day on the bike.

Wolf King latched on to the old Shark's wheel and they almost caught on to the run away peloton which seemed to be taking their sweet time getting to the finish.

Now we know where Gazelle Girl get's her edge!

As the peloton headed down the road to the Champs le Galesburg, Wolf King said he was still losing air and was heading straight to the Klutch.  Sharkman again shouted out, "Dark, bottomless!" but again, it was to no avail…..

The crowds went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as the mighty Nation appeared in force on their way to the Klutch where the koffee was dark and bottomless!

Cannon had to leave early, but first showed the Nation his banged up knee and one could only marvel at the fact he was riding fine one week later.  But then again, the Minions are pretty tough sharks and he is young.

In the photo to the right, Belo News was able to catch Gazelle Girl "dipping into" her bag of tricks and we now know what gives her that special edge in the peloton! The Commissioner of Cycling is launching an investigation!

Eleven riders made this week and it is hoped that even more Minions will be out next week!

Since it is April and it is supposed to be getting warmer, the time will be moved up to 9:00 a.m. this week so riders won't need to rush off and miss the ambiance of the Klutch!

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Launch Time - 9:00 a.m. - SHARP!

Be there!

UPCOMING EVENTS!

Belo News

April 4, 2013

• The Fort Custer Stampede is slated for May 5th and all proceeds go to trail development and maintenance!
• May is Bike Month and May 13-19 is Bike Week!  So get those bikes out and ride to work, the store, to a Minion Ride near you - just ride!
• On the Tuesday of Bike Week, the Kalamazoo Bicycle Film Festival will take with a feature film at Bell's Brewery!
• Tour de Taylor is coming up on June 15th! More on this in a later edition so mark you calendars!

GAZELLE GIRL HALF MARATHON!

Belo News

April 3, 2013

Shark Cove, Mi. - Just as Belo News was going to press, Hoosier Boy sent the Editor a note asking if, in fact, a half Marathon had been named after our own sweet heart of the peloton, Gazelle Girl herself!  Hoosier Boy reported that he is on an email list for Gazelle Sports and received an update on upcoming events, which include a "Gazelle Girl Marathon."  Belo News was able to reach Gazelle Girl at home where she is quoted as stayin, "I'm a brand! Is this a great country or what!"

Yes, it is a great country Gazelle Girl, it is indeed!  For more information on this event, you can go to:

http://www.gazellesports.com/info/255-GazelleGirlHalf.html