NO ONE WINS FINAL SPRINT!

HOSSMAN TAKES SECOND!

LEADERLESS, CAFFINELESS KK-TdG THIS WEEK?


Belo News
March 24, 2012

Galesburg, Mi. – As our intrepid hero, the Sharkman launched solo from the Cove, he was sure that the rain would hold off. Wearing his rain jacket and adding his lights to his steed, he started to build up a sweat almost immediately as he danced on the pedals as he made his way to the start of the KK-TdG.

Riding past the Klutch, All Black approached from the other direction and said he was glad to see someone. With the threat of rain, and the Barry-Roubaix race being run this wet morning, Sharkman was unsure of who would show up for the third edition of the 2012 season.

However, as All Black and our hero approached the start line they found Sooner, Peugeot Guy, Airman, persona non Grata, and Wilier Boy, and Squeaky (making his season premier), along with Bison and his Dad, Fred (name to be determined), who was a Minion virgin! But no more!

Welcome to the Mighty Minion Nation Fred!

(Editors Note – we apologize for omitting a virgin Minion from the ranks last week. He even came with a built in nick name. A big welcome to the mighty Minion Nation for Schong!)

As the crowd continued to gather in wait for the start, Bissell Boy, the Skipper, Hossman, Luke Skywalker and Hutch (making his first appearance of the season) rode in.

While Fred (from the Chicago area where Sharkman grew up) and Sharkman reminisced about an old TV show called “Barn Dance” on WGN in Chicago where the MC was the Mayor of Schaumburg, and with Bison’s eyes started to glaze over, The Skipper called out “Click in Minions, we’re heading out!”

By this time, our intrepid hero had taken his rain jacket off and everyone was convinced that there would be no rain this warm morning! And they would be wrong! Oh the humanity!

As the peloton snaked past the quiet Klutch, over the tracks and began heading towards 36th Street they caught a blaze of orange heading north on 36th! It was none other than Nikeboy, who had gotten a late start and had not caught on with Sharkman for the ride over. They were then 16 riders!

Squeaky, Luke Skywalker, Sooner, Peugeot Guy and others lead out our hero to the ceremonial first sprint, protecting him from any wayward attempts by miscreant Minions to try to steal it this week and become persona non Grata.

As Sharkman did his count at the G Ave. crossing, he rolled to the back of the peloton and watched as the nation began to get a bit frisky early in the ride. With the warm temperatures and not having to wear layers of Lycra, it appears the Minions are getting into mid season form a bit earlier than usual

Hossman, showing early season form, shot up the col de Twin Lakes and splintered the peloton with Airman on his wheel in the run up to the Gull Lake High School.

As the nation rode past the Yorkville Church, Airman attacked early and after realizing that he had opened a gap, decided to open that gap up big time. Showing some early season form, the mighty Airman cranked on ahead with several Minions trying to reel him in on an individual basis. With those attempts failing, it was only after the turn after the Country Club that the Minions formed up and finally caught him right at the Rt. 43 stop ahead sprint.

By this time, the rain had started. Not a hard rain that washes the grime off the road, but the slow, wet rain that makes everything, including dead worms and other unmentionables cling to every part of your bike.

At the summit of the col de Norte, Hossman was sidelined with a rear flat tire. It is never easy to change a tire in a drizzling rain, but even worse with a bunch of Minions telling you to hurry up! None the less, Hossman had the wheel changed quickly and the wet riders moved south towards the Bible Conference Hills.

As the rain continued and the grit and grime continued to accumulate, yet another attack took place in the hills to the sprint at Frona’s.

As the Nation moved into the Inlet, riders began dropping off like rats on a wet ship, as the rain took it’s toll and any Minion close to home was not going to ride back to Galesburg in the rain!

After the Digital Divide, what was left of the Minions formed up into a semi pace line that began to take the speed up as they approached the GGG sprint. Airman made a move at this point and took the GGG sprint.

As the train heading into the final stretch, Hossman went to the front in his signature move and made one, very long, humungous pull that lasted to the short rise before the finish, where he finally dropped back, as no other Minion seemed to want to take the front.

As the riders crested the hill, the peloton split up and it seemed to be every Minion for hizself as bedlam ensured!

Sharkman grabbed on to the wheel of Wilier Boy, who was riding very strong and was holding down the gap in front of him! It was then that he heard the voice of Hossman on his left, raised from the dead, shout, “jump on Sharkman!”

Sharkman, never one to not take advantage of a free ride, jumped on as he heard Wilier Boy shout out, “I feel so used!”

It was then that no one made a break from the pack with Hossman, Sharkman and Sooner and the mighty Nation in hot pursuit!

As the wet, grime covered riders bore down on the finish, no one took the sprint with the resurrected Hossman taking second and Sharkman ahead of a surging Sooner. Final average speed of 18 mph, which was pretty fast considering the rain and the flat tire!

The crowds were small, but enthusiastic on the Champs le Galesburg as the dirty riders, thinned out from the start, made their way to the Klutch for the post race press conference.

No one actually bought koffee for Sharkman, attempting to get back into his good graces (how could the old Shark stay mad at a persona non Grata when he buys the Koffee?)

The wet riders were glad to wrap their cold hands around the hot koffee that Luann was serving and Sharkman was excited to see that Lava Girl had taken pity on him and had driven over to have some koffee and take him back in the warm Sharkmopilot! Yeah Lava Girl!

Sharkman stated that he had to scrub his legs to get the grit out and that when he cleaned his filthy steed later that day, he found a family of worms and a raccoon living in his front derailleur!

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT ON THIS WEEK’S RIDE!

The Sharkman will not be in attendance this week, as he will be out visiting his Sharklet’s in California. But the bigger news is that

THE KLUTCH WILL BE CLOSED! Oh, the humanity!

Yes, Luann will be closing the Klutch for one week to go on a well deserved vacation!

So the Nation will be leaderless and cafineless this Saturday!

But the Mighty Minion Nation will ride on!

Since the weather is still cooperating, the start time will be moved up to 9:00 A.M.!

Saturday – March 31, 2012

New Time! New Time!

Launch Time – 9:00 A.M. – SHARP!

Be there!

Tuesday Night Rides to Start!

Belo News
March 28, 2012

Battle Creek, Mi. – Back by popular demand, the Tuesday Night ride from Kellogg will begin next Tuesday, April 3, 2012! This ride will launch from the upper parking deck at Kellogg Headquarters at 5:45 p.m. The start will be pushed back to 6:00 p.m. as longer daylight continues to creep into the Michigan summer.

This ride is a pace line work out of 30 miles and is not for the faint of heart. This is a heads down, all out ride but a team effort to see how fast the pace can be maintained.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Launch Time – 5:45 p.m. – SHARP!

From the Kellogg Headquarters upper parking deck!


WRONGWAY DOES IT AGAIN AT BARRY-ROUBAIX?

Falcon does the 62 miler!

Belo News
March 24, 2012

Middleville, Mi. – Once again, our fellow Minion, Wrongway, took a wrong turn! This time it during the Barry-Roubaix Race at Middleville this past weekend. Despite this minor indiscretion, our young hero still finished 8th in his age group with a time of
1:53:22! This converts to an average speed of 19.1 mph! We here at Belo News can only wonder how well young Wrongway would do if he didn’t, well, keep doing the wrong way!

Congratulations Wrongway, you did the Mighty Minion Nation proud!

Also competing in the 62 mile division, the some time Minion, Falcon finished 152d with a time of 3:35:53 for an average speed of 17.2 miles for 62 miles! Outstanding!

Congratulations Falcon, you did the Mighty Minion Nation proud!



STATE SWIMMING CHAMPION IN THE PELETON!


Belo News
March 23-26, 2012

Detroit, Mi. - At the Michigan Masters Swimming State Meet this past weekend our own Stroker, and Sharkman’s next door neighbor at the Cove, won all his breaststroke and individual medley races in his age group. In addition he was the second fastest overall for all age groups in the 100 breaststroke! A State Champion…..again!

This, despite major shoulder surgery over the winter! We can only wonder how Stroker will be kicking butt when he get’s back on the bike this season!

However, the great part of the story is that Mrs. Stroker also competed and swam in seven individual and 4 relay events. Mrs. Stroker’s first event was Friday afternoon and her last wasn't until Sunday night! A marathon weekend for her as well!

Must be that living in the Cove with the Sharkman makes you a State Champion swimmer!

Congratulations to the Stroker Family, you did the Nation proud!

CLASSIFIED

ANYONE HAVE A MOUNTAIN BIKE FOR SALE?

Belo News
March 28, 2012

Battle Creek, Mi. – A fellow Minion known as Da Yoop, is looking for a mountain bike for Da Loop Junior. He would like to find a 17-18” hard tail with suspension up front that will be used for off-road riding, with an occasional race mixed in. So if you’re looking to find some additional room in your garage or plan on moving your junior up to a bigger bike, let Sharkman know and he will put you in touch with Da Yoop!

HUGE ST. PADDY’S DAY TURNOUT!

BOFFO THE CLOWN SIGHTING!

YETI BOY REPORTS FROM MEXICO!

MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNTS AT THE YMCA?

Belo News
March 17, 2012

Galesburg, Mi. – What a difference a week makes! Or was it the weather? Or was it the weather AND the fact that kids soccer has not started yet?

Does it even matter? This weather has been unbelievable and the Minions are going to enjoy it while they can! As Michiganders, Minions all know this weather may not last!

The BN reporters on the scene Saturday actually lost count of the riders after 25 of them lined up for the start and at least 3 more joined on during the ride! Several attempts to get a full count proved fruitless as our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, desperately attempted to keep track of all his beloved Minions.

It was like old home week for the KK-TdG!

When the Sharkman opened the garage door at the Cove, he was greeted by Stingray and Nikeboy who were joining him for the ride over in the 65+ degree weather and as they launched, Rainman was coming out of his driveway in the Cove! As the four riders approached the start, they were surprised to see the mass of riders unloading their cars and riding into the start!

Oh the humanity!

Riders that had not been seen in some time, like Sooner, Peugeot Guy, Wildman, Luke Skywalker and Cyclocross and others (always dangerous to list names, as we may be forgetting someone, but what the heck…..) were at the start and ready to romp. However, the surprise of the morning was the return of that irascible clown of the peloton, Boffo!

Boffo the Clown?

Yes, Boffo the Clown, fresh off the Russian Bear Wrestling circuit, was back in the peloton and talking trash! (See photo). Several Minions commented it was good to hear that diabolical laugh in the peloton once again!

Boffo was quoted as saying that since it was above 50 degrees, after 9am and pre-soccer, his wife had told him that he would have absolutely zero excuses to not ride and would therefore begin to refer to him as a non-minion or boffette (not to be confused with W Buffett, or buffet--maybe more appropriate) if he did not ride.

Whoa, way to go Mrs. Boffo!

In celebration, many Minions were “wearing the green” in honor of St. Paddy’s Day. Zickman actually showed up with a green lay and green jewelry, while Sharkman had an actual Irish National jersey he got from Stryker Guy! (Stryker Guy doesn’t even show and he gets ink in the Blog!)

After the photo opportunity, the mass of Minions headed through town and as Luann gave her usual wave out the door, you could see the concern on her face as she pondered whether all those Minions would fit into the Klutch post ride!

As the Minion Nation moved north on 36th St., Gazelle Girl approached in her customary fashion to a loud shout of “Gazelle Girl!” from the peloton.

Peugeot Guy and Sooner were leading out the Sharkman to the front and to show respect to the honor of being given the first sprint, Sharkman jumped to the front. However, a Minion, who apparently was not thinking, decided to steal the sprint at the line to shouts of “Death to the Infidel!” and “A thousand years bad luck!” from the Nation.

This rider has now rendered himself “persona non Grata” for at least two editions of the Belo News.

Despite the dis, the Sharkman rifled ahead to G Ave. to attempt to count Minions and make sure everyone was on board, but it was useless as riders came and went along the ride.

The pace was incredible for the early season. The Opening Day ride average pace was clocked at 16.3 mph, and though it was hard to tell if it was the size of the peloton, the weather or both, the finishing pace for this weeks jaunt around Gull Lake averaged 19 mph!

The Minions got particularly spunky in both the Country Club and Bible conference hills sections and continued to take the pace up as they circled Gull Lake.

After the Digital Divide, a very nice, long pace line formed up and Sharkman commented at the press conference that the line was so long he never made it to the front before getting to the GGG crossing (this may have had more to do with his liking to sit in these days!).

With both Hossman and Tow Truck moving to the front of the Mighty Minion Train on 37th St. it was assumed that the riders would be stretched out, but it was not to be. Another pace line formed up as the train bore down on the finish at the High School!

It ended up being a mad dash to the finishing line and the son of Brewman, the now famous Brewboy, took the sprint going away! When told it was traditional for the winner to buy everyone koffee at the klutch, Brewman stated that he was pretty sure Brewboy had forgotten his wallet! A ploy that Sharkman is famous for…….

The tofosi went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as our heroes made their way to the Klutch, zipping up their jersey’s for the sponsors. In addition to it being a record early season ride attendance, it also seem like almost all the riders stopped for the post race press conference and for the kup of joe!

Mayhem ensued at the Klutch as the mob of riders entered the Kaffee. The local patron’s began making a hasty retreat to make room for the riders and the paparazzi as it was hard to hear people talk with all the noise in the Klutch.

Both Brewman AND Rainman bought Sharkman his koffee and we are not sure how that worked, but they both get their names in the blog anyway! But don’t worry, Sharkman told Belo News “it will be a long season and everyone will get a chance to buy him koffee!”

During the Press Conference the famous Tardette made an appearance to sign autographs and talk about the impending birth of the Raindrop! She was greeted with a huge cheer from the Nation as she walked in the door!

The Minions didn’t seem to want to leave as it seemed like mid summer at the Klutch!

Is this a great country or what?

The weather looks like it will stick around a bit longer and with kid’s soccer not starting till April, it could be another great turn out this Saturday, weather permitting!

So you won’t want to miss the next adventure!

Saturday – March 24, 2010

Launch Time – 9:30 A.M. – SHARP!

Be there!


NIKEBOY TO HEAD YMCA! OH, THE HUMANITY!

Belo News
March 15, 2012

Battle Creek, Mi. – Our own Nikeboy has been appointed the new Director of the Battle Creek YMCA! Now we want to know if Minions get a discount on membership?

Obviously, this is what happens when you hang with the Mighty Minion Nation!

Congratulations to Nikeboy from the Nation!

http://www.battlecreekenquirer.com/article/20120314/NEWS01/303140029/Adam-Dingwall-appointed-interim-CEO-Battle-Creek-YMCA


STORIES FROM MEXICO!

SPECIAL REPORT

Belo New Special Report
March 16, 2012
Reporter: Yeti Boy

San Miguel de Allende, Mexico

Story #1

The Face Plant

Last year when in San Miguel I hooked up with a guy and did a mountain bike tour. He told me that if I came back he would rent me a bike for the month. Never being one to pass up a deal one of the first things I did was go get my bike. He is almost out of that business because of the popularity of 4 wheelers now with tourists. It turns out that just around the corner is a bike shop owned by a young man and frequented by his girl friend among other young hyper thyroid types. He has good number of full suspension bikes in his inventory and is a really nice young man. The other day I was in there and he suggested that on Friday he was going to conduct a tour of the country side and I was invited to attend. He said there would be some other "Americans along too and that we would not be going fast". The part about going fast I knew was BS since anyone who knows about mountain bikes knows there is no such thing as slow....not being very smart I figured if there were Gringos as a part of this I could hang. When I got there he, his girl friend and his buddy were there and no pale faces in sight. When I asked he said, "I don't know what happened to them but don't worry we won't go fast (there it is again). They had their high end bikes painted with letters that said, "San Miguel race club" and had on team jerseys". When we took off through the city I was staying in line pretty well but my heart rate was about at max (165) and I was not gaining ground. We shot through the city to the first of the gravel tracks and it was a blast. High speed dips, smooth and not too technical. We rode for about 10 minutes and came to a paved road. They turned up the volume (remember we are at 6000 feet) and I started to drop back some. They waited for only a minute as we left the road for the first of the climbs...gravel with stones as big as softballs and very steep. We climbed for about 10 minutes where they again waited for me to catch up and wait for my heart to come back into my chest. At that point they asked me how old I was. When I said 63 their beautiful tan faces drained, turned white and they began to speak rapidly in Spanish. To bolster me since they knew at this point they were stuck with me they said, "If we live that long we sure hope we can ride like you do". Nice sentiment but little comfort I am afraid. We continued to climb and descend for about 40 minutes. The descents were mind boggling with huge rocks and no ability to brake since the ground was so soft. I saw the lead rider drop off a ledge and decided that "If he can do it...."

The next thing I knew I was over the handle bars and a total face plant on rock. My helmet saved my head but my knees were not so lucky. (see photo) When we left the "easy sections" for the next mountain I made one more climb but when I could no longer see through the blue spots I called it quits. I waved good bye and promptly got lost, had to ford a knee deep river, got a flat, fixed the flat, got attacked by 4 dogs, two of whom were as big as me and limped home in time to get to the pharmacy and buy medicine.

She said "Put this on your knees and your face."

MY FACE?

Will I be scared for life....do I have a concussion, will I make it through to the next ride? When I stopped in to the bike store to report in he said "I can't wait to take you next week on Friday, we will go slow". Nancy has had me fitted for a dog collar and is threatening to stake me out next Friday.

It is said that "Adventure is tragedy closely avoided". SMA...wow.

Story #2

In the hands of God

Better told in person but briefly I went on a 28 K out and back on a rutted old two track. On the way I met an old man and a donkey. They looked so hot and thirsty I gave him my water. He asked God for a blessing on me and on I went.

I decided to shoot down the mountain on a donkey trail to get to a town in the valley and strike off for home from there instead of just turning around. It was full of cactus, very hot and dry but a fast and a beautiful ride. I got back on black top about a mile from my town and heard a clicking in my front tire. I was not happy but at that point I thought it best to leave it alone. In town the tire went totally flat. The pump did nothing and I had no spare and no patch kit. I went to the square, the site of a very important Church in Mexican history, to decide what to do next. I frankly had no clue other than to walk 15K back to town. When I surveyed the area with the Church to my back I saw a Mexican family on the other side of the street, dressed in bike clothes, riding mountain bikes. Keep in mind, I have ridden every day and have never seen a scene like that. I asked them if they had a patch kit and they immediately pulled out a patch kit, pump and got to work on the tube. 4 holes and over a 1/2 hour later I was back on my way. They would accept only thanks and hugs for their efforts. It is seldom that I have felt myself so settled in the palm of God's hand. One wonders if God really cares about flat tires but I am here to tell you that there was a warm glow on that ride home.

(Editors Note – Great stories, Yeti Boy, keep’em coming!)


ALFRED E. BIKE ANNUAL SPRING SALE THIS WEEKEND!

Belo News
March 23-26, 2012

Kalamazoo, Mi. – Yes, this Friday through Monday is the famous Alfred E. Bike Spring Sale! This is another one of those bike events the Minions will not want to miss! Great deals on all things cycling and though you may not need it now, spring is a great time to buy winter stuff! It is all on sale!

Be there!

TOW TRUCK TAKES OPENING DAY!

SHARKMAN GET’S KEY TO CITY!

THIS SATURDAY - ST. PADDY’S DAY RIDE!

Belo News

March 10, 2012

Galesburg, Mi. – Twas the night before Opening Day, and all through the Cove, not a creature was stirring not even the Sharkman, who was sound asleep, with visions of winning finishing sprints and drinking post ride Koffee at the Klutch dancing in his head!

As the shark alarm played the theme from Jaws (greatest shark movie EVER), our intrepid hero threw back the Shark Bed Spread and padded out of his fish bed in his shark pajamas to crank up the shark coffee maker! A quick peek out the Cove window revealed that a very sunny dawn was breaking on this long awaited day.

YES! Opening Day had finally arrived!

As the Sharkman, pulled out of the Shark Cove in his Sharkmovibe, the dashboard revealing a temperature of 28 degrees seemed to be mocking our intrepid hero as he worked his way to the start line. How could it have been 70 degrees on Wednesday and now down to 28 for Opening Day? Additionally, the wind was coming out of the southwest at over 20 mph and gusting to 30 mph!

Oh, the humanity!

However, our hero wasn’t complaining! The Sharkman was just happy to be back on the road with his beloved Mighty Minion Nation!

The old Shark was concerned however, that the email Update last week had quoted an inaccurate starting time of 9:30 P.M. and though he did get a couple of emails on the mistake, he was pretty sure that the Minion Nation was smart enough to figure that was an error, which was listed correctly in the Belo News.

The front parking lot at the school was full for a Little League Sign Up….. or was it the remnants from the Opening Day Parade and fireworks?

However, the Nation, being quick on their feet (after all, they knew to show up in the A.M. rather than the P.M.) moved to the side lot to gather before the hastily erected reviewing stand.

Some of the Minions were in their cars, trying to stay warm as our hero pulled into the start line. Twelve Minions showed up for the Opening Ceremony and included Bissell Boy, the Skipper, Rainman, Hossman, Brewman, Gazelle Girl (actually showing up at the start!), All Black, Chumbly, MC Hammer, and two new “Virgin Minions!” First timers Pat and Joe (aka’s to be determined) were ready to roll!

Welcome to the Mighty Minion Nation Pat and Joe aka’s to be determined!

The excitement for the start began to build as the Mayor of Galesburg made his opening comments and gave the key to the city to the Sharkman hisself!

At exactly 9:30 A.M. – SHARP, the Skipper shouted out to the peloton to saddle up and as the bang of the opening gun went off, the sound of pedals clicking in was heard around Galesburg! Is there any sound sweeter on a Saturday morning than the sound of clicking in?

The 2012 Mighty Minion Nation Season had begun!

Is this a great country or what?!?

The Skipper led the riders past the Klutch where Luann came out to wave a “season hello” to the riders as they rifled by the throngs of two, maybe three, spectators shouted out “Minions-Minions” to the train of riders!

In the run up the Klutch the legendary Tow Truck latched on for his first ride with the Nation since is season ending shoulder injury last summer.

As the group moved north on 36th Street, the Cheetah jumped on and was cautioned by the Sharkman hisself not to get too frisky for Opening Day!

This didn’t seem to phase the Cheetah or Rainman as they decided to take the pace up a bit and led Sharkman out to his first sprint of the year, making him work incredibly hard this early in the season!

As the peloton headed east after the first G Ave. crossing, they could feel the strength of that southwest wind as the peloton began to splinter. As they approached the run up to the Col de Twin Lakes, Hossman, showing incredible early season form, shot out to take the sprint after the mountain climb! (It was rumored that his post race drug sample indicated traces of vodka and Pop Tarts and the second sample is undergoing further testing.)

With the wind at their backs, the Minion Nation was extremely social and seemed to be enjoying catching up with other riders on “what they did all winter.”

At the Col de Norte, the riders began their first, feeble attempt at a pace line. It seemed like no one wanted to play that game that early in the ride and it soon fell apart as the fast moving train headed through the Bible Conference Hills.

It was in the hills that Sharkman got spunky for the Frona Sprint and All Black, happy to be back on his favorite down hill, took the Inlet sprint going away.

Bissell Boy and Gazelle Girl tried to get the Nation to form up in a pace line after the Digital Divide and though it could be called a pace line in it’s most vague term the general concept of how a pace line worked seemed to elude the ranks.

After repeated attempts, a pace line did form, but Gazelle Girl stated that the exchanges were going in the wrong direction to protect the Nation from the wind. Asking the Minions to change direction was like asking Wolf King to stop eating Doritos. It just doesn’t work! What had been considered a pace line fell apart before the GGG crossing, where the riders formed up for the final assault to the finish.

As the Nation made the turn onto 37th Street, Sharkman made the comment that with Hossman AND the Tow Truck in attendance, they had the horse power (forgive the pun) to tow (forgive the second pun) into the ever strengthening wind and on to the finish.

Immediately, Hossman, like the Clydesdale he is, sprung to the front and performed a legendary pull to the hill just before the finish. Meanwhile, the Tow Truck sat on his wheel biding his time.

Hossman continued pulling the ever quicker train into head winds of 25 mph when Bissell Boy shouted from the pace line, “someone give that poor guy a break!”

Stepping up big time and with a couple of quick flicks of the pedals, Rainman took the cue and headed up, while Tow Truck continued biding his time, riding the wheel of the forging Hossman.

As the Nation crested the final hill the pace line started to come apart and Rainman and Hossman, tired from the pull, backed off the front.

That is when the Tow Truck made his move! Shooting out from behind Hossman, Sharkman attempted to latch on to Tow Trucks wheel, feeling it was too early for the move and hoping he might be able to hang on and take him at the finish.

All Black was thinking the same thing as he latched on to Sharkman’s dorsal and the three broke away from the peloton.

But Sharkman’s move was a bit too late and not quite strong enough as he could not catch on to the Tow Truck to close the ever increasing gap, while All Black was playing the Shark like a banjo. All Black went by a fading Shark and nailed him at the finish to take second place.

The crowds went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as the Mighty Minion Nation rode to the Klutch. The paparazzi were waiting as the riders stormed into the Klutch, where Bissell Boy bought a large percentage of the koffee for the Minions.

The Tofosi went wild as Luann poured the dark roast and the riders warmed their hands and feet. The Skipper and Sharkman gave a seminar on the effects of microbrew’s on the hill climbing.

You won’t want to miss next week’s edition of the Koffee Klutch Tour de Gull!

The weather is forecasted to be pretty warm so the time will stay at 9:30 A.M. despite going to daylight savings time.

Saturday, March 17 – St. Paddy’s Day!

Riders should wear their most Irish looking jerseys!

Or at least something green!

Launch Time – 9:30 A.M. – SHARP!


U.S. WEATHER SERVICE LAUNCHES INVESTIGATION!

Belo News
March 10, 2012

Washington, D.C. – The National Weather Service has announced that an investigation has been launched into the weather phenomena that has come to be known as “Mighty Minion Nation Opening Day.” For the seventh Mighty Minion Nation Opening Day in a row, the second Saturday in March has produced sunny, near perfect weather for this event. (yes, we know we are probably jinxing next year, but what a great way to start the season!)

This investigation will also delve into the second phenomena now known as “the Rainman actually showed up when the temperature was below 65 degrees!”

Talk about odd phenomena…….

OPENING DAY IS FINALLY HERE!

THIS SATURDAY!

BE THERE!

Belo News

March 7, 2012

Galesburg, Mi. – The day every Minion has been waiting for is upon us!

Yes, it is finally here!

Saturday is Opening Day!

For the past 6 years, the Mighty Minion Nation has started the season on a dry, though sometimes cold, second Saturday in March and right now the forecast is looking like it won’t let our hero, or the Nation down this year!

The forecast is for dry weather in the 40’s so it should be a great day to start the 2012 Minion Road Season! The days of riding in the basement are over (at least for the most part)!

Minions will want to make sure they arrive early so that they can take part in the traditional Opening Day photo opportunity!

There will also be time for the parade, followed by the photo opportunity for the paparazzi, opening speeches and it has been rumored that the Mayor of Galesburg might be on hand to give the key to the City to the Sharkman, as well as to fire off the opening cannon!

Luanne, the Minion Nation’s favorite Barista, has been put on notice to be ready for the Post Ride News Conference as well as the throng of riders, paparazzi, and tofosi who will descend on the Klutch after the ride.

Oh, the humanity!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Launch Time: 9:30 A.M. – SHARP!

SPRING SEASON!

Belo News
March 7, 2012

Shark Cove, Mi. - Over the winter, a number of new Minions have joined the Nation’s distribution list and Opening Day may be their very first ride. So Belo News wants to go over what being a Minion is all about and the “culture” of this iconic Saturday morning ride.

1. The very definition of a Minion is a rider who has family, job and other obligations that do not allow them to hammer on their bike all the time. This ride is more about getting a good work out, testing your skills in group riding and having a good time with good riders. Though we like to sprint for Stop Ahead Signs, we wait for all riders to catch back on at the Stop signs. One of the Minion Motto’s is that “We leave no Minion behind!” In the Minion Nation, it is all about the group! Because the Minions do wait at each stop sign, it is important to let riders know if you are dropping off the ride.

2. Opening Day is a bit more “relaxed” than regular rides, so it is a good time to come out and test your legs. Though there should be some fun sprints and of course the final assault to the finish, this first ride will hopefully be social and an opportunity to “shake winter out” of those dorsal fins and catch up with one another.

3. Having said that, we want all riders to have a good time, and hammer heads need not apply. There are plenty of area rides if you want to hammer. This ride is more about the experience and the enjoyment of riding fast in a pace line in a large group of riders. So if you want to hammer the entire ride, this may not be the ride for you. But feel free to knock yourself out sprinting to the Stop Aheads!

4. As the season goes on and the speed picks up, we do occasionally have a “B” group and we are always looking for people to lead that group.

5. Because this is a group ride it is important to obey all traffic laws as well as appropriate group riding etiquette. The number one concern is safety and riding in a pace line requires good communication with other riders, as well as concentration. Don’t worry, veteran Minions will let you know if you are not following proper etiquette. However, if you are unsure about something, ask. Each rider is responsible for their own safety and as it says in the blog:

Riders joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider involved.

6. If you cannot stay with the group, you should let someone know you are dropping off so that the Minions are not waiting at the next Stop Sign for you. Depending on the number of riders, it can be difficult to determine if riders have dropped off or are left behind, but if you have a mechanical or are dropping off, let a rider ahead of you know.

We look forward to seeing everyone at the start line on Saturday morning!