Wednesday, October 26, 2011

20 MINIONS SHOW UP TO RIDE!




SHARKMAN TAKES OUT BISSELL BOY!

CRASH LEAVES OUR HERO BRUISED AND EMBARRASSED!


Belo News
October 22, 2011

Galesburg, Mi. – Can anything be as beautiful as Western Michigan on a chilly fall morning?

The answer would seem to be a resounding NO!

As the regular Saturday morning group awaited the Sharkman’s arrival at the Klutch, they were all commenting on how cold it was and wondering if our intrepid hero would arrive to sign autographs and regale the regulars on his feats of cycling.

Right on schedule, our hero arrived to a resounding cheer from the group and a greeting from one of his favorite Barista’s, Jamie. Jamie immediately asked if the Minions were riding in the 30 degree weather to which the Sharkman responded, “Of course!”

Arriving shortly after our hero, were Brewman, followed by Hoosier Boy, who recently ran a 3:08 time at the Chicago Marathon! That is fast!

Congratulations Hoosier Boy!

After some koffee and the corresponding pit stop, the threesome took off from the Klutch with the temperature recording at a very chilly 31 degrees as they headed up the Champ le Galesburg towards the Fort.

The sun was just breaking into the sky as the three riders made their way to the trail head. As they passed by Whitford and Lawlor Lakes, the mist was rising from the warm waters in the cold air as swans swam by the trail. This is what fall in Michigan is all about! The colors, the crisp air, the mist and wildlife just made it a drop dead gorgeous morning at Fort Custer, making Sharkman wish he had brought his camera with him.

To our hero’s surprise, the trail head was packed with the Michigan Mountain Bike Association members, led by Chumbly and M.C. Hammer and even Kid Doster, who were out there to work on the trails. Once again the Mighty Minion Nation was humbled by the work being done on the trails, making the rest of the group feel guilty. 19 Minions in all were ready to ride! A new Minion Mountain Bike record!

As Bissell Boy and Stryker guy rode in, a number of the Team Taylor riders were already in attendance, led by Iceman himself, as well as Ironman on a cross bike, and Danimal, chomping at the bit to lead the group out on the trail (he actually was in a hurry because he had to get back for soccer duty).

Bissell Boy once again volunteered to lead a B group doing miles in preparation for the Iceman, while the rest of the riders went out with Danimal and the Team Taylor studs.

Bissell Boy, Stingray, Brewman, Stryker Guy and Sharkman took off for the blue, then did a circuit of the red and yellow, more parts of the red and headed back to the trail head to determine what other adventures were to be pursued.

That is when it occurred…….

As the riders slowed at the entrance to the trail head, Sharkman pulled up along side Bissell Boy as they discussed who wanted to do the green trail. Sharkman, at a complete stop, shifted his weight to his left side, but could not get his foot out of the pedal and did a very embarrassing sideways flop, reminiscent of a Laugh In trike fall, right into Bissell Boy’s bike. Bissell Boy, being the class act that he is, tried to catch our hero as he tipped over like a drunken sailor, only to have his carbon fiber Niner get in the way of the fall. As Sharkman laid on his side feeling somewhat stupid for the miscue, and feeling something sharp in his back, he noticed that his handlebar end was resting on Bissell Boys front derailleur.

Stingray tried in vain to help the Sharkman get up, but Sharkman cautioned everyone that they had to be careful of the handlebar end screwing up Bissell Boy’s derailleur.

Sharkman was eventually able to get his foot loose, but as they lifted the bike, he saw that his handlebar had pushed Bissell Boy’s front derailleur far enough around the seat tube that the chain would not pass through the router without being straightened!

Oh, the humanity,…… not to mention the embarrassment!

Sharkman was able to accomplish this crash while STANDING STILL!

Our hero even was able to contract a major bruise on his back from the fall and has no idea what he hit!

Is this guy amazing or what?!? Oh, the clumsiness!

No harm, no foul. Stingray was able to load up Bissell Boys bike on his Stingraymobiletruck and take him to Custer Cyclery, where they performed the minor, but crucial, repair and Bissell Boy learned that a special tool is needed to perform this repair! Oh, the humanity! He was, however, able to ride home from the shop.

Sharkman, with his doral between his legs, followed Brewman back to the Klutch after briefly looking for Hoosier Boy, who was still out on the trails somewhere.

They did see Don Chic going the other way on the way out of Ft. Custer and though he was not there exactly on time at the start, he get’s credit for showing for a second time!

Total miles, 24.25!

You won’t want to miss this week’s edition! The weather is predicted to be about the same without getting as warm as last Saturday, but dry again!

Same drill.




Sharkman gets to the Klutch around 7:20-7:30 a.m., signs autographs, greets the crowds and launches at 8:00 A.M. – SHARP! from the Klutch. He will then ride to the trail head where the riders will meet and break into A, B, C to Z groups for rides around Ft. Custer as the Minions complete their final preparations for the Iceman on November 5.

Don’t miss another beautiful morning out at Ft. Custer! The season is almost over!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

WHERE WERE YOU?

PERFECT WEATHER FOR CUSTER OPENER!

MINIONS WOW KOFFEE KLUTCH KROWD!











Belo News
October 8, 2011

Galesburg, Mi. – Was last Saturday a perfect day or what!

Anyone who is anyone in cycling circles was talking about the Mighty Minion Nation Mountain Bike Opening Day all of last week and Mother Nature delivered for those who made an appearance!

As our intrepid hero blew the dust off of his mountain bike and loaded it in the Sharkmovibe, he was wearing his new Stryker Jersey (see photo) and wondering if he needed arm warmers. As he checked the shark thermometer, and saw the balmy 58 Fahrenheit half way up the dorsal degree mark, he decided he would go sans arm warmers.

As Sharkman entered the Klutch, he did not see any other Minions, but the regulars were there and wanted to know why he and the Mighty Minion Nation weren’t riding! It appears that one of their Saturday morning rituals is to count the Minions as they go by to give Jamie, the famous Barista, a number to have koffee ready for the return!

They then invited the celebrity Shark to sit down and join them for their morning kup.



As Sharkman began to sign autographs and regale the fans with stories of his riding prowess, Brewman walked in, followed by Bissell Boy and Stingray, all ready for a kup and to ride the trails.

After well wishes, hugs and general adulation had been heaped on the four Minions they headed out the door and bumped into Don Chic, as long time reader of the blog, first time rider. Actually, he was a BB Minion (Before Blog) and had ridden with our hero years ago when the ride use to launch from the Cove. However, having twin kids and job changes, this was his first ride back with the Nation in years! Don Chic announced he was going to get a kup and drive to the trail head because his family was going to meet him later and ride as well! A family of mountain bikers!

When the four Minions arrived at the trail head, they were greeted by M.C. Hammer who was working with the Michigan Mountain Bike Association doing trail improvement. Danimal, Cannon, Falcon, Don Chic and Zickman were all ready to ride.

M.C. Hammer graciously agreed to take a photo and then Sharkman announced he was going to lead the B group and Bissell Boy responded that they were getting ready for Iceman and needed miles. Sharkman had not been on the mountain bike since January and was feeling just a bit tentative.

So the entire crew took off on the red trail with Falcon, Danimal and the Cannon taking the lead. When the group got to Eagle Lake, Bissell Boy split off with the B group of Stingray, Zickman, Brewman and Sharkman in tow.

The B Group did the blue loop and added in some of the side trails before heading back to the red and Cardiac Hill. Bissell Boy ascended the out of category climb like a mountain goat, dancing on the pedals as his tires ate up the hill, followed by Brewman, while Sharkman hit a rut and stopped the forward momentum of both Stingray and Zickman.

As the Nation moved around parts of the red and began heading into the sun, Sharkman got a bit too close to Brewmans rear wheel and could not see how close he was as the sun was so low and bright.

First the sound of knobby treads rubbing (sort of a sick sound), followed by quick left turn of Sharkmans handlebars as he hit the deck! OUCH!

No harm, no foul. Sharkman apologized for being so close to Brewman and immediately was back on his bike as if to say, “I meant to do that!”

As the B Group made the turn back to the blue trail, Don Chic caught on after Falcon, Cannon and Danimal had headed out. Don Chic rode back to the Ft. Custer back door with the group before heading back to meet his family for a ride.

Zickman, who had ridden to the trail head, rode back to the Klutch with Bissel Boy, Stingray and Sharkman and convinced them to join him for a kup before he rode his bike home.

There weren’t too many fans in the Klutch, but the boys of summer enjoyed, yet another bottomless kup as they discussed logistics for the Iceman and how great the weather has been.

Total miles from the Klutch and back, 26+. Sharkman reported his legs were burning!

You won’t want to miss next weeks ride even though Sharkman will again be AWOL! NOT AGAIN!

That’s right, Sharkman has a commitment for Saturday morning and will not be able to ride, however the ride (s) will go on! Yes, you heard that right as well….. there are rides in the plural that are scheduled this weekend!

Since Sharkman can’t ride on Saturday, and needs the miles, he is going to ride on Friday afternoon at 2 p.m. to make up for it! Yea for Summer Hours!

So here is the schedule!

Friday, October 14, 2011 – Ft. Custer Trail Head – 2:00 p.m. launch – SHARP!

Saturday, October 15, 2011 – Ft. Custer Trail Head – 8:30 a.m. launch – SHARP!

Be there one or both days! Is this a great country or what!


WHAT IS BLUE AND IS NEVER OPENED?

SHARKWATER!

Belo News
October 8, 2011

Battle Creek, Mi. – As many of you are aware, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, reached yet another milestone this past week. Yes, the old Shark got even older and had another birthday! He wants to extend his thank you to all those Minions who sent their well wishes!
Meanwhile, Stingray came across a really unique birthday gift that caused quite a stir in the Shark Cove and in this in-depth investigative report, we uncover what took place when our intrepid hero took the beautiful bottle of Sharkwater to the Shark Cove on Saturday morning.

When Sharkman returned to the Cove he could hardly wait to show Lava Girl the beautiful blue bottle of Sharkwater. This tall, thin beauty of a bottle had a very soothing blue color with a Shark on it.

Naturally, Lava Girl loved the beautiful blue bottle and noted that it should be opened later so that the two could see what it tasted like.

Sharkman replied, in somewhat of a panicked voice, "No way! It is too beautiful to open and will reside right next to my autographed (by Bill Samuelson, president of Makers Mark) bottle of bourbon that I personally dipped in the red seal wax that now resides on my Shark Bar that has not been open!” (Lava Girl thinks that is stupid as well).

Lava Girl just apparently does not understand the art of displaying cherished booze. After all, Sharkman happens to be a Makers Mark Ambassador and bourbon connoisseur!

Lava Girl replied with a snide grin, "Oh, contraire, mon ami! Stingray would want you to drink it!"

As Sharkman pondered this predicament, wondering what Stingray would want him to do, the doorbell rang and it was none other than Rainman himself, stopping to say hello after dropping off "stuff" at his new abode in the Cove. Yes, you heard that correctly, Rainman is moving to the Cove! More on that bit of information in a later edition.

Sharkman immediately showed Rainman the beautiful blue bottle of Sharkwater and his immediate response was, "Wow, you're not going to open and drink that are you?"

Of course, Sharkman looked to Lava Girl and immediately said, "See!"

To which Lava Girl immediately said they were both crazy.

Sharkman thought to himself, “How can I drink that bottle? The light on my bar makes the blue bottle really pop out! I will be the envy of all the Shark Minions who come to the Cove for a nip! Even if I put colored water in the bottle after consumption, I may not be able to duplicate the Tahitian Blue that now resides there!?!

Oh, the humanity!”

Belo News reached out to Stingray and learned in a subsequent interview that he too, would not drink the bottle proving that all Minions think alike and that Lava Girl is also clearly correct.

Minions are all crazy……

For those of you interested in Sharkwater (which is 40 proof!) and where you can get it, you will have to ask Stingray. It is distilled and bottled in Temperance, Michigan. Sharkman has no idea what it taste likes but is sure looks cool so assumes it must also taste cool!

WAS THAT AN ANTELOPE?

Belo News
October 11, 2011

Battle Creek, Mi. – The attached video came across the Belo News editorial desk and we felt that in the interest of public safety, we should share it with the Mighty Minion Nation.

An apology to Cloud Girl if this brings on any flashbacks, but in the category of “can that really happen” take a look at this! Thank goodness there are no antelope at Ft. Custer!

We apologize for the short commercial that precedes the actual video.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/world/2011/10/11/safrica-biker-antelope.maxcluer-com

Be safe out there and watch out for that antelope!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

AND THEN THERE WERE TWO!



WHERE ARE ALL THE MINIONS!

MOUNTAIN BIKE SEASON TO BEGIN THIS WEEKEND!


Belo News
October 1, 2011
By Stryker Guy


Galesburg, Mi. – It was supposed to be the final ride of the season for the Mighty Minions. The weather was crisp. The leaves were turning and there was excitement in the air for the final ride of this great riding season.

A small problem—no one showed.

Well, almost no one.

Stryker Guy and Hossman were there-loud and proud (actually not very loud and kind of cold). Where was the rest of the Minion Nation?

Answer: probably in bed, where Stryker Guy and Hossman should have been.

Stryker guy was hoping for a nice fall color tour, but his biking brother would have none of it as Hossman took off past the Klutch like a man possessed or someone who wanted to get back for “Jimmy Wilson’s Bass Fishing Tips” on ESPN.

The highlights were fast and furious. Hossman dropped Stryker Guy at the first stop sign. We tied at the second sign (I think). I blew him away by at least ¼ of a tire on the third and it was really pretty boring the rest of the way.

Lots of interesting discussion about sports, kids, tattoos, piercings and favorite colors.

No coffee was to be had by either of the warriors. We voted each other Rider of the Year for being dumb enough to actually show up for the final ride.

Respectfully submitted, James N. Heath, aka Stryker Guy, Rider of the Year 2011


Editor's Note - A big thanks to Styker Guy for writing the blog this week and to both Styker Guy and Hossman for keeping the Minion streak of consecutive weekends together.


MOUNTAIN BIKING SEASON STARTS THIS SATURDAY!

Belo News
October 5, 2011

Galesburg, Mi. – Though the forecast for this Saturday seems to be much more conducive to road riding, our intrepid hero, the Sharkman needs some time on the mountain bike in preparation for his assault on the Iceman in just 4 weeks! In a special undercover investigation, the Belo News has learned that the Sharkman had an all time low mileage total for the month of September and his worrying about the Iceman may be well grounded!

Therefore, our intrepid hero moves to the trails of Fort Custer this very weekend and is looking for the Mighty Minion Nation to follow. At least those who ride mountain bikes!

Since the Sharkman also needs a lot of miles, he has decided to launch from the Koffee Klutch at 8:00 A.M. on Saturday, after he has a quick Kup of Koffee with some of the Saturday crowd. He will ride to Ft. Custer through the back door and ride to the trail head arriving around 8:30 A.M. for anyone who doesn’t want to ride from the Klutch.

Considering Sharkman’s September riding mile totals, he has graciously volunteered to lead the B group while any other riders can attack the Red Trail at speed. So if you haven’t ridden the trails in a while, are old and slow like Sharkman, or are a first timer, Sharkman will lead you while riders like Falcon can lead the A group. The Shark is too old to ride fast and it will be a very mellow ride.


Ride Details:

Launch Time from the Koffee Klutch: 8:00 A.M. – SHARP!

Sharkman will be there around 7:20-7:30 A.M. to have a kup and sign autographs. All are welcome to join our hero.

Ride to trail head to meet any other riders.

Sharkman will be riding slow and looking for miles. He will probably be riding around the blue and yellow trails to just get miles and will ride for a couple of hours.

Everyone is welcome and can ride at their own pace.

Be there!

PEAK TO PEAK RACE INFORMATION

For those of you looking to get some more mountain bike racing in before the Iceman, you may want to consider the Peak 2 Peak race up north next week! Here is the link.

http://www.endomanpromotions.com/events/peak2peak.php

And finally, from the Chicago Tribune today and for those of you who’ve been texting while riding a bike (can that be done?) the following;


Chicago City Council bans texting while bicycling

Chicago City Council
Margaret Laurino


By John Byrne

Clout Street


12:34 p.m. CDT, October 5, 2011


Bicyclists soon will face the same restrictions against texting while riding in Chicago as motorists do while behind the wheel.The City Council today passed an ordinance prohibiting bicyclists from texting while moving. They also cannot make cell phone calls unless using a hands-free device under an ordinance that passed the council without dissent. The ban will go into effect next month.Fines will start at $20 for a first offense and go up to $100 for a third or subsequent violation. If an accident is involved, the fine could shoot up to $500.Sponsoring Ald. Margaret Laurino, 39th, said the issue is a matter of fairness as well as safety, since motorists already are prohibited from texting and making calls with hand-held devices in Chicago.
Copyright © 2011, Chicago Tribune


Go figure you need to legislate this kind of stuff.......