ALL BLACK TAKES IT ALL!

WHERE ARE ALL THE MINIONS!

SHARKMAN’S RETURN?

NEW BEER JERSEY’S?


Belo News
September 24, 2011


Galesburg, Mi. – Stories had been rampant in cycling circles of the recent disappearance of our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, as he had been AWOL for a couple of weeks. However, not to be deterred, the irascible rider returned to the Minion Nation on Saturday only to find the population in the peloton continuing to decline. That time of year, we assume, but the numbers are way down for the KK-TdG Saturday adventure.

Sharkman was out in San Francisco on Sharklet Sitting duty (note photo of him visiting the Palo Alto Bike Shop!) and doing the Brew Ride from Arcadia to the Darkhorse Brewery in Marshal, Mi. (see photo with Lava Girl and Yeti Boy)

As our hero mounted his steed for the ride over to the start, it was a bit foggy and damp, but the sunrise looked promising as the Sharkman made his way to the start.

As he pedaled down from the Eaton Plant, he was a bit surprised as two young men with a striking resemblance to Bevis and Butthead approached on his left on a small motor scooter and scared the bejezus out of him when they shouted, “Do you know the way to Augusta?”

Since it was around 7:40 a.m., the road was abandoned, and one would think anyone on a motor scooter, with no helmets, hoodies and stocking caps on that road would know where Augusta would be, the Sharkman was a bit perplexed in addition to startled.

The two wayward riders slowed and asked the question a second time, to which our hero told them how to get to Augusta. We here at Belo News would like to know the rest of THAT story……

As Sharkman pulled into the start, Stingray was driving in followed by All Black and Stryker Guy on bikes. The Mighty Minion Nation, which was a total of 4 Mighty Minions, waited an extra couple of minutes to see who else might join on, but to no avail.

As the train headed north, the legendary Gazelle Girl jumped on to a roar from the four, “Gazelle Girl!” had joined on!

Sharkman took his place at the front for the first sprint, edging out Gazelle Girl and moved ahead to take his normal count of Minions at the G crossing. Yep, still only 5 Mighty Minions.

All Black, feeling quite “frisky” took the next sprint with Stryker Guy and Stingray on his wheel, as Sharkman shared his motor scooter story with Gazelle Girl at the back.

As the Nation moved up the col de Twin Lakes, the Sharkman could feel the lack of miles in his legs, but the Minions were all waiting for him at the top. There after, the ride became very mellow with each of the riders taking turns at the front and in sprints.

As the morning went on remarkably quick, the sun also started to shine and a glorious dawn broke over the course the Minions call their “field of dreams” known as the KK-TdG. Is there anything more beautiful than a fall, misty morning around Gull Lake? Is this a great country or what?

All that was left was the finish!

After the pace line worked well together coming to the G Spot, the riders lined up for the finale. All Black, still showing signs of “friskiness” went to the front for his impersonation of Tow Truck and/or Hossman. He worked so hard that Stryker Guy started to worry for him and went around him to take a turn at the pull. But All Black was not to be denied!

Gazelle Girl dropped off to get something to mail at the Post Office after checking to see who was stopping for koffee as the Mighty Minion Train bore down on the finish line.

This was one train that would not be derailed, with All Black acting as the locomotive, he chugged his way at the front to take the Nation home! All Black’s pull was so long and powerful, no Minion dared to make a move on him as he took his first win in 4 years!

Is this a great country or what?!?! It was a victory for America!!!

As the sun exploded over the Champs le Galesburg, the riders zipped up their jerseys and waved to the crowds as they went wild over All Blacks stunning victory!

The riders all stopped at the Klutch to help All Black celebrate his win and Gazelle Girl came in after picking up her envelope for the Post Office. All Black signed autographs and gave a press conference while Sharkman regaled the riders with stories of cross country childhood vacations in huge old cars before expressways!

The season seems to be winding down early this year and Sharkman reports that he will be moving to the mountain bike in a couple weeks in preparation for Iceman. Additionally, he will again be AWOL this Saturday as he leaves the Cove for a Golf Weekend with friends down south (yes, you heard that right, Sharkman also plays golf though not very well…..).

So this Saturday, October 1, 2011, will be the last road ride of the year as the peloton moves to Ft. Custer. Watch for more information on Ft. Custer rides in next week’s blog.

This Saturday, October 1, 2011

The weather is looking dry, but a bit chilly, but it is……

The last Minion Road Ride, Sans Sharkman unfortunately….

Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. – SHARP!


IT’S MOUNTAIN BIKE SEASON! OH, YEAH!

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Ft. Custer Ride

Launch time and place TBD….watch the Belo News for more information!

Come on out and help Sharkman get back into shape!



LOOKING FOR A BEER JERSEY?

Belo News
September 28, 2011

Battle Creek, Mi. – Our “some times” Minion, Da Yoop, sent us a link to some really cool Beer Bike Jersey’s. For those Minions who are tired of wearing another Oberon Jersey next year, and are looking for some fun and interesting beer jerseys, we’ve got the link for you! Click on the site and wow the Minions on the next Beer Jersey Day!

http://bicycle-gifts.com/jersey.htm

THE MINIONS NEXT ADVENTURE RACE?

Belo News
September 28, 2011

Battle Creek, Mi. – Speaking of fun….we were speaking of fun, weren’t we? Theses links will take you on a wild ride that we are thinking the Minions might want to go on!

Enjoy!

Trikes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRD8AUg2ApE

Urban Mountain Biking in Chile

http://www.wimp.com/urbanchile/

What was 4, then 8 and ended in 6??

Answer: The Minion Ride last Saturday!

Belo News

September 17, 2011

Reporter: Stryker Guy

Galesburg, Mi. - The “lonely” Stryker Guy navigated through the dark woods to the Minion meeting spot only to find Brewman dressed for the cold, circling the parking lot. Toast emerged from behind the school building (must have been checking the architecture). Out of nowhere popped Squeaky in his Mariachis outfit. The band of four looked, hoped, waited for others, but that was it and off we went.

Past the Klutch, the throngs waiting for the peleton were a little surprised to see only four riders ready to attack the course. After discussing how hard (easy) we were going to go, we ran into Gazelle Girl and Falcon with his headlamp. Somehow we knew the pace would pick up.

We were assured of this when Dutch joined the group somewhere before the first sprint.

Squeaky won the sprint by a tire length, but that was to be his last hurrah as the parachute jacket and matching pants outfit started to take its toll on the Squeaker.

The few and proud attacked the Col de Twin Lakes with their usual tenacity and sprinted to the next stop. By this time Squeaky looked like Snoopy at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. We were surprised he was able to stay on his bike and not float over the top of us.

Falcon began a series of kicking everyone’s butt on every sprint as the boys and girl decided he was too tough and we were too hung over.

Danimal joined the crowd at the Country Club claiming something about forgetting what time it started and that he already did most of the ride…we of course made him get out and pull for the next 7 miles as punishment.
Unfortunately Squeaky dropped off because he forgot to put his ankle weights on along with the parachute outfit.

Eventually Danimal dropped at Frona’s to head back to work a bit upset that he had to pull the entire way.

After another Falcon win at the G spot (is that what it’s called?) the group of six headed for the last leg of the course. Stryker guy (I have to put my name in since I am writing this) pulled up the final hill knowing full well that he would get passed like a kidney stone shortly. He was not disappointed as everyone blew by him like he was fixing a tire including an 85 year old grandmother with a basket on the front of her bike.

Not sure who made it to the Klutch—no more than five unless the grandmother showed up.

Editors Note - Thanks Stryker Guy for filling in and well done!

The Sharkman Returns this Saturday!

Yes, the Sharkman returns this Saturday, so you will want to be there to see how much weight he has put on and witness how badly he has fallen out of shape!

Saturday, 24, 2011

Launch Time - 8:00 A.M. - Sharp!

Be there!

RAINED OUT?!

NO WAY!

Belo News
September 10, 2011

Galesburg, Mi. – The big question in cycling circles this past week has been, “did anyone ride last week?”

Early Saturday morning, our intrepid hero got an email from Falcon asking if he was going to ride. Since Sharkman was in McHenry Illinois, he certainly wasn’t riding (obviously, Falcon is not reading the Belo News! What is that all about?). He also realized that the only times he gets emails like that is when it is raining (or snowing)!

Later that same day, Sharkman sent out a couple of emails asking if anyone had ridden, but everyone said it was raining too hard and they did not go to the start. If he sends out a mass email, he usually gets people telling him untrue stories like they rode and won and yadda, yadda, yadda…….

However, today Brewman sent the attached emails and it was learned that Wolf King, Bison, Brewman, Ridley Cross Guy and Brewman and a fifth rider who Brewman did not know by name, showed up to ride in the rain!

Oh, the Minions are a Mighty Nation! (Mighty crazy!)

Here is the email exchange that took place with Brewman and Belo News as he reported in on the cyclocross season;

Email from Brewman;

The Kisscross season opened Sunday at Plaster Creek Park in Grand Rapids. It was a warm and sunny day, a great start to the season. The course was fast and flowing. Some tight turns, a little sand, some short steep climbs, barricades and a long flight of stairs. Addictively painful event. All worth it with a Founder’s Porter ice cream float at the finish! Remember – Sunday October 2, 2011 – Kisscross at Markin Glen park in Kalamazoo.

Photo: http://www.jhkunnenphoto.com/p880988820/e9bc8b2c

Return email from Belo News;

Thanks! We will post this at the site.

I am assuming last Saturday got rained out. Everyone I've asked said they didn't go, but usually someone does show up. Do you know if anyone rode?

Brewman;

Yes there were 5 hearty Minions! Wolf King, Bison, The Ridley cross bike guy, Brewman and one other ( he has a tattoo on his calf). I am not sure who had podium spots as I peeled off on DE Avenue after we crossed M-89.

Belo News;

Was the tattoo an ironman symbol? That would be.....Ironman. The only other tattoo I'm aware of is Wildman, who also has an Ironman symbol, but a different one....

Was it raining for most of the ride?

Brewman;

It must have been Ironman, it was not Wildman. It rained pretty steady for a little over half the ride. It did stop but was still grey and wet roads. At least it was fairly warm. No one wore any sissy rain jackets.


Sissy Jackets? Do Minions wear “Sissy Jackets?” We don’t think so, but we do know what Brewman is talking about!

So the Mighty Minion Nation did ride….or at least some of them did.

That is all we know and we can thank Brewman for this detailed report!

Where else can you get this type of in-depth cycle reporting?

Sharkman is gone again this weekend but will be back on the 24th!

The season is drawing to a rapid close and you won't want to miss another ride!

The Nation will ride on!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. – SHARP!

OBERON WINS AGAIN!

BREWMAN TAKES BEST BEER JERSEY!

WHERE’S THE KOFFEE!

Belo News
September 3, 2011

Galesburg, Mi. – Another fantastic Saturday morning greeted our hero as he launched from the Shark Cove along with his trusty side kick, Nikeboy. Excitement had been building all week about “Beer Jersey Day” and the Sharkman was all decked out in his Oberon Jersey, his Summer Sun Socks and was ready to ride.

About half way to the start, the two riders heard a clicking in the back tire of Nikeboy's ride and the two legends pulled over to investigate. It seemed a “fish hook” had become lodged in Nikeboy’s tire!

A fish hook?

Yes, and not only was getting a fish hook in your tire a bit unusual, considering they were some distance from any large bodies of water, but it was a HUGE fish hook!

Was someone trying to hook our hero, the intrepid Sharkman? Such strange goings on!

Being the expert on all things “fish” that the Sharkman is, he immediately assisted in removing the barbed hook from the tire, only to catch his finger on the barb, causing some bleeding to our hero. Nikeboy, realizing that it might take a while to change the tire and being concerned about future flats with no spare, told our hero to ride on to the start without him. Dripping blood on the road, our hero swam on alone!

When Sharkman arrived at the start, the beer jerseys were already lining up and it was apparent that Oberon would win the day. As a matter of fact, at last count 9 Oberon Jersey’s were in attendance and they represented 2007-2011 (see photo)!

However, the best beer jersey went to the Dogfish Beer worn by the legendary Brewman himself! Come on, who else would win a Beer Jersey contest? Is this a great country or what?

Brewman was immediately named the winner of the best jersey not only because it was a cool jersey, but because the Sharkman liked the way it looked like a shark on the front & back (see photo).

After the press took a number of start photos, the Skipper launched 26 riders through Galesburg, past the Klutch and out, north of town. As the Mighty Minion Nation chugged past the Klutch, the errant Wolf King in his now customary Illini Kit joined on and north of town, Gazelle Girl, taking a weekend off from the party circuit, jumped on the fast moving train.

Sharkman re-secured his opening sprint and did his usual count at the G Ave. crossing and the crowd was now at 29 riders. Kid Doster jumped on later and it is guestimated (guestimate is a word the Sharkman made up because so many riders are jumping on and off the ride, it is hard to get an accurate number of riders) that the peloton was in the 30 range for the vast majority of the ride.

In the Country Club section, Chico again moved out to take the pull and took the speed way up as the peloton splintered up to the Rt. 43 sprint.

As the Mighty Minion Nation rambled through the inlet, Wrong Way followed Elwood past the D Ave. turn, confirming his name, Wrong Way, and had to hustle to catch back on to the Nation.

(Editors Note - Of course, Wrong Way could be forgiven for his behavior as he had spent the previous evening with the Sharkman and wives at a bread and beer soirée and had made an entire tour (actually two tours) of the beer world before retreating for the evening. As all good Minions should know, a Beer World Tour is when there are German Pilsners, Belgium wheat’s, British Stouts, etc. and you try every single one…..twice or more! Sharkman was smart enough to stop the tour in Britain after one trip around the world and a couple “Two and Out Stouts” and retreated to the Cove for the evening…..it has been reported he slept very well…….)

After the Digital Divide, Sharkman launched out to start the pace line and quickly turned it over to the fast moving train of riders.

At the GGG crossing, Sharkman and Hossman went to the front and took turns early in trying to get the Nation to spread out. Chico also came through and took the speed up considerably to the final hill before the descent to the finish.

Some time Minion Joe Pa (until he get’s a better Minion name) took off with the sun shining on his Stryker Team Kit (no, Stryker is not a brewery, Bunkie). Falcon and B-Rod and a cast of thousands trailed to the finish!

Final ride statistics, again in meters, from Wolf King;

Your Performance on the trip started on: Sep 3, 2011 8:05 AM

Trip time: 01:19:41
Trip distance: 44.6 km

Trip calories: 1163 kcal
Average speed: 33.6 km/h
Maximum speed: 166.9 km/h
Climbed altitude: 115 m

The Klutch was again, ROCKING and a record attendance created quite a back up in the Koffee line. Minions had to fight with the paparazzi and tofosi to find a seat as the Koffee ran short and the Minion Nation was kept waiting for their second kups of brew! Even Bissell Boy, who was errant at the start, showed up to score yet another Oberon Jersey in the peloton! Viva Oberon!

The party atmosphere at the Klutch kept things jumping for quite a while as Sharkman shared that he had gotten an email from Bullet Bob reporting that the Catlike Whisper helmet can now be purchased on line in the U.S. and in U.S. DOLLARS!

“What!” Said Zickman, decked out in his Catlike helmet and some obscure Brewery Jersey! Yes, you can now buy the Catlike in U.S. Dollars and you too can look as cool as the Zickman! Just ask Bullet Bob!

The Sharkman also announced that he would be on Grandparent duty the next two weekends and would miss the rides, but the rides will go on!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. – SHARP!

In remembrance of 9/11, Minions are asked to wear their Red, White and Blue kit if they have it! Show your love on the good old U.S. of A. land of the free, home of the brave and roads of the Mighty Minion Nation!

Ride safe!


TUESDAY NIGHT RIDE REPORT

Belo News
September 6, 2011

Battle Creek, Mi. – By agreement, the Tuesday Night Ride was moved up to 5:45 p.m. to make sure there was enough light. Rainman, Wrong Way, Airman, Pirate, Stingray and Sharkman were all on hand to make an attempt on the record set the previous week. Winds were cool and strong out of the North, Northwest, but it seemed as though it was in the riders face in whatever direction they turned. Final average speed was clocked at 21.3 mph and a bit off the previous week’s record. The Minions all agreed it must have been because the Skipper was not in attendance!

This ride moves to 5:30 p.m. for the remainder of what is left of the season, so it you want to do a great pace line work out, be ready to launch from the Kellogg HQ Visitor Lot at 5:30 p.m. next Tuesday!

NOW FOR SOME BIKE HUMOR…….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1s0XsulDXtk