ZICKMAN WINS ALL THE STYLE POINTS!
BEER JERSEY DAY THIS SATURDAY!
Belo News
August 27, 2011
Galesburg, Mi. – As another fantastic dawn broke over the Shark Cove; the Sharkman was surprised at how dark it was in the Shark Cove bedroom as he shook the sleep from his blood shot eyes and pushed back the shark bedspread. Apparently fall is approaching and with it, the retreat of those long daylight hours. Oh, the humanity…….None the less, our intrepid hero padded out to start the Shark Coffee Maker and began his preparation for the ride.
Many Minions have asked what fuels our hero’s epic ability to ride long and fast and be a full time super hero like he is. Is there a secret source to his deeds of wonder you ask? Though the Sharkman tends to keep his training secrets,….. well secret, he was willing to share his pre-race breakfast with us here at Belo News.
The Sharkman starts his pre-race preparation with one strawberry frosted Pop Tart (un-toasted…being the tough shark that he is, our hero eats his Pop Tarts raw.) followed by three prunes and then washes it all down with a cup or two of his special shark blend coffee after grinding the beans and using his beloved Bunn Shark Coffee Maker.
Eating only one Pop Tart demonstrates his Zen like discipline to his nutritional regiment!
MMMMmmmm…. makes the editors of the Belo News mouths water just thinking about it! But we digress…..
Fired up on Pop Tarts and prunes, the old Shark was greeted by none other than Nikeboy as he launched from the Cove. It had been a while since Nikeboy had been on the ride and they had a lot of catching up to do on the ride over.
Once again, a large turn out was waiting at the start, with two new riders, Rod and DeAnn Auton (nick names to be determined) jumped on. They had heard about the ride through Cheddarhead and wanted to see what all the excitement was about. Welcome to the mighty Minion Nation Rod and DeAnn, glad to have you aboard!
Another rider who claimed to have ridden before but the Sharkman could not remember, was dubbed Elwood because of his strong resemblance to the famous Blues Brother. After getting the name he promptly stated, “I’m on a mission from God!”
Welcome back to the Nation Elwood! Also joining on was a new rider on a Redline Cyclo Cross bike herein known as Redline Guy. It must have been a cyclo cross day as Brewman, who has been gone the past few weeks, came in on a fine looking Cannondale cyclo cross bike.
But no on could out do the sartorial splendor of the Zickman! Who can forget the fashion statement he made with the white World Champion kit a few weeks back. This week, he was the first on his block to be sporting the Catlike Whisper Plus Helmet! For those who are not IN the know, this helmet has been coveted here in the U.S. as one of the lightest, coolest lids you can buy, but you can only buy in Europe.
Until now!
Europe, schmurope! Zickman waits for no one! He ordered his on line in Euro's and now is the first in the peloton to own one of these beauties! (see photo) Heck, most Minions don't even know what a Euro is!?!
Now Belo News wants to see him wear the Catwhisper with his World Champion kit!
Oh, a Minion living the code!
All together now Minions, “If you can’t be good, look good!” Well our Zickman is both!
One minute before the Shark clock stroked 8:00 A.M. Wolf King pulled into the parking lot. Fortunately for him, Danimal had come in late and the peloton was willing to wait for him, but not for Wolf King. This gave the Wolf a couple extra minutes and additionally, Bling Girl had a flat on the way in to the ride and she and Stryker Guy were working on it just up the road. So the peloton was delayed a few minutes.
With the Skipper gone for the week, the Pirate took over and led the 24 riders out at the start and past the Klutch where the usual crowd was waiting to wave on their hero’s. This all gave time for Wolf King, Bling Girl, Stryker Guy and Sharkman, who had gone back for them, time to catch back on to the peloton.
As the mighty Minion Nation moved north, Gazelle Girl joined on with her Media Representative, Ironman at her side. The now 26 riders moved along with B-Rod leading our hero out for the honorary Sharkman first sprint. The count at the G ave. crossing was a confirmed 26 riders including the B group led by Cheddarhead.
As the group moved on to the col de Twin Lakes, the peloton splintered on the climb only to come back together at the next stop sign.
After the Yorkville Church turn, Chico came to the front and put on a huge pull to the Rt. 43 stop sign. As the riders circled Gull Lake, there were many runners and bikers who were partaking of a club run/bike around the lake. The Minions commented at the post race activity that it was great to see so many people out and about on the roads around Gull Lake. Is this a great country or what? It was just another fantastic day on the roads the Minion Nation knows as the KK-TdG field of dreams!
As the Minions ascended the col de Norte, there was a water/rest stop for the runners. Wolf King attempted to avail himself with whatever they had to offer. However, they did not have any Pop Tarts or Doritos so he just asked for water…..
As the riders sprinted to the inlet stop ahead, B-Rod, who was leading at the finish, suffered a flat tire to his front wheel. In unison, the Minions pulled over to wait as B-Rod did his Indy 500 pit routine and promptly fixed the flat and was ready to go in quick order.
The pace again picked up south of the Digital Divide with Sharkman starting the peloton and Redline Guy taking over to lead out the train. As the Nation bore down on the GGG sprint, Sharkman made a move from the back only to have it covered by Ironman and Zickman, who was still looking good in that Cat Whisper Plus Helmet!
Once again, worried that the large sprint finish might be dangerous, Sharkman took off with Redline Guy right behind him. When he pulled off and looked back, it was just the two of them and he told Redline Guy to keep going. Before long, the gap was closed and the Clydesdale of finishers, the Hossman, pulled through to take the pull to yet another level!
After a humongous pull, the Pirate, Redline and Sharkman again found themselves at the front and it was Sharkman that pulled to the top of the final hill before losing whatever gas he had left in his tank…..(where is a Tow Truck when you need it).
Alas, there was no gap behind our hero and the rambling herd was stampeding to the finish that lay ahead!
As the horde of rabid riders, hungry for the win, bore down on the finish line like Wolf King on a bag of Doritos, the Sharkman could only watch as the riders began to line up.
There were some riders who did not hold their lines (the Commissioner of Miniondom wants to again remind riders how important it is that if you are boxed in at the finish you cannot try to move out across riders behind you.) but the group held together as Ironman out sprinted Wolf King with B-Rod grabbing the final spot on the podium.
From Wolf Kings iPhone App;
Your Performance on the trip started on: Aug 27, 2011 8:03 AM
Trip time: 01:25:55
Trip distance: 46.4 km
Trip calories: 1421 kcal
Average speed: 32.5 km/h
Maximum speed: 104.7 km/h
Climbed altitude: 531 m
The fans went wild on the Champs le Galesburg and the Klutch was ROCKING as our hero’s entered the hallowed halls of Koffeedom.
It may have been close to a record number of Minions who stopped for their fix of Koffee and in appreciation, the Minions were serenaded by none other than the Barista herself, the famous Jaime!
As you can see by the photo, she entertained the Nation with one of the songs from her upcoming role at the Kalamazoo Civic Theater and she got a rousing round of applause as she belted out the tune! Sharkman was heard to say, “Where else can you get entertainment like this? Eh?” This is a great country!
What will happen this week? Come to ride and find out! There are only a few weeks left of the 2011 season! (Can that be so? Oh, yes, Bunkie!)
It is Labor Day weekend and what do people do on Labor Day? Rest from their labors! And how do Minions rest from their labors? By having a cold adult beverage, that’s how!
As American’s, we like beer on holiday weekends! So this Saturday has been designated as “Beer Jersey Day!” Wear your favorite Beer Jersey for the holiday!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!
We are changing a long time Minion Motto! As we all know, the famous Minion motto’s is that “we will leave no Minion behind!”
But from now on, it is “we leave no Minion behind unless they are late for the start!”
Be there! On time!
INSIDE TRAINING INFORMATION REVEALED!
Belo News
August 27, 2011
Richland, Mi. – In a special Belo News investigative report, our reports have learned that the famous Tow Truck, who has had his season shortened by shoulder surgery, was rumored to have purchased an indoor trainer with watt measuring capability. Subsequent investigative efforts by one or our undercover reporters has confirmed this information to be true and everyone can live in fear that the always strong Tow Truck is now getting even stronger during his recovery.
To which Belo News can only say, “Oh, the humanity!”
TUESDAY NIGHT RIDE REPORT
Average Speed Record Shattered!
Belo News
August 30, 2011
Battle Creek, Mi. – On a cool and calm night, the Tuesday night Minion Chain Gang took their average speed to new heights! Rainman, Airman, Wrong Way, All Black, the Pirate and Sharkman launched from the Kellogg HQ Visitor lot promptly at 6:00 p.m. The pace line was met by the Skipper on River Road as the rambling train approached Augusta. Reaching speeds of 27 mph in the pace line, the Minions brought it home with a new season record of 21.7 mph! It was a team victory for America!
If you like pace line work at high speeds this is the ride for you! Tuesday nights at 6 p.m. from the Kellogg HQ Headquarters! Strap yourself in for one heck of a ride, Bunkie!
SPEAKING OF POP TARTS……
Belo News
August 30, 2011
Battle Creek, Mi. – We are all aware of the Sharkman’s passion for his beloved Pop Tarts, but little did we know it was one of the top three things that is purchased in cases of emergencies. Obviously, in addition to its nutritional value, Pop Tarts offer comfort in times of stress. Everyone needs to believe in something, so the Editors of Belo News believe they’ll have another Pop Tart!
Viva Pop Tarts!
http://abcnews.go.com/US/hurricanes/hurricane-irene-pop-tarts-top-list-hurricane-purchases/story?id=14393602
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