WHAT RAIN?

OLD GUYS RULE!?

B GROUP TO BE LED BY NIKEBOY!

THE MOTHER OF ALL STORMS!

DURANGO KID BEATS TRAIN!


Belo News
May 28, 2011

Galesburg, Mi. – It was a rough week at the Shark Cove!

Sunday afternoon saw the “Mother of all Storms” hit Battle Creek along with the Shark Cove, and the ensuing power outage and associated carnage put a dent in a major write up this week, but here we go……

As our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, launched from the Cove on Saturday morning with his faithful side kick and main body guard, Nikeboy at his side, they began to question the morning’s radar readings. The Shark Radar had indicated no rain, but the mist forming on the two riders sunglasses belayed another story.

Undeterred and assured this was a momentary situation, the dynamic duo continued to ride to the start despite the accumulation of moisture on their sunglasses, their faithful steeds, and ….well ….all over.

As they approached the start, discussing how the wet weather and the Holiday might keep the number of riders to a minimum, they noticed a large gathering of riders decked out in red, white and blue kit in celebration for Memorial Day. Bissell Boy, on one of those rare occasions when he is not in his Bissell kit, was decked out in a very cool Rolling Stones all American, red, white and blue jersey living one of the Minion credo’s, that, “if you can’t be good, look good!” And the Minions were looking good on this Holiday Weekend!

Making their season debuts were Zickman, of brat and beer fame, as well as Hockey Boy, back from the pro hockey circuit and ready to be humbled by a bunch of old guys! Hockey Boy was wearing the now famous Stryker Jersey that his Dad wasn’t wearing when he won the G Ave. Sprint a week ago! Welcome back, gentlemen!

Additionally, two new riders became Minions on Saturday morning. Rick Hunt, now known as the Huntman, and a young rider by the name of Cannonburg, now known as the Cannon! Well, until we come up with better, more original names.

Welcome to the Mighty Minion Nation, gentlemen!

The Skipper was on hand to lead the peloton at the start, with the legendary Pirate at his side. It was quite a sight to see the Mighty Minion Nation, many of whom had on their red, white and blue kit in celebration of Memorial Day, make their way past the Klutch and up 36th Street to the cheers of their adoring fans.

Sharkman got a count of 18 riders at the start, but again a number of riders jumped on and off during the course of the ride and it was difficult to get a count but it was estimated to be around 22+ riders.

Gazelle Girl joined in at her usual spot and a number of riders came to the front to lead out the Sharkman to the first sprint. In what became one of the bigger sprint battles of the day, first the Pirate, then Squeaky, then Falcon, and Danimal all battled for the honor to take Sharkman to the victory….or more likely to see their names here in Belo News. Mission accomplished gentlemen!

We would be remise if we did not mention the sartorial splendor, or should we say, wardrobe malfunction, that Squeaky displayed on this fine wet morning. Our occasional celebrity rider, the Squeak Man rode in wearing a nylon jacket under his tight bike jersey. The sleeves on the jacket caught the wind as he rode making it look like,

A.) His air bags had deployed,
B.) He had eaten some spinach and was looking like Popeye, or
C.) He was testing a new chute system to allow him to get a better work out.

Since Squeaky has only one workable gear on his bike (seriously), we can eliminate C.

We know he doesn’t like spinach, eliminating B.

Which leaves only A. Yes, Squeaky’s airbags must have deployed.

At the Col de Norte, there was a brief altercation with an elderly gentleman in a classic Cadillac who seemed to be upset at the Nation for taking up most of the road (which they were doing). (Editors Note – Though we all want to live the Minion Credo that “we leave no Minion behind, and the Sharkman is very grateful that most, if not all, of the Nation lives that credo, all Minions are reminded that they should move to the side of the road as best we can while waiting for other Minions.)

As the Minions gathered back up, Gazelle Girl had a flat tire and the Nation pulled up until she got it repaired. (See letters to the editor).

The normal pace line formed up after the Digital Divide and on to the G Ave. Sprint.

As the Nation formed up for the final assault on the finish, Sharkman led out with the Pirate and the Tow Truck on his wheel. Sharkman threw in a good pull to get things started and then the Pirate came up and took over for a long spell. Pirate pulled off and let the Tow Truck move into action. As has been his usual routine, the Tow Truck took it up another notch and threw in a humongous pull to the top of the final hill when Sharkman took over once again.

As the finish loomed ahead, Brewman drew up and said, “Let’s give the Sharkman a break!” and took the lead with Falcon and Zickman on his tail. Where were all the young guy’s?

The Sharkman latched on to Brewman’s wheel, grateful for the moment’s rest, just as Zickman made his move with Falcon right behind. As the two battled it out, Brewman launched Sharkman back into the fray and he was able to close the gap to Zickman and Falcon!

As Sharkman went around Zickman, he revealed at the press conference later that he waited for Falcon to look over his left shoulder as he always does and was going to attack on the right (like the legendary Wolf King (who is Wolf King?).

However, after Falcon made the look to the left, Sharkman notice him look to the right and Sharkman stayed left as the finish approached, using Falcons draft to carry him. But it was a bit too late and as Sharkman launched, Falcon had enough to hold him off and Falcon took the tape by a half wheel in a dramatic finish that will go down in Minion lore!

Sharkman went back to thank the Tow Truck for the great pull and Brewman for bringing him back to the finish! It was a great team effort to help the old Shark!

Average speed was 19.4 mph on the day.

The fans went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as our riders approached the Klutch and the ensuing pandemonium of the Press Conference.

At the Klutch, Jamie was back to serve up hot Koffee to our hero’s while the paparazzi was very interested in the battle of old guys as Zickman and Sharkman are major veterans (like the oldest guys in the peloton) and though Falcon is a bird, he is no spring chicken…..

Falcon actually bought Koffee for both the Zickman and Sharkman for the great finish! That is two weeks in a row for Sharkman! (No, really, Falcon did!)

It was a great weekend in the peloton and you won’t want to miss this weekend’s edition!

Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. – SHARP!

Be there!


NEW “B” GROUP TO BE LED BY NIKEBOY!

Belo News
June 1, 2011

Battle Creek, Mi. – At a press conference in Battle Creek today, the Commissioner of Cycling announced that there will now be a “B” group on Saturday mornings led by the legendary rider, Nikeboy.

Nikeboy has stepped up and volunteered to lead the “B” group that will launch at the same time as the main Minion group and will ride at 17-18 mph.

For the past couple of seasons, riders have talked about a “B” group for new riders, riders coming back from injuries or riders who just want less competition on Saturday mornings or riders who feel social and just want to ride “off the back.” Nikeboy has graciously volunteered to lead it and will also try to cultivate others to lead on Saturday’s when he can’t make it (like during the college football season!). As Nikeboy stated during the press conference, “I will be there, weather permitting!”

The group will start with the main group and just stay with Nikeboy for the ride or drop back to him if they are off the back.

So come on out all you riders who want to join the Mighty Minion Nation for the ride, but with a little less effort! But only a little less!

The Minion Nation grows!

BELO NEWS PUZZLE

We’ve decided to throw a puzzle in for all of you this week to keep you out of trouble!

What is this a photo of?

A.) A morel mushroom?
B.) A honey dipper?
C.) A new piece of riding attire worn by Squeaky?

Write your answer on a slip of paper with your name and address and send it to the Shark Cove, along with the entry fee of $35.00 and you can win a free kup of koffee! Yes, everybody wins!

(Photo courtesy of Brewman – who will get a cut of the action if anyone actually enters this contest) (The contest is void were prohibited by law and no morel mushrooms or Honey dippers were killed in the making of the photo).






KRISSCROSS EVENT COMES TO KAZOO THIS YEAR!

Belo News
June 1, 2011

Kalamazoo, Mi – Brewman reports that the popular Krisscross series of Cyclocross is coming to Kalamazoo in October!

You heard here first in Belo News!

Sunday, October 2, 2011 at Markin Glen Park.

More information to follow!


LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Sharkman Adviser,

In the event that my flat tire comes up in the next Belo News please be sure that I say THANK YOU to ALL the Minions for sticking around in true Minion fashion whilst I fixed the sucka. It made the rest of my ride way more fun! The Minions ROCK!


GG

Dear GG,

Everyone knows the Nation loves Gazelle Girl and would never leave her behind! After all, how many Minions have their name shouted out as they approach the peloton on Saturday!



Sharkman

DURANGO KID AND COUSIN PHIL BEAT IRON HORSE!

Belo News
May 28, 2011

Durango, CO. – While the Mighty Minion Nation was toying with the little ole col de Twin Lakes, the Durango Kid and his cousin Phil were racing the Iron Horse from Durango to Silverton. For those faithful readers of Belo News, you will remember the Durango Kids gutsy battle to finish last year after a major pile up.

Out to avoid that type of ride this year, DK stayed with the lead group at the start and averaged around 24.6 mph through the first few miles. That pace took a bit out of him as he hit the first roller after the tracks, but he fought to stay on.

Though DK struggled up the legendary Coal Bank Pass, and his split was slower than his normal training rides he hung in. Our intrepid Minion found a second wind on the Molas Pass and fought on! Stopping for water only twice, his time registered on his computer was 3:43. The weather was perfect and warm. We hope to have some photos of our hero in a future Belo News.



Minions win again! It was a victory for America.

Great job Durango Kid and Cousin Phil! You made the Mighty Minion Nation proud!