WAS THAT ANDY SCHLECK WHO WON SATURDAY?
INTERNATIONAL RIDER IN THE PELOTON?
Belo News
June 18, 2011
Galesburg, Mi. – There had been a lot of “buzz” all week about Tony the Tiger Jersey Day. With the exception of Red, White and Blue Jersey Day for Memorial Day, the Minion Nation had not had a “Jersey Day” in some time. Well, that excitement resulted in a major turnout of Miniondom this past Saturday, as the count was lost at 26 riders. These days so many riders jump on and off the ride that getting an accurate count can be difficult!
As Nikeboy and Sharkman rode into Galesburg, none other than Hutch showed up to escort them to the start. This was the season debut for Hutch who has been busy with “Dad” duties! Welcome back Hutch!
As the mass of mighty Minions gathered at the start, several new riders appeared. Riding in from the Creek with Thor was new rider Dane, now known as the Great Dane. Also, another friend of Thor named Jeff, decked out in a Michigan Spartan Jersey and who did not do anything embarrassing to garner a name….yet, arrived for the start. Welcome to the Mighty Minion Nation, Great Dane and Jeff to be named later!
Also, arriving with Bissell Boy, who was out of his normal kit but looking quite dapper in his Tony Jersey, was the mornings celebrity rider from STOCKHOLM SWEDEN! Yes, you heard that correctly! It was the Big Swede riding a great Pinarello! And man, could he ride (more on that later)! Also with Bissell Boy, was Bob the Builder! Welcome Big Swede and Bob the Builder!
Skipper was looking good in his Tony Jersey and a number of riders had Pops Jerseys on. Skipper got things started and led the Minions on a new route to the start as the train tracks were closed for repair behind the Klutch and the B Group, led by Nikeboy just off the back.
Everyone was waiting to greet Gazelle Girl, but much to the pelotons disappointment, she was not at her usual spot. Apparently, she got a late start and when she got to 36th street, she caught on to the B Group and moved to catch on to the A. She miraculously appeared at the col de Twin Lakes climb, much to Sharkman’s surprise!
Sharkman, feeling somewhat spunky, went around the Skipper and Pirate at the front and took his honorary sprint. He tried to take a count at the G crossing but there were just too many Minions in the mix. Squeaky took the next sprint and though clad in a Tony Jersey and cycling shorts, he again was making either a fashion or a social statement. Squeaky was with either excited to see everyone and if so he would appear to be anatomically incorrect OR he had a bike pump stuffed in his shorts. Belo News plans to do an in-depth investigative report confirm it was, in fact, a bicycle pump.
The section through the Country Club was again the high speed torrent it has become known for. Interestingly, the A Group passed the B Group at this point as B group had taken the cut off!
After humongous pulls by Squeaky, the Pirate, Chico and others, Sharkman took advantage of his position and shot out to take the sprint edging out a surging Dr. Dave. However, it looked more like Dr. Dave gave the patron the sprint rather than an outright win (thanks Dr. Dave, you are a class act!).
As the Mighty Minion Nation descended the col de Norte, the Big Swede jumped to the front and Sharkman jumped on! Sharkman later stated that riding behind the Big Swede was like taking a ride on the Star Ship Enterprise, “I tucked in and it felt like I had dropped into a vacuum warp of some kind. The world stood still, the sun was blotted out, the trees seemed to stand still for a second and then shift like a blur as we hit warp speed! He was at around 60 leg killing rpm while I was on a joy ride behind him! It was great!” Said the Sharkman.
After the Digital Divide, the Pirate tried to get everyone into a double pace line, but it was not to be as the young riders in the peloton were not catching on to the idea. Gazelle Girl took over and got everyone into a single pace line that was reasonably sane and the speed picked up accordingly.
Squeaky stole the G Spot Sprint after the pace line broke up with Zickman hot on his wheel!
Cheddarhead, who had a mechanical even before he left home (flat tire) joined on for the finishing trip down 37th St.
The pace picked up considerably for the final sprint. Pirate made is usual push to the front and pulled but as the train got over the final climb before the finish, Rainman, looking his Andy Schleck best, made a jump that no one could cover. Flash Gordon and Dr. Dave battled it out for the final two podium spots with Flash winning a close one at the tape.
The crowds on the Champs le Galesburg were particularly wild as the Tony Jersey’s caused a major sensation with the tofosi. The Klutch was packed with paparazzi for the ensuing press conference and Luann was ready with the Koffee, which Cheddarhead bought for all! Way to go Cheddarhead!
Sharkman was escorted back to the Shark Cove by Thor, Great Dane and Cheddarhead after the ride.
Is this a great country or what?
You won’t want to miss this week’s edition of the KK-TdG!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Launch Time – 8:00 A.M. – SHARP!
Be There!
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Dear Belo News,
I am writing to inquire if Mr. Nikeboy is married or owns a dog? He is really a great guy and I am VERY interested in his, well…”status” so to speak. He is my hero.
Signed: Suzy the Beagle
Dear Suzy,
Thanks for your letter, and your interest, but Nikeboy is not only married, but also owns a couple of dogs already. So, you’re sort of “barking up the wrong tree…” so to speak. He is our hero too!
The Editors
HAWKEYE ON THE DISABLED LIST, NEEDS YOUR PRAYERS!
Belo News
June 15, 2011
Kalamazoo, Mi. – Some of our riders may have noticed the absence this year of Eric Janssen, aka, Hawkeye. Though a periodic Minion rider, he has been a perennial podium resident when he is in attendance. Our readers may remember that he was a part of the three bike pile up with the last place rider in the Sherminator crash a couple of seasons ago. Famous for wearing his Iowa Hawkeye jersey to the rides, Hawkeye now needs your prayers as he takes on one tough ride.
Hawkeye sent us a note last week to explain his absence
Hawkeye has reported that his wings have been clipped for the summer as he has been diagnosed with stage 3 Melanoma and will begin cancer treatment next Friday with surgery with some form of immuno-therapy to follow. Hawkeye wrote that he is feeling fine now but commented that he has a HC category climb in front of him. He stated he is looking forward to being the next great cancer surviving cyclist. Hawkeye also wanted to encourage all the minions to use sunscreen liberally and often. “The new credo should be something like if you can't ride good, look good while wearing sun screen!” Hawkeye was quoted as saying.
The Sharkman hizzelf has battled skin cancer and has had two surgeries as well as two chemical peels on his head, to control his lack of using sunscreen during his misspent youth and STRONGLY endorses Hawkeyes suggestion to USE SUN SCREEN!
So, all Minions are asked to put Hawkeye on their prayer list and we here at Belo News send out our best wishes to get well soon! Every Minion is pulling for you Hawkeye and hope your back in the peloton and on the podium soon!
If anyone can win this sprint, it is the legendary Hawkeye!
TUESDAY NIGHT RAINED OUT!
Belo News
June 21, 2011
Battle Creek, Mi. – Though three intrepid riders, Sharkman, Rainman and Hoosier Boy, were suited up and ready to ride Tuesday night, the Tornado Watch and the sudden bolt of lightening that crossed the sky as they were unloading their bikes caused them to question the wisdom of getting on their bikes. It was a good decision to cancel the ride, as the weather only got worse. It was, however, hard to believe that the Rainman was actually suited up considering the imminent possibility of rain, but this weather is making everyone desperate to just ride!
Join the Tuesday Night ride next week when it is hoped it won’t be raining! Launch time
6:00 p.m. – SHARP – from Kellogg HQ!
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