THE TOW TRUCK RETURNS!

A TARDETTE SIGHTING?

NAME THAT SEAT SLOT CONTEST?

Thor, the Movie?

Belo News
May 7, 2011

Galesburg, Mi. – It was like instant summer this past weekend on the KK-TdG field of dreams!

The forecast had been for rain, and it did look stormy to the west as our intrepid hero, the Sharkman launched from the Cove, but by start time the sun was shining and the Minions were stripping off layers of Lycra for the start.

A few riders were making their season debuts. Bissell Boy arrived on his new, Bissell Team issue (who else) Pinarello Dogma! Yes, you heard that right, a Dogma! Only the most lusted after two wheel ride in the world! (see photo). This is one Minion who lives the Minion Credo, “If you can’t be good, look good!”

In addition, the Tow Truck had returned after his spring hiatus and was decked out in his familiar Mexican jersey. Dr. Dave also put in his first appearance of the year, showing up in his OUCH spring jacket and stating he couldn’t do the whole ride. OUCH!

Rumors have been circulating that the Skipper has a new ride as well and has yet to come out when the Sharkman is in attendance. Could he be afraid of our hero? Where are you Skipper? The Sharkman is looking for you!

In his continued absence, the Pirate led the band of intrepid Minions at the start and off through town. In addition to who has already been mentioned, in attendance was Danimal, Chumley, MC Hammer, Rainman, Thor and Wilier Boy still going strong after his knee surgery.

Editors Note – (It should be noted that Stingray was not in attendance Saturday and we mention that because we accidently neglected to mention his attendance in last week’s Wednesday Night, Tuesday Night ride, which was corrected and changed the very next day after we learned of our error (confused yet?). However, he WAS NOT in attendance for the Saturday ride so we didn’t forget him, he just didn’t show (is this O.K. Stingray? At least you got your name in the blog!).

Once again, our own Gazelle Girl was greeted with a mighty roar of “Gazelle Girl!” as she rode up to the peloton heading north out of town on 36th.

After Sharkman took the Sharkman Sprint, the peloton seemed to pick up the pace pretty good for the first time this season. (Actually, Sharkman could be accused of taking the pace down in his sprint at the start, as Danimal had to push him a bit to make sure he got there!).

A major part of the increase in speed was that the Tow Truck was back in the peloton and was driving a steady pace. In the Country Club section, the pace really picked up even more and an excellent pace line buzzed along in unison with everyone hooked on the fast moving train.

At the Rt. 43 Stop Ahead Sprint, no one made a move on the Tow Truck in deference to his strong pull and the great pace line he had set up. The Sharkman called for a caution flag on Rt. 43 as that section of road has gotten extremely rough. Where are you Kalamazoo County Road Commission?

The Mighty Minion Nation was reveling in the fantastic weather as it rambled down the east side of Gull Lake after the col de Norte, through the Bible Conference Hills, the inlet and across the Digital Divide. For the most part, the Minions rode like a well oiled precision drill team, the sun shining off their spokes as the bikes rode in a pace line as though it were on a single track as one bike.

After the Minions crossed the GGG Zone, the Tow Truck again went to the front and began to hammer, with the long line of Minions in hot pursuit. Though the Mighty Minion Nation wanted to honor the effort of the towering Tow Truck by not making a move on him, they all wanted that finishing sprint much even more. Bearing down on the final tape, the Tow Truck, now completely spent from the battle, gave way to Thor as the Boy of Thunder took off and made his move so quickly, he caught Rainman just a tick off in his response and though he gave it a valiant effort, could not reel the racing Thor back in before the finish. Sharkman went around the Tow Truck to take the final spot on the podium.

Average Speed was a season high 19.5 mph!

The Tow Truck bid adieu to the Minions at the finish and like the Lone Ranger, took off for home on his steed riding into the rising sun.

The Tofosi and Paparazzi went wild on the Champs le Galesburg as the riders approached the Klutch where the lovely Luann had steeping hot bottomless kups of koffee waiting for our hero’s.

The Paparazzi clamored around when the famous Tardette, who had not been seen by the Minion Nation in quite some time, made an appearance to sign autographs and introduce all the Minions to Toby, her and Rainmans new puppy and now, Mighty Minion Nation Celebrity Dog for the 2011 Season. Toby, Tardette and Rainman then posed for photos and signed autographs for the Tofosi on the sidewalk outside the Klutch.

NAME THAT SEAT SLOT CONTEST!

Belo News
May 7, 2011
Gazelle Girl

Galesburg, Mi. – Last week we mentioned that a discussion had taken place concerning what bikers call the slot that runs down the bike seat. This question raised a lot of discussion in the peloton and we had a technical problem getting that posted last week. Everyone asked, “so what is that slot called?”

In, yet another Belo News, in-depth report, the kind of reporting we know our readers want and expect, the entire story has now been made public by our Special Reporter, Gazelle Girl, in her own words:

Saturday, April 30 at the Klutch, the Gnarled Old Men of Downtown Galesburg sent LuAnn over with a question.

“Why do you have those holes in your seats?”

I volunteered the nickname that I use for my beloved Terry women’s saddle. LuAnn sauntered away with a grin. I then turned back to Sharkman and the Minions and began regaling them with the remainder of the nicknames I have for my beloved Terry women’s saddle.

Suddenly we heard a loud voice echo throughout the Klutch.

“They call it the Beaver Reliever!” cried LuAnn to the table of Gnarled Old Men of Downtown Galesburg.

This outburst silenced the room just about the time that my litany of saddle nicknames directed at the Shark Minions ended on “Twat Slot.” The multiple phrases, so perfectly timed, rose up to the ceiling, intermingled and fluttered slowly down, blanketing the ears of LuAnn, Sharkman, the Minions, the Gnarled Old Men of Downtown Galesburg and the big bearded guy in the cowboy hat like a fecund mist. Needless to say, this topic of conversation pretty much came to a halt at that point.

So... the question goes to YOU!

What’s your favorite name for your saddle and/or the hole within? MOST CLEVER NAME will be chosen by consensus of a committee of three: Sharkman, Gazelle Girl and Squeaky Bob. (Not really Squeaky Bob. We just haven’t seen his name in the blog or heard him on a ride in so long...)

***** WINNER GETS 1 FREE COFFEE!!! *****
Deadline to enter: Friday at 5 pm. Better hurry!

TUESDAY NIGHT RIDE REPORT!

Belo News
May 10, 2011
The Pirate

Battle Creek, Mi. – More in-depth reporting from the Pirate on the Tuesday Night Ride that actually rode on Tuesday Night:

We had a thin crowd last night for the Tuesday ride.

No Sharkman to keep us honest!

No Rainman to keep the sprinkles away.

It was just Hoosier Boy, a rider name Rick with his Litespeed from Augusta (rode with us several times) and myself.

We enjoyed a leisurely 21 mph heading out to Galesburg with the comfort of a tailwind pushing us, however with only three riders, once we turned and headed home we could only muster a miserable 18 mph.

There was no racing going on but we did solve most of the world’s crisis on the ride out to Galesburg.

(Editors note – Stingray was reported as NOT being in attendance for this ride as well.)


THOR, the Movie?

Belo News
May 12, 2011

Battle Creek, Mi. – So we all know Thor, right? Great rider, good Minion in the peloton, knows how to keep his line, polite, looks a little like Alexander Vinokourov when he wears that Astana Cap, right? Yeah, everyone knows Thor.

So naturally, we all got excited when we heard there was a movie about him! We love Thor and who doesn’t love bike movies even more? (Hey, that actually rhymes…). Who can forget Breaking Away, the greatest bike movie ever made, or American Flyers with a young Kevin Costner? Yeah, a corny movie, but still a good bike movie right?

So you can imagine our disappointment when we went to see Thor, God of Thunder and it was about some guy with a hammer and not about Thor winning a sprint. What is that all about? There wasn’t even a bike in the stupid movie!

When we asked for our money back, the guy at the theater said he didn’t know what we were talking about and called security. Stupid Movie Theater…..
We haven’t been this disappointed since we went to that movie, Sharkboy and Lava Girl and learned it wasn’t about Sharkman growing up!

So be warned, Thor, the movie isn’t about our own Thor OR about bikes or anything else on two wheels!

We give this movie a big thumb’s down!


NEW TIME – NEW TIME FOR RIDE – NEW TIME!

This Saturday, May 14, 2011

Launch time moved up to 8:30 A.M. – SHARP!