THE RETURN OF SQUEAKY! WHO ELSE IS BUILDING AN ARK?
Belo News
May 14, 2011
Galesburg, Mi. – As our intrepid hero, the Sharkman, pulled back his Shark Blanket and leaped from his warm bed to the sound of the theme from “Jaws” playing on his shark alarm, Lava Girl shouted, “turn off that alarm and quit dancing, its raining outside!”
Sharkman, still standing in his shark pajamas with both fists firmly planted on his hips, which were swinging to the “Jaws” theme, reluctantly silenced the alarm and clicked on the shark radar. Lava Girl is not a morning person…..
Mmmmm, it looked like the rain had actually stopped and that there was some clearing that might indicate a “window of opportunity” for a possible ride.
With all the Blog problems last week, he wasn’t sure if he could post a cancellation anyway.
That’s when the first email came in from the recently absent Brewman. “I lost the blog site! Is there a ride this morning?”
Is there a ride this morning?
Sharkman wanted to ride so bad he completely ignored his better judgment when the Weather Channel was predicting a “steady rain” for Saturday morning.
Sharkman’s response to Brewman, who had been training for and just completed the Kalamazoo Marathon, was “yes, I am going to ride to the start!”
As Sharkman launched from the Cove, the streets were actually drying off and he was feeling like maybe, just maybe there would be a ride!
The old Shark worked his way west and as he got about three miles out he became warm and he decided to take his rain jacket off and pulled over. It was then that he felt the first drops of rain. He decided to keep his jacket on…..
Within a couple more miles the rain began, and began in earnest. However, he was half way to Galesburg and figured he couldn’t get any wetter. But, oh, he was wrong!
When the Sharkman arrived at the start, he pulled up under the front door overhang of the school to get out of the “steady rain.” That is when he noticed he had an email from Falcon and a phone call from All Black asking if there was a ride. As the Sharkman called All Black and sent an email to Falcon, none other than Squeaky himself came riding in! Making his first appearance of the year, Squeaky pointed out his rear derailleur wasn’t working. So, nothing changes, same old Squeaky. (BTW Squeaky, get that fixed before group riding, it could be dangerous!) Shortly after, Brewman showed up soaking wet, having ridden in from Parchment.
Are these Minions desperate to ride, or just crazy? Probably both!
Moments later Toast, Dutch and Thor drove in by car and it was decided to go to the Klutch for Koffee and bag the ride.
As the Minions began to leave the parking lot, Tow Truck arrived and said he was already wet so he was going to ride. Squeaky took off after him and the two were not seen again!
The Klutch was full when the Minions arrived and the Gnarly Old Men were all in wonder that the Minions would be out riding on the rainy morning. Dripping wet, our hero’s sat down for a hot kup of Koffee.
Falcon then arrived, soaking wet, and he too, said he was going to ride.
It was then that the Shark Phone rang. It was Lava Girl. “Where are you?” she asked. The Sharkman told her he was at the Klutch and would be riding home soon, to which Lava Girl replied, “No your not! It is pouring down in buckets in the Creek and I’m coming to get you!” The old Shark loves when she talks that way…...
More importantly, he was glad to get the ride home in a warm car as the radar was showing red and yellow over Battle Creek and it was actually heading from south east to northwest, the direction he’d be riding into. When he got back to the Cove there was a virtual river flowing in the street!
It was a rain of Biblical proportions!
Well, we have all had it with this weather and are hoping for a change! How long can this season of discontent continue? Well, come to the next ride and fine out!
This Saturday, May 21, 2011
Launch Time – 8:30 A.M. – SHARP!
TOAST RIDES THE MOUNTAINS!
Belo News
May 7, 2011
Rocky Mountain, Co. – Our own Toast headed out to Colorado recently to do some mountain training. Toast is planning to do a three day mountain bike ride later this season. In yet another, in-depth investigative report, our staff was able to obtain this never before seen secret training photos showing toast on the Trail Ridge Road, Rocky Mountain, N.P. 11, 250 Ft. Temperatures were reported in the mid fifties with dry pavement.
Get a load of that snow! You go, Toast, make the Mighty Minion Nation proud!
TUESDAY NIGHT RIDE REPORT
Belo News
May 17, 2011
Battle Creek, Mi. – Though the sun was shining at the start, four Mighty Minions finished with dark, threatening clouds, but actually did get a ride in without getting rained on. Rainman, Wilier Boy, Sharkman and STINGRAY set a searing pace going out to Galesburg averaging 19.4 mph. They actually hit a max speed of 35.7 mph on the Minion DD-TdG finish on 37th Street!
Realization hit as they headed back to Augusta and had a major headwind directly in their faces.
However, the chain gang type pace line worked like a well oiled watch and the small Nation still finished with a 19 mph average (Sharkman showed 18.9, but both Rainman and STINGRAY had 19.0, Wilier Boy could only give a watt output, damn techies).
If you’re looking for a good workout in a pace line, the Tuesday Night ride is for you. Launch time is 6:00 P.M. from the Kellogg Headquarters upper deck parking lot. Come on out and join the fun!
WORLD TO END SATURDAY AT 6:00 P.M.!
Belo News,
Oakland, Ca. – In keeping with our policy at Belo News that our mission is to insure that the Mighty Minion Nation is always informed of all things important, we would like to remind everyone that Harold Camping, who is an 89 year old minister in California, has predicted that the end of the world as we know it, will take place at 6:00 p.m. on Saturday, May 21, 2011.
We would also like to remind everyone that this is AFTER the KK-TdG and cannot be used as an excuse for not showing up for the ride. Additionally, since the world will be coming to an end, the Sharkman has volunteered to collect all of your valuables and of course, bike equipment, after Saturday’s ride, guaranteeing that he will take care of it in the upcoming millennium.
Apparently, the world will not actually end at 6:00 p.m. just “as we know it.” Camping has stated that all the good people will be taken up this Saturday and “hell on earth” will reign for an additional 6 months before the actual end comes. But never fear, since Sharkman is one of the good guys, he will take care of all your “stuff” when he is “taken up!”
"Beyond the shadow of a doubt, May 21 will be the date of the Rapture and the day of judgment," stated Mr. Camping. So you heard it here, from Belo News first. We don’t know who the hell this guy is, but it sure sounds scary to us!
We are wondering what “hell on earth” will be for the next six months but we understand it maybe a continuation of this weather, not being allowed to ride your bike and having to listen to rap music 24/7. (Editors note – Kill us now!)
Hey, maybe the end already came and Sharkman didn’t get called up in the Rapture!
After all, earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes, droughts, volcanic eruptions, mudslides, hurricanes floods, fires, wars, insurrections….whoa all that was in the paper this past week!
See you Saturday! We hope……..
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