The Update is Back!

Where’s Boffo?

Sharkman Stung by Errant Bee!

A Minion Blog? Really?

Next Saturday, Beer Jersey Day!

Belo News
Galesburg, Mi.
May 31, 2008

Galesburg, Mi. – The big question amongst cyclist over the past couple of weeks has been, “Where is my Update!?!” Well, that and “Where is Boffo!?!”

Yes, the Update is back! We, here at the Minion Update have been extremely busy and have struggled to meet press deadlines. Travel, work, an assortment of issues, have worked against us here at the Update to get you your well deserved cycling news!

But here we are, back in your inbox!

And the cycling action the past three weeks has been intense, with anywhere from 13 to 16 riders showing up at the start. A few returning riders have also made their first appearances of the season, including the Z Train, Peugeot Guy and in a surprise move, Squeaky actually lubed his chain! We even have a new female Minion named Cloud Girl who has actually come back THREE TIMES after riding with THIS group. Amazing!

Yes, they’ve all been there and the weather has been outstanding. Well, all but Boffo….more about that later!

This weeks edition began with an almost instant flat tire for Woodie. With Wolf King gone, this tire was repaired much more quickly. However, within a few miles, Woodie flatted out again and had to abandon.

Cloud Girl has demonstrated great riding skill but is still working on her “pace line turns.” As the pace line moved past the Kellogg Manor last week, she was slotted in the second position and doing her share to keep the group moving at a brisk 23 mph. However, and for whatever reason, she went straight when the peleton turned to the right at the Manor, giving up her comfortable position. Stating that she was concerned she was going too fast for the peleton, she wanted to ride a few extra miles and came back at the C Ave. sprint through the Bible Conference Hills.

As the Minions continued south, and as Sharkman put his head down to attack the G Ave. Sprint, a bee got caught in his helmet and he was stung on the head! Describing it like someone sticking a tack in his bean and slowly pushing down, he pulled to the side of the road to get his helmet off and several riders asked what was wrong. When they learned it was a bee sting, they all shrugged it off and rode on, leaving Sharkman on the shoulder shaking his helmet out and whining. So much for compassion as the Sharkman bitched and moaned about his head hurting for the remainder of the ride, at the Koffee Klutch and on ride home.

The finish was extremely interesting as Sharkman, with long time Minion, Bullet Bob, led the procession over the final hill and broke away from the pack. Sharkman and Bullet Bob worked together to open up a fair size gap and it looked like they were going to steal the show. At the Koffee Klutch, during the press conference after the finish, Sharkman said he had been ready to launch Bullet Bob to the finish when a train of riders, led by Nikeboy, came by on the left and Sooner and Brewman fought it out to Stop Ahead Sign with Bullet Bob and Nikeboy on their tails.
It was a finish so close, you had to be there to see it.

So you won’t want to miss this week’s ride! It will be Beer Jersey Day! Wear your Beer Jersey and show off your favorite Brew!

Saturday, 8:00 A.M. Launch – SHARP!

Be there!

Where is Boffo?



New York, NY. – Rumors have been circulating for weeks concerning the whereabouts of that rascally jokester and peleton pleaser, Boffo the Clown. Earlier this season, the Update reported that Boffo had been seen working out in the Kellogg Fitness Center and looking like he was getting ready for the season. However, he disappeared shortly after. Concerns grew as reports of a bear being shot and killed on the North side of Battle Creek began to reverberate through out the peleton. Of course, everyone knew of Boffo’s strong resemblance to bears and his brief wrestling career with bears while with the Circus in Russian. Could it have been our intrepid hero?

We are pleased to report that it was, in fact, a bear that was shot on the North Side of Battle Creek and though he bore a striking resemblance to Boffo, it was confirmed as a real bear and not our Boffo.

So, where then is Boffo?

Well, in an exclusive Update investigative report, we have learned he has run off with Dirtman and the two are competing in Midget Car Racing!

In these “never before seen” photos we see the two racing their midget cars in a recent event in Fergus Falls, New York……..


Yes, these two former Minions are now living together on the Midget Race Car circuit! Here they are outside there team trailer.


If you think they look a little to close for comfort, take a look at this scene!


Down right scary, eh? I guess that Midget Car Racing is a tough circuit?

Well, you’ve heard it first from the Update! The Cycling Publication with ALL THE NEWS!

More on the adventures of Boffo and Dirtman in upcoming editions of the Shark Minion Update!

New Start time?

Galesburg, Mi. – During the post race chatter on Saturday, the discussion turned to start times. In years past, the start time would move to 7:30 A.M. as the weather got warmer. However, there seemed to be a strong consensus to keep the start at 8:00 A.M. unless the weather got really warm. What should we do?



Well, we you can vote on what time you think the Minions should start!

If you would like the Start Time moved to 7:30 A.M., please send your vote to Shark Minion Update, P.O. Box 1Z432XYZ, Galesburg, Mi. along with a check for $50.00 made out to the Sharkman.

(Please! -No out of state, post dated multiple party checks!)
(This offer void where prohibited by law.)

Let’s see how much people want to move the start up!

Hope to see you all on Saturday!

Shark Minion Blog?


Yes! It is coming! A new Shark Minion Blog! As soon as we can figure out how to use it! So stay tuned for more information!