MAD
HUN RETURNS TO TAKE TAPE!
 |
| Zyckmann, Sharkman, Last Dog and Easty showing there college game day kit! |
KONTROVERSY
IN THE NATION?!?
SQUEAKY
BURNS BIKE!?!
NAME
THAT MINION CONTEST!
Belo
News
September
12, 2015
Shark
Cove, Mi. - As dawn broke bright and cool over the home of the
Nation's hero, the Sharkman, the giggles were audible even deep into
the reaches of the Cove. Oh, yes, our hero was very happy to be back
with his Nation, but that was not what those giggles were all about.
Our hero could hardly contain himself, as he donned his Wisconsin
Badger Jersey and socks for the ride ahead of him.
 |
| The Mad Hun was back to kick butt! |
As
avid readers of Belo News are aware, there has been some kontroversey
in the Nation of late, calling out the Editors over even the smallest
of mistakes in the reports of the exploits of the mighty Minion
Nation in the annals of this publication. Despite the advanced age
of those Editors, Belo News feels it does a solid job of reporting on
the adventures of the Shark's Minions. Besides, the Editors have
established an editorial stand that clearly states, “any semblance
of the truth in Belo News is purely coincidental.” Yet these issues
continue to come up.
So it
was good to see that in the “point and counter point” format of
last week's write up by budding writers Reb and Mad Dog, making
point, and Gazelle Girl making counter point, there were indeed,
some, shall we say, inconsistencies.
As an
example, Hoosier Boy wrote in to Belo News that he had won the first,
ceremonial sprint, usually reserved for Sharkman asking, “How did
Reb confuse me with Squeaky?”
Of
course, the Editors first question to Hoosier Boy was, “Have you
been lubing your chain?”
 |
| Nikeboy was styling with Mad Dog his biggest fan! |
Gazelle
Girl, in her counter point, responding to who lead her out to try to
take the GGG Spot Sprint asked the Editors, “Was Ironman even
there?” to which the Editors responded, “how would we know? We
weren't there either!” Not that being there, or the truth, has ever
stopped the Editors from expressing an opinion on any issue.
So as
our hero headed out with Mad Dog, he was still giggling (Mad Dog
claiming that he had put Ironman in as an on going joke about
Sharkman's mistakes) as they passed the closed up abode of Rainman.
There was rain predicted some time in the month of September, so
Rainman had decided to sleep in.
It
was chilly and the old Shark had a rain jacket on to keep him warm
and had old gloves that he had washed that were so stiff and tattered
even Squeaky didn't want them, so he threw them out at the start.
 |
| Nikeboy's shoes! Oh, the humanity! |
It
was College Jersey Game Day, but the counts were down to 15 riders as
is the rule after Labor Day and riders having kids playing sports.
But what a morning it was! By the time our hero got to the start, it
had begun to warm up and he took of the rain jacket and began taking
photos.
New
Minion Paul was back and had brought Renee with him. Her last name
is Code, so the Nation decided to name her Dot-Dot-Dash! Welcome to
the mighty Minion Nation Dot-Dot-Dash. A name for Paul has not yet
been determined so Belo News is announcing a contest to “Name That
Minion!”
 |
| Nikeboy in his Oregon State Beavers kit! Wait, what? |
Yes,
this is your opportunity to win a free Kup of Koffee from the Editors
by finding a name for Paul! Simply fill out a card with your name
and the name you would like to suggest for Paul. Put the card in an
envelope with a check made out to Sharkman for $50 to cover shipping
and handling. (Please, no out of state, third party, post dated
checks this time). Mail it to Sharkman, Shark Cove, Michigan for your
chance to win A FREE KUP OF KOFFEE! (This offer is void were prohibited by law.)
The
Mad Hun was back in the hunt after being AWOL for a while. He is a
Hungarian and actually was named the Well Hungarian, but went to
court to change his name and actually won! And his last name is not Garian.....
Shortly
after the Sharkman and Mad Dog rode in, Nikeboy arrived stating he
got a late start. The man was again, dressed to the “nines,”
with not only a bright orange jersey (hey, aren't those Oregon States
colors?) but also with matching orange Giro road shoes! Does this man know how
to style or what?!?
 |
| Virgin Minion Renee, now known as Dot-Dot-Dash! |
Speaking
of style, the original Style Guy, Squeaky, rode in wearing his large
winter gloves, a huge stocking cap and a jacket that though a cycling
jacket, looked more like it was set for Arctic conditions. You could
hear him coming as he rode in as his bike was even more “Squeaky”
than normal.
Stroker
returned and had forgotten to put air in his tires, which were low.
Much to every ones surprise, no one had brought a pump and Stroker was
quickly trying to use a mini pump to get air in his tires. Greyhound and Zyckmann also drove in.
The
“Sweetheart of the Peloton” rode in to shouts of “Gazelle
Girl!” and the four riders who actually wore College Game Day
Jersey's were photographed. Sharkman in his Wisconsin Jersey,
Zyckmann in his Michigan Jersey, Easty in his Western Michigan Jersey
and Last Dog in his Iowa kit. For a first time, there were no MSU OR
Purdue Jersey's! What happened!??
 |
| Name this Minion! Win a free kup of koffee! |
Sharkman
got the Nation started and as they wheeled through town, Nikeboy
pealed off, having to get back early. As the Nation went by the
Klutch, the Early Morning Crew was on hand, waving at the peloton
while Andrew popped out the back door to count heads and wave a
hello.
As
the Nation headed north, Sasquatch jumped on bring the ride count
back up to 15 riders!
Mad
Dog went to the front and very methodically took our hero out to the
first sprint with Zyckmann chomping at his wheel as he approached the
stop ahead.
Actually,
Zyckmann was “frisky” all morning, competing for and winning many
of the sprints. When asked about his “friskiness” he commented
that he was just keeping the young pups like Mad Dog and the Mad Hun
in line....and so he did!
 |
| Squeaky was dressed for winter! His bike was not ready..... |
Sharkman
confirmed the count at the G Ave. crossing and the Nation took off.
Feeling somewhat frisky, Sharkman went out front at the base of the
climb at the col de Twin Lakes, but it was short-lived as the Nation
flew by him half way up the climb. Damn Whitsun...
The
Kountry Klub section was again quick, but this morning's Nation was a
mellower, happier group that didn't push the pace too fast.
Sharkman
led a very civilized single line through the Route 43 section and up
the col de Norte and on to the Holy Rollers where the speed picked up
yet again.
After
grouping at Frona's, the nation moved on to the inlet where Sasquatch
had a flat tire. Sharkman, who had lagged behind to pick up a rider
he later learned was dropping off to head home, saw Sasquatch and
Last Dog stopping to fix the flat and went on to the Digital Divide
to hold up the Nation.
 |
| Mad Hun, Mad Dog and Gazelle Girl taking a breather at Frona's. |
At
the Digital Divide the discussion turned to setting up a collection
to pay to get Squeaky's bike fixed. The squeaking had turned into,
what sounded like, a bunch of nuts in an Altoids metal box, rattling away. Like the bike was It actually
sounded like the bike was coming apart and all were taking a wide
swatch to stay away from the Squeaking, Rattling-man!
Getting
tired of the discussion, Squeaky headed back to see what was taking
so long with the flat tire. Someone remarked, “wait....Squeaky
can't fix his own bike, how is he going to help?” and the
discussion just went on.
 |
| Greyhound and Easty talking strategy before the GGG Spot Sprint. |
Shortly
after, Sasquatch, Last Dog and Squeaky returned and the Nation headed
south with Sharkman leading out.
A
very nice pace line formed up as Paul (name to be determined) took
over and boosted the pace.
As
the Nation descended on the GGG Spot Sprint, they looked around for
their Sweetheart of the Peloton, Gazelle Girl and when they did not
see her, it seemed to be every man for himself looking for that
elusive GGG Spot!
Easty,
being the class act that he is, led out Sharkman who took the sprint
with a groan of happiness, shouting out his own name! Oh, the
humanity! It was a victory for America and now our hero knows what it
is like to achieve the satisfaction of that elusive spot!
As
they approached the stop sign Sharkman could be heard stating, “was
it good for you?” to anyone who was listening.
 |
| Gazelle Girl holding kourt at the Klutch. |
Last
Dog led the Nation south towards the final goal, with Sharkman and
others on his wheel. After a while, Sharkman took over until Mad Dog
came up to REALLY take over. Taking the pace up to 27 mph plus, it was not
until the base of the final ascent to the finish when, like the whirl
of wind after a fast moving semi passes, did the Nation start to
pounce on the break away group.
Riders
jockeyed for position as the fast moving heard crested the final hill
and began their ascent to the finish tape.
The
Mad Hun went out front, with Mad Dog getting a second wind, Zyckmann,
Wildman and a cast of thousands attacking from behind.
 |
| New Barista Sienna getting Easty his kup of koffee! |
It
was neck and neck and the riders traded positions before the Mad Hun
was able to break away from the pack with Wildman and Zyckmann taking
the next two podium spots!
The
paparazzi and tofosi on the Champs le Galesburg went wild as their
hero's zipped up their jersey's for the sponsors and waved at their
adoring fans with Zyckmann out front giving huge waves to his adoring
subjects. The man was on fire on the day!
The
Klutch was rocking and Andrew had a new barista learning the dark
arts of koffee brewing, behind the counter. Welcome, Sienna, to the
mighty Minion Nation!
You
won't want to miss this weeks edition!
Saturday,
September 19, 2015
Launch
Time – 8:00 A.M. - SHARP!
Be
There!
SQUEAKY
BURNS BIKE!?!
 |
| Photo provided by Squeaky hizzelf! |
Belo
News
September
13, 2015
Kalamazoo,
Mi. - It was learned today that in a fit of rage over comments about
his bike, Squeaky took matters into his own hands and actually melted
his bike down on Saturday night! Belo News was unable to reach the
Style Guy for comment, but late Sunday a report was received at the
news desk stating, “I
knew you all were all not happy with my bike so I had a Bonfire last
night and melted it down.”
To be quite frank, we here at Belo News were surprised that the bike was meltable. The value of the bike was less than the $10 deductible on Squeaky's Home Insurance so at press time, his new ride has not yet been determined. If this is all a clever ruse by the Squeakman, the Nation is hoping he will at least purchase a set of wrenches and start tightening parts on that bike so that it doesn't fall apart during the next sprint! The Nation has never banned a ride because of fear of their bike coming apart!
To be quite frank, we here at Belo News were surprised that the bike was meltable. The value of the bike was less than the $10 deductible on Squeaky's Home Insurance so at press time, his new ride has not yet been determined. If this is all a clever ruse by the Squeakman, the Nation is hoping he will at least purchase a set of wrenches and start tightening parts on that bike so that it doesn't fall apart during the next sprint! The Nation has never banned a ride because of fear of their bike coming apart!
IN
OTHER NEWS!
Belo
News
September
16, 2015
Shark
Cove, Mi. - With the season winding down, there are only a few more
weeks left to ride and the weather could not be more perfect right
now!
Monday
Mountain Bike Ride – This
past Monday, Reb led yet another great ride through the Blue, Red and
Sharkman loop at Fort Custer. In addition to Reb, Gazelle Girl,
riding Yeti Boys extra mountain bike, was in attendance, along with
Yeti Boy, Sharkman, Polar Bear (yes, he is still alive and kicking)
Zyckmann, riding without a seat to insure he cannot rest, and new
Minion Andy were all rocking and rolling! Stryker Guy jumped on
later in the ride as he had a mechanical on his bike and had to go
back home to fix it. This ride launches from the Trail Head at the
Fort at 2 p.m. each Monday so come on out, though you may want to
check with Sharkman just in case the ride gets canceled due to
weather.
 |
| Rainman, Stingray, Sharkman, Wildman and Hossman tie All Time Minion Record! |
Tuesday
Night Chain Gang – Regular
readers of Belo News may remember that it was just a couple of weeks
ago when The Tuesday Night Chain Gang was able to tie the season
average speed record for the ride. This week, five hearty Minions
were able to TIE the all time average speed record of 21.5 mph for
the 28 mile course! Rainman, Hossman, Stingray, Wildman and Sharkman
put in a monster effort on a perfect weather night to tie the record.
Sharkman stated that “since I was there, it is proof that you do
not need speed, ability, or strength! It is obviously our effort as a
Minion Team! The group maintained a very steady pace throughout the
ride and the weather was about as perfect as it can get. Only two or
so of these ride left as light and weather becomes and issue in October. This
ride is in a pace line for approximately 28 miles and launches from
the parking lot behind Arcadia at 5:30 p.m. - SHARP!
Be there!
Be there!
GAZELLE GIRL IS ON HER HANDS AND KNEES
Gazelle Girl serves on the marketing committee for a very cool organization called Community Homeworks. Their mission is to help low income homeowners in Kalamazoo County maintain their homes. They offer furnace repair and replacement assistance, help with weatherization, lawn mower maintenance/repair classes, roof replacement/repair assistance and much, much more. Sometimes these homeowners have to chose between buying food or buying heat. The more we can help them lower their utility bills, the better.
FURNACE FEST is a fund raising event held each year by Community Homeworks. It takes place Friday, October 9, 5-9 pm at Boatyard Brewing Co. And our one and only Cycocross will be on the stage with his band Joe Wang and The Test Pilots. The event is free and I encourage ALL of you to join us!
HERE IS THE ASK (ergo why Gazelle Girl is on her hands and knees [it's not what you were thinkin']).... we are looking for items for the silent and live auctions that are the meat of the fundraising on this evening. The sky's the limit on what we'll take - so if you or your company have something you can donate, we would be greatly appreciative. Simply contact Gazelle Girl in the next two weeks at joan.o@comcast.net.
THANK YOU!!!
Oh, and a shout out to Pedal bicycle shop. A new Furnace Fest sponsor this year!
Riders
joining the Minion rides acknowledge the inherent risk involved with
bicycle riding and by joining any Minion ride hold harmless any rider
involved.
